Marriage is an exciting milestone, but before you dive into planning your dream wedding, it’s important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about some key things.
Getting married is a big life decision that requires a lot of thought and honest communication.
You need to go into it with realistic expectations about what marriage entails and how your relationship with your partner may change.
This article provides a list of topics you need to ponder on and discuss with your significant other to avoid misunderstandings and heated arguments after marriage.
If you haven’t already, now is the time to have those difficult conversations about finances, family planning, lifestyle preferences, and personal goals to make sure you’re both prepared for what’s to come after you say “I do.”
10 IMPORTANT THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE GETTING MARRIED
If you’re thinking of taking your relationship to the next level, here are some of the most important things to consider before getting married.
#1 Financial Compatibility
Before you tie the knot, you need to make sure you and your partner are on the same page financially.
Discuss your incomes, budgets, spending habits, and financial goals. Do your priorities and values align? If not, try to find a middle ground or be willing to compromise in some area.
Money issues are a leading cause of divorce among married couples, so have an honest conversation about this topic as soon as you can.
Share details about any debts, loans, or financial obligations you both have. Be transparent about your current financial status, so there are no surprises down the road.
Decide how you’ll split shared expenses like rent or a mortgage, utilities, groceries, dates, vacations, etc.
Will you combine finances completely or keep some separate? Choose what works for your situation.
You must also set financial goals together like saving for a down payment on a home, paying off student loans, or saving for retirement. Make a plan to achieve these goals as a team.
Don’t forget the prenup. While not very romantic, a prenuptial agreement can help ensure a fair division of assets if you were to split up.
It’s worth considering, especially if either of you has significant pre-marital wealth.
Getting on the same page financially before you wed will set you up for a successful marriage where money troubles don’t cause unnecessary stress or hardship.
Discuss, share, compromise, and plan your finances together – your future depends on it!
#2 Shared Goals And Expectations
Another thing to consider before walking down the aisle is to make sure you and your partner are on the same page about the big things.
Discuss your goals and priorities in life. Do you both want kids? Are your career ambitions compatible?
Get any deal breakers out in the open now to prevent issues in the future.
Talk about your expectations for marriage. How do you envision dividing household responsibilities?
How much time do you want to spend together versus pursuing your own interests? Come to an agreement on the rules of engagement.
It’s also important to be ready to compromise when you don’t see eye to eye.
Every couple has differences, but successful relationships are built on finding common ground and mutually agreeable solutions.
Learn to listen, be open-minded, and be willing to meet in the middle.
Marriage is a big step, but going in with your eyes open to each other’s hopes, expectations, and limitations will set you up for a long and happy life together.
#3 Living Arrangements
Before walking down the aisle, you’ll need to decide if you want to live together or maintain separate places after the wedding.
Each option has its pros and cons, so think it through carefully. If you live together already, staying in the same place may seem easiest.
However, your living situation may change once you’re married, like wanting more space or moving to a new city.
Consider if your current home will suit your needs as a married couple.
Living apart allows you each to maintain your own space, which some couples prefer. It gives you independence and the chance to miss each other.
However, it may also feel disconnected at times and can be inconvenient because extra travel and coordinating schedules are required to see each other.
There’s no “right” choice here, only what’s right for you as a couple.
Discuss your living preferences openly and honestly to determine what will make you both most comfortable and help strengthen your new marriage.
Compromise when you can, but don’t settle for an arrangement that will ultimately make one or both of you unhappy in the long run.
#4 Children And Parenting Style
As you plan to tie the knot together, have an open and honest conversation about whether you both want kids and if so, how many.
If one of you is dead set on being child-free while the other envisions a big family, this difference could cause resentment later on.
Discuss your parenting styles and values. Do you have similar views on discipline, education, religion, and finances?
These factors shape how children are raised and determining compatibility upfront helps ensure you’re on the same page if kids do come into the picture.
Do you believe in spanking or time-outs?
Will the children be raised in a particular faith?
What are your thoughts on paying for college?
How much screen time and what types of media are appropriate for kids?
What method of family planning would you use to space your children?
Addressing these kinds of questions before the wedding day leads to a stronger foundation for your marriage and helps avoid conflict down the road.
While you can’t plan for everything, establishing a shared vision for your future family, whatever that may look like, will serve you both well.
#5 Personal Readiness
Before walking down the aisle, make sure you’re emotionally prepared for marriage. Here are some signs you may not be ready yet:
• You still have unresolved feelings for an ex.
• You often feel like you need “space” from your partner.
• You frequently argue over small issues or have trouble compromising.
• You expect marriage will solve existing problems in the relationship.
Marriage is a huge step, so take time to work through any emotional blocks or relationship difficulties you have before tying the knot.
Seek counseling and advice from a trusted friend or family member if you’re having second thoughts about your spouse-to-be.
When you feel content and connected to your partner, can openly communicate, and are willing to compromise, you’ll know in your heart that you’re ready.
#6 Intimacy Issues
Intimacy is an important part of any healthy relationship, so you’ll want to make sure you and your partner are on the same page physically and emotionally before walking down the aisle.
