If you ask me, “What do couples fight about most?” My answer would be absolutely nothing. From experience, I’ve noticed that a lot of couples fight about unnecessary issues that can be easily avoided by the both of parties.
But, some couples just enjoy the tension that comes with a fight and so, they fight about practically everything including the remote control and microwave.
“Stop doing that”, the woman says.
“Okay, let me just check the Chelsea match going on…”
“No! Leave it. I hate it when you do this”
“Fine!” the husbands snaps.
“Why did you say that?” the woman asks.
“Because you’re always going to have your way, so fine, have it your way.” the husband replies angrily and walks out of the living room.
That night, they both go to bed mad at each other. When they wake up the next morning, they are still pissed at each other but nobody talks about it. And so, the little misunderstanding turns into malice which goes on until one day, it manages to go away.
Looking at the story, what would you say was the cause of their fight? Nothing right? Exactly! It is so unfortunate that most couples have these little fights repeatedly which result into disconnection.
No matter how dedicated a couple is to living happily ever after in peace, fights over the remote and T.V will always occur. The fact is real life will never be like the pages of a fairy tale. It is important to calm down tension by turning toward each other during moments when it would be easier to turn away.
I know this sounds easier said than done but it is really effective. Turning away from each other after a squabble will cause “attachment injuries” which can be really damaging to a relationship. These attachment injuries leave one partner feeling vulnerable and unsafe thereby destroying the emotional bond that a couple share.
If you really want to strengthen your relationship, you need to remember certain rules for staying connected to your partner especially when it gets tough.
7 Simple Rules of Staying Connected to Your Partner
1. Pay Attention:
Be observant; notice everything around you and your spouse, especially the insignificant ones. When your partner points out something to you, pay attention; don’t dismiss it with a wave while you’re busy on your tablet.
Take the time to notice and appreciate the little things your partner does for you. Give your relationship the right attention it needs!
2. Talk and Listen:
Communication is one of the most powerful keys to a successful relationship; don’t neglect it. Create time to frequently communicate your needs to your spouse and also listen to him or her.
Listen carefully; understand what is being said before responding or proffering solutions to problems. Most times, what your partner wants is just a listening ear!
3. Respond to Simple Requests:
Some men are fond of ignoring requests made by their wives because they seem derogatory. Even when they are humbly asked to help with one or two tasks, they frown and blatantly refuse to do it.
If you want to stay connected to your spouse, you need to learn to respond to simple requests like “Honey, while you’re up, could you help me get a bottle of water from the fridge?”
4. Help Each Other Solve Problems:
Don’t leave problems to be handled by one person simply because it isn’t your business. As a matter of fact, it became your business from the day you entered into a committed relationship with your partner.
When your partner is faced with some challenges, make it your business to help him/her solve it as soon as possible. Don’t say it’s not your business because it is!
5. Work as a Team:
A lot of couples can be tagged as “independent couples” because of how they correlate with each other. They never work as a team instead, they work alone on any tasks they are faced with.
To remain connected to your spouse, you need to learn to involve him or her in your affairs. Learn to work on tasks together as a team; one partner can take out the garbage while the other washes the dishes or brews a pot of coffee.
Don’t say “I’m a man, I don’t enter the kitchen.” Divide the house chores, save energy and create more time to spend with each other.
6. Help Manage Stress:
Some couples look at each other helplessly when one person is undergoing stress. This is wrong! Let your partner’s stress become your own stress; help him manage it by giving him a massage or foot rub after a stressful day at work. Motivate him when he feels depressed and help lift up his spirit when he is down.
7. Have Sex Regularly:
Real connection comes through sexual bond. Make time out of your busy schedules to make love to your partner at least twice a week. It keeps you connected to each other. Don’t neglect your partner’s needs because of how preoccupied you are; create time for intimate moments.
Turning toward your partner during seemingly insignificant moments can help strengthen your relationship in unexpected ways. When you notice a disconnection, apply these rules for staying connected to your partner. They will go a long way in improving your relationship.
If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse again, subscribe to “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment. You need it! Your relationship needs it too!