A lot of couples today just get married because they like the idea of throwing a glamorous bridal shower or the excitement that comes with organizing a sophisticated wedding. It’s simply for the fun of splashing colors here and there and wearing expensive attires.
In their haste to get married, they forget that marriage actually begins after the wedding; when all the guests and family members have gone and it’s just the two of them.
Other couples get married as a result of unplanned pregnancies, in order to avoid scandal in the face of their church members. Barely 6 months into the marriage, they start looking for a way out of the mess they created.
Still yet, a few others get married because of the financial gain that comes with marrying wealthy people. They use their poor family background as a reason for marrying someone they don’t love.
The list of why people get married is so long that I can’t exhaust it here. But, that’s not really my focus today. This post is basically for couples who are struggling in their marriages, couples who feel lost in their marriages, couples who can no longer stand each other and especially the newlyweds.
Happy marriages don’t just happen; they are built. You can’t just sit down and watch your marriage fall apart without doing anything. A strong marriage isn’t magically created when you say ” I do”. It is built on a BEDROCK of precious stones.
These precious stones are rare to come by but if you could just grab a few, I’m sure your marriage will experience bouts of happiness and success.
THE BEDROCK OF A HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE
1. God and Constant Prayer
God and prayer should be the foundation of your marriage. When God is in your marriage, you can move mountains. Always remember prayer is the master key to any closed door. A couple that prays together, sticks together. Seek the face of God with all your heart and He will see you through all your challenges.
2. True Love and Commitment
These are some of the most important stones needed for a marriage to thrive. When you love someone deeply, you will do everything to make that person happy. This show of love and affection brings two people closer to each other. It makes you committed to the welfare and growth of the other person.
In return, this other person grows strong in love and begins to reciprocate this act of love. Love and commitment are like solid foundations that every marriage should stand on. Without true love, your marriage becomes a melodrama full of pretense and chores.
3. Mutual Respect
Most couples tend to overlook this precious stone in a marriage. They assume that being married gives them the right to violate each other’s privacy. They feel respect is no longer needed since they are now one and therefore equal. I must remind you that even in marriage, respect and privacy are needed.
You are not supposed to raise your voices at each other or even hang out your dirty linen in public as a way of solving issues. Even when you quarrel, mutual respect has to remain in your home. Avoid name-calling or insulting words during quarrels or arguments.
Forgiveness is very essential to achieving a happy marriage. When one person hurts you and you can’t forgive him or her, the relationship becomes strained. You simply walk through the marriage like everything is cool when actually you’re slowly starting to resent your partner.
I would advise that you resolve every quarrel amicably. You’re not supposed to go to bed angry with each other. Every little problem should be discussed, analyzed and solved in a mature way.
5. Honesty and Trust
Honesty is said to be the best policy and it applies even to marriage. It is required in every aspect of your marriage; this includes finances, the kids, your job, your friends and even your activities within and outside the home.
We all know how lies have intensified with the introduction of mobile phones. Couples deceive each other knowingly and this leads to dishonesty, fights, and distrust in relationships. In order for your marriage to succeed, honesty and trust are greatly required.
6. Great Communication
When you communicate with your partner, it makes the marriage smoother and free of stress. When you’re angry, worried, sad, or happy about anything, try to tell your spouse about it. You can’t expect your spouse to read your mind and just know what to do to make you happy.
He is obviously not a magician or a mind reader. You have to actually communicate your feelings to your partner so as to avoid future misunderstandings.
If you find it hard to communicate with your spouse, I highly recommend this Conversation Starters guide to help open the doors of communication in your marriage.
When love fades and you have nothing to hold on to, friendship can keep you going until you fall back in love with each other. With friendship, you can get to know each other again and actually enjoy spending time with each other instead of avoiding each other.
Those special moments you share together as friends help you become closer and the bond remains forever. Make your spouse your best friend!
Being selfless means putting your spouse’s needs before yours. It means seeing him as your top priority in life. You’re not happy if he isn’t happy or successful and you try your best to make him achieve his goals. You actually show care towards your spouse’s welfare. Putting him first and seeing him happy also makes you really happy.
9. Regular Intimacy
If I don’t include this, then it means I’m hiding the truth from you. Intimacy is vital to every marriage not just for the mere fun of it but because it bonds two people together. The more you make love with your partner, the closer you feel to him.
Lovemaking creates a powerful connection and shouldn’t be misused. Some ladies, especially, use it to manipulate their husbands. They could even deny their husbands intimacy as a means of punishment.
Whatever the situation, lovemaking shouldn’t be seen as a chore. It should be fun and exciting. Both parties have to be mutually satisfied in order to avoid promiscuity.
10. Hard work
Every relationship or business requires hard work and so does marriage. All hands need to be on deck for a marriage to work. Couples need to participate fully in order to enjoy a happy marriage.
All the work shouldn’t be left for one person; it should be equally divided among partners. If the work is not mutual, success would not be achieved. Efforts should be made to remember birthdays and important occasions.
You will need to have patience in order to find these rare stones and piece them together. It wouldn’t be easy and the search won’t last for a few minutes. It could take you months before you’re able to forgive someone and fall in love with him again.
Only patience can keep you hopeful for tomorrow. Don’t give up on your marriage; put in all your energy to make it work and with the right ingredients, you’ll take your marriage to high places. With hard work, all the precious stones will be found and kept in their respectful places to ensure a successful marriage.
Every relationship is different and unique. Some marriages are really struggling and need serious help and solutions. Some marriages are on the right track; they just need a little-added fun and romance to keep things from getting routine. And, of course, some marriages are already great- and many of you just want to make sure it stays that way.
If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse again, subscribe to the “7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment.