Tuesday, May 31, 2016

WEDDING VOWS: Chinenye weds Chukwuemeka

Hello ladies, I present the latest couple in town who would be marching down the aisle pretty soon...

Monday, May 30, 2016


Two best friends got admission into the same university to study different courses; Franklin wanted to study Banking and Finance while Stanley got in for Business administration. As freshers trying to get their grip on the dynamics of the school environment, they stuck together. They even rented an apartment together.

During their third year in the university, Stanley met a beautiful girl one day at the Library, when he tried striking a conversation with her; she waved him aside and said “Please leave me alone. I’m not in the mood to talk”. He was taken by surprise at her rudeness and after much persuasion without any success; he left the young girl alone.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

NUPTIAL BLISS: Pauline weds Benson

Hello ladies, there is a new couple in town who would be tying the knot very soon...

Saturday, May 21, 2016


Dear readers,

I was a happily married man until recently when my wife deserted me. She woke up one morning, packed her belongings and left without saying a word to me. When I called her to ask her where she was, she refused to pick up my calls. 

Later, she sent me a text saying " I've been miserable these past months. I want to be happy again. I've reconnected with the love of my life and I've taken my kids with me". That was how I lost my wife and kids in a twinkle of an eye.I was thrown back into the den of dating without prior warning.

Since she left, I retreated into my shell; I barely go out or have fun. Where exactly am I going to start from? When I approach a lady, the first thing she asks is " Are you married? How am I supposed to answer that? I'm 45 years old! Am I supposed to reply with a " Yes, no or maybe "answer?

The few ladies I allowed into my life all turned out to be lying gold diggers! The ones I slept with were too desperate to impress me; the s*x was so fake and premeditated!

Some years after my wife left me, I decided toenroll in a business school just to chase away boredom. I was just tired of being alone and I needed something apart from my job to keep me busy. 

During the registration week at the business school, I ran into my friend's daughter. I wasn't aware she was running a program there until I ran into her. Since I hadn't seen her for a while, I asked her to join me for lunch. 

After lunch, I dropped her off at her house and went back to my apartment. I asked her out to either lunch or dinner several times after that. We started getting really close; we talked about a lot of things. Unknown to her, I started developing feelings for her.

When our program ended, we parted ways but I haven't stopped thinking about her. I love everything about her; the way she dresses, the way she smiles, her mannerism and her jokes. She's so different and mature from all the ladies I've met. 

She carries herself with so much confidence and dignity; it keeps me falling for her.Her voice and laughter are very comforting to me. I don't mind that she is just 25 years old. 

I call her often under the pretense that I want to see how she's doing but the truth is that I just love hearing her talk and laugh. She makes me feel young again whenever I'm with her. Because of her, I want to love again! 

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I daydream of her becoming my wife and I hope that our unborn children would look exactly like her. I think I'm going crazy! I've told her how I feel about her but she took it very lightly and simply said she is in a serious relationship with another man. 

I know she's in love with someone else but I just can't let her go; I don't want to lose the chance to love and be loved. I haven't summoned the courage to tell her father how I feel about her because I'm afraid it may destroy our friendship. 

I'm really confused! What do I do now? How can I make her mine? 


Dear Opponent,

My name is Felix. You don't know me but I've heard a lot abouyou. I've been madly in love with your girlfriend, Cynthia for 5 years now. 

Yeah! I know it's been a long time but I keep having hope that maybe some day she'll look at me with love in her eyes instead of pity.

I've tried all the love tactics in my book to convince her to be mine but she keeps throwing those words "I'm in love with someone else" at me. Those words pierce my heart each time I hear them. 

It hurts to know that she's madly in love with you and honestly, I would do anything to have a girl cherish me the way she cherishes you. 

I feel jealous even when she looks at a cat more than once. It's that bad! I'm obsessed with her.

I'm writing this letter to remind you of the treasure you have in case you've forgotten. I hope you're aware that there are other treasure hunters after your treasure? 

If you didn't know, know it now; you're not the only man after her heart. 

People like me are praying that you break her heart so that we can rush in, comfort her, make her forget you and then take her to the altar. 

God! Every night, I dream of seeing her pregnant with my child! I don't understand how I'm ever going to achieve that when you're still very much in her heart and life.

