When a romantic partner cheats in a relationship, it can be the most painful experience ever.
You can’t understand how someone who loves you can sleep with another person and betray your trust without even thinking of your feelings or considering the consequences of their actions.
While you want to forgive your cheating partner and move forward with your relationship, you don’t know how to deal with the emotional pain and all the intrusive thoughts keeping you awake at night.
Cheating can be devastating to a committed relationship, so it’s normal to feel hurt by your partner’s behavior.
In fact, you have every right to be angry at them for their betrayal.
But keeping all that pain locked within is more detrimental to your mental health and physical well-being in the long term.
The best thing to do to repair your broken relationship is to talk about your real feelings and what you expect to get from your partner going forward.
You may be wondering, “How can I trust my partner again after what they did to me?”
In this article, I share some actionable tips on how to forgive a cheater and move on with your relationship.
HOW TO FORGIVE A CHEATER AND LOVE THEM AGAIN
If you’re struggling to forgive your cheating partner for betraying you, here are some steps you can take to fix your relationship:
1. Accept that your partner made a mistake
The first step to forgiving your partner and moving on is to acknowledge that mistakes are inevitable in life.
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Even the most disciplined individuals fail at being the best version of themselves once in a while.
Most people don’t know that if they’re connecting with someone emotionally, it’s considered micro-cheating.
They think they have to actually sleep with someone before they can call it cheating.
But sometimes cheating starts out as harmless flirting or chatting with someone you find interesting.
Other people feel if they’re not emotionally attached to their affair partner, then it’s okay to get physically intimate with someone they find attractive.
Whether your partner actually slept with someone else or cheated on you emotionally, it’s crucial to accept that we all make mistakes.
The most important thing is that your partner is willing to change their behavior and stay faithful to you from now onwards.
2. Try to understand why they did it
When you find out your partner is cheating on you with someone else, there are going to be so many questions running through your head.
You’re deeply hurt and want to know why they cheated even though you gave them all your love and affection.
You may even put yourself in their shoes to try and figure out how things got to where they are now.
Did they do it because they felt unloved, didn’t get enough physical intimacy, or were dissatisfied with their life?
Or were they curious to see if they could find a better partner?
By asking your partner clarifying questions, you’ll understand the situation better and be able to discover any unhealthy patterns that exist in your relationship.
If you’re trying to understand why your partner cheated and need some closure to move on, here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse:
• Why did you do it?
• How long has it been going on?
• Do I know the person you’ve been sleeping with?
• Are you in love with them?
• Were your needs not being met?
• Did you feel guilty after cheating on me?
• Have you cut off all communication with the person in question?
• Is there anything else I need to know?
• Do you want to make this relationship work?
• What can I do to make this relationship better for you?
3. Clarify what you want your partner to do before you forgive them
To forgive your partner and move on with your relationship, you may want them to do something significant to earn back your trust. That’s totally understandable!
Whatever you want your spouse to do, make sure it’s meaningful, realistic, and actionable.
For example, if you’re going to feel better if they’re no longer in contact with their affair partner, ask them to delete their phone number and block them on social media.
Or if your partner always hangs out with friends every night, you might want them to come home immediately after work and stay with you instead.
If your partner is ready to do whatever it takes to regain your trust and love, that’s a sign your relationship has a high chance of survival.
4. Remind yourself of the benefits of staying in the relationship
Despite the hurt you’re feeling at the moment, there’s definitely something beautiful you can cherish about your relationship.
Maybe your partner is gentle, funny, and supportive most of the time.
Or you’ve been together for so many years that it would be irrational to throw away everything you’ve built.
Whatever the case, try to make a mental list of every good thing you enjoy as a result of being in the relationship.
If the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, at least you have something to hold on to as you continue to heal your broken heart.
5. Verify that your partner is no longer in touch with the other person
When you’re trying to forgive a cheating partner and move on, you need to verify that all communication has ceased between both parties.
To confirm that the affair has ended, your significant other must prove that they’re no longer in contact with their secret partner.
It would give you peace of mind to know that the other person is not a part of your relationship anymore and you can now focus on rebuilding with your partner.
Ask your spouse to erase every information about their affair partner from their gadgets and unfollow them on social media.
Next, request access to their mobile phone and laptop so you can look through them yourself.
Once you’ve verified that the other person no longer exists, you can move on to the next step in the reconciliation process.
6. Give yourself space to deal with your emotions
It’s important to take some time apart from your partner to reflect on the recent events and what the future holds for both of you.
