A man suspected his wife of cheating on him after a few years of
their marriage. He knew he wasn’t imagining things because all of a sudden, she
developed a habit of coming home late, sweaty and tired. Their sex life had
become inactive and boring.
especially after work. He wanted to see who or what was keeping her so busy and
exhausted. After some days of following her, he discovered that she visited someone every
day after work and she usually spent several hours in the stranger’s house.
This daily visitation continued for a week until the man decided to go into the
apartment and catch his wife red-handed. When he entered the house, the sitting room was empty then he decided to check
the kitchen and the bedroom.
He turned towards the staircase that led to the
bedroom and he heard his wife singing in the bathroom. He hurried towards where
the sound was coming from to confirm that the voice really did belong to his
bed with only a pair of shorts; he was half naked. He didn’t even wait for any further confirmation; he rushed at the man and held
his throat with both hands. The wife heard the noise and ran out of the
When she came into the room, her husband noticed she was fully
clothed. It turned out the man she visited everyday was her brother who was
critically ill. She visited him every day to take care of him and give him his
medication. Her husband had never heard of him.
communication. The couple lost trust in each other and they stopped confiding
in each other. The man made some wrong assumptions and the woman didn’t feel
comfortable talking with her husband.
After a while, a big gap developed
between them and their communication level decreased drastically. In my previous post, I mentioned the different communication styles of men and
At the end of the post, the question was “If men communicate mainly
through their actions and women through talking, why do we still have
communication gaps and how can we bridge it?” Communication gaps occur because couples don’t fully understand their
The book, the
seven principles for making marriage work warns
that “understanding must precede advice.” Couples need to fully understand the situation at hand before proffering
solutions. A man has to let his partner know he really understands and
empathizes with the dilemma before he suggests a solution.
Often times what men
misunderstand is that their spouse isn’t asking for any solution at all; all
they really want is a listening ear!
is someone to vent all her emotions on- all they really need is your full
attention. Allow your spouse to express herself without interrupting; don’t
dismiss her with a wave of your hand. Listen attentively, get the necessary
details and then give constructive advice or solutions.
advice. Make frequent eye contact, focus on what she is saying and nod in agreement. When she is done talking, highlight the points she mentioned to show
you were actually listening and that you got the gist.
Avoid paying full
attention to your phone or TV when she is trying to communicate with you; give
her your undivided attention.
expect him to know just what you need when he isn’t a mind reader. Don’t
just sit their brooding day and night; approach your man and tell him how you
insensitive or inattentive. He is just trying to lighten your burden by
offering solutions to an issue bothering you. Some men actually feel what their spouse is going through without them
explaining too much.
Since they genuinely care about your happiness; they
quickly jump to find a solution to your problem. Next time you try talking to your partner, instead of getting annoyed, realize
that he truly cares and wants to listen but he also wants to help.
He wants to
feel useful in the house; he wants to be seen as a provider and protector. Give
him the chance to show you his love through actions. We tend to treat others the way we want to be treated. However, to discuss
problems effectively you need to consider how your spouse would like to be
If you are a man, be willing to listen before rushing to offer
solutions. If you are a woman, be willing to hear solutions once in a while.
When you meet in the middle, both spouses will benefit.