Do you have similar drives and desires? Mismatched libidos can lead to feelings of rejection or frustration over time.
Have an open and honest conversation about what you both want and expect in your love life.
While physical intimacy is important, emotional intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together.
Make sure you connect with your partner on a deep level by sharing your hopes, fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities with each other.
Set aside time each day just to talk, cuddle, and bond. Seek to understand your significant other and open yourself up to them in return.
Emotional intimacy leads to a level of closeness and trust that forms the foundation of a strong, long-lasting relationship.
Any successful marriage requires compromise in all areas, including intimacy. Be willing to meet in the middle to satisfy both of your needs.
Compromise shows you respect your partner and the relationship is a priority.
Learn how to communicate constructively and find solutions you’re both happy and comfortable with, especially when it comes to intimacy.
#7 Communication Style
How you and your partner communicate is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship.
Before getting married, evaluate how you currently communicate and see if any areas could use improvement.
Do you openly share your feelings, thoughts, hopes, and fears with each other? Or do you bottle things up and avoid difficult conversations?
The ability to openly and honestly communicate about both positive and negative aspects of your relationship is key.
If needed, consider relationship coaching or couples counseling to help improve your communication skills.
Also, think about your conflict resolution style. Do arguments turn into personal attacks? Or are you able to have constructive debates and come to a resolution together?
The way you handle disagreements and find compromise will determine how you navigate challenges together in your marriage.
Make sure you also share similar communication values and needs.
If one of you requires frequent verbal affirmation and affection while the other is less expressive, this difference could cause issues down the road.
Discuss your expectations for communication openly to ensure you’re on the same page before walking down the aisle.
Strong communication and the ability to work through issues together are foundations for a healthy, long-lasting marriage.
Evaluating this aspect of your relationship before getting married can help set you up for success.
#8 Past Trauma And Emotional Baggage
When you commit to someone in marriage, your lives become deeply intertwined.
This means that old wounds and emotional baggage from the past may resurface in the present.
Have you truly dealt with painful experiences from your childhood, past relationships, or other life events?
Unresolved trauma or trust issues can manifest as jealousy, control issues, or difficulty being vulnerable in your relationship.
Discussing how these past events shaped you can help build understanding and intimacy with your partner before getting married.
Seeking counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can help you get rid of emotional blocks before they cause problems down the road.
While the past cannot be changed, the way you understand and relate to those experiences can be transformed.
Try to work on healing your inner wounds before marriage to ensure you both enter into a lifelong commitment with open hearts and happy souls.
#9 Spirituality And Religion
Another important topic to consider before walking down the aisle is your spiritual and religious beliefs.
While differences don’t have to be a deal breaker, understanding each other’s views on faith, God, moral ethics, and the afterlife will help ensure you’re on the same page for important life decisions.
Here are some serious topics you need to discuss before getting married:
Do you believe in God or a higher power? If so, do you share the same faith?
What role does religion or spirituality play in your daily life? Is it a guiding force or more casual?
What values and morals do you think are most important? How do they align with certain faiths or philosophies?
How do you envision raising children in terms of religion? Will they be exposed to one faith, or allowed to choose their own path?
Compromise and respect are key to creating a long-lasting marriage.
Even if you have different beliefs, you can find common ground in your shared values of love, kindness, and building a life together.
Don’t assume your partner will change their views over time, rather appreciate each other as you are and be willing to accommodate your differences.
While it’s challenging to maintain interfaith and secular-religious marriages, a couple can thrive when there’s an openness to understand different ways of experiencing meaning, purpose, and connection.
The most important thing is determining if your differences will strengthen your bond or ultimately divide you.
Discussing spirituality and religion before marriage helps ensure you’re walking into this lifelong commitment with your eyes wide open.
#10 Health Challenges
As you prepare to get married, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation about any health issues or challenges either of you face.
Major illnesses or disabilities are difficult to deal with, and the challenges tend to intensify when you’re married.
If one of you lives with a chronic condition like diabetes, arthritis, or Crohn’s disease, talk about how you’ll handle it together.
Discuss medications, lifestyle changes, and your limitations and needs.
Make sure you’re both willing and able to take on the responsibility of supporting each other through the ups and downs.
While love may conquer all, the practical realities of dealing with health problems as a couple can strain even the strongest relationships.
Have a plan in place for how you’ll face future health challenges before you say “I do.”
With open communication, teamwork, and compromise, you can build a healthy foundation for your marriage.
Marriage is a big step, but if you have realistic expectations, choose a partner who shares your core values, establish financial compatibility, and build a strong foundation of friendship and trust, you’ll set yourself up for success.
If you haven’t already talked about the most important things that matter in life, start having honest conversations with your partner right away.
The key to overcoming common marriage problems is to listen to each other and make sure you’re on the same page about what you both want.
If you can do that, you’ll be well on your way to wedded bliss. But remember, marriage isn’t easy – it takes work, commitment, and sacrifice.
As long as you’re both willing to put in the effort, though, it can be the most rewarding partnership of your life.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.