How can you identify the obvious signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship?
Most times, it’s easy to confuse a toxic relationship with a healthy relationship where couples are not compatible with each other but the difference is clear if you look closely.
It’s not surprising that people in unhealthy relationships don’t even know they are in one unless they are told.
This is because some people are so used to being in unhealthy relationships that they don’t really know the difference.
And their partners are in the habit of creating toxic environments that it has become a normal part of their lives.
But the key to knowing the signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship is asking yourself some vital questions:
What do you think about your partner?
How do you feel when you see your partner at the end of the day?
Do you feel safe and comfortable around your partner?
If you had the choice, would you spend the rest of your life with this person?
If you want to prevent yourself from ending up with a wrong partner or losing yourself in a bad relationship, there are warning signs you need to watch out for especially if they are recurring in a relationship.
13 VIVID SIGNS YOU’RE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
1. You’re unhappy
Unhappiness is usually one of the first signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship because it affects you on a deep level.
When you’re truly in love and your partner loves you back, it often shows in your personality.
This doesn’t mean you won’t get sad or depressed once in a while but the days of happiness are normally higher than days filled with sadness, anger or depression.
Even though your partner is not solely responsible for your happiness, if he loves you, he’ll go out of his way just to make you happy and comfortable.
He won’t be the cause of your pain, sadness or tears instead, your smile will be his number one priority.
If you often find yourself sad, angry, scared or depressed, this is one of the telltale signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
2. There is constant abuse
In any form, abuse is not a sign of love. I tell people all the time that if anyone truly loves you, they won’t cause you pain repeatedly and consciously.
If your partner hits you or insults you verbally and disrespects you in anyway, it’s a big sign that he doesn’t love you.
No man who genuinely loves a woman will want to make her cry or make her feel sad.
Don’t make excuses for his actions; no one has the right to abuse you verbally, emotionally or physically.
When you spot these signs of abuse in your relationship, leave immediately and save your life. You’re not a punching bag and you deserve better.
3. The communication is poor
In every healthy relationship, the communication level is usually awesome.
Couples freely communicate their feelings, thoughts and plans with each other. They laugh out loud about silly things and never have to look for what to talk about.
But in an unhealthy relationship, the situation is always opposite. Couples fight, quarrel and argue all the time about the same issues or different problems.
What makes this unhealthy is when there is a lengthy silent treatment, resentments due to unresolved conflicts or violence to each other.
Another way to identify the signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship is to measure your communication level. Is it satisfactory?
4. Intimacy is not mutually satisfying
Intimacy is one of the core foundations of a romantic relationship and this is what seperates friendship from relationship and helps couples bond with each other.
In a great relationship, both partners are interested in satisfying each other and improving their love life.
They often work together to know what they like in bed, what makes them feel loved, how they want to be touched or which lovemaking position they enjoy best.
In unhealthy relationships, there is an obvious show of selfishness where one partner gets satisfied in bed and doesn’t care about the other person’s intimate needs.
There could also be some signs of force or violence when it comes to intimacy.
If your partner forces himself on you without your consent and causes you pain for his own pleasure, it’s obviously a toxic relationship.
If there is no passionate lovemaking but only pain, you need to leave as soon as you can.
5. Opinions are not freely shared
If everyone has freedom of speech in a relationship to express their feelings or thoughts without fear of criticism, judgment or rejection, it can be classified as being healthy.
Your partner is supposed to be your friend whom you can freely talk to about anything and expect a fair response.
But in unhealthy relationships, one partner feels more superior and makes all the decisions alone without consulting the other person.
This can also lead to overdependency on your partner because you’re not allowed to make your own choices or live an independent life.
This kind of attitude doesn’t promote a healthy environment for anyone to grow in a relationship.
If you can’t communicate freely with your partner or if he doesn’t even bother to ask for your opinion on important matters, that is not okay at all and that relationship is obviously toxic.
6. There is no feeling of acceptance
We all thrive when we feel accepted for who we are. A lot of us fear rejection and just need someone to love us with all our strengths and weaknesses.
That’s the beauty of love; you often look past imperfections in people.
Does your partner accept you for who you really are? Or does he want you to change and become someone else?
Acceptance is the first stage we go through after falling in love.
Because of how much we love each other, we’re willing to blend our personalities and work on our flaws together. This is how a healthy relationship goes…
In unhealthy relationships, one or both partners openly despises the other, constantly compares their relationship and wants to force a change in personality.
7. Lack of constant support
Your romantic partner is supposed to be your biggest fan who has your back no matter what and supports you in all your endeavors.
When you have someone who supports you, it will encourage you to be the best version of yourself.
If your partner doesn’t show interest in your work or give you support to pursue your goals, that’s an unhealthy relationship that won’t give you room for growth.
