If you just started dating someone new, congratulations!
You’re in the exciting phase of getting to know a new love interest and you’re curious to know everything about them.
At the same time, you may be uncertain about the most important questions for a new relationship to help you and your partner bond faster.
If you’re asking, “What are some good questions to ask in a new relationship?” You’re not alone! Almost everyone who dates goes through this stage.
Most people usually ask questions about your favorite food, celebrity crush, or the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in high school.
In this article, I’m going to share some deep questions you need to ask your new partner to lay the foundation for a potentially long-term happy, and healthy relationship.
Knowing what questions to ask your partner and being willing to do so, is a part of mindful dating. This is when you date in a self-aware and conscious manner.
It also means that you honor your authentic needs and respect others by finding healthy ways to communicate your differences.
The 21 questions in this article will allow you to understand your new partner better and gain insight into their core values.
You’ll also be able to ascertain if your values align with each other.
Some of these questions are designed to help you determine if this relationship has long-term potential.
These are the relationship-building questions that you must agree with your new partner on to be truly satisfied.
Left undiscussed, these differences have the potential to cause a breakup or divorce in the future.
There are certain things in life you can’t compromise on and that’s ok. It’s better to know earlier in a relationship rather than later.
As you navigate healthy conversations in your new relationship, questions about lifestyle choices will help you know if your new dating partner is truly compatible with you.
For example, if you know that it is a prerequisite for your future spouse to attend Church with you every Sunday, state this clearly before you get into a committed relationship with someone.
Additionally, if your partner doesn’t want to get married or have kids in the future and this is incredibly important to you then it’s better to know in the beginning stages of your relationship.
When you go through this list of new relationship questions, identify what would be deal-breaker responses when it comes to lifestyle preferences.
The more self-aware you are, the more you can date effectively. When you date mindfully, you reduce your chances of divorce greatly should you get married.
If any responses are different than yours, but not deal-breakers, try to keep an open mind.
Here is a list of important questions to ask in a new relationship to get to know your partner better.
21 DEEP QUESTIONS FOR A NEW RELATIONSHIP
If you don’t know the right question to ask a romantic partner, these 21 questions can break the ice and promote closeness in your relationship.
1. What kind of relationship are you interested in at the moment? (i.e., open, casual, exclusive)
2. Do you want to have children? If yes, do you have any vision of how you want to raise them?
3. What are your top three values (i.e., adventure, freedom, work, money, family, health)?
4. Where do you see your career taking you? Do you think you will move in the future for work?
5. Do you ever want to get married in life? If not, do you want a serious committed romantic relationship?
6. If you had a random day off with no responsibilities, how would you spend it?
7. What does money represent to you? (i.e., freedom, fun, security)
8. What do you think about self-improvement such as therapy or reading self-help books?
9. What is your view of organized religion? Or do you have any spiritual practice? If so, what is it?
10. What is the role of physical intimacy in a happy relationship to you?
11. What’s your relationship with money like?
12. Do you have any regrets about how you behaved in a past relationship?
13. When you feel upset how do you typically cope with this?
14. How has your childhood and family shaped you?
15. If money weren’t an issue, how would you spend your time and life?
16. How would you describe the importance of your health to you (both mental and physical)?
17. In a romantic relationship, what’s your biggest need?
18. How would you describe your relationship with yourself?
19. What does marriage represent to you?
20. What is your ideal vision for the future? Ideally, where do you see yourself in 5 years?
21. Do you know your top love languages? If not, would you be open to looking this up with me?
If you need more fun questions to ask your partner, download these 250 conversation starters for couples.
The 21 questions mentioned in this article are some the most important questions that should be asked at the beginning of a relationship.
Aside from regular conversation topics like your favorite book, places you love to visit, and your favorite memory as a child, you need to ask a romantic partner deeper questions.
As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen couples decide to divorce in therapy after years of marriage simply because they didn’t ask these vital questions during courtship.
Part of the reason that almost half of all first marriages end in divorce is that people aren’t asking the right questions when dating.
All too often, they have found someone they deeply love and just hope for the best. Unfortunately, this isn’t enough for long-term marriage success.
If you and your new partner don’t have a compatible vision of the future, neither of you is wrong. You don’t have to feel guilty or second-guess your needs.
For example, if you don’t want children and your romantic partner does, this doesn’t make you an awful person.
You have the right to feel sad or disappointed when your life goals don’t align perfectly.
Additionally, your partner’s not wrong if they don’t believe in your religion or refuse to attend Church with you regularly.
Do not be anxious about anything because it’s okay to be unique and each person has a right to their own needs and values.
The most important thing for your mental health is to honor these differences with grace, maturity, and respect as soon as possible.
In any healthy relationship, couples will differ at times. Sometimes, a happy relationship is just about finding the person whose differences you can live with.
Very few of the 21 questions listed above are true deal-breakers.
Instead, most of these new relationship questions will allow you to understand your partner on a deeper level and increase your intimacy as a couple.
You will learn more about their unique personality and how they communicate in a relationship.
What you learn will be an asset or something to be aware of when you argue in the future.
At the beginning stage of a new relationship, it can be hard to imagine you will ever fight.
But you will argue in the future since conflict arises in all relationships even the healthy ones.
Relationship success is not about never fighting. Instead, it’s about communicating effectively and respectfully when problems come up.
Furthermore, the way someone answers these 21 questions also gives you a lot of insight into the relationship you may have together.
A person who is open to exploring these deep conversation topics with you is revealing healthy communication skills.
These will serve you well as you navigate life and misunderstandings together.
However, if someone shuts down, or becomes agitated over these questions, they may be difficult to communicate with in the future.
This is especially true when you don’t agree on something. Of course, people have the right to set boundaries and to say they don’t want to discuss a certain topic yet.
Overall, this list of important questions to ask in a new relationship will help you bond more deeply with your dating partner and pave a way for long-term happiness together.
Finally, while you may be eager to discover if your new love interest is “the one”, it’s wise to take your time with these questions.
You don’t want to come off as if any date is an interrogation. This kind of approach isn’t fun, healthy, or authentic.
Try to pace yourself by asking the most important relationship questions first if you really need to know.
Or work up to the big questions with others that feel less intimidating if you’re anxious about asking such questions.
Whatever method you try, you should be proud of yourself for dating mindfully!
Of course, it can be scary to ask these deal-breaker questions in a new relationship. What you hear may be disappointing or inconvenient for you.
However, while it may not feel like it at the time, whatever answer you receive from your new partner is a gift.
After all, many of us have learned the painful truth, at one time or another, that love is not enough to make a relationship work.
There are truly irreconcilable differences that people may have despite their love for one another.
The best way to know if you’re compatible with each other is to take turns asking and answering these 21 questions for a new relationship.
7 Questions To Ask Yourself After A First Date
100 Amazing Questions For Couples To Know Each Other
25 Fun Date Ideas For Introverts
About The Author
Krystal Mazzola Wood
Krystal Mazzola Wood, LMFT is a practicing relationship therapist with over a decade of experience.
She sees clients at her private practice, The Healthy Relationship Foundation and has dedicated her entire career to empowering people to heal from unhealthy relationship processes.
Every week, Krystal contributes to her blog, Confidently Authentic, to provide empowering dating, relationship, and mental health advice.