Have you noticed that your partner prioritizes his family over you?
Maybe he often cancels dates to help his mom or spends every weekend with his siblings, which makes you wonder where exactly you fall in his list of priorities.
If you’re experiencing this in your relationship, you’re not alone. Many women struggle with partners who put family first.
But how do you know if his family time is totally normal or a red flag? Read on to discover 8 obvious signs he values his family more than you.
By the end of this article, you’ll have a better sense of whether your relationship can work long-term or if it’s time to walk away.
8 OBVIOUS SIGNS HE VALUES HIS FAMILY MORE THAN YOU
If you feel like your significant other is prioritizing his family over you, it can be a sensitive issue to address.
While it’s important to respect the bond between a person and their family, there are times when you need to speak up, especially if you feel neglected in the relationship.
Here are some signs that could indicate he values his family more than you and what to do about it:
1. He prioritizes family events over couple time
When you’re dating a family man, you’ll quickly realize his family’s plans come first.
If his sister’s birthday party falls on the same day as your romantic getaway, don’t be surprised if he opts for the party.
Vacations and holidays are all about family too. Rather than planning a romantic trip alone, his vacation days are spent visiting relatives.
Does your man prioritize family gatherings or spend major holidays with his family instead of you?
While it’s great he values his family, it can be frustrating to compete for his time and attention.
Sadly, dating a family-oriented man means accepting you may always come second to his family.
If you want someone who will put you first, this probably isn’t the right match.
Let him know how his actions make you feel and what you expect from the relationship. But don’t expect any significant changes.
2. He makes big decisions without your input
Have you noticed your man often makes big life choices without consulting you?
Things like buying a new car, accepting a job offer in another city, or putting an offer on a house seem to happen before you even know about them.
If there’s an important decision to make or a problem to solve, he’ll ask his family for input before coming to you.
He may not even tell you about the situation until after he’s talked to them.
This behavior signifies his family comes before you in his life and their advice means more to him than anything you might suggest.
If he cared about how you felt, he’d want to discuss major life changes and get your input.
But he doesn’t, which shows he values his own opinions (and probably his family’s) over yours.
If your man can’t be bothered to include you in shaping your shared future together, it’s a sign his devotion to his family comes before building a life with you. And that’s not a partnership built to last.
3. He values his family’s opinion over yours
A clear sign a man values his family more than you is that he always prioritizes what they think over what you think.
For example, if you suggest going out for dinner at your favorite restaurant for date night, he might say you should try a new coffee shop around the corner because his mom recommended it.
Or if his family criticizes you or your relationship, he might take their side instead of defending you.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should value your input and opinions, not just dismiss them in favor of their family.
If he turns to his family for emotional support and guidance before turning to you in times of need, it may suggest that he values their opinions and presence more in his life.
While family is important, you deserve to be a priority too. If he can’t stand up to his family or set boundaries when needed to protect your relationship, he may never be able to put you first.
Don’t get me wrong, valuing family is admirable. But there needs to be a balance, and you need to feel like an equal partner whose needs and feelings also matter.
If not, you’ll end up feeling like an outsider in your relationship, and that’s no way to live.
4. He constantly seeks approval or validation from his family
If your partner frequently asks for his family’s approval before making important life decisions, it may be a sign that their acceptance means a lot to him.
For example, does he check with his parents first about things like accepting a new job offer, planning a vacation together, or even moving in with you?
While seeking advice from close family members is normal, needing their validation for every choice is not a healthy sign for your relationship.
It suggests he values their approval over your feelings and needs. You want a partner who considers you an equal when making decisions that affect you both.
If this behavior bothers you, speak up and let your partner know that while you respect his family, you expect to be included as an equal partner in decision-making.
Compromise and finding the right balance of influence between you and his family is key.
However, if he is unwilling to stand up for you or prioritize your relationship when needed, you may need to reevaluate things.
5. He consistently puts his family’s needs above yours
When you’re in a relationship with someone who values family above all else, their kin will always come first.
For instance, he’ll drop everything to attend to his family even if you need him more.
If his brother calls with car trouble or his sister isn’t feeling well, he’ll rush off to help without a second thought.
If his mom needs help moving furniture, your dinner date may get cut short.
During the holidays or family get-togethers, he’ll devote most of his energy to connecting with relatives.
He’s eager to catch up with his parents and siblings but only has a few minutes for you.
When you do spend time together as a couple, conversations often center around what’s going on with his family.
His closeness with them is great, but it would be nice if he focused on you and your relationship sometimes too.
While commitment to family is an admirable quality, if your man consistently puts their needs above your relationship, it may be a sign you’ll always come second.
Have an open and honest conversation about finding a better balance between family and your life as a couple.
His relatives will likely always be an important part of his world, so make sure you’re okay with not being at the top of his priority list or you may end up feeling neglected in the long run.
6. He has difficulty setting boundaries with his family
A major sign your man values his family more than you is that he often allows them to interfere in your relationship.
For instance, his family may constantly call, show up unannounced, or ask for financial assistance and he’ll have trouble telling them no.
Healthy relationships require boundaries, but for some people setting limits with family is challenging.
Maybe his mom insists on calling every night to chat for over an hour. Or his sister regularly drops by without notice and expects him to spend time with her.
If he caters to his family’s demands even when you have plans, his inability to set boundaries is problematic.
Rather than address the issue directly by telling them their behavior is disruptive, he makes excuses for them or gets defensive if you bring it up.
He may feel caught in the middle but struggles to stand up for your relationship.
This conflict avoidance and people-pleasing tendencies are red flags that indicate the dynamics with his family need to change if your relationship is going to work.
The inability to establish boundaries with family often stems from childhood and years of conditioning.
It can be difficult to break free from those patterns, but for the health of your relationship, he needs to start practicing saying no and setting some limits.
Let him know his family’s demands are too much and you need to be a priority too.
If he’s unwilling to make any changes, you have some thinking to do about whether this relationship will fulfill you in the long run.
7. He compares you to his family members all the time
Ever notice how your man is always holding you up to his mom, sister, or grandmother?
Maybe he says things like “My mom makes the best lasagna, you need to learn a thing or two from her.”
Or “My sister always keeps a spotless house, I wish you were more like her.”
Constant comparisons to his family are a major red flag that signifies he values them more than you.
He may not even realize he’s doing it, but those little comments he makes about how you don’t measure up to his family are harmful and inconsiderate.
Rather than appreciating you for who you are, he’s stuck comparing you to some unrealistic standards.
His family members have had a lifetime to perfect their lasagna recipe or develop perfect housekeeping skills. You’re still learning and growing together as a couple.
Don’t get discouraged if this happens once in a while, especially in the early days of a relationship.
But if he’s frequently judging you against his family members in an unflattering way, have a serious talk about it.
Let him know his comments are hurtful and that you both chose to build a life together as partners.
You deserve to be appreciated for who you are—not how well you stack up against his family members.
A loving partner celebrates your strengths and supports you through your weaknesses.
If he can’t do that, it’s obvious he values his family more than building a future with you.
8. You feel like an outsider in his life
Another sign a man values his family more is that you still feel like you’re on the outskirts of his life even though you’ve been dating for a while.
His family and close friends have their own jokes, stories, and shared memories that you just weren’t there for.
When you’re all together, you find yourself smiling and nodding along, not fully grasping the context of what they’re saying.
You want to feel like you belong, like you’re becoming part of this tight-knit circle, but you worry you’ll always be an outsider looking in.
It’s so difficult for you to cope because your man makes little effort to fill in the blanks or make you feel included.
You feel like you have to work twice as hard to connect with his family and friends, while he floats along, comfortable in the familiarity.
Deep down, you know you deserve a relationship where you feel fully embraced and valued.
You’ve voiced your concerns to him, but he brushes them off, telling you to be patient and give it time.
But time isn’t changing things. You’re still trailing behind, struggling to keep up with a life you only have a glimpse into.
You may have to decide if playing a supporting role in his life will be enough for you or if you need to find a man who will make you his priority.
Conclusion
You deserve to be with a partner who puts you first. If the signs are all pointing to him valuing his family over you, it’s time for a heart-to-heart to get clarity on where his priorities lie.
And if his actions don’t change after that, then it may be time to walk away. You shouldn’t have to beg for scraps of a man’s time and affection.
You’re so worthy of love and there are plenty of caring guys out there who will be eager to make you a priority.
Don’t waste time on someone who treats you like a second choice.
At the end of the day, you have to look out for yourself and your happiness. Choose someone who values you as much as you value them.
Recommended reading:
7 Reasons Why A Man Won’t Introduce You To His Family
9 Obvious Signs His Family Doesn’t Like You
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
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