Since you’re willing to forgive them for cheating on you, it means you want your relationship to work and may want to sweep everything under the rug.
However, it’s essential to take a little break to get yourself together.
Tell your partner you need a few days or weeks to yourself to deal with the emotional pain.
Don’t force yourself to show them affection or pick up from where you left off in the relationship.
You need time to sort out your feelings and gather your strength for the challenging days ahead.
During your relationship break, you can spend time in nature, talk to someone you trust, and practice regular self-care to help you start your healing journey.
7. Replace all the negative thoughts you have about the affair with positive things
Typically, when you’ve been betrayed by a romantic partner, you’re going to be bombarded with intrusive thoughts as you try to go back to the way things were before the affair.
It could take a while to forget about the event and fill your mind with positive thoughts but it’s doable.
Tell yourself that the affair is in the past and you’re ready to move forward now.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to trust your partner right away, but you’re willing to give them a second chance to win your heart.
Each time a negative thought comes along to remind you of the betrayal and sabotage your progress, find a positive thought to replace it.
Go easy on yourself and be as gentle as you can until things get better in your relationship.
8. Tell your partner you’ve forgiven them and mean it
Another step to fixing your broken relationship is to sit your partner down, look them in the eye, and say you forgive them.
It’s important to only do this when you’re ready to put the affair in the past and not talk about it anymore.
So take your time, ask the right questions, give your emotions a safe space to unfold, and don’t rush to pick off where you left off in your relationship.
It’s essential to make sure you’re ready to forgive so you don’t rub your partner’s affair in their face, guilt-trip them, or bring up the past in future arguments.
When you tell your partner that you forgive them and mean it, you’ll be able to keep to your word and not seek revenge later, which is necessary for a successful relationship.
9. Talk about your relationship goals and expectations as a couple
Now that you’ve forgiven your significant other and things have settled down a bit in your relationship, it’s time to talk about your couple goals and future plans.
What do you hope to achieve as a couple a few years from now?
What do you expect to get from your romantic partner?
How are you going to strengthen your bond?
If you want to go out on frequent date nights, have a baby, or buy a house to solidify your relationship, discuss these plans with your partner to make sure you’re on the same page.
Talking about your relationship goals would give you both something to look forward to so you don’t dwell on the past.
10. Start dating each other again
After a spouse cheats, it’s normal to not want anything to do with them or know how to reconnect with them even if you tried.
However, you need to keep your emotional connection alive now more than ever if not it could be lost forever.
For starters, do the little romantic things you did at the beginning of your relationship like cuddling, holding hands while strolling, and going out on regular dates.
Next, you can go a bit deeper by bathing together, giving each other gentle foot rubs, and kissing on the lips.
You don’t need to rekindle the passion in the bedroom right away, so hold off trying to get physically intimate until you fall back in love with your spouse, or at least you’re ready to be vulnerable with them.
But be open to communicating regularly, dating each other, and rebuilding the bond you once had in your relationship.
11. Consider couple’s therapy to fix your relationship
Sometimes, even when you have the best intentions for your relationship, it can be hard to move forward after going through a traumatic event such as an extramarital affair.
If you’ve tried everything you can to forgive your cheating partner and move on with your relationship but still feel stuck, it’s a good idea to go for couple’s counseling.
A therapist will be able to help you discover what is holding you back from completing your healing journey and offer workable solutions to improve your relationship with your significant other.
Conclusion
Knowing how to forgive a partner for cheating is more challenging than people often admit.
No matter what anyone says, infidelity is often a deliberate choice to betray a loved one.
You may blame yourself for your partner’s betrayal and wonder why they hurt you, but the truth is that you had nothing to do with it.
If things weren’t so good in the relationship, your partner should have had the courage to speak up, so you can work things out together rather than sneaking behind your back to entertain someone else.
Cheating is never the solution to relationship problems. Thankfully, you’re willing to forgive and move on with your love life.
To make your relationship work, your partner has to be remorseful about their actions and be intentional about staying faithful to you.
Once they apologize and promise to never cheat on you again, you can start over in your relationship.
However, if you find it hard to settle your issues amicably, enroll in couple’s counseling.
Learning to forgive a cheater and stay together is more complicated than it seems.
Sometimes, we need a little help from a professional therapist to get our relationship back on track.
Recommended Reading:
9 Behaviors That Are Considered Cheating In A Relationship
How To Tell If Someone Is Cheating In A Long Distance Relationship