When you and your partner discuss a problem, do you seem to end up further apart than when you started the conversation? Do you think your partner takes issues too lightly or too seriously?
Do you feel your partner doesn’t listen enough before he makes his conclusions? It all boils down to our communication style. Men and women are different in many ways; their communication style is also quite different.
Before you begin any conversation with your spouse; first, bear in mind that his communication style is very different from yours. You can have a successful conversation only when you understand each other’s communication style. Here are the different communication styles of men and women:
HOW DO WOMEN COMMUNICATE?
1. By Talking:
Women generally prefer to talk out a problem before hearing a solution. They love probing and analyzing issues to find out possible causes and consequences associated with them; they don’t just jump into the solutions.
A woman feels better when she expresses her feelings to her spouse and he understands her clearly before offering any form of solution. Talking, for women is a form of closure as well as a mental exercise; they just can’t forget an issue until they have aired out their emotions or explained themselves fully.
Talking is like detective work for some women; as they talk, they analyse each piece of the problem as if it were a puzzle game. They always want to get to the root of problems first before finding a solution to it.
When a woman analyses a problem, she wants to figure out the features of the problem, its remote and immediate causes and possibly its effects on those concerned. Now, you know why your woman can’t stop talking when she’s discussing an issue with you even when you’ve found a solution for it.
2. By Sulking:
Some women prefer to communicate to their spouses by sulking. They sulk in order to get attention from their partners. Sulking could include unbearable silence, one-word answers or greetings, the absence of smiles and laughter, lack of emotional connection or nonchalant attitudes toward you.
Women who sulk are often reluctant to strike up a conversation with their spouse; they wait for him to bring up the issue at hand. They expect their spouse to notice the change in their behaviour and make the first move toward reconciliation; they want him to show care by asking “Baby, is anything the matter?” or “Sweetie, are you alright?”
If they don’t hear what they expect to hear, the sulking could become indefinite; it could go on for as long they wish.
3. Through body language:
Some women use body language to pass information across to their spouse. They may prefer using their body language to communicate instead of talking or sulking. What does this body language communication entail? I’m sure you’ve probably guessed it!
When your woman crosses her hands across her chest with her face unsmiling or when she stands with her hands akimbo, looking quizzically at you, you need to automatically know that she is trying to communicate something to you but she doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up first. And yes, she expects you to already know what she is brooding about!
When both of you lie down together and she faces the other direction without saying a word or responding to your small talk, just know she is sending some signals across to you. She is definitely angry or worried about something but she doesn’t know how to tell you.
When you try to romance her and she remains unresponsive or she pushes your hands away and says she is not in the mood, no one needs to tell you that there is trouble in the land.
Now, you know how most women communicate to their spouse; of course, every woman would use these three styles interchangeably so you have to watch out for them.
HOW DO MEN COMMUNICATE?
1. Through their actions:
Men usually love to communicate through their actions. They prefer looking for ways to solve issues because they tend to think in terms of solutions. This is normal because fixing things makes a man feel useful. While a lady is busy complaining and analyzing, a man is busy looking for solutions.
Don’t be surprised when your spouse seems a bit thoughtful or distant when you’re talking about an issue with him; chances are he is already looking for a way to help you solve it.
For a man, offering solutions is his way of showing his woman that she can rely on him for help and protection. He needs her to know that he cares about her welfare and happiness. When she complains, he immediately looks for a solution instead of thinking about it for ages.
This explains why when you’re busy hissing and complaining about your leaking sink, your man is trying to call the plumber to come fix it or he’ll probably look at it first to let you know he is aware of the problem.
2. By talking:
Some men enjoy talking to their partners; they find it refreshing to share ideas and analyse issues with them. They would prefer hours of intelligent conversation to hours of sex; it gives them an immense joy to verbally express how they feel.
These types of men enjoy companionship and attention a lot; they tend to be very happy when they have someone to talk to. Don’t be surprised when your partner talks with you ceaselessly; he simply enjoys it. For a man, talking helps him understand issues better so he can know how to go about solving it.
He doesn’t just hear a word or two and jumps into action; he listens patiently, grabs the main points, gives you a feedback and finally, offers a solution.
3. By sulking:
It’s not only women who sulk when they are upset or in need of attention; men sulk too. I’ve dated men who sulk even more than women; I’m not joking here. Men sulk in order to prove to their spouse that they can also get upset about some issues. They may even say to themselves “After all, you are not the only one who can get angry or worried”.
Often times, they sulk when they feel jealous, neglected or depressed. For men, sulking is a way of denying you their care and attention so that they can feel wanted or useful when you miss them and reach out to them.
So, when your man suddenly becomes unusually quiet or withdrawn, just know he has something on his mind; he’s probably too tired to talk or he needs your attention.
These are the main ways by which men and women express their emotions to their spouses. Men are rational beings while women are emotional. Now, the question is, “if men communicate mainly through their actions and women through talking, why do we still have major issues in our relationships?” I guess this is because both parties don’t fully understand their communication styles.
Check out this Conversation Starters guide to help you tackle those tough conversations topics of intimacy, finances and family that impact your marriage.