Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you’ll ever make because your happiness and success in life depend largely on your relationship with your spouse.
Being married to the wrong person can drain you emotionally, financially, and mentally so you must pick an ideal partner who’ll support your personal growth.
Studies show that about 45 percent of first marriages in the United States fail within 8 years and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.
This means you need to take your time before deciding on who to spend the rest of your life with.
One of the biggest factors that lead to a happy and successful marriage is compatibility among couples.
For most people though, love is the number one motivating factor that inspires them to get married.
However, love alone is not enough to sustain a long-lasting marriage.
So what makes a marriage successful? In this article, we take a look at the most vital characteristics to watch out for in a potential life partner.
10 TIPS FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT PERSON TO MARRY
While it’s good to be in love with the person you’re going to marry, there are other factors you need to consider before tying the knot.
If you’re wondering how to know the right person to marry, here are a few great tips for choosing a good life partner:
#1 Marry someone that fulfills your needs
Unmet needs and unrealistic expectations are among the top reasons why married couples break up or file for divorce.
It’s important to choose a partner who fulfills your innermost needs regularly.
For example, if being listened to is a big deal for you, look for a partner who provides a safe space for you to express your feelings openly and is willing to listen to you when you talk.
According to relationship experts, the key to building a successful relationship is to constantly prioritize each other’s emotional needs as a couple.
If you end up with a spouse who doesn’t value open communication or who isn’t emotionally intelligent, you’ll be unhappy in the marriage.
And when someone is not satisfied in a relationship, they can look elsewhere for comfort or happiness, which often results in infidelity.
#2 Choose a life partner you can communicate with effectively
Good communication is essential in any relationship.
It’s even more important in marriage because you’re going to have a lot of disagreements as a couple, especially in the first few years.
If you’re with a partner who has poor communication skills, you will find it difficult to make your relationship work.
Happy couples who know how to handle differences better and resolve their conflicts quickly are often the ones who have mastered the art of loving communication.
So it’s crucial to get married to someone who communicates clearly and settles relationship issues as soon as they arise.
If you and your partner can reconcile immediately after having an argument or a fight, that’s a sign you’re with the person you should marry.
#3 Choose a partner who’s honest and trustworthy
Dishonesty and lies are bad habits that can destroy a relationship faster than even incompatibility.
There’s just no way you can have a thriving love life with a dishonest person who isn’t mature enough to speak the truth.
If you notice some discrepancies in what your partner tells you and you feel deeply that they’re lying to you, they may not be the right person to settle down with.
When it comes to marriage, honesty is a must-have quality you need to look for in a romantic partner because if someone can lie to your face, they can also cheat on you and hide things from you.
A recent study revealed that intrinsic qualities like honesty, kindness, and compassion are more important to relationship satisfaction than superficial qualities like being attractive to others or having financial stability.
A good way to know if someone is honest is that their words will be consistent with their actions and your instincts will tell you that they’re straightforward individuals.
If you’re looking for a significant other to share your life with, choose someone honest, trustworthy, and authentic even if they’re not wealthy or beautiful.
These qualities are rare to find these days, so if you find someone like that, consider marrying them to ensure you have a less complicated marriage.
#4 Marry someone who’s financially responsible
Aside from lack of commitment, communication problems, and infidelity, financial difficulties also increase the chances of divorce or separation among married couples.
Even if you don’t put all the other factors into consideration, don’t ignore financial compatibility because your level of happiness in a marriage depends on it.
As a married couple, you’ll definitely encounter money issues whether you decide to operate a joint account.
You’ll have personal expenses, utility bills to pay, groceries to buy, properties to purchase, and kids to raise if you choose to have them.
The list of things to do with money is never-ending.
And if you’re not good at managing your finances as a couple, your marriage will crumble like a pack of cards within the first 5 years.
No matter how much you love each other, if you’re not financially compatible, you will have a lot of fights.
So it’s a good idea to partner up with someone who’s financially responsible to avoid issues down the road.
#5 Choose a partner who has similar values and beliefs as you
Whether it’s politics, religion, intimacy, or lifestyle choices, the person you want to marry should have similar values and beliefs as you to help remove friction in your relationship.
Inevitably, issues are going to arise surrounding these vital topics and you and your spouse must be on the same page to co-exist peacefully.
For instance, if you believe in God and going to church every Sunday is a priority for you, choose a partner who is a strong Christian too.
This way you can avoid unnecessary disagreements and bottlenecks in your relationship.
Of course, couples with different belief systems can get married if they understand each well and can navigate their differences maturely.
However, a married couple who has shared values and beliefs can develop a higher level of connection to each other because they can work as a team whenever necessary.
According to dating coach Erika Ettin, “Shared values and communication are probably the most important aspects of a romantic relationship. But, people’s hierarchy of values can differ.”
This means having similar core beliefs as a couple matters but it’s not everything.
