Wednesday, June 29, 2016

25 & BLOOMING



Sweet sixteen is a very magical age for a girl- this is the age where she starts believing in herself and actually believes when others tell her she is beautiful. Another age that is even more splendid and magical in a woman’s life is 25. Hmm, it sounds golden, doesn’t it? No?  Yes, it does.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

I WAS LOST BUT I’VE FOUND MYSELF



In my last post, I wrote about my experience with depression and how I overcame it. I used to be in a place where I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted or even what made me happy. I just followed the crowd and did whatever I saw others doing.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

HOW TO DEAL WITH DEPRESSION IN 8 EASY STEPS




I woke up one morning feeling very restless for no reason. I was angry at the world for where I was and what would have been if I had made the right choices. I blamed so many people for my predicament. 

I didn’t know how I landed into this dungeon and I had no idea of how to come out of it. I thought my life was perfect before now; I was doing so well and I had a lot of friends. 

All of a sudden, my life was meaningless and directionless. I didn’t know where I was going and what I wanted to do with my life. I felt bloodless, plain and detached from the world as if an alien had inhabited my body. 

I was floating in a darkness that seemed endless; I was engulfed by a deep sadness. I started putting up walls around myself so that no one would enter my world; all I wanted was to be alone, lost in darkness. I had no energy or interest to do anything.

My days became blurry and hazy. I cared about nothing although I wanted to care but I didn’t know how to; the ability to care had somehow slipped from my memory. 

Sometimes, I woke up feeling helpless and unwilling to do anything; I saw utter hopelessness all around me. When I fell sick, I knew it really had nothing to do with my physical health; I was psychologically unstable. 

I couldn't sleep at night; I will just lay still gazing into an empty space.When my boyfriend visited, I felt a lot better and I saw a reason to live although it didn’t last long; the day he left, my world shattered. 

I suddenly felt empty once again; I went back into the endless darkness I was used to. I even forgot to eat on some days or maybe I didn’t have the appetite to eat anything. My phone too became useless to me.

The few times I managed to eat, I dumped the dirty dishes in a corner until greenish mould gathered on top of them. 

Often, in the middle of eating, reading or watching a movie, I would feel a crushing urge to cry and tears would stream down my cheeks with choking sobs that threatened to give me a cardiac arrest. I even stopped going to class or even church; it was meaningless.

I felt the kind of pain that drugs couldn’t cure;emotionally, I was in pain; mentally, I was depressed; spiritually, I was stressed but physically I smiled. 

I realised I was depressed and I needed to come out of it before I started nurturing thoughts of harming myself. It took me a long time before I could genuinely smile again.

I want to share the few steps I took to become whole again; it m
ay help someone out there who is going through a similar condition.




HOW TO COME OUT OF DEPRESSION:

1. Talk to someone:

Just to make sure you’rnot being irrational, talk to someone who is close to you; it could be your boyfriend/best friend or a sibling. Tell the person exactly how you feel and what you think is the cause of your depression. 

Pour out your soul to him or her and listen to what he or she has to say. Filter whatever advice you get, pick out what speaks to you or your situation and remind yourself constantly of it. 

If you talk to someone but you still empty inside, talk to God. He is always ready to listen to us and help us overcome challenges.

2. Change your environment:

This is the first step to getting yourself again. Move out of your current residence; find somewhere new to go to. Pack a few belongings but leave everything else behind. 

If you have a job you don’t love, don’t hesitate to resign. Just relocate and start all over. A new environment filled with new people or a few loved ones would be the best place to start in becoming anew.

3. Listen to your heart:

No matter the advice you receive from someone, you’re the only one who really knows YOU. Do not beat yourself if you still feel a little undecided after relocating; you will need some time to get used to your new environment. Spend your days doing nothing. 

Just lay still and listen to your heart. Ask yourself what you want and what adds meaning to your life. Search your soul for that thing that you’re passionate about; find out what motivates you and start planning towards to it.

