Relationship is work. Marriage is even harder work. Everyone knows that but it is easily forgotten in an angry moment. It is so easy to dash everything against the wall and say “Go to hell, I don’t need you!”
But, deep down, we yearn for someone’s tender touch, warm hugs and affectionate kisses. We yearn for attention and recognition even though we are often too proud to say it.
We are scared to become vulnerable to another person and so we drown in our own loneliness. You know that moment when you’re so in love with each other, you support each other, play, eat and laugh together.
And all of a sudden, you have one small fight and the whole area becomes tense like the cold war era? All you can do is just withdraw into yourself and literally shrink into your shell.
You’re too scared or too proud to reach out to your partner even when you miss him so much because you’re so hurt and you no longer trust him. At that moment you wonder if you ever made the right choice by sticking with him.
There is this huge insurmountable mountain between you two; it’s like everyone puts up a “Do not disturb” sign on his or her forehead. Then you’re forced to do things solo because you’re having a terrible fight with your sweetheart.
I feel like I’m blabbing right now but I’m sure you get the point. A lot of relationships go through that phase once in a while; for some, it is as frequent as the air we breathe and for others, it comes once in a blue moon.
Some of these moments could leave a relationship or marriage torn with no hope of repair. If your relationship or marriage is in that torn phase right now, you need to keep reading. Even if you aren’t in that ditch now, these tips will come in handy someday.
10 EASY WAYS TO MEND A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
Before you even start trying to mend your torn relationship, first have a conversation with yourself.
What went wrong?
Were you the victim or the attacker?
Did you say things you weren’t supposed to say?
How do you feel about your partner now?
How do you feel within?
These questions are vital to helping you analyse the amount of damage caused and the right way to go about it.
HOW DO YOU MEND A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP?
1. DON’T INVOLVE TOO MANY PEOPLE:
Women are usually the defaulters of this rule. The very minute they have a quarrel with their spouse, they dispatch the news to anyone around in a bid to get supporters and advice. They forget that everyone experiences problems occasionally and it takes a mature mind to resolve them without involving the entire universe.
Divulge your problems only to the people who have your best interests at heart. Don’t be in a hurry to involve your parents except the problem is really huge. If it can be handled between the both of you, do it maturely.
2. BE THE FIRST TO SAY SORRY:
This is the first thing you should say to your partner in order to restore love and peace. We know how hard it is to say sorry when you’re hurt or angry. We keep waiting for the other person to reach out and say sorry first. Your spouse, on the other hand, keeps hoping and waiting for you to make the first move in mending the relationship.
Even before you begin to justify your actions, get rid of your pride and just say “sorry”. It is a magical word that does wonders to our relationships. Learn to say “I’m sorry ” before any other thing.
3. USE YOUR SPOUSE’S LOVE LANGUAGE:
I know you feel like you’re in World War 3 right now where the atmosphere is silently violent and tense at the same time. After saying “Sorry”, the next step is applying your spouse’s Love Language. You know those little things you do that make him happy or those thoughtful gestures that make her feel special? Do them!
Take her out to dinner, buy her something really cool, cook him his favorite meal or give him a Soothing Massage. Anything at all; you know your love languages, use them. Love is caring for each other even when you’re angry.
4. TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE:
This is easier said than done right? You don’t even look at each other anymore, how on earth will you have a peaceful conversation? This is why I suggested that you do stuff for each other by employing your love languages.
In the course of doing things for each other, you could start talking without even knowing it. A simple “Thank you for the meal ” could lead to “How was work today?” And the next thing you know, you’re talking. If you need help finding topics to talk about, check out this:
Don’t avoid talking about the matter at hand; give yourselves time to feel free to open up about the way you actually feel. Be the first to initiate a conversation; stop waiting for your spouse to do it all the time. Express how you feel about the conflict going on, listen to your partner’s comments and resolve to always try to communicate with each other.
5. SHOW RESPECT TO ONE ANOTHER:
It is very easy to throw caution to the wind and dish out abusive words during a fight. Know your boundaries; even in your anger, don’t say hurtful things to your spouse. Words are like swords; they could pierce even the hardest heart.
You can never take back the words once they’ve been said. Show respect for each other in the best way you can. Respect each other’s values and know when to remain silent. Respect each other’s boundaries and privacy; know when to draw the line.
6. PRAY FOR YOUR SPOUSE:
It may be a bit difficult to pray with your spouse when you’re both brooding and keeping malice with each other. The best you can do at this stage is to pray for your spouse. Commit him or her into God’s hands; it is only God who sees deep into our hearts and knows the battles we face both physically and spiritually. Remember to say a word or two about your partner to God every day; it could go a really long way.
7. SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER:
Learn to support each other even when you’re experiencing some challenges. If you know of anything that can enhance your spouse’s career or health, invest in it. By investing, I’m not referring only to finances, your time and energy are valuable too. The little things we do for each other, show how caring and supportive we are. Try to be supportive at all times even when you have nasty fights.
8. LEARN TO LET GO OF GRUDGES:
If you have cultivated the habit of keeping grudges or revisiting past hurts, you need to learn to let go. If your spouse has apologized and you’ve both moved on to another level, don’t hold on to past hurts. Women tend to do this a lot.
The next time you are faced with similar challenges, don’t reopen healed wounds. Don’t say “the last time, you did this or the other time, you behaved this exact way”. Just let it go already.
Deal with your challenges head-on without going back to the dustbin to remove dirt that has been stashed away. It is in the trash can for a reason; let it remain there.
9. ACCEPT THAT CHALLENGES ARE INEVITABLE:
If you say you will never argue, quarrel or fight again, you’re deceiving yourself. Accept the simple truth that you both have your differences and be willing to work on them.Accept the fact that disputes are inevitable in every relationship; deal with them as they come. When you accept your challenges as they come, you will find it easier to overcome them.
10. BE COMMITTED:
It takes two people to mend a broken relationship. Love needs to be mutual before you can achieve good results.Make a vow to be committed to each other, create time for each other and truly work for your happiness together.
Accept your flaws, know your strengths and work on achieving maximum results. If you’re passionate and committed to anything, you will put in your best to make it successful.
Relationship and marriage require a lot of work. You need to be strong and patient at the same time to make them work. The moment you enter into a serious and committed relationship, you’re automatically saying “I’m willing to try and work things out with you.”
The minute you say “I do”, you’re undeniably saying ” I’m ready to go down every road with you even the rickety ones.”
You have to be ready to face all the challenges that will come your way. Don’t give up on your relationship or marriage, when you still have work to do. You can only give up when you’ve exhausted all your options without success.
Are you currently going through trials in your relationship or marriage? I strongly recommend the Love at First Fight Coaching Program to help you repair your broken relationship. It’s never too late to try!