Are you wondering why your husband won’t sleep with you? You’re not alone! During the week, I received an email from a young lady who has been married for two years. In her email, she complained bitterly about how her husband won’t make love to her.
I had earlier wanted to just reply to her and then forget about it but then I remembered that she possibly couldn’t be the only one going through similar marital issues.
Today’s post is targeted at helping married women get more intimate with their spouses. But first, read the mail she sent to me:
“Dear Jenny, I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I really enjoy your posts especially the ones about intimacy and relationship.” I’m having serious issues in my marriage right now and I need some advice.
I’ve been married for two years and I have a son. I don’t remember how it all started but my husband has suddenly lost interest in having intercourse with me.
It’s been two months now and he hasn’t touched me even once. Every day, when he gets back from work, he eats his dinner, watches TV briefly and then hops into bed. Just like that!
It is as if I no longer exist in his life. It’s not always been like this though. When we first got married, he could hardly keep his hands off my body; he was always after me.
We used to make love almost every night! But now, it’s just like we are roommates and not a married couple. The way he avoids me, it seems as if I disgust him sometimes or maybe he sees me as a man. Could he be cheating with someone? What do I do?”
Quite a disturbing email right? She sounded really distressed so after reading the email, I wrote a reply to her. In the reply, I told her possible reasons why her husband refuses to sleep with her and how she can tackle this problem.
Whether you’re a newlywed, a new mom or you’ve been married for a long time, we are going to look at all the possible reasons why your husband avoids making love to you.
Here is a list of reasons why your husband won’t sleep with you and how you can change that:
9 GENUINE REASONS WHY YOUR HUSBAND WON’T SLEEP WITH YOU
#1 You seem too busy:
I know you’re married with a husband and kids to take care of; there are enough house chores to keep you busy every day. You don’t have enough time for yourself not to mention the time to have intercourse with your husband. But still, you need to give yourself a break sometimes.
When your husband gets back from work and you are still busy washing dishes or clothes, dump them for a while and give him your full attention. Ask how his day was, help him undress, serve him dinner and talk about something personal afterward.
When he notices how free you are, he’ll dive in for a round or 2. Do your own part; be available at the right time! Don’t be so busy when he needs your company. Learn to prioritize. He didn’t marry you just to keep the house clean; you need to keep him company too!
#2 You’re not taking proper care of yourself:
This may sound harsh but it is serious. Some women lose themselves when they get married and have a child or two.
They add a lot of weight, dress like their grandma and even forget how to maintain personal hygiene. They no longer shave down there or even wear perfume.
I won’t even mention their toenails because that would be far fetched. When their husbands complain, they’ll always say “It’s the baby. He’s driving me nuts.” Stop making excuses for letting yourself go. You are responsible for your body and you need to take charge of it.
If you’re not comfortable with your weight, do something about it. You don’t need to do all the house chores in one day; spread them out to give yourself time to freshen up and relax.
If you always cook and clean on Saturdays, try to wash on Friday evenings. Your workload will reduce if you do your duties within two or three days instead of just one day.
#3 You don’t look attractive anymore:
As bitter as it sounds, it is nothing but the truth. You’re not as attractive as you were when you first got married. If you doubt it, go check your underwear right now. Did you see pretty or grandma’s undies?
I know you’re thinking your husband should be used to you and your underwear now especially since he loves you and you’ve been together for some time.
No! It doesn’t always work that way with men. Men are visual creatures; they either get excited or repulsed by what they see. Your husband is no different! You need to stimulate him visually, entice him with your body and make him want you.
I know you’re a married woman but that shouldn’t stop you from looking attractive especially around your husband.
Stop obsessing over your breasts or thighs; go buy some pretty underwear preferably in lace. Get rid of your big cotton or silk bras and tights; go for classy lace instead. No Pajamas, please!
#4 You’ve become lazy in bed:
Your husband may deliberately refuse to have intercourse with you because you’ve become lazy in bed. You’re no more fun in the bedroom like you used to be and that’s why your husband won’t sleep with you.
You don’t actively participate during lovemaking anymore and you’re always too tired to try out new positions he may bring up. Your husband now thinks getting intimate with you has become a little boring for him.
So, it’s best if he avoids having the same predictable and boring encounter every night. During intercourse, don’t just lie there and expect your husband to do all the work.
Become active! Participate but don’t fake it! You can try moaning deeply, rolling your hips, grabbing his butt or sucking his nipples during the act. He will keep coming back for more!
#5 You don’t ever make the first move:
Sometimes, your husband won’t have the urge to have intercourse but you might be in the mood for some lovemaking. Don’t lie there pretending as if you are sleeping when you are patiently waiting for him to grab you. Why not make the first move and grab him instead?
If you are too shy to tell him bluntly that you want it, show him how much you want him instead. Kiss him deeply, moan and rub your hands from his chest down to his northern region. He should get the hint and grab you!
#6 You don’t sleep naked:
When was the last time you went to bed stark naked? How do you expect your husband to touch you when you go to bed wearing a thick bra, pajamas or some heavy cotton nightie? It won’t happen unless you create room for it.
When you put on pajamas or thick nightie, you send the wrong message to your husband. In your mind, you’re saying “please make love to me tonight” but your pajamas are saying, “I’m fully clothed and I don’t want to be naked. Don’t you dare come near me!”
If you want your husband to make love to you every night, take your bath, wear some perfume and lie down under the blanket naked!
When he turns over to hug you and notices you’re naked beneath the blanket, he will get a clear “Make love to me” message. You will see the miracle that would happen!
#7 He is emotionally disconnected
This may sound funny because men are usually more practical than emotional. But when a man loves a woman, he doesn’t sleep with her just for fun but for emotional connection.
For most men, this connection is needed to maintain a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship. So, if your husband who used to chase you passionately, suddenly stops showing interest in you, it’s highly possible that he doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you anymore.
This disconnection can occur if he feels angry, sad or unloved. If you want him to make love to you, make him feel loved and special. He would be more likely to connect with you emotionally if he feels wanted.
#8 His libido is low
It’s entirely normal for men to have a higher libido than their female partners but it’s not unusual for their libido to diminish after a while.
There are lots of things that can make a man’s libido to become low. Stress, illness, medication, and aging all play a role in lowering a man’s libido.
If your partner has been stressed or sick lately, his libido may be affected negatively especially if he’s taking some strong medication.
In this case, there is nothing you can do than to talk to him about changing his medication to a less harmful one.
#9 He’s having an affair
I deliberately put this as the last option because it may not be the case here but it’s worth looking into.
If your man has refused to make love with you and you’re sure it’s none of the above reasons, it’s possible he’s cheating on you with another woman or masturbating excessively.
The truth is when men feel emotionally disconnected to a woman, they may look for another woman who can give them that hot passion they need to make their lives exciting and worth living.
So, if he’s not sleeping with you, it’s very likely that he’s getting it from someone else. If you’re sure he’s cheating on you, I’ll suggest you confront him and talk about what’s going on to figure out how to move the relationship forward.
I hope you understand now why your husband won’t sleep with you? Next time you feel the need to complain about your level of intimacy, first consider the reasons I’ve mentioned above.
If you find out you are the one lacking in the bedroom department, make the necessary adjustments and rekindle the magic. If your partner is at fault, you might need to talk it out with him and find adequate solutions.
Marriage is about sacrifice, hard work, and compromise! If you need help “getting in the mood” for intimacy, take the Boost Your Libido course and learn how you can actually increase your libido and rock your marriage!