4. Fill your life with meaningful things and people:

Begin to gradually fill your life with the people who matter the most to you. Let them in slowly; don’t rush things. You can invite them back into your life through calls, chats, texts or visits. 

Read motivational or inspirational books that will speak positive words into your life. Let the Bible become your companion day and night; fill your heart with the word of God.





5. Get rid of any negative energy around you:

Whatever or whoever makes you feel bad about yourself, get rid oit. You don’t need any negative vibe around you now. 

Throw away books or movies that make you feel awful and invest in positive ones. Don’t even listen to negative people who will try to discourage you, just follow your heart.

6. Start doing what you love:

If you’ve been listening to your heart, I’m sure you will find answers and a direction to follow. Find out what you love and start doing it; turn your passion into a hobby or a job even if it produces little or no income. 

If you love sewing, baking or teaching, don’t be ashamed to chase the dream; it’s your life after all. Just do whatever makes you happy. Start a foundation for your passion, pour your heart into it and watch it grow.

7. Be committed to something useful:

It isn’t just about working or making money; be committed to something worthwhile. First, be committed to your hobby or job and next, find something else to engage in. 

You could volunteer in any department or sector you’re really interested in. When you do this, you would be filled with pure joy.

8. Create time for yourself:

Now that your life is back on track, you may find yourself so busy that you won’t even have time for yourself. You could be immersed in a lot of things that you forget who you are and what having fun means to you. 

Create time for yourself every now and then. Give yourself a special treat when you feel like it. Simply enjoy every moment of your life.


These were the steps that really helped me get out of depression. My close friends and family members also supported me a great deal; they were understanding and patient. 

There were days when I shut them out without a word but still they patiently waited for me to come out of hiding. If you ever find yourself falling into that pit called “depression” or “hopelessness”, get help.

Have you ever been depressed? How did you come out of it? 




Sunday, June 19, 2016

WHAT TYPE OF FATHER ARE YOU?



A father is one of the most important people in a family. In every African family, the father is usually seen as the head, breadwinner, leader, director, mentor, protector, and disciplinarian. He is in charge of his family; he provides for them and also protects them. 

Saturday, June 18, 2016

I Wish I Had A Gay Best Friend




I am that type of girl who is open minded and free with everyone. I try not to take life too seriously and I’m not so obsessed with money. 

I just love being happy in everything I do and it doesn’t really matter if people approve of it or not.

I believe someone will always have an opposing thought or view about the way I should live my life; I guess we all have our individual lives to live. 

Do you want to hear a secret? I know you do *smiles shyly*

Some days, I secretly wish I had a gay best friend! I’m serious! Hope you aren’t surprised? 

Well, don’t be! I earlier told you that I’m a free spirited human being and so the things I do shouldn’t surprise you. 

I’m sure you’re asking why I would even harbour such weird thoughts of having a gay bestie. 

Um, the simplest answer is “I want a friend who is not a girl and who is not my boyfriend or aspires to be my boyfriend.”

Sometimes, I search for someone neutral to talk to; someone who won’t be envious of me or biased in judgement. 

I seek the company of someone who won’t pester me for s*x; someone who would be okay with being just friends. 

During my long search for that s*xless guy, I discovered that the term “just friends” never works with a guy unless he is gay or he has a serious girlfriend he is committed to. 

Even when rules are laid out at the onset of the friendship, halfway through the guy starts harbouring fantasies of taking you to bed when you’re seeing him as “a non-s*xual being”.

For you, all you really need from him is quality time and interesting discussions on various topics but unknown to you, he has already pictured you beneath him a long time ago. 

This is the usual routine for straight guys; of course, it is not their fault, they were wired that way. 

No matter how friendly or responsible they seem at first, they are already hoping or planning to take you to bed. 

Are you still asking why I need a gay friend? I have a lot of reasons but I will name only a bunch:



1). I need someone neutral to talk to: 

It’s not like I’m friendless or lonely. It’s just that most guy friends I have, always want more than what I’m willing to offer them. 

