The Bad Side of Favouritism in a Family

I was with a
colleague the other day and her younger sister called. 

She needed some
money from her dad but she couldn’t call him because he would have a lot of
excuses to give her or he would delay before sending her any money.

I was a bit baffled
because they had the same biological father and I couldn’t understand why he
would favour one so much and ignore the other. 

My colleague simply said
she was her father’s favourite child and she got whatever she asked and that’s
why it was easier for the others to make requests through her. Seriously?

I know her
father isn’t the only culprit in this act. In an anonymous survey, 62 percent of British parents
revealed that they did not give their children equal attention. 

African parents are involved too; they always have a favourite child whom they love
more than the others.

You may think it’s
okay for the favourite child to be pampered and the others treated nonchalantly. But have you really thought of the consequences of favouritism in
a family?
For those of you who aren’t following, let me paint a clearer picture of what I
mean by favouritism. 

Picture this: 

A father has 5 children and he cherishes one
so much that the others notice. He treats her like an egg that could crack in a
blink of an eye.

He pampers her like a princess and nurtures her like a little flower while he
ignores the rest. 

He buys her everything she asks for, he lets her do things he
wouldn’t permit others to do. 

He attends every event she features in but he has
excuses to give to the others why he won’t make it for theirs.

At home, she’s Queen Bee. She literally does nothing except watch TV,
tweet or post selfies on Instagram while the others work their asses off all


What do you think would happen to these children when they finally
grow up and really understand what has been going on? 

Would they pat their
father on his back and say “well-done?” I don’t think so.

Well, there is a probability that they would grow up and be
independent individuals but what if they don’t? 

What if they grow up
hating and resenting their father and his favoured child? It kind of reminds me of
Joseph and his brothers, though.

There might be a positive side to this but today we are just
looking at the negative effects or consequences of favouritism in a

1. Favouritism often leads to over dependency:
Sometimes, parents think that when they over pamper a child, he or
she would see how much they care. But is that really the truth? Does over
pampering really mean love and care? I don’t think so.
Children who were over pampered by their parents usually end up
dependent and helpless. This is because they have gotten so used to having
everything handed to them on a platter of gold that they don’t see the need to
work hard.
They feel that no matter what happens, Daddy or Mommy has their
back. Even when Daddy stops supporting them financially, they find it difficult
to cope. The next thing you know, they are involved in dangerous and illegal
activities to make ends meet.

2. “Favourite Children” tend to be spoilt:
Kids who have everything handed to them tend to be spoilt,
arrogant and disrespectful. They feel because they have enough, they can speak
anyhow to anyone, disrespect people in authority and get away with it.
Of course, they’ve never been spanked before; Daddy makes sure no
one corrects her when she’s wrong. To him, she’s a queen who is always right
and perfect. So, she gets away with a lot of nasty attitudes.

3. Over-pampered children are often wasteful and nonchalant:
Since they have everything they want, they have no idea what being
poor, hungry and homeless means. They have large sums of money stashed away in
their bank accounts waiting to be used during a shopping spree.
If they shop for what they really need, that would be great but
often times, they buy things they don’t really need and end up throwing it away
in the trash can. 

Even when toys or gadgets are given to them, they don’t take proper care
of them. After all, Daddy will replace it as soon as it gets broken or lost.

 4. Favouritism creates jealousy & conflict in the family:
When a parent has a favourite child, all the members of the family
know but they can’t really do anything about it. They can only watch with
disdain and anger in their hearts. 

Gradually, they get sick of it and one day,
they create an uproar which could lead to a big fight in the family.

Sometimes, parents themselves quarrel about this issue; when a
mother notices how a father pampers one child, she could complain and try to
stop it. Her interference could result in conflict too.
Even amongst the children themselves, conflicts could occur when
they aren’t getting the attention another child is getting. They often get
jealous of the child who is receiving so much attention from the parents.

Favouritism makes the other children feel unloved:
one child is over pampered and showered with much attention, the other children
may feel unwanted, unloved and even insecure. 

They may think that they aren’t
good enough or worthy to be loved. They could even lose their self-confidence
in the long run. They always yearn for some love and attention.

6. It
makes some children withdraw:
could lead to the other children becoming distant and withdrawn from the
rest of the family. Because they don’t find love and attention in their family,
they slowly distance themselves from others. 

They could even avoid certain members of the family if they don’t feel the love
from them. Gradually, they begin to seek love and attention from other people
outside the family.

7. The
other children are sometimes neglected:
parents don’t know the word “equal” when it comes to providing for
their children. They lavish their love on one child while neglecting the other. They provide everything for one child and ask the others to manage what they
are given. 

Even when it gets to birthdays or some other occasion, they celebrate immensely
with one child and ignore the others. This leads to the other children being
factors may play out greatly in some families while other families won’t even
feel it’s negativity. 

I’m not saying all families will experience these things
or that all children would turn out bitter as a result of favouritism but then
it’s not to be overlooked.

Parents and future parents, please love all your
children the way they come; with all their individual differences. 

Don’t over pamper
one up to the extent that the others notice and begin to brew bitterness in
their hearts. 

Try your best to treat them all as equal as possible; give
them equal amounts of money, buy them the same gadgets, attend their functions
when you can and create time for each and every one of them. 

They all deserve
your love and attention.

Have you ever being a favourite child? 

How did your
siblings react to that? 

If you aren’t a favourite child, how does it feel not
been one?