I've used you as a prayer 
point these last few months. When the man of God in the church says "Open your mouth and pray that every stumbling block in your life would be destroyed", the first thing that comes to my mind is YOU. 

Every time, I fast and pray, I don't forget to mention your name. Each time I burn prayer candles in my room, I burn a red one specifically for you.

After all these tactics I've employed, you still refuse to be moved. I don't know what you're waiting for oh. If you want to marry her, abeg do am sharp sharp because my eye don dey red!! 

If you have no intention of marrying her, please reply this letter asap and send your blessings alongside. Don't tempt me to go to a native doctor and ask him to prepare a love potion for her oh!

How can a man catch a fine bird and leave her outside without cha
in or cage? Answer this question for me in your letter.

Kind regards,

Miserable Crusher.

Friday, May 20, 2016

The Unrequited Love

This is a love story that didn't end happily ever after.

Josh had never felt this way about a girl before. He didn't understand why he had constant daydreams about kissing her and caressing her scalp. He had had this dream so many times that it almost became a reality to him and just him alone because the girl in question had no idea of how he felt about her.

Her name was Miranda. He could say her name a thousand times without getting bored. He just loved the way her name rolled around his tongue like warm chocolate; M-i-r-an-d-a. It felt so good to say her name just before he slept and immediately he woke up from sleep.

She was tall, dark and slender with eyes so beautiful that he could fall asleep just looking into them. Her hips had some curve to it that made her look so damn s*xy from behind. 

She had always been his friend; he didn't know when he started feeling this way towards her but he remembered what made her so distant. As his childhood friend and neighbour, they did almost everything together. 

The only thing they did separately was bathing and sleeping. He remembered the hide and seek game they played every day after school; she was always the one to hide while he searched for her in all the hiding places around his house. 

He knew her perfect hiding spot was behind the curtains in his parent's room. Though he would pretend he didn't know just to make it more exciting for her. When he caught her behind the curtains, he would tickle her until she couldn't laugh anymore and she will run outside to play with the girls.

When he turned 12, his parents sent him away to boarding school. They wanted him to develop good manners and "boarding school was the best for him," they said.

The day he left for boarding school, Miranda stood by the kitchen window watching him leave while hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She didn't say a word to him because she knew nothing she said could change anything. 

Even if she wanted to say anything to him, she just couldn't because the pain in her chest slowly rose to her throat like a thick lump. The words were too difficult to say!

She cried incessantly weeks after he was gone. She missed her playmate dearly and she kept wishing that his parents would change their minds and ask him to come home. But they never did!
Years passed by so quickly and soon she turned 16. Mama often said she was a big girl now and ought to be careful with whom she talked to and played with. "Boys were dangerous" she often recited to Miranda.

Miranda listened only to the part where mama said she was a big girl and left out the "boys were dangerous" part. How dangerous could they be? The ones she talked to never carried weapons so what did Mama mean by that anyway she asked herself whenever she was alone.

As far as she was concerned, the boys in her neighborhood were kind and friendly. They enjoyed her company and she enjoyed the admiration in their eyes whenever they looked at her. 

One evening, while she was sitting on the verandah of her father's house with her mother, a young man approached them and introduced himself as Josh! Josh?? It couldn't be!

This person wasn't her Josh; her Josh was a cute and innocent boy.  But this person claiming to be Josh was all grown up. Her little Josh had grown into a man she didn't even know! 

He stood there for a while without saying a word! He didn't know where to start and she had nothing to say to him. To her, he was just another stranger now. To him, she hadn't really changed much facially; she still had those big brown beautiful eyes. 

The only difference was that she had grown some ripe oranges on her chest. But her skin colour was exactly the same as he saw it last 6 years ago. 
He noticed her cold stare days later; she was no longer the playmate he had left behind. She treated him like a total stranger and it hurt him so bad.

She started haunting him in his dreams. Each time he dreamt of kissing her, something prevented it from happening. His friends noticed how disturbed he was and they advised him to tell her how he felt.

Whenever he approached her to talk about his feelings for her, she usually claimed busy. She had a queue of excuses lined up but it didn't discourage him. Finally, he got an opportunity to tell her how he truly felt about her. 

Immediately he said those three magic words "I love you", she just stared at him blankly like he just rapped in Chinese. Then she said, "I don't understand what you're saying but I just want my friend back". What?? 

Why was it so difficult for her to understand that he has always loved her and he just summoned the courage to tell her that? When he said "I want you to be my girlfriend", she just shook her head and left him standing there all by himself.
Later that evening, while he was getting ready for bed, it dawned on him that she didn't love him. To her, he was just another boy living on her street. His love for her will never be reciprocated because she didn't feel that way towards him. 

He was never going to hold her in his arms or feel the warmth of her lips. Never! He was heartbroken because of the indifference he saw in her eyes when she managed to look at him.

It told him everything he needed to know. She was never going to be his!!

Thursday, May 19, 2016


Are you one of those people who struggle to be above your peers all the time? Are you always trying to win at all costs? 

Do you see yourself fighting to be the centre of attraction everywhere you go? Chances are that you are overly competitive. 

Well, there is nothing wrong in aiming high or winning occasionally. But when you have to go extreme in order to achieve your goals then there is cause for alarm.

I once had a colleague who would do anything to be on top. She always wanted to be seen and acknowledged by the boss. 

She was always in competition with others and she hated failure. She never liked being the last in anything. 

Of course, all these principles she had were really great but the bad thing about being overly ambitious or competitive is when you employ dubious means just to be successful or recognized.  

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

What Happens When Friends With Benefits Turns Sour...

Last month, I published a post titled “the friends with benefits thingy”. Some people read it and took my advice while others read it and thought I was just bluffing. 

I know this because a friend of mine threw caution to the wind even after reading my post. 

She decided to play with fire and we all know how that ends; some if not all fingers eventually get smoked. 

Let me tell you the story; I know you like gist very well *smiles*

I recently found out from an undisclosed source that my friend was sleeping with a guy whom I suspected had a girlfriend. Last week, the guy invited his main girlfriend over for a visit. 

When she arrived, my friend suddenly became the “side chick”. She was automatically shoved to the side. He no longer paid attention to her; in fact, he practically ignored her like she never existed in his world. 

As anticipated, she became infuriated and even jealous. The guy pampered his girlfriend so much that it hurt my friend to even look at them. 

The guy openly displayed his affections for his babe; he was either holding her on the waist or showering her with warm kisses whenever they were together. 

He even bought her presents almost every day; in fact, he gave her anything she asked for.

Every time his girlfriend wanted to shower, he’ll pour out some water into a bucket and take it to the bathroom for her. 

He’ll wait for her just outside the bathroom until she was done bathing and then he will take the empty bucket back to the room while his babe walked majestically behind him. 

All the while, my friend would stand by her door with clenched fists watching them and tapping her foot like a scorned woman who was ready for war.

One night, the guy had had enough of Ogbono soup and decided to eat Eguisi soup which was my friend by the way. 

He sneaked out of his room like a thief and tiptoed to my friend’s room. Several hours later, the guy got up and tiptoed back to his room. 

Unfortunately for him, his main babe was sitting on the edge of the bed sulking with a kitchen knife in her hand. 

Immediately, the guy entered the room, she stood up abruptly while pointing the knife at him and said: “Where the hell are you coming from?” He stopped in his tracks, startled. The guy was taken aback because he had expected her to still be asleep. 

When he tried to speak, he stuttered without saying a meaningful word. When he regained his composure, he said “Baby, what is the meaning of this? Why are you pointing a knife at me?”  

She gripped the knife tighter and said “Don’t you dare pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You had better tell me where you’re coming from before I design your face with this knife.”

The guy noticed he was in a tight corner and his girlfriend wasn’t joking at all. He decided to do the unthinkable; he lied! He told her he just went outside to urinate. 

When his babe heard this, she burst into laughter and said “Oh really? So you’ve been urinating for the past 2 hours? Do you have a bladder infection?” 

When he couldn’t answer her, she stormed out of the room. He tried to stop her but she brushed him aside and went straight to the room she had earlier seen her boyfriend enter. 

Luckily, the room was unlocked and she barged in without knocking and saw my friend on her bed trying to sleep. 