So, I just need someone who likes being with me, who likes talking to me and who doesn’t secretly hope to take me to bed. 

In the absence of a boyfriend, I need a man I can cuddle on lonely nights when I'm having a bad day without worrying about s*x.

2). I need someone who isn’t biased or judgemental: 

I need an honest and unbiased friend; someone who isn’t scared to tell me how things really are because he isn’t trying to get into my good book.

I need someone who is just himself; someone who will not try to impress me at every turn. 

3). I need someone who isn’t envious of me or my boyfriend:

Most straight guys who happen to be my friends tend to be envious of my boyfriend. They wish they were him and to me, that is so wrong. 

We all have different roles to play in other people’s lives. I need someone who is in my life and isn't envious of me or my love life.

4). I need someone who isn’t constantly in a competition with me:

Most girls I meet tend to have this overwhelming competitive energy that keeps me exhausted. I don’t like dragging anything with anyone. 

I just believe that what’s mine would surely get to me. I need someone who is contented with what he has.

5). I need someone who isn’t interested in sleeping with me:

I love talking to guys a lot but one of the recurring challenges I face is their constant request for s*x. 

My response to them would always be “Must you sleep with every friend you keep?” Of course, they just look at me like “Where did this one fall from?” 

6). I need someone whom my boyfriend isn’t jealous of:

There are occasions where I have really good friends who I talk to but my bf doesn’t feel comfortable with the arrangement simply because the guys are straight. 

I guess he just feels insecure about them and he is a guy so he just knows. I’m sure if they were all gay, he would feel more secure.


A gay friend is what I really need right now; someone who wouldn't entertain thoughts of ravishing me or sleeping with me. 

I'm looking for someone to talk to, go shopping, visit the hair salon, plan events and do fun things with without being worried about hurting him emotionally. 

If you’re gay and you want to be my friend, apply via my email momentswithjenny@gmail.com or just drop a comment below. I look forward to hearing from you! *kisses*

#EveryGirlNeedsAGayFriend#







Tuesday, June 14, 2016

WHY DO MEN SULK LIKE BABIES?


A man sulking


The word “sulking” is often associated with children and women. Men are never seen as sulkers. 

They appear as strong, macho and mature persons. They have the flawless ability to conceal their emotions even when in pain.

Women and children, on the other hand, are often seen as expressive creatures; they easily find avenues to express their grievances. 

They don’t see anything wrong with sulking, crying or wailing at the slightest provocation even in public. 

Sometimes, it may seem as if women enjoy shedding tears; maybe it makes them feel more feminine or maybe it makes their pupils whiter *smiles* (I’m just kidding). 

But the whole point is that women, especially in Africa, are often portrayed as emotional beings while the men are seen as unemotional beings. 


It is perfectly normal to see a woman cry but when one sees a man shedding tears; it sends a message across that this man was so hurt that he had to show it openly. 

Even in awful situations, crying is usually the last resort for a man; he would prefer to grieve silently just to show how strong or mature he is.

Seeing a mature man cry could be one of rarest sights but being around a sulking man could be devastating; you don’t just know what to do with him. 

Would it be easier to just leave him alone in his tranquility or would it be wise to try to talk him out of his sulkiness? 

Well, before you attempt to answer that, let’s define the word “sulking”.

WHAT EXACTLY DOES SULKING MEAN?

According to the Cambridge Online dictionaries, “sulking” means to be silent and refuse to smile or be pleasant to people because you are angry about something that they have done. 

It simply means being displeased by something and letting your gloomy mood show; you become grumpy, aloof, silent and unsociable because of what someone has done or hasn’t done. 

You practically ignore everyone around you as if they don’t even exist. Even when you’re greeted, you just reply with grumpy one-word answers.

Did you think only women were sulky or moody? I also used to think that only women and children sulked but recently I’ve come across mature men who sulk too. Even my boyfriend sulks occasionally when he is really offended.





