Do you find yourself constantly second-guessing things your partner says and does? Do you often have doubts about their feelings and intentions?
When you feel insecure in a relationship, it’s normal to worry about the little things like a delayed text, a canceled plan, or even just a shift in your partner’s tone.
The problem is, insecurity can often lead to overthinking which can make you jump to conclusions and create unnecessary tension in your relationship.
Maybe you tell yourself you’re reading too much into things, but you can’t seem to shake the nagging insecurity.
The feeling of doubt is gradually starting to take over the relationship and your happiness.
You want to get past this, but you don’t know how to regain trust and feel secure again.
The good news is there are concrete steps you can take to overcome relationship insecurity.
With some effort, open communication, and commitment from both you and your partner, you can build a foundation of mutual trust and respect.
This won’t happen overnight, but you can get there if you’re willing to put in the work.
Keep reading to discover tips to help you feel more secure in your relationship.
HOW TO STOP FEELING INSECURE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If you’re constantly suspicious of your partner’s words and actions, it can make you act irrationally and destroy a good relationship.
It’s important to trust your significant other and believe they have your best interests at heart.
However, it’s often difficult for most people to let their guard down if they’ve been hurt before.
Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to stop feeling insecure in your relationship:
1. Identify the root causes of relationship insecurity
Do you feel insecure in your relationship most of the time?
The reasons often stem from within and don’t necessarily have to do with your partner’s behavior. Here’s why you may be feeling insecure:
• Past relationship trauma: If you’ve been hurt before, you may project that onto your current partner.
But they aren’t your ex—give them a chance to prove their love and judge them based on their actions, not what you think they might do.
• Low self-esteem: Do you often doubt yourself and your worth? This can translate into doubting why your partner is with you.
But remember, you are deserving of love. Focus on your good qualities and the value you add to the relationship.
• Unrealistic expectations: Are you comparing your relationship to fictional romances or your friend’s Instagram feeds?
Real relationships require work—they aren’t perfect. Accept that there will be challenges and imperfect moments in every relationship from time to time.
• Poor communication: If you always bottle up feelings or concerns, your mind may fill in the blanks with worst-case scenarios.
Talk to your partner openly and ensure you discuss any issues bothering you. Clearing the air can help reassure you of their love and commitment.
• Spending less quality time together: When life gets busy, intimacy and quality time are often the first things to fall by the side.
Make the time to nurture your connection through dates, fun activities, and meaningful conversations. Physical and emotional intimacy are vital for maintaining your bond.
While it’s natural to have doubts occasionally, you may encounter some issues in your relationship if it becomes too much.
Luckily, you can overcome relationship insecurity by addressing its root causes.
Whenever you feel insecure, talk to your partner about your concerns, focus on living in the present, and work on being your best self.
2. Learn to communicate openly and honestly
A good way to stop those insecure feelings from spiraling is to make communication a priority in your relationship.
Talk to your partner openly about your concerns and fears. Let them know what’s bothering you and why, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Discussing your insecurities can help reassure you and strengthen your connection. Tell your partner how their words or behaviors make you feel insecure.
For example, say something like, “When you don’t respond to my texts for hours, I start worrying that I did something wrong.”
Help them understand your perspective so they can be more considerate and attentive going forward.
Don’t be afraid to ask your partner directly for what you need to feel more secure, whether it’s compliments, physical affection, quality time together, or something else.
Rather than silently worrying, give them a chance to meet your needs. But also, be willing to meet their needs in return.
Most importantly, make sure communication in your relationship is a two-way street.
Listen attentively to your partner when they share their thoughts, feelings, desires, or concerns with you.
Pay attention to their words and body language, and try to understand their perspective. Don’t forget to communicate your needs too.
When you feel heard and understood by your partner, it can help to alleviate feelings of insecurity within yourself.
Make it a priority to communicate in your relationship and you’ll find your insecurities start to fade as your connection grows stronger.
3. Work on increasing your self-worth and confidence
To overcome feelings of insecurity in a relationship, you need to build up your self-worth and confidence from within.
Focus on embracing your strengths, values, and accomplishments.
Instead of relying on your partner for reassurance all the time, remind yourself of the qualities that make you uniquely you.
It’s also important to spend time each day engaged in self-care. Do things that boost your confidence like exercising, pursuing hobbies, or engaging in meaningful activities.
Take a class on something you’ve always wanted to learn. Challenge yourself in small ways and celebrate your wins, no matter how small they are.
You need to learn to accept yourself for who you are too. Practice self-compassion and avoid harsh self-criticism.
You are deserving and worthy of love, so speak to yourself with kindness and encouragement.
The more you build up your self-esteem and confidence, the less you will depend on your relationship or partner to make you feel good about yourself.
You will feel more secure in who you are, which in turn, leads to feeling more secure and less jealous or clingy in your relationship.
So focus on being your best self—the rest will follow. Your worth isn’t defined by your relationship status or your partner’s opinion of you.
You are so much more than that. Rediscover your strength, value, and purpose—and let your confidence shine through.
