Monday, 28 March 2016

THE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THINGY




This post is not about the movie we've all watched starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. 

Well, just a tiny bit about it. 

A friend of mine was telling me about a new guy she met last month. She's totally into him but the problem is that the guy has a girlfriend back home and he just wants a ''no strings'' relationship with my friend. 

Hell no! I didn't even wait for her to finish her gist and I cut her short. I don't know what is wrong with ladies of this generation. 

It is either we are suffering from low self esteem or we don't just cherish our bodies any more. 

We don't care if a guy is responsible or not. All we want is to remain in the background like criminals and yet we keep flagging the feminism word around when we are not even ready to play our part. 

By the way, to those of you who don't know, "friends with benefits'' is actually a relationship whereby two people agree to be together basically for just s*x and fun. They have no intentions to get emotional or attached . 

Most times, one of the parties involved already has a partner who is faraway or not just available at the moment. Other times, they are both single but not ready for an emotional attachment.

In my friend's case, the guy in question is already in a long distance relationship with someone else and no doubt deeply in love with the girl. 

He simply needs another companion in his present location to satisfy his s*xual needs and when he is done with whatever he is doing in his present location, he'll go back and reunite with his babe.

This post is actually dedicated to all ladies who are about to enter a dangerous relationship knowingly or unknowingly.

I'm not about to forcefully stop you but I just want to give you a piece of advice as a friend should. 


Yes, sometimes we move away from home and leave our cherished partners behind, hoping we would reunite with them really soon but sometimes it doesn't happen the way we plan. 

We promise we would remain committed and faithful till we get back. We think we can actually survive the separation.

A few months later, we are haunted by loneliness and crazy s*xual urges. Then we begin to look for alternative solutions to our predicament and this brings us to the topic of the day. 

Keeping a long distance relationship could be a strenuous thing to do but I think if you truly love your partner, it would be worth it. 

It is not reasonable to have someone who adores you and still chase after moments of pleasure with a total stranger who clearly doesn't even care about you. It doesn't make sense to me. 

There is a popular saying that a '' bird in hand is worth two in the bush'' and I totally agree with this proverb.

In this case, it means that your present partner is yours, and isn't going anywhere unless you let him or her go. 

But if you leave him or her and chase after " the two in the bush," there is no guarantee you'll catch them. You might end up with nothing in the end. 

This is exactly what happens with most ''friends with benefits" relationships. You go into it with no intention of hurting anyone; you don't want your boo to ever find out about it and at the end it could get really nasty. 

You could find yourself at a crossroad; contemplating whom to choose because you've fallen in love with two people or you're probably left heartbroken because your current bed mate has chosen his faraway girlfriend over you.  


I had a friend  once who got involved in this type of relationship with a guy. 


He treated her badly because obviously they had an agreement and his mission was to get her into bed and vanish. 

She was aware of his real girlfriend and therefore didn't have the right to question his actions or movements. He never gave her any presents even on her birthdays or on special occasions. 

He also did not send her romantic texts and she wasn't even allowed to call him either. He only called or visited her when he needed s*x. 


He was just plain selfish and irresponsible but she couldn't leave him because according to her the s*x was so good and she couldn't just dump him for no reason. 

The end result was that he got married to his faraway babe and my friend was left heartbroken and bitter.




Ladies, generally don't know how to separate their emotions from s*xual relations. The more they sleep with a guy, the closer they get to him.

Even when they would have originally despised this person, s*x sort of blinds them and they easily fall in love with the current person they are sleeping with. 

Guys on the other hand, have no problem with this; they can easily sleep with a lady and move on without falling in love with her. Sounds unfair right? 

Yeah, and that's why most times, guys are usually the initiators of this type of relationships.

My advice concerning the friends with benefits thingy is don't do it ; it is not worth it and it only leads to heartbreak. 

If a man wants you, I think he should be brave enough to woo you in the proper way. He should be proud and happy to show you to the world as his Girl. 

If he isn't ready to do all of that, it simply means he is keeping you secret for the sole purpose of having fun and dumping you later.

I've never heard of any successful ''friends with benefits'' relationship before and even if there are, I'm sure it was just mere luck.


Finally, don't be greedy and chase after other birds in the bush when you already have a caring and romantic one at hand. 

Just stick with what good things you already have, instead of going after something you'll probably never get. I know it's kinda harsh but it's the plain truth.  

If you've found someone who really loves you and you're deeply in love with him or her, why risk it for nothing? 

Maybe you think there are better options outside and you're not done exploring? 

Even if you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, s*x shouldn't be the main theme of entering another relationship.

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