WHY DO MEN SULK?

Are you wondering why your boo has suddenly turned silent and distant? Do you think it is you or maybe stress from work that has got him so moody? Keep scrolling...

1. A man could sulk because you turned down his offer to go out with him either on a date or a casual outing. Men don’t like being turned down especially by women; it sort of hurts their ego.

2. A man could sulk because you rejected his proposal; whether it’s marriage or any other kind of proposal. Men don’t take rejection lightly.

3. A man might sulk if you refuse him from having s*x with you. You know how guys could be; they would be all smiles while chasing you and spending money. 

But the minute you say “I’m not going to sleep with you’’ and you actually carry out the threat, their demeanour would automatically change towards you. 

You, on the other hand, would be saying “Is it just because of s*x you’re frowning your face like that?” He is not finding it funny at all! A man could feel really hurt when his s*xual advances are not happily received.

4. Some men sulk when a lady nags or screams at them over an issue; no matter how little. 

They often want to be the superior one in a relationship and when a lady crosses “the respect boundary” and reprimands them, they could become moody and start sulking like children.

5. A man could sulk when he experiences heartbreak. When a man loves, he puts his entire heart into it and when his love becomes crushed, his soul also gets crushed.

6. Men sometimes sulk when they are undergoing pressure from work or their family. 

Sometimes, when the pressure gets too much for them to bear and they don’t know what to do about it, they simply sulk. Sulking could be an escape route for some men.

7. Some men sulk when they are financially insecure or unemployed. A man feels in charge when his finances are intact; he feels very secure when he can financially provide for his loved ones. 

But when he is unemployed or financially unstable, he feels helpless; and this could lead to sulking.

There you have it! Men sulk too and for diverse reasons. So, next time you see your man all moody and grumpy, don’t get all defensive and don’t let him be either. 

He may claim he needs some time and space to clear his head but what he actually needs is YOU. 

He misses you and wants to talk but he doesn’t want to make the first move. Because he can’t have you all to himself, he goes into “sulking mood”.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A SULKING MAN?

The first thing you should not do when your man is sulking is leaving him alone. Don’t even think about it! Leaving him alone could worsen his moodiness. 

The best thing to do is to approach him gently. If you know his love language, employ it. 

His love language could be spending quality time with you, receiving gifts or compliments or even physical touch. 

Whatever it is you know could help him brighten up, just do it. It is not only women who need tender loving care; guys crave it too.

Before you even try to engage him in a conversation, first prepare a warm bath to help him relax. 

Next, cook his favourite meal for him and after he is settled, talk with him; gently of course! 

Don’t go barging in with a wrapper tied around your waist and a pestle in hand like you’re ready for taekwondo; force isn’t the best remedy in this situation.

Just try and be the mother and wife/girlfriend you are to him! Be gentle, feminine and caring at the same time. 


Listen to him and help him come out of his hiding place. If you don’t have the patience for all of this, please try and borrow some! You will surely need it.

Has your man been sulking lately and you’re confused about what to do? Simply read this post and apply the solutions given. Hope it works for you like it did for me! 
                                                                                             



Sunday, June 12, 2016

THE PEOPLE WE CALL “UNCLES” & THE EVIL THINGS THEY DO


I heard a story last week and it hurt so bad just listening to it. Halfway through the story, I was already on the brink of tears. 

At the end of the story, I was both depressed and angry. I couldn’t understand why some people behave the way they do and later blame it on the devil. 

Well, let me not start blabbing. Here goes the story...

A young couple lived alone in a bungalow with their 2-year-old daughter who was an only child. 

They were both workaholics who never had time for their child. They left for work very early and returned late every day. 

They usually left the child with their house help but then she got married at a young age and they became sort of helpless. 

They tried looking for another help who could babysit their child but they weren’t successful in their search. 

One day, a distant cousin came to visit them and he opted to babysit the child while they were away. 

They were so thrilled at the thought that their child would be safe with someone they knew; someone the baby called “Uncle”.

