Have you ever been cheated upon? If you have, you know how painful that feeling of utter disbelief and unexpected insecurity can be. Gosh! I hate feeling that way and I know you do too.
Every woman wants a man who has eyes for only her; no woman loves to share her man. A woman seeks to always be the center of her man’s attention; he isn’t supposed to stray from her.
For me, it’s all or nothing. When I’m in a relationship with a man, I want both his body and soul. I want him all for myself. But sometimes, we don’t always get what we want do we? That brings me to the topic of the day “Cheating.”
So, the other day, I was trying to make a call with my boyfriend’s phone and a Whatsapp message popped up. It was from a female friend and it read “I really enjoyed chatting with you last night.” Okay, someone sound the alarm!
My head did a quick spin and the next thing I knew, I was reading the conversation between my boyfriend and his newest acquaintance. When I investigated further, I realized it had been going on for several weeks; he would wait until I fell asleep before chatting with her.
What??? Well… I can only tell you that it didn’t end well for him; he is currently undergoing punishment with full remorse.
My boyfriend’s emotional infidelity was a bit ironic because I have been counselling a client concerning her cheating husband. My client complained that her husband was cheating on her barely one month after their honeymoon. She was sure he was seeing another woman but she wasn’t sure he was sleeping with her yet.
Her only evidence were the intimate conversations he exchanged with his new lover via his messaging app. She was pregnant, confused and brokenhearted. I felt sorry for her and I decided to give her my best advice.
To cut the long story short, I’ve been counseling her for some weeks now and recently, she called to say her husband was back on track. She sounded so happy and I felt fulfilled.
So, today I’m going to give you the tips I gave to her as a gift because ordinarily, you would be paying for such services but because I love you, I’m giving you free advice. You can deal with a cheating spouse in 4 smart ways:
How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse
#1 Talk it Out:
The moment you find out your spouse is cheating or is trying to cheat on you, confront him. When I say confront him, I don’t mean with an axe in your right hand. I’m an advocate for peaceful communication and I don’t promote violence.
Calmly tell him about your suspicions and ask him to be entirely honest with you. Don’t be surprised if he denies it the first time. He may redirect the accusation and even try to make you feel guilty for mistrusting him. Don’t press any further. Just go back to the drawing board and gather more evidence.
Spend some time investigating the matter and when you have enough proof, show them to him and request for clarity. Some men will be honest; others will not. If you mean anything to him and he wants to make your relationship work, he will confess his wrongs and ask for forgiveness.
#2 Talk to a Marriage counselor:
If you’ve had a nice chat with your spouse but you feel there are some turns left turned, I would advice you talk to a marriage counselor. Sometimes, you can’t solve problems just by talking; you need to take more action if you want your marriage to work out. The problem at this point is not really about communicating effectively with your spouse but connecting with him/her again.
If you want to fix your marriage, try The Online Alternative to Marriage Counseling. It is a 7-week online relationship repair program that provides step-by-step solutions to fix your relationship issues so you can start being happy together. I promise you won’t regret it!
#3 Give Him a Second Chance:
When all is said and done, when fire and brimstone have all come and gone, give him another chance. You’re not giving him a chance because you’re a fool. No! You’re giving him another chance because you want to make your relationship work and you believe in him.
We are all imperfect people trying to survive in this world and we all deserve second chances. Give him another chance to come back into your heart. If he is wise, he’ll make good use of it.
#4 Stay With Him or Leave Him:
At this stage, you’re going to decide if you want to stay with him for the long haul or if you’re going to leave him. I don’t like the idea of divorce but, if you are unhappy, brokenhearted and you can’t see a future for you and your spouse, it’s best to say goodbye.
Don’t be in a rush to dive into divorce though. Try several other options to save your marriage before considering divorce. Find reasons to keep giving him chances until he comes back to you.
If you’re struggling to heal from an affair, I recommend A Cheater’s Guide for Helping Your Spouse Heal to help you discover the “24 tasks” that a cheater must perform in order for you to heal from an affair.
This advice was written for women but it can be equally useful to men.