Sunday, 18 September 2016

THE BAD SIDE OF FAVOURITISM IN A FAMILY



I was with a colleague the other day and her younger sister called. 

She needed some money from her dad but she couldn't call him because be would have a lot of excuses to give her or he would delay before sending her any money.

I was a bit baffled because they had the same biological father and I couldn't understand why he would favour one so much and ignore the other. 

My colleague simply said she was her father's favourite child and she got whatever she asked and that's why it was easier for the others to make requests through her. Seriously?

I know her father isn't the only culprit in this act. In an anonymous survey, 62 percent of British parents revealed that they did not give their children equal attention. 

Many African parents are involved too; they always have a favourite whom they love more than the others.

You may think it's okay for the favourite child to be pampered and the others treated rather nonchalantly but have you really thought of the consequences of favouritism in a family.

For those of you who aren't following, let me paint a clearer picture of what I mean by favouritism. 

Picture this: 

A father has 5 children and he cherishes one so much that the others notice. He treats like an egg that could crack in a blink of an eye.

He pampers her like a princess and nurtures her like a little flower while he ignores the rest. 

He buys her everything she asks for, he lets her do things he wouldn't permit others to do. 

He attends every event she features in but he has excuses to give to the others why he won't make it for theirs.



At home, she's Queen Bee. She literally does nothing except watch TV, tweet or post selfies on Instagram while the others work their asses off all day.




                           


What do you think would happen to these children when they finally grow up and really understand what has been going on? 

Would they pat their father on his back on his back and say "well-done?" I don't think so.


Well, there is a probability that they would grow up and be independent individuals but what if they don't? 

What if they grow up hating and resenting their father and his favoured child? Kinda reminds me of Joseph and his brothers, though.

There might be a positive side to this but today we are just looking at the negative effects or consequences of favouritism in a family.

1. Favouritism often leads to over dependency:

Sometimes, parents think that when they over pamper a child, he or she would see how much they care. 

But is that really the truth? Does over pampering really mean love and care? I don't think so.

Children who were over pampered by their parents usually end up dependent and helpless. 

This is because they have gotten so used to having everything handed to them on a platter of gold that they don't see the need to work hard.

They feel that no matter what happens, Daddy or Mommy has their back. Even when Daddy stops supporting them financially, they find it difficult to cope. 

The next thing you know, they are involved in dangerous and illegal activities to make ends meet.

2. "Favourite Children" tend to be spoilt:

Kids who have everything handed to them tend to be spoilt, arrogant and disrespectful. 

They feel because they have enough, they can speak anyhow to anyone, disrespect people in authority and get away with it.

Of course, they've never been spanked before; Daddy makes sure no one corrects her when she's wrong. 

To him, she's a queen who is always right and perfect. So, she gets away with a lot of attitudes.

3. Over-pampered children are often wasteful and nonchalant:

Since they have everything they want, they have no idea what being poor, hungry and homeless means. 

They have large sums of money stashed away in their bank accounts waiting to be used during a shopping spree.

If they shop for what they really need, that would be great but often times, they buy things they don't really need and end up throwing it away in the trash can. 

Even when toys or gadgets are given to them, they don't take proper care of them. After all, Daddy will replace it as soon as it gets broken or lost.


 4. Favouritism creates jealousy & conflict in the family:

When a parent has a favourite child, all the members of the family know but they can't really do anything about it. 

They can only watch with disdain and anger in their hearts. 

Gradually, they get sick of it and one day, they create an uproar which could lead to a big fight in the family.

Sometimes, parents themselves quarrel about this issue; when a mother notices how a father pampers one child, she could complain and try to stop it. Her interference could result in conflict too.

Even amongst the children themselves, conflicts could occur when they aren't getting the attention another child is getting. 

They often get jealous of the child who is receiving so much attention from the parents.


                         




5. Favouritism makes the other children feel unloved:

When one child is over pampered and showered with much attention, the other children may feel unwanted, unloved and even insecure. 

They may think that they aren't good enough or worthy to be loved. They could even lose their self-confidence in the long run. They always yearn for some love and attention.

6. It makes some children withdraw:

Favouritism could lead to the other children becoming distant and withdrawn from the rest of the family. 

Because they don't find love and attention in their family, they slowly distance themselves from others. 

They could even avoid certain members of the family if they don't feel the love from them. 


Gradually, they begin to seek love and attention from other people outside the family.

7. The other children are sometimes neglected:

Some parents don't know the word "equal" when it comes to providing for their children. They lavish their love on one child while neglecting the other. 

They provide everything for one child and ask the others to manage what they are given. 

Even when it gets to birthdays or some other occasion, they celebrate immensely with one child and ignore the others. This leads to the other children being neglected.


These factors may play out greatly in some families while other families won't even feel it's negativity. 

I'm not saying all families will experience these things or that all children would turn out bitter as a result of favouritism but then it's not to be overlooked.

Parents and future parents, please love all your children the way they come; with all their individual differences. 

Don't over pamper one up to the extent that the others notice and begin to brew bitterness in their hearts. 


Try your best to treat them all as equal as possible; give them equal amounts of money, buy them the same gadgets, attend their functions when you can and create time for each and every one of them. 

They all deserve your love and attention.

Have you ever being a favourite child? 

How did your siblings react to that? 

If you aren't a favourite child, how does it feel not been one?




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