A few months after Uncle started babysitting the child; she fell so ill and had to be rushed to the hospital. 

Her hair was falling out, her skin was so dry and  flaky and she looked malnourished. 

After some diagnosis, the Doctor revealed to the parents that the child seemed to be suffering from abuse.

They couldn’t believe their ears; what did the Doctor mean by abuse? 

They provided more than enough for their child and as far as they were concerned nobody hits or maltreats her. So what kind of abuse was he talking about?

When he said “s*xual abuse”, the mother of the child almost collapsed. She almost called the doctor a liar but held back her tongue. 

When they got home, they began to analyse everything the Doctor had said at the hospital. 

He had asked who they left the child with but they didn’t believe their cousin would abuse their own child.

They came to a decision. They had to find a way to monitor everything that happened to their child in their absence. 

So, they installed a hidden camera in every room in their house without informing the “Uncle” or the cleaners.





That evening when they got back, they received the shock of their lives when they played the video from the camera. 

The man they called “Uncle” didn’t feed their daughter properly; in fact, he practically denied her of food. 

Whenever she cried for food, he’ll bring out his erect p*nis and ask her to suck it. He told her if she sucked it long enough, food will come out from it for her to eat. So, this innocent girl sucked to see if what uncle said was true.

 At the end of it all, he would cum inside her mouth and ask her to swallow it. Afterwards, if she continued crying for food, he would feed her. 

Occasionally, he attempted to penetrate her but when he couldn’t, he continued with his evil act. He did this wicked thing every day!

After watching the video, the mother wept bitterly. They couldn't understand why a family member would do anything like that to an innocent child. 

The next day when uncle came around to babysit the child, the police arrested him. 

Hmmm, what a world we live in! What do you think the law would do to him? 

Personally, I wished he wouldn’t be sentenced to a quick death like hanging or firing squad. 

He deserves to be tortured very slowly; first, his fingers would be cut off one after the other and then his ears would be next. 

Finally, the organ he used to perpetrate such evil acts would be cut too along with his balls. I can just imagine the pain he would go through! 

This is the perfect punishment for abusers who defile children and women. They are so shameless and heartless. 

Of course, this kind of story is not entirely new to us; we hear different cases of child abuse and molestation every day.

This is simply a wake-up call for all of us to remain watchful and alert. Evil people are lurking everywhere, looking for people’s lives to destroy. 

Parents, please create time for your children! No amount of money would bring you as much joy as your child. 

Mothers, we know you want to be independent and financially stable but please find a job that gives you time for your kids so you don’t have to leave them in the care of other people. 

Nobody can take care of your own child more than you do. It all boils down to setting our priorities right and being responsible. 

My advice to you is "never leave your child with anyone unsupervised" and don't allow any uncle bath your female child; even aunties need to be watched these days. 

Be mindful of the people you call "Uncle" or "Aunty"; not all of them are as nice as they claim to be. Let's be more responsible towards our children!!!

What do you think is the best punishment for an abuser?



Friday, June 03, 2016

BEING THE FIRST CHILD IN AN AFRICAN HOME...



In every African home, being the first child comes with great responsibility. It means you have to start preparing to shoulder all the responsibilities in the home. It involves being accountable and responsible at all times.

From the moment you become a teenager, the word “responsibility and leader become your second names. You are expected to be responsible for everything that happens to your siblings and the home in general even in your absence. 

Thursday, June 02, 2016

IS THIS KARMA OR JUST FATE (Part two)


While Franklin was still thinking of the best way to sort out the mess between him and his friend, Stanley grabbed his phone from the bed and stormed out. He came back that evening drunk and reeking of alcohol. 

Franklin was watching TV when he heard the rumbling in the room and knew his friend was back. He went to him hoping to apologise and patch things up. “I’m sorry bro, I had no idea she was the one you mentioned earlier. I didn’t purposely chase after her knowing she was the one you wanted. But the truth is that I love her very much”.