Everyone talks about having healthy relationships and what you need to do to have them but no one talks about the unhealthy things you shouldn’t do in a relationship. You know I always write about things you can do to help you keep your relationship together.
But today, my post is going to be a little bit different. I’m going to share something new with you; something that is going to really contribute to the growth of your relationship.
There are certain things you must do to build a healthy, happy and lasting relationship and there are also several things you shouldn’t do in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
Every relationship can be seen as a game of cards; if you play well, you win; if you don’t play well, you lose! You need to always be on top of your game and that means always taking care of your relationship and making significant efforts to make it work.
So, what are the DON’TS in a relationship? What are those things that you currently do that could destroy your relationship in a jiffy?
10 Unhealthy Things You Shouldn’t Do In a Relationship.
#1 DO NOT Take Advice From The Wrong People
Everyone has one or two people who shouldn’t be called “Friends” but somehow, they still end up in our clique. People who are fake and pretentious; they pretend to love you when they don’t. Of course, you know them!
Stay far away from them and don’t you dare take any advice from them. In fact, don’t go to them when you feel down; find someone else to talk to. Let’s be real!
Most times, fake friends already feel a certain way because they are jealous of you or what you have. They often wish they had your life! So, whenever you go and pour your heart out to them, they will most likely give you terrible advice that could destroy your relationship.
Yes, some people do it on purpose but others just can’t help themselves. They want to see you unhappy so they try to break your relationship by giving you the wrong advice. The easiest way to break a relationship is by taking advice from the wrong people.
Be discerning; vent your feelings to someone who actually cares, pour your heart out to someone who truly has your back. Or better still, talk to your partner and work things out like the adults that you are.
#2 DO NOT Overwhelm Your Partner
I know you love him so much and you want to be with him all the time but staying around your partner all the time may seem a bit clingy and suffocating. If you really love him, you need to cut him some slacks. Let him loose! Don’t put a chain on his neck like some dog!
You should give him some free time. If he needs to go out and watch a match with some friends, let him go. When he wants to visit his family, let him go! If he needs some quiet time to meditate or read or work, please give him some.
There is nothing sexy or appealing about a clingy woman who can’t give her man some breathing space. Don’t be that woman. Get a life! Find an exciting hobby that you can do in your leisure time so you don’t get bored when your partner is busy.
You can consider taking classes in baking, sewing, knitting, bead making, decoration etc. Just try anything you are passionate about and stick with what works best for you.
#3 DO NOT Ignore Your Partner’s Feelings
One of the greatest relationship killers is taking your partner for granted. Many couples fall into this ditch after being in a relationship for a long time. Because they’ve been together for a while, they stop trying to impress their spouse.
They dress anyhow, eat anyhow and behave anyhow they want. They forget that their neatness, selfless attitude or motherly nature was what attracted their partner in the first place. You need to take the initiative to understand your partner’s feelings and sacrifices.
If you’ve come a long way, it means you’ve been through a lot together; don’t ever take that for granted. Always remember to appreciate your spouse and give him the right attention. Take good care of your appearance by changing your wardrobe occasionally and having a beauty routine.
If your partner is trying to express himself to you, don’t behave as if you’ve heard it a couple of times and it’s now boring. No! Listen to him then appreciate him for having the courage to pour out his heart to you. Take his feelings into consideration. Don’t ignore him!
No one likes to be ignored; we all need someone who cares enough to listen to us. Don’t be too self-absorbed that you don’t even acknowledge the presence of your partner.
#4 DO NOT Try To Have A Perfect Relationship
Most times, the only huge mistake couples make is trying so hard to have a perfect relationship. It’s impossible! Nobody has a perfect relationship! We all have our weaknesses, struggles, and challenges that we constantly fight to overcome.
Don’t look at another person and think he has a perfect life because he doesn’t. The truth is, your relationship needs to have ups and downs for it to become strong. You need to have fights, quarrels, disagreements and some chaos along the way.
It’s normal and that’s what makes your relationship real and unique. The challenges you face help you grow closer and stronger so don’t try to prevent them by avoiding quarrels. Let them come and be bold enough to face them and conquer them.
That’s the only way your relationship can grow! Aim for a better, healthier and stronger relationship, not a perfect one. You won’t get it; you would end up exhausted and disappointed. Accept yourself, your spouse and your relationship the way they are!
Every relationship has flaws so it’s okay if yours is not perfect. The most important thing is that you are both happy and willing to keep making your relationship work.