My friend, who was startled said” Are you lost? What are you doing in my room? The girl cursed out loud “You slimy bitch” and walked straight to drag my friend out onto the corridor. 

I guess you know what happened to my friend next right? Or do I need to tell you the rest? *smiles* Okay, where was I again?

While she was dragging my friend out, of course, my friend didn’t go out without a fight but the angry girl appeared stronger than she looked. 

She grabbed my friend’s arms fiercely and shoved her out while screaming “Boyfriend snatcher, I will deal with you today”. 

At this point, the noise woke up all the neighbours and doors started squeaking open. Before long, everyone was outside trying to separate the fight or should I say beating?

Well, at the end of the fight, all we saw were two naked girls clad only in panties and bra! 

Hmm... The things girls do for men who don’t even care a bit about them. All they care about is the satisfaction of their s*xual appetites. 

Now, my friend is angry, lonely and sad while the guy is still trying to make up with his girlfriend who dumped him after he was caught cheating. 

I’ve been tempted to say “I warned you” but I wouldn’t say it.  Everyone learns hard lessons occasionally.

Moral of the story: Be contented with what you have. A bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush. 

Sunday, May 15, 2016


Many people have diverse beliefs about things and one of them is family planning. Some people believe that it is advisable to have many children. 

They also believe that when they give birth to many children in their youth, they won't feel lonely in their old age.

They assume that having many children makes them wealthy in a sort of way. They may console themselves by thinking ''after all some couples are looking for the fruit of the womb''. 

They could even go further to quote the bible by saying "Go forth, multiply and fill the earth". Yeah, it is true! 

There are people who don't believe in family planning or birth control. They simply have a strong belief in procreation.

Well, not everyone has the same belief about family planning. There are couples who strongly believe in family planning and birth control. 

They believe that having fewer children makes it easier for them to train them properly. They try to avoid situations whereby there are children everywhere in the house without enough money to cater for them. 

I've seen horrible situations whereby a couple keeps procreating when they have very little income to take care of them. 

The children are forced to go hungry almost every day, they are improperly clothed and they are most times barely educated. 

My distant relative was still breastfeeding her little baby when she took in for her second child. 

Many people were angry about her lack of family planning but it didn't prevent her from taking in again while she was still breastfeeding her second baby. 

I was only worried about the condition of her womb and the welfare of her kids. 

I kept asking myself why some couples can't practice family planning even when they know they are not exactly financially stable. 

Someone once told me that "poor couples have s*x often to comfort themselves" and sometimes they don't even bother wasting the little money they have on birth control. 

So, they end up procreating nonstop! It is not best for the children who are born under such terrible living conditions. 

Every child deserves the best!

Family planning has a lot of benefits but I'll mention only a few:

1. Family planning brings about proper spacing:

When you plan your family properly, you won’t end up with children who are barely one year older than each other. 

A minimum of 2 years should be allowed before having another child. When you’re ready to have your next child, make sure you already have funds saved up for that child.

2. Family planning makes it easier for you to take care of your children:

Spacing your children actually makes it easier for you to look after them properly. When you have one infant or toddler at a time, it is easier to manage your home. 

But when there are many infants everywhere, you may become overly stressed. 

Just make sure that the child you have at hand is able to walk and talk before having another one. 

I’ve seen cases where a mother will strap a toddler behind her back while carrying an infant in her hand! It is very tasking for the mother.

3. Family planning helps you provide better for your children:

When there are fewer children to feed and clothe, a couple can easily provide for them. 

But when you have to buy baby food and diapers for two children at a time when they aren’t even twins, it is usually very frustrating and money consuming.

4. Family planning helps you know and understand your children:

Having fewer kids enables you to easily interact with them one-on-one thereby giving you access to every part of their lives. 

When you know your children very well, it would be really easy noticing when things aren’t right with them. 

But when the kids are so many, the parents may not have enough time for all of them and this could lead to some problems in the future.

5. Family planning helps in creating a brighter future for your kids:

 Whether you agree to this or not, when you have fewer children, you would want to give them the best in life and you would struggle to achieve that at all costs. 

But when the kids are many that you can’t even remember their names, only a few may get the best in life. 

The other kids who are left behind are either handed over to the elder ones or a relative to cater for them. 

