Tuesday, April 05, 2016

9 Steps to Being a Better Stepmom

The wedding bells have suddenly quieted down and all the guests have left. Your honeymoon was an awesome time spent with your honey boo and you wished it would last forever. If wishes were horses! Even the honeymoon is all over and you're home with your cuddle pie... Oh Wait! His kids are here too...

Well, you're not exactly taken by surprise by their presence though. I guess things happened so fast and you didn't expect the sweet moments to be over just yet. You had imagined beautiful scenarios of cooking nice meals for your love and you receiving regular warm massages. 

Of course, you were cool with the idea of being a stepmother at first. I mean look at those cute brown eyes looking up at you expectantly. They are probably wondering who the hell you are and where their mommy has gone to. They are asking if you would take care of them as their mommy used to. Although Daddy has said you're really nice, they are not so sure.

You, on the other hand, is now faced with caring for your husband and his kids! Pretty awesome yeah? Nah, it's frightening!! You're now officially a superwoman and you have some multitasking to do. 

Even the household chores now belong to you. You have cleaning, cooking, babysitting and other countless chores to do. You no longer have time for yourself; the new makeup your husband gave to you is still packed up. 

The awful wig hanging on the wall looks more appealing than the beautiful weaves and extensions you've purchased. Is all this stress even worth it? Wouldn't your life be easier without this man and his troublesome kids? Certainly not!

You're blessed dear! Count yourself lucky for what you now have. God has given you a couple of kids to take care of and you want to throw it all away?

Being a stepmother is surely not a journey of roses. Even if your husband's kids are all grown up and you don't have to babysit them, little issues could still spring up. The first major issue is that you may be faced with fighting for your husband's attention with his kids. 

Of course, he loves them and is trying to fill in as both a mother and father to them. Don't get it all wrong but he has probably being playing both mom and dad long before you came into the picture. He's just used to always looking out for his kids and making sure they get the best out of life. 

Now, you're here and you're hoping he'll pass the baton to you but he's still hesitating. Don't think he doesn't trust you enough to leave his kids completely to you; I'm sure he does. It would be a gradual process of letting go. The second major issue is your husband's perception of his kids. 

Well, in his eyes, they are the most perfect kids in the world and they could never do wrong. When you try to point out some of their flaws, he covers them up with a lot of excuses. 

And then, you become a perfect witch and an outcast. Every move you make is watched with binoculars. 

Being a stepmom won't always be fun and exciting. There are days you wish someone would actually believe you and not look at you as a bad wife/mother. Other days,, you just wish to be alone with your love and just have a nice time. 

Occasionally, you feel blessed to have joined this awesome family. Yes, life is full of ups and downs but your ability to tackle every challenge as they come, makes you stronger. 

So, the question is how do you become a wonderful step mother/wife and still have some quality time to yourself?


1. Invite God into your marriage

Every marriage needs God to survive. Without God, you're always going to be lost and confused. But with God, every obstacle appears surmountable. Invite God into your family if you haven't done that already and always tell him about your challenges. He'll show you the way.

2. Plan ahead

Planning is a necessity when you're faced with a lot of tasks to accomplish. Get a notebook and write down all the chores you have to do every week. Assign specific hours to each task and try your best to stick to the deadlines. A lot of people hate planning but I think it makes life easier.

3. Keep your husband happy

When your husband is happy, his kids are also happy. They watch your every step and make sure that you make their daddy happy. Prepare his favourite meals during the weekends and show him some love. It's not so difficult, is it?

4. Don't talk bad about the kids

You know how annoyed you get when the kids offend you and your husband thinks you're over reacting? Yeah, and you think that bad mouthing them would actually taint their holy image. No! Don't stoop so low! Bad mouthing them actually makes you look really evil. Yeah!

5. Treat the kids like allies and not foes

The moment you begin to treat the kids like you all are in a competition, they grow distant from you. They become wary of you and it becomes difficult to earn their love. Try to make them your friends

6.Earn their love; don't force it

Well, even if you want them to love you, don't over stress it. Just be nice to them and let the love grow. Don't overemphasize the nice part though. A little discipline every now and then won't kill them.

7. Show yourself some love

While you're busy pleasing everyone else, don't forget to give yourself a treat once in a while. A manicure, a great movie or some shopping could suffice.

8. Get an extra hand

If you feel you cannot handle all the household chores by yourself, please hire someone or find someone who can help you with some of the work. With an extra hand, you can have some time to yourself and actually have some fun occasionally.

9. Be patient

Every good thing doesn't come easy. You will need a lot of patience to help your family and your marriage work. Some days could be really bad and stressful but with patience, you can overcome them. Just be patient and remember that God is your strength.

Are you a stepmom? How have you been coping with your husband's kids?


  1. Intéressante mais je ne veux pas être une mere d’accueil

  2. Cherie, ce n'est pas toujours à nous de choissir un mari. Quelque fois, c'est Dieu ou bien l'amour qui fait le choix. Le mot "stepmother" en français est la belle mere.




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