Arguments are inevitable in relationships. Whether you just started dating or you’ve been together for a while, there will be something you and your partner won’t agree on along the way.
Maybe it’s the number of kids you want to have or the level of access you want to give to family members.
Perhaps you might have different opinions about where to live or how to manage your finances.
Whatever the case, settling your disputes amicably is key to building a healthy and long-lasting bond.
But what happens when you never seem to be on the same page about certain issues?
If you constantly argue about the same things and never seem to come to a peaceful resolution, you’re not alone.
It’s normal to have disagreements in a relationship, and sometimes, you may need help to fix your issues, but don’t want to involve a third party. That’s understandable!
Relationship experts often advise that couples should never involve someone else in their conflict unless they are qualified to help.
In this article, we share a few tips on how to resolve conflicts with your partner and what to do when you’re struggling to get a resolution that works for everyone.
HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS WITH YOUR PARTNER
Is it okay for couples to argue or fight? Surprisingly, it is!
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Carla Manly, “Fighting is healthy in a romantic relationship because it helps couples become in tune with one another.”
A survey of about 1,000 people also revealed that couples who argue effectively are happier than those who tend to avoid conflicts.
This means arguments and disagreements are normal in a healthy relationship.
However, what matters most is the way you settle your misunderstandings and how quickly you get to a resolution.
If you seem to never agree with your partner, here are some practical tips for settling conflicts amicably with each other:
1. Both partners should take turns talking
When you disagree on something, it’s only fair that both partners have a chance to express their thoughts.
Before you start talking, agree on a simple rule: each person gets uninterrupted time to share their perspective.
This practice not only helps in understanding each other’s viewpoints but also promotes respect.
While one partner speaks, the other should listen attentively. This means really hearing what the other person is saying without interjecting or planning your response while they’re still talking.
By doing so, you demonstrate empathy and validate their feelings, which can be incredibly soothing during tense moments.
Once both partners have had their say, take a moment to reflect on what was discussed. Aim to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Remember, it’s not about winning the argument but about finding common ground.
2. Avoid using judgmental or accusatory words
When you’re in the heat of the moment during a conflict, it can be all too easy to let words fly out of your mouth that you might later regret.
Words have power, and the way you frame your thoughts can significantly impact the outcome of a dispute with your partner.
Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try reframing it to, “I feel unheard when I try to express my feelings.” This approach is less likely to make your partner feel attacked.
Using words like “always” and “never” in an argument is not a good idea.
These absolutes are rarely accurate and often exaggerate the issue, making it harder for your partner to see the true problem.
Your feelings are valid and deserve to be expressed, but there’s a fine line between sharing how you feel and blaming your partner for those feelings.
When you shift from an accusatory “you” statement to a self-reflective “I” statement, it reduces defensiveness and opens up space for understanding.
3. Use constructive language to express your feelings
One of the most crucial things to remember during an argument is that the issue at hand is the problem, not your partner.
When you’re upset, it might feel natural to say something like, “You’re so irresponsible,” but this does nothing but put your partner on the defensive.
Instead of focusing on what your significant other did wrong, focus on how you can both improve the situation.
For instance, rather than saying, “You always mess things up,” you could suggest, “How about we try a different approach next time?”
This not only shifts the conversation from a negative to a positive but also allows both of you to focus on solving the problem together.
4. Maintain a calm and respectful tone
During conversations, tone matters just as much as the words you choose.
A calm and respectful tone can transform even the most heated discussions into a constructive conversation.
If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a step back, breathe deeply, and return to the conversation when you’re ready.
A balanced tone tells your significant other that you respect them and are committed to finding a resolution.
When you’re mindful of your words and tone, you can navigate conflicts with your partner more effectively and create a peaceful relationship together.
5. Take some time to consider the other person’s point of view
In the heat of a disagreement, it’s easy to become so engrossed in your own perspective that you lose sight of your partner’s feelings and thoughts.
Instead, actively practice empathy by putting yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if the roles were reversed?” or “What emotions is my partner experiencing right now?”
When you’re empathetic and try to understand things from your partner’s perspective, it leads to a better outcome.
Work on being fully present when your partner speaks. Rather than formulating your response while they’re talking, focus intently on their words.
Nod or offer verbal affirmations to show you’re listening. After they finish, paraphrase or summarize their points to confirm your understanding.
You don’t have to agree with your partner to validate their emotions. Simply acknowledging their feelings can significantly decrease tension.
Phrases like “I see why you feel that way” or “Your feelings are completely valid” can dismantle defensive barriers and pave the way for a more open, peaceful dialogue.
6. Think about what will happen if nobody compromises
During conflicts, it’s crucial to consider the long-term consequences of refusing to compromise.
Holding onto a rigid position can create emotional distance, leaving unresolved issues to fester, which may eventually lead to a failed relationship.
When you stick stubbornly to your point of view, it creates an environment where both partners feel unheard and undervalued.
This lack of mutual respect can breed frustration and anger, turning a loving partnership into a battleground.
Compromise, on the other hand, opens the door to understanding and empathy.
Being willing to compromise shows that you prioritize your connection over individual desires, which helps build a respectful and harmonious relationship.
As you argue with your partner, take some time to think deeply about what will happen if none of you compromise.
7. Try the Couples Analytics app with your partner
Couples Analytics is an AI-powered relationship app that helps couples improve their communication and resolve conflicts.
It allows users to input their thoughts and feelings, which are then converted into constructive feedback using AI.
The app facilitates structured sessions where partners can review insights together, identify emotional trends/triggers, and categorize feedback into areas like communication or finances.
It also helps couples create actionable steps for improvement and track their progress.
If you often struggle to communicate with your partner, consider signing up for Couples Analytics.
It promotes clearer communication, deeper emotional connection, and stronger, healthier relationships through data-driven insights and proactive alerts.
To get started, visit the Couples Analytics website and download the app. It’s available on the Google Play Store and the Apple App Store.
You can sign up with your Apple account, email address, or Google account. Next, you’ll be asked to input your name and add a profile picture.
Then you’ll have the option to connect with your partner. You can do this by sharing a unique code that will be provided for them.
The last step in the registration process involves filling out a short survey. This is to enable the app to know more about your love life.
You’ll have to specify when your relationship started, how satisfied you are with the state of your relationship, and what aspect of your relationship makes you happy at the moment.
You’ll also be asked what you’d like to improve or change in your relationship. Options you can choose from include better communication, more quality time, increased trust, and conflict resolution.
While you need to pay to use the Couples Analytics app, you can gain full access to the annual plan for 30 days at no charge. Pricing starts at $5.99 weekly, $8.99 monthly, and $35.99 yearly.
Once you’re subscribed, you can start using the app. The best part is, you and your partner can use the same subscription plan, so you don’t have to pay twice.
To enhance your communication skills and improve your relationship with the Couples Analytics app, you have to share your views about what’s going on in your love life.
You can add as many thoughts or notes as you want daily, but your partner won’t see them until the catch-up session, which is the time when you get to view each other’s notes and discuss them together.
Another interesting feature in the app is the AI rephrase, which rewrites your sentences to make them less confrontational and more constructive.
This is super helpful for those moments when you angrily write down words that could hurt your partner or create more tension in your relationship.
To learn more about this incredible relationship app, visit the Couples Analytics website.
8. Seek professional help if you fail to resolve your issues
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, conflicts continue to brew beneath the surface.
If your attempts at resolution seem to hit a wall, it might be time to consider seeking professional help.
Recognizing this moment isn’t a sign of defeat; rather, it’s a proactive step towards nurturing a healthier relationship.
Licensed therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate complex emotions, offering a neutral space where both partners can express themselves freely.
Working with a therapist can help both you and your partner understand each other’s perspectives more clearly.
They’ll give you tools and strategies to communicate better, manage disagreements, and promote healing.
This external guidance can be invaluable, especially when emotions run high and you find yourself going in circles.
Choosing to seek professional help doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a couple; it’s a courageous step towards a more harmonious relationship. Don’t hesitate to explore this option if you feel stuck.
Conclusion
Disagreements are unavoidable, but it doesn’t have to lead to the end of a relationship.
By listening attentively, using constructive words, and being open to compromise, you can turn your misunderstandings into opportunities for growth and connection.
Next time things get tense, take a deep breath and remember that you’re partners, not opponents.
Recommended reading:
How To Communicate Better In A Relationship
How To Fight Fair In A Relationship