A good partner should be willing to listen to your plans, celebrate your successes and show empathy through failures.
They should also be willing to support you physically, emotionally and financially. Anything short of that is an unhealthy relationship!
8. Lack of quality bonding time
Spending quality time with your significant other is one of the best ways to enhance emotional connection while building a lasting relationship.
Your partner and your love life should be a top priority.
If your significant other is always making excuses, claiming to be busy all the time and spending most of their time away from you on purpose, this shows they don’t want to bond with you.
When you love someone, you can’t be too busy for romance or their attention.
Loving partners often create bonding time out of their busy schedule just to spend quality time with the one they love.
In an unhealthy relationship though, your partner will obviously ignore you and prefer to spend his leisure time with other people.
9. There is no trust or loyalty
Jealousy is a good trait if it happens in small amounts and less frequently.
But if it is a recurring theme in your relationship that causes mistrust and disloyalty, that’s a red flag.
Trust is one of the strong pillars that holds a relationship together and once it’s broken, it’s difficult to restore.
In a toxic relationship, lack of trust is always the cause of arguments and conflicts.
This can often play out as your partner wanting to know your whereabouts and restricting you from associating with people who matter to you all the time.
When one person doesn’t trust the other, there won’t be harmony or cooperation between the couple which can lead to a failed relationship.
If you can’t do anything without your partner getting jealous or suspecting you, that’s not a good sign.
10. Infidelity is a recurring theme
Intimacy is something special that should be shared between two people who truly love each other and are ready to commit to a serious relationship.
There shouldn’t be a third party unless the couple mutually agrees to it.
Infidelity is a big sign of disrespect from a romantic partner and shouldn’t be tolerated by anyone especially if it happens multiple times.
By cheating, your partner is creating a huge gap in your intimacy, causing you emotional trauma and putting you at risk of contracting STDs.
When someone doesn’t respect you or contemplates on the consequences of his actions, he doesn’t really love you and probably never will.
Cheating is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
11. Lying and dishonesty is the new normal
Just like infidelity, lying also creates disharmony and enmity between couples.
A relationship cannot thrive if there is no honesty or transparency.
In a healthy relationship, no one sees the need to hide stuff, falsify information or suspect their partner for foul play.
There is a good level of honesty and openness that paves way for trust and growth as a couple.
If you’ve caught your partner red-handed lying to you, hiding relevant details from you or keeping dirty secrets, that’s one of the signs you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
And this type of relationship really has nothing good to offer you or your future. It’s only going to drain you and make you miserable.
The earlier you leave, the faster you will achieve peace of mind.
12. You’re not on the same page with finances
After communication and intimacy, money is another hot topic that can cause disagreements and conflicts between a couple.
Happy couples usually share the same values about money, set common financial goals and work together towards financial freedom.
This means that they regularly create monthly budgets, share the bills and save together for big purchases.
If this isn’t the case in your relationship and you’re not happy with it, it means you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
It’s normal for a couple to agree on keeping money seperately and spending it whenever they want as long as they’re okay with it.
But there should be a common ground where they agree to cooperate on money matters.
13. Your instincts are telling you to run
I love my instincts a lot because they never lie and sometimes, when I feel a hunch coming and refuse to listen to it, I often pay heavily for my lack of trust or disobedience.
Whenever you think of your relationship or your partner, how do you feel? Happy, loved, excited, angry, disgusted, scared or resentful?
Your answer should tell you the kind of relationship you have and the next steps to take.
Are your instincts always right? Do you feel them warning you to run for your life?
The number one factor for staying in a relationship is safety and comfort. When you don’t have these two with your partner, it’s not good remaining in that relationship.
If your instincts are constantly hinting that you’re not with the right person or that your relationship is toxic, it would be in your own best interests to quit the relationship.
Now that you know the signs of being in an unhealthy relationship, observe your own relationship closely to see if it falls into this category.
If you discover you’re in a toxic relationship and your partner is aggressive or violent, don’t try talking to him about building a healthy relationship.
Just leave without taking permission from him or letting him know about it. Break up with him silently and move on with your life.
If your partner is approachable, talk to him about working with a Relationship Coach to improve your relationship.
Everyone deserves a loving partner who brings out the best in them.
Don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship because you feel you may not find someone else who would love you for who you are.
Let go of any toxic relationship you’re in and allow someone positive to brighten your life.
A good relationship is meant to lift you up and help you become the best version of yourself not the other way round.
You’re supposed to feel energized when you’re in love and not drained of energy because you’re busy making excuses for your partner or struggling to put up with him on a daily basis.
Know your worth, set realistic boundaries and have high standards before you enter into any form of romantic relationship with someone.
When you don’t have all these things in place from the beginning, you’ll end up sacrificing your happiness and putting yourself in a terrible position.