Still, if it’s important to you that your spouse believes in the same core things as you, find someone who has these must-have values.
#6 Marry a person who respects you for who you are
As a relationship coach, another common problem I’ve seen in marriages is that one partner wants the other person to change their personality or attitude.
This often leads to resentment and frequent quarrels as both couples struggle to regain their power in the relationship.
You can avoid this by marrying someone who fully accepts you and respects you for who you are.
Happily married couples always honor each other’s needs and respect the boundaries set in a relationship.
So the person you get married to must treat you with the utmost respect and give you the freedom to be your authentic self.
#7 Marry someone who is emotionally intelligent
Emotional intelligence is one of the most valuable qualities a person can have in a romantic relationship because it helps the other individual feel seen, heard, and understood.
In a 2001 research study led by Dr. Nicola Schutter, it was discovered that couples who described each other as emotionally intelligent had higher marital satisfaction.
When someone is emotionally intelligent, they’ll be highly aware of the changes that occur in themselves and will be able to handle their emotions healthily.
This helps to prevent disagreements from escalating into angry outbursts or big fights.
If you’re trying to decide who to marry, choose an empathetic partner who has a high level of emotional awareness.
When you’re married to someone who can listen to you attentively, understand exactly how you feel, and empathize with your pain, you’ll enjoy a peaceful and harmonious relationship together.
#8 Choose a partner who supports your dreams and goals
When you marry the wrong person who doesn’t love you enough or support your goals, it would be extremely hard for you to excel in life.
This is because most people lean on their spouses for emotional support and financial help, especially during tough times.
If your spouse refuses to cheer you up or give you a helping hand when you really need it, you may slowly develop mental health issues, which can impact your life negatively.
Their lack of support or assistance can keep you from growing to your full potential and becoming the best version of yourself.
It’s wise to settle down with a partner who doesn’t hold you back from chasing your goals and who is willing to give you all the support you need as you go through life.
A significant other who assists you to succeed in life is one you should strive to keep by your side because you’ll be able to attain so much in life when you’re married to them.
#9 Marry someone you’re compatible in bed with
A lot of people argue that physical intimacy is not important in maintaining a strong relationship.
However, research has shown that dissatisfaction in the bedroom is one of the common reasons why people cheat in a committed relationship.
Most times, lack of intimacy occurs when married couples have different levels of desire and they can’t find a way to meet their intimate needs without fighting.
When one person wants it all the time and the other doesn’t care about it enough, it becomes a huge problem in marriage.
A recent national study revealed that infidelity or extramarital affairs are major contributors to divorce among married couples.
If you want to have a happy marriage, make sure you choose a partner who matches your drive and wants the same things in bed; you must put this into consideration.
#10 Marry someone who complements your personality
When it comes to romantic relationships, most people say opposites attract and that’s probably what you need to have a successful relationship.
For example, if you’re a stubborn person who likes to do things their way all the time, marry someone gentle and kind-hearted so you won’t have to fight a lot.
When two people who have strong qualities get married, there’s often an imbalance of power that create frequent conflicts in your relationship.
However, this dynamic may not be the case for every couple.
Some people marry individuals who have the same personality traits as them and they enjoy a healthy relationship together.
Whatever the case though, try to choose a life partner who nicely complements your personality.
When it comes to choosing the right person to marry, there are a lot of factors to consider before taking the leap.
I hope these tips will guide you to make a good decision when you’re ready to tie the knot.
Personally, I’m married to the love of my life and my best friend; it’s the best decision I’ve ever made as an adult.
We’ve experienced a lot of challenges together and our love has been tested over the years.
Luckily, we’ve survived it all and gotten to a point where nothing can ever separate us.
It’s not just because of the love that we’ve thrived, but the level of our friendship and compatibility that has helped us overcome every obstacle in our relationship.
The bottom line is, when you’re contemplating who to settle down with, don’t look for beauty and riches that can fade with time.
Of course, it’s okay to choose a good-looking and financially stable partner but these superficial qualities will only get you so far.
You can be married to a rich and beautiful person yet, you’ll feel miserable in your marriage.
The goal shouldn’t be to get married but to have a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship with your spouse.
It’s crucial to choose a life partner who has good qualities that can last for a lifetime because that’s the only way you’re going to stay together for the long haul.
However, it may be difficult to find someone who has all of the traits mentioned above because there is no perfect man or woman in the world.
But, if your partner has most of the personality traits you’re looking for in a committed relationship, it’s perfectly okay to marry them.
Most couples who have been married for a long time often end up having similar characteristics because of how well they’ve blended together over the years.
If the person you want to marry lacks the relationship skills to sustain a healthy marriage, consider going for premarital counseling to help you prepare for married life.
Couples therapy can be beneficial in reducing the risk of divorce and can also help to increase the chances of success in your marriage.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life. As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are important in building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.