Some couples choose to sleep in separate bedrooms for reasons like snoring, different work schedules, or personal comfort.
While this might seem like a practical solution, it can have unintended consequences on a relationship.
Sharing a bed isn’t just about sleeping — it’s about intimacy, closeness, and maintaining a strong emotional bond.
In this article, we’ll explore some of the reasons why couples shouldn’t sleep in separate bedrooms and how doing so can affect the health of a relationship.
7 REASONS WHY COUPLES SHOULDN’T SLEEP IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS
A 2017 survey from the National Sleep Foundation found that nearly one in four American couples sleep in separate bedrooms.
More recent surveys from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine also report a similar or even higher number, with a 2025 survey showing that 31% of U.S. adults have opted for a “sleep divorce.”
While this arrangement may work for some, sleeping apart can have a negative impact on a relationship.
If you’re a couple considering making the switch, here are some reasons why you might want to reconsider sleeping in separate bedrooms:
1. Loss of physical intimacy
Physical closeness is one of the strongest ways couples maintain intimacy.
Simple things like kissing, cuddling before sleep, holding hands, or even brushing up against each other in the middle of the night help maintain a sense of connection.
When couples choose separate bedrooms, those natural moments of touch disappear.
Without physical intimacy, the relationship can begin to feel distant. Lovemaking may still happen, but it often feels more planned and less spontaneous.
Over time, this can reduce passion and make partners feel less desired.
Touch is powerful; it releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which helps to promote trust and closeness.
By removing opportunities for regular touch, couples risk weakening the foundation of their relationship.
2. Weaker emotional bond
A big reason why couples shouldn’t sleep apart is that they may end up feeling more like roommates than lovers.
Emotional intimacy is deeply connected to physical closeness. When partners share a bed, it reinforces the sense that they are a team, facing life together.
Lying next to each other at night and waking up together in the morning creates a daily routine that strengthens emotional connection.
When couples sleep in separate rooms, that rhythm is disrupted. Over time, this physical separation can feel like emotional separation.
One partner may start to feel like they are on their own, which can slowly take away the feeling of partnership.
Even if the relationship looks fine on the surface, the deeper bond can start to weaken.
Couples who prioritize sleeping together often report feeling closer and more connected emotionally.
Even if you choose to have separate bedrooms, try to sleep in the same bed from time to time. This will help nurture your bond and enhance your relationship.
3. Missed opportunities for communication
Bedtime is often when couples finally slow down from the demands of the day.
In those quiet moments before sleep, many partners open up about their worries, hopes, and dreams, or recall funny little stories from the day.
These conversations might not happen at the dinner table or during a busy morning routine, but they often happen in bed.
When couples sleep separately, these casual, late-night pillow talks disappear. Over time, this means fewer opportunities to connect and share thoughts.
The relationship may become more transactional — focused on responsibilities and logistics — instead of maintaining the deeper emotional sharing that keeps love alive.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. By choosing separate bedrooms, couples unintentionally cut off one of the most natural opportunities for regular, honest conversation.
4. Increased risk of growing apart
Relationships rarely end overnight. Most often, couples drift apart slowly, sometimes without even realizing it.
Sleeping in separate bedrooms can accelerate this drift. Without shared intimacy, emotional closeness, and late-night talks, the bond weakens.
This doesn’t mean couples who sleep apart are destined to break up, but the risk of disconnection is much higher.
Over time, partners may feel like they’re living parallel lives instead of sharing one.
This sense of separation can lead to loneliness, resentment, or even infidelity, as one partner seeks connection elsewhere.
Sleeping together every night isn’t just a habit; it’s an investment in staying connected. It’s a daily choice that helps prevent couples from slowly growing apart.
5. Potential for misunderstanding
Another reason couples shouldn’t sleep apart is that it could create misunderstandings and tension in the relationship.
Even if the decision to sleep in separate bedrooms is practical, one partner may secretly feel rejected or unwanted.
They might wonder, “Am I not attractive anymore?” or “Does my partner not want to be close to me?” These insecurities can lead to resentment or unnecessary conflict.
What starts as a simple solution for better sleep can turn into a source of emotional pain if one partner interprets it as rejection.
When couples don’t openly communicate about why they are sleeping apart, misunderstandings can quickly grow.
On the other hand, when partners choose to share a bed, there’s little room for confusion. The physical closeness reinforces affection, security, and commitment.
6. Reduced sense of security and comfort
For many people, there’s a sense of safety in knowing their partner is right next to them.
Falling asleep beside the person you love provides comfort and reassurance that can’t be replicated by sleeping alone.
This is especially true during stressful times or after an argument, when the presence of a partner can be calming.
Sleeping apart can reduce this sense of security. A partner may feel more anxious, lonely, or even unsafe in their own room.
This lack of comfort can spill over into the relationship, creating feelings of isolation.
Sharing a bedroom helps to create a sense of “home” with your partner. That comfort can strengthen the relationship in subtle but powerful ways.
7. It’s harder to reconnect after a fight
Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but the way couples handle conflict makes a big difference.
When couples sleep in the same bed, even after a fight, there’s an unspoken opportunity to reconnect.
Maybe it’s a small touch, a soft “goodnight,” or simply waking up in the middle of the night to pee — these moments can help couples move past disagreements more quickly.
When partners retreat to separate bedrooms after a conflict, it becomes harder to reconnect.
The physical distance reinforces emotional distance, making arguments last longer. Instead of finding comfort in each other, both partners may stew in their frustration.
Sleeping together encourages reconciliation. It creates space for vulnerability and forgiveness, which are essential for long-term relationship health.
Conclusion
While sleeping in separate bedrooms might seem like a practical solution for better rest, the emotional and relational costs can be significant.
Couples risk losing physical intimacy, weakening their bond, and missing out on important opportunities to connect.
Over time, the distance created by separate rooms can cause partners to drift apart, misunderstand each other, or feel less secure in the relationship.
Choosing to share a bed is about more than just sleep. It’s about choosing connection, closeness, and commitment every single night.
Even when it’s not easy, making the effort to stay together at night can strengthen intimacy, improve communication, and protect the long-term health of your relationship.
If you and your partner are struggling with sleep differences, some solutions can work, from using earplugs or white noise machines to adjusting sleep schedules or investing in a bigger mattress.
Before deciding to sleep apart, remember that the benefits of staying together often outweigh the challenges.
At the end of the day, couples who choose to share their nights as well as their days are often the ones who feel the deepest connection.
Sleeping side by side is a subtle yet powerful reminder that “We’re in this together.”
Recommended reading:
How To Reconcile With Your Partner After A Fight