Until we have seen someone’s darkness, we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is ~Marianne Williamson~
Many people are married today but not all of them are happy in those marriages. Marriage takes a lot of hard work and patience but not everyone knows that.
A strong marriage isn’t magically created when you say “I do”… It is built on a lifetime of “I do”: I do love you, I do cherish you, I do forgive you and I do trust you.
Couples expect magic the minute they are married. They forget that marriage isn’t a bed of roses. They expect their marriages to exist without challenges but it doesn’t happen that way.
To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling: it is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.
Loving someone doesn’t mean that you are blinded by their mistakes or imperfections.
Love simply means knowing the good and ugly side of someone and accepting both.
Love is something quite different: you might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are broke or under pressure or hungry.
A lot of marriages crash due to some reasons:
This is usually the major reason for broken marriages. People get married for diverse reasons but they forget to consider compatibility.
They end up marrying someone who is totally different from them and they later discover that their spouse wasn’t the right match for them.
When a party goer marries a devoted church worker, the marriage is doomed from the onset. The only hope for the marriage is if any of them decides to change their ways.
The constant struggle between the two parties will remain a recurrent issue which could lead to the failure of their marriage.
2) The absence of love:
Without love, marriage will seem like a mime. It would be full of pretense and unnecessary drama. When there is love in a marriage, issues can easily be settled.
Even when you’re angry, your heart still cares for the other person and it prevents you from hurting the person further.
The absence of love could mean the presence of indifference and even conflict. Love is essential in making a marriage work.
3) Inability to forgive one another:
Lack of forgiveness is also one of the reasons why marriages fail. Most times, the people we love hurt us knowingly or unknowingly.
The manner in which we deal with such emotional hurt really matters. We have to realize that we all are not perfect and we are bound to make mistakes in our everyday life.
The ability to forgive someone brings a fulfilling peace to us and everyone around us. Let’s learn to forgive one another each time we are offended.
4) Lack of patience:
Sometimes, patience could be the only saving grace in a marriage. The ability to be patient and see the outcome of some things is actually what prevents people from making irrational decisions like breaking up a marriage.
Lack of patience usually leads to impulsive behaviours that one might likely regret in the nearest future.
When you’re faced with challenges, the first thing to do even before talking is thinking. You need to think deeply about something before making rash decisions.
5) Seeking advice from the wrong people:
Talking to someone in times of need could be helpful and comforting but when you approach the wrong people for advice, it could lead to a lot of problems.
Be careful of wolves in sheep’s clothing when seeking advice over an issue. Be mindful of the people you call friends and be discreet on sensitive issues. Bad advice is like fuel to broken marriages.
6) Financial challenges:
Money can bring two partners together and it can equally bring conflict between them. In marriage, financial issues should be treated delicately.
Everyone should be transparent and honest when dealing with money. Even the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. Couples who can’t resolve their financial challenges amicably usually end up divorced.
7) Little or no communication:
When you don’t communicate your thoughts or feelings to your partner, your relationship could get strained over time.
Unresolved issues fuel conflict and resentment in marriages. It is best to solve conflicts immediately they come and move on in the relationship.
8) Lack of trust and honesty:
Honesty is vital in every relationship and it should be present even in marriage. Partners who are honest to each other actually resolve issues better than dishonest couples.
If we tell each other the truth about our past and present, it would be easy to notice when things aren’t going smoothly.
Being honest and trustworthy helps in creating a conflict-free environment.
9) Uncontrollable anger:
This might seem like a trivial issue but I’ve seen where anger led to a failed marriage.
Some people behave really terrible when provoked and their inability to control their temper could cause them their marriage.
Some men even go as far as beating up their wives in the name of anger and when these women have had enough, they desert their husbands.
Anger should not become your master instead learn to control it whenever you are provoked.
10) Intimacy challenges:
This issue has also been a home wrecker. Many people are facing intimacy challenges but a few of them actually seek help.
I guess they feel ashamed about their condition and instead of seeking help, they remain in silence.
I’ve heard cases of men marrying wives only to keep them in the house without satisfying their needs in bed.
After much frustration, the couple will break up because of irreconcilable issues.
I’ve also heard of marriages where a naive woman marries an adventurer and when they can’t cope with each other, they go their separate ways.
11) Inability to conceive:
In Africa and other parts of the world, people marry mainly because of procreation.
When a man marries a woman and a few years later, babies aren’t forthcoming, they leave the woman to find someone else who can give them children.
Most people can deal with any challenge in a marriage but when it comes to issues of infidelity, they simply resort to divorce.
They can’t see themselves living with someone who cheats on them. In order to maintain their sanity and respect, they opt for divorce.
In one of my posts titled THE BEDROCK OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE , I listed basic ingredients that are essential in making a marriage successful.
When all these ingredients are not incorporated into your marriage from the beginning, there is a tendency that it could fail.
Marriage is a lot of work. You have to expect challenges and be prepared for them when they come knocking.
In most broken marriages, unresolved issues that are left hanging for a long time are usually the culprits.
When you encounter difficulties, try your best to overcome them while working out your differences.
Which marriage doesn’t face issues? A broken marriage isn’t always the best especially when a child is involved.
Finally, if you’ve recognized all the flaws, blemishes, fears and insecurities in your spouse, your role is to comfort and support him or her until he or she overcomes them.