During the week, I received an email from a young lady who has been married for two years. In her email, she complained bitterly of how her husband won’t have sex with her.
I had earlier wanted to just reply her and then forget about it but then I remembered that she possibly couldn’t be the only one going through similar marital issues. There a lot of women who haven’t felt their husband’s touch in years. It may sound strange, but it is true!
Today’s naughty Friday is targeted at helping married women revive their sex lives with their spouses.
But first, read the mail she sent to me:
“Dear Jenny, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I really enjoy your posts especially the ones about sex and relationship.” I’m having serious issues in my marriage right now and I need some advice.
I’ve been married for two years and I have a son. I don’t remember how it all started but my husband has suddenly lost interest in having sex with me. It’s been two months now and he hasn’t touched me even once.
Every day, when he gets back from work, he eats his dinner, watches TV briefly and then hops into bed. Just like that! It is as if I no longer exist in his life. It’s not always been like this though.
When we first got married, he could hardly keep his hands off my body; he was always after me. We used to make love almost every night!
But now, it’s just like we are roommates and not a married couple.
The way he avoids me, it seems as if I disgust him sometimes or maybe he sees me as a man. Could he be cheating with someone? What do I do?”
Phew! Quite a disturbing email right? She sounded really distressed so after reading the email, I wrote a reply to her. In the reply, I told her possible reasons why her husband refuses to sleep with her and how she can tackle this problem.
Here is a list of reasons why your husband won’t have sex with you and how you can change that:
#1 You Seem Too Busy:
I know you’re married with a husband and kids to take care of; there are enough house chores to keep you busy every day. You don’t have enough time for yourself not to mention time to have sex. But, still you need to give yourself a break sometimes.
When your husband gets back from work and you are still busy washing dishes or clothes, dump them for a while and give him your full attention. Ask how his day was, help him undress, serve him dinner and talk about something personal afterwards. When he notices how free you are, he’ll dive in for a round or 2.
Do your own part; be available at the right time! Don’t be so busy when he needs your company. Learn to prioritize. He didn’t marry you just to keep the house clean; you need to keep him company too!
#2 You’re Not Taking Proper Care Of Yourself:
This may sound harsh but it is serious. Some women lose their selves when they get married and have a child or two. They add a lot of weight and dress like their grandma.
They even forget how to maintain a personal hygiene. They no longer shave down there or even wear perfume. I won’t even mention their toenails because that would be far fetched. When their husbands complain, they’ll always say “It’s the baby. He’s driving me nuts.”
Stop making excuses for letting yourself go. You are responsible for your body and you need to take charge of it. If you’re not comfortable with your weight, do something about it. You don’t need to do all the house chores in one day; spread them out to give yourself time to freshen up and relax.
If you always cook and clean on Saturdays, try to wash on Friday evenings. Your workload will reduce if you do your duties within two or three days instead of just one day.
#3 You Don’t Look Sexy Anymore:
As bitter as it sounds, it is nothing but the truth. You’re not as sexy as you were when you first got married. If you doubt it, go check your underwear right now. Did you see sexy or grandma?
I know you’re thinking your husband should be used to you and your under wear now especially since he loves you and you’ve been together for some time. No! It doesn’t always work that way with men.
Men are visual creatures; they either get excited or repulsed by what they see. Your husband is no different! You need to stimulate him visually, entice him with your body and make him want you.
I know you’re a married woman but that shouldn’t stop you from looking sexy especially around your husband. Stop obsessing over your breasts or thighs; go buy some sexy lingerie preferably in lace. Get rid of your big cotton or silk bras and tights; go for sexy lace instead. No Pyjamas please!
#4 You’ve Become Sexually Lazy:
Your husband may deliberately refuse to have sex with you because you’ve become sexually lazy. You’re no more fun in the bedroom like you used to be. You don’t actively participate during sex anymore and you’re always too tired to try out new sex positions or toys he may bring up.
Your husband now thinks sex with you has become a little boring for him.
So, it’s best if he avoids having the same predictable and boring encounter every night.
During sex, don’t just lie there and expect your husband to do all the work. Become active! Participate but don’t fake it! You can try moaning deeply, rolling your hips, grabbing his butt or sucking his nipples during sex. He will keep coming back for more!
#5 You Don’t Ever Make The First Move:
Sometimes, your husband won’t have the urge to have sex but you might be in the mood for some sugar. Don’t lie there pretending as if you are sleeping when you are patiently waiting for him to grab him. Why not make the first move and grab him instead?
If you are too shy to tell him to give you sugar, show him how much you want him. Kiss him deeply, moan and rub your hands from his chest down to his northern region. He should get the hint and grab you!
#6 You Don’t Sleep Naked:
When was the last time you went to bed stark naked? How do you expect your husband to touch you when you go to bed wearing thick bra, pyjamas or some heavy cotton nightie? It won’t happen unless you create room for it.
When you put on pyjamas or thick nightie, you send the wrong message to your husband.
In your mind, you’re saying “please make love to me tonight” but your pyjamas are telling him, “I’m fully clothed and I don’t want to be naked. Don’t you dare come near me!”
If you want your husband to make love to you every night, take your bathe, wear some perfume and lie down under the blanket naked! When he turns over to hug you and notices you’re naked beneath the blanket, he will get a clear “Make love to me” message. You will see the miracle that would happen!
Do I really need to say more? I don’t think so! Next time you feel the need to complain about your sex life, first analyse your recent performance. When you find out where you are slacking, make an adjustment and rekindle the magic. Marriage is about, sacrifice, hard work and compromise!