Some may not even get such opportunities at all; they could end up on the streets begging.

6. Family planning promotes a tidy and noise free home:

With fewer children, comes less noise and clutter around the house. You can breathe fresher air and watch TV without much distraction. 

Even family outings or vacations are well planned and managed when there are fewer children to take care of. 

But when there are babies everywhere, you may not have time for yourself or your spouse; all you will think about is kids, kids, and kids and your home will usually be untidy and noisy.

The key to a happy and well-organized home is proper family planning. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have as many babies as you want, but the most important thing is first making sure you have enough funds to cater for a large house. 

Secondly, endeavour to give adequate spacing amongst the children. This enables your children to have a brighter future! 

Thursday, May 05, 2016


Hello readers, 

This post is quite sensitive because I will be writing about the effects of rape on women. 

Please bear in mind that anytime I mention the word “women”, I’m actually referring to both young girls and mature ladies.

Last week, I was discussing with a group of guys about the issue of rape and one of them said he heard from an undisclosed source that “women actually enjoy being raped”. 

Immediately he said those words, I became furious and we had a heated argument. 

I was furious because he made a sensitive topic like rape seem very light. I was annoyed because he was unknowingly promoting the horrible act. 

Seriously, if he had said this to some ignorant people who embraced his point of view, they could easily spread the word around. 

I strongly disagree with his comment and I want to use this medium to inform people of what rape truly is. 

First of all, let’s look at the definition of rape. 

According to Oxford dictionaries, rape is “the crime, typically committed by a man, of forcing another person to have s*xual intercourse with the offender against their will.” 

From this definition, one can deduce three facts: first, rape is a crime. 

Secondly, rape is typically committed by a man. 

Thirdly, rape is forcing another person to have s*x with an offender without their consent.

It is clear that rape is an abominable act which should not be encouraged and I don’t understand why anyone will think of rape as an act that “women actually enjoy”. 

It is so not acceptable to think or say such things. If any of your sisters get raped, will you say the same thing? I don’t think so! 

I’m sure if anyone rapes your relation and you catch him, you will literally cut off his private part.

As far as you are not present at the incident of the rape, you shouldn’t assume that the act is mutually enjoyable. 

Maybe rapists enjoy the act but their victims don’t! You don’t know anything about a rape victim’s experience until you have been raped.

Personally, I’ve had two different incidents where a man tried to rape me. 

I’m not joking! Even though they weren’t successful because I fought them with all the strength in my body, I can never forget those incidents. 

In my ignorance, I took these men as friends and I was na├»ve enough to pay them visits alone. 

Of course, my mind was far away from s*x when I decided to visit them but they, on the other hand, had planned an exciting event for themselves.

In essence, what I’m trying to say is that although I’ve never been raped, I’ve come close to understanding what rape victims go through. 

First, they have to struggle with men who want to achieve their evil goals by all means. 

Secondly, they are forcefully penetrated against their will. 

Thirdly, they become filled with fear and shame afterwards. 

Fourthly, some of them find it difficult to associate with other men in the future. 

A few of them might even lose their lives during rape or afterwards by suicidal means because they simply can’t live with the memories of the incident. 

Other victims are at risk of getting pregnant or contracting STDs through rape. 

How can anyone say rape is enjoyable to the victim when it isn’t a mutual act? The fact remains that it is not acceptable in our society or anywhere else.

I watched a movie titled “For coloured Girls” with a friend of mine and at the end of the move, she asked me “why was the rape victim traumatised”? 

At first, I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say to her. When I regained my voice, I told her that “even though the offender was her newly acquired boyfriend, she wasn’t ready to sleep with him”. 

He forced himself on her without her consent and she was traumatised afterwards. 

She was beginning to trust him before he committed the act and after he raped her, she was in shock for a long time.

Rape affects women physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and even spiritually.

It is not just the temporal physical pain or torture that matters; the horrifying mental pictures left behind by rapists and the disgusting feeling of being violated also matter. 

The trauma that comes with rape is indescribable. Rape is not an issue to be treated lightly; it is horrific, dehumanising and traumatising. 

As long as there is no foreplay during or before the rape and women don’t reach org~sm during it, the act shouldn’t be referred to as a pleasurable act!