#5 DO NOT Be Unappreciative
This is yet another mistake couples make in their relationship. Some people feel they don’t need to appreciate their partner because whatever they do is considered a duty. They would assume that when their spouse shops for groceries, it is their duty and so there is no need for appreciation. Well, that is very wrong!
Being grateful is a skill you need to learn and use often. No matter what your partner does for you whether big or small, do appreciate him. Don’t see it as his duty to do certain things for you, it isn’t. Whatever he does for you is done out of love and care.
If your partner does anything to make life better for you in any way, remember to say “Thank you”. If he takes you out for a date or some sightseeing, say “Thank you” when you get back. When you start being more appreciative for the little things your spouse does for you, he would feel motivated to do even bigger things for you.
A kiss or a warm hug is another way to appreciate your partner for the insignificant things he does. Appreciation is the key to taking your relationship to higher places. Try it and see for yourself!
#6 DO NOT Focus On The Bad Times
This a definite DON’T. Every relationship has good times, bad times and even ugly times. It is your choice to choose what to focus on. If you keep reliving the bad memories, your relationship won’t get better.
Instead, you will be stuck in bitterness and depression. Do you really want to allow yourself to go down that lane? It’s not worth it! Look at the bigger picture and let go of the smudge in the corner. Look towards the future and what it holds for you.
You’ve had your bad days, it’s time to forget about them and move on. Try not to think about all the things that went wrong in your relationship and start appreciating all the positive things that will soon happen.
Why waste your time beating yourself or your partner over something that happened in the past? It doesn’t make any sense! Let it go, move on and start living a better life. Maintain a positive mindset!
#7 DO NOT Compare Your Relationship To Others
Ah, my friend’s husband just bought her a Range Rover and I’m still driving this stupid car. Wow, my colleague and her husband just moved into a twin duplex in Beverly Hills but we are still in this old flat. Oh my God, my neighbor just bought a $5000 Chanel bag, I need one too!
Just stop that already! Can you hear yourself right now? Are you in competition with others? Don’t do that to yourself or your relationship.
Comparing your relationship to others is a very negative thing to do; DON’T do it. We all have different lives to live; enjoy yours no matter where you are today. Don’t ever compare your relationship to others. You are different and so is your relationship.
Be content with who you are and what you have while working on your goals. Don’t rush into something because others are doing it! Plan, prepare then move at your own pace.
Remember: the grass is always greener on the other side! Don’t live someone else’s life; live yours to the fullest.
#8 DO NOT Deny Your Partner Sex & Intimacy
I’m a strong advocate for intimacy because I believe it helps couples bond. Some people take sex for granted; they feel it’s only for procreation. It’s not!
Don’t deny your partner intimacy because of one selfish reason or the other. Make time to satisfy your partner’s needs. Sex is like food; you need to keep having it to grow in your relationship.
The more sex you have, the closer you and your partner become. Don’t believe me? Try it for a week and see how your relationship will be transformed. If you’re up for it, SIGN UP FOR A 7 DAY SEX CHALLENGE!
#9 DO NOT Hesitate To Say Sorry
Saying sorry is like a healing balm to the soul. You may not know it, but apologizing goes a long way to show how much you love your partner. Don’t be too stubborn or proud to say sorry first; it won’t take anything from you.
Whether you are wrong or not, don’t hesitate to say sorry. If you disagree over an issue and you say something wrong that hurt your partner, try to say sorry. There is no gain in holding on to grudges and refusing to let go. To save your relationship, be ready to be the first to apologize.
#10 DO NOT Stop Communicating
Communication is vital to every relationship; without it, a relationship dies. Make it a necessity to communicate your feelings to your partner. Your spouse is not a mind reader or a magician.
Don’t wait for him to read your mind, tell him how you feel. If you are happy, sad, worried or depressed, talk to your partner. Your relationship is not going to grow unless you start talking.
Don’t pretend to be happy when you are not. Don’t expect him to mysteriously know what you are thinking or feeling; you have to tell him. I know some women who refuse to tell their husbands anything; they expect him to read their mood and know something is wrong with them.
Well, there are days he could just guess but then, there are also days when he wouldn’t even have a clue. You need to develop the skill of communicating. Don’t stop communicating!
The most important thing you should do in a relationship is to focus on your relationship and keep it healthy and strong. Don’t focus on other people’s relationships; it’s not your business. Your business is to take care of yours!
I recommend this Conversation Starters Guide to help you tackle those tough conversation topics of intimacy, finances, and family that impact your relationship.
Do you have any relationship Do’s and Don’ts? Add yours below.