Feeling good about yourself is the foundation for healthy, secure relationships. Start there, and you’ll find your insecurities start to fade.
4. Create healthy relationship habits
Cultivating healthy relationship habits is key to gaining confidence and security in a relationship.
Instead of bottling up your feelings or shutting down emotionally, learn to always communicate your needs.
Don’t assume your partner will read your mind and do the right thing. Let them know if something they did made you feel insecure so you can work through it together.
Listen when your partner shares with you as well and prioritize spending quality time together.
Do small things each day like talking over dinner, giving each other a hug, holding hands, or going for a walk together.
Making physical intimacy and quality conversation a priority will help you feel closer and more secure.
It’s also crucial to maintain your independence. While a relationship is important, don’t lose sight of your own needs and interests.
Engage in hobbies and activities you enjoy, see your friends, and take some time for yourself.
When you feel good about yourself, you have more to offer to your relationship.
Lastly, remember to show appreciation and affection. Say “I love you” often, give compliments, and express gratitude for the big and little things your partner does.
Physical affection like kissing, touching, and intimacy helps to strengthen feelings of trust and attachment. Make these gestures a habit and your insecurities will fade.
Building healthy habits and an intimate connection with your partner will transform your relationship and help you feel more confident and secure.
Make the effort each day to prioritize these practices, and you’ll never have doubts about each other’s feelings or actions.
5. Let go of the past and focus on the present
One of the major reasons why people feel insecure in a new relationship is because they keep replaying the past in their minds.
To stop feeling insecure in your relationship, you need to shift your mindset to the present instead of worrying about the past or future.
Are you holding onto hurts or betrayals from past relationships? This old baggage will interfere with your current relationship if you let it.
Make an effort to forgive past partners and release those negative experiences.
Your present partner deserves a fresh start without having to pay for others’ mistakes.
It’s extremely important to avoid “what ifs” when you’re trying to build a long-term relationship with someone.
Insecurity is often fueled by worrying about what might happen, rather than what is actually happening now.
Stop speculating about what your partner might do and focus on the good you have today.
Appreciate the caring gestures, inside jokes, and quality time you share each day. The future will take care of itself.
Letting go of past hurts, avoiding “what ifs,” and improving communication are all steps you can take to feel more secure in your relationship.
Make these a habit and you’ll be able to fully enjoy your present relationship.
6. Think positively about your relationship
An effective way to stop feeling insecure in your relationship is to work on developing a positive mindset.
When you have a negative mindset, it’s easy to imagine the worst for yourself and others.
Learn to focus on the good parts of your relationship, rather than finding fault with everything your partner does.
Start by reflecting on what you appreciate in your life. Make a mental list of your partner’s good qualities, things they do that make you happy, and special moments you’ve shared.
Remind yourself of the reasons why you chose to be in the relationship. Looking at the big picture will help reassure you during moments of self-doubt.
Practicing positive self-talk will also help to reduce feelings of insecurity. When negative thoughts come up, gently challenge them with more constructive ones.
For example, replace “My partner will leave me for someone better” with “My partner cares about me and our relationship.”
Speak to yourself with the same kindness and compassion you show others.
Avoid the “all or nothing” thinking. Don’t assume that one disagreement or disappointment means the entire relationship is doomed.
No relationship is perfect all the time. Look for the middle ground and be ready to compromise if the need arises.
7. Constantly remind yourself that your partner loves you
Insecurity often stems from doubting your partner’s feelings and affection for you.
But the truth is, if you’re in a committed relationship, your partner does love and care for you. Remind yourself of this daily.
Look through old messages, photos, or keepsakes from your relationship that reinforce this fact.
Whenever your partner tells you “I love you” before leaving, let those words echo in your mind throughout the day.
If you notice self-doubt creeping in, think of the little things your significant other does that show they care, like giving you a kiss when they get home or asking how your day was.
These small acts of love and affection are evidence of their devotion to you. Don’t take them for granted.
It’s easy to get caught up in your anxious thoughts, but your insecurities do not reflect the reality of your relationship.
Your partner loves and cherishes you, even if you have trouble believing it sometimes.
Choose to accept their affection and reciprocate it. Let go of distrust and replace it with gratitude for the relationship you share.
When you constantly remind yourself of these truths, it can help to eliminate your self-doubt and build confidence in your bond.
Conclusion
Insecurity happens in relationships, but it doesn’t have to run the show.
With open communication and patience, you can get back to enjoying your relationship instead of doubting it.
Learn to talk to your partner about your needs and concerns. Don’t bottle things up or make assumptions. Be honest but kind with your partner about your feelings.
Let them reassure you, but also take responsibility for managing your own emotions. While their support is helpful, your security ultimately comes from within.
Spending quality time together also helps combat insecurity. Make time for regular dates where you can talk, laugh, and connect without distraction.
During these moments, focus on being fully present rather than worrying about the authenticity of the relationship or your partner’s feelings.
Each time you begin to feel insecure, remind yourself of your worth and believe you deserve to be loved.
Recommended reading:
How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship
15 Telltale Signs You’re With The Right Person
How To Become A Better Partner
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.