Love is all about respecting boundaries and understanding the limits of what we can ask from our intimate partners.
While every relationship is unique and individual preferences may vary, there are certain things that are generally considered inappropriate or unhealthy to ask for in a relationship.
Demanding too much from your significant other will lead to resentment, hurt feelings, and a quick end to your romantic bliss.
However, if you give more than you take and work to deepen your connection with your partner, your love life will thrive.
In this article, we explore a list of things you should never ask for if you want your relationship to go the distance.
14 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP
If you want your love to last forever, avoid asking for unrealistic expectations and focus on compromise, understanding, and building emotional intimacy with your partner.
Here are a few things you should never ask from your partner:
1. Isolation From Loved Ones
Requesting that your partner cut ties with their friends or family members is manipulative and isolating.
Healthy relationships should allow for personal connections and a support system outside the partnership.
Never ask your partner to choose between you and their family! Families are forever, and putting someone in that position is unfair and hurtful.
Their family has been there for them their whole life, through good and bad, and asking them to turn their back on that support system is selfish.
Besides, forcing your partner to choose will only breed resentment, and damage your relationship in the long run. Instead, focus on building positive connections with their family.
Make an effort to understand them, even if you have differences. Look for common ground and shared interests, and approach them with an open heart.
When challenges arise, work through them together with empathy and care.
Compromise and understanding will serve your relationship far better than demands and ultimatums.
So, embrace your partner’s family as your own, and try to create an emotional connection with them instead of turning your partner against them.
When you fully accept your in-laws, your relationship will blossom into something beautiful over time.
2. Access To Personal Belongings
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, so never ask for your partner’s password or access to their personal devices, and don’t snoop through their social media accounts.
Their privacy is important, and checking up on them will only create distrust and hurt feelings. Focus on communicating openly and honestly with each other instead!
This doesn’t mean you should ignore warning signs of cheating, but if your partner hasn’t given you concrete reasons to doubt them, don’t ask for their passwords to check their phone or laptop.
Believe in your partner and have faith that they’re being faithful. Constantly questioning them will drive you both crazy and damage your bond in the long run.
Rather than accusing or interrogating your partner, express how their actions make you feel and listen with an open mind. A little understanding and empathy go a long way!
Your relationship will be so much happier if you avoid suspicion and give each other space to maintain independence.
Plus, if it’s necessary for you to have access to your partner’s devices, they’ll freely give it to you without you needing to ask.
3. A Change In Physical Appearance
Asking your partner to change their physical appearance to fit your ideal standards is disrespectful and can be emotionally damaging.
Love and acceptance should extend beyond external appearances.
Never ask your partner to change their physical appearance, such as their weight, hairstyle, or clothing choices.
It’s important to accept and love your significant other for who they are – inside and out!
Instead of requesting that they change their appearance to suit your preferences, focus on what really matters like their character, humor, talents, and how they treat you.
Looks fade over time, but a kind heart and fun spirit last forever! Compliment them for their best qualities and personality traits you adore.
If you’re tempted to suggest a makeover, give them helpful tips to improve their fashion style, but don’t criticize their dress sense!
Your role is to make them feel loved and accepted as they are. Don’t make them feel like they have to meet unrealistic beauty standards to please you.
True love means seeing beyond the surface. Appreciate your sweetheart for the wonderful person they are.
Looks may attract at first, but substance and soul bind hearts for life.
4. Constant Validation
A healthy relationship is built on trust, not constant validation.
While it’s normal to feel insecure at times, repeatedly seeking reassurance about your partner’s feelings can damage the foundation of your relationship.
Rather than constantly questioning whether they care, look for the little ways they show you love every day.
Focus on improving your communication skills, appreciating one another, and building intimacy through shared experiences together.
If you give your relationship the nurturing it needs, it will blossom into something beautiful.
Even though it’s nice to feel appreciated and loved, it’s not your partner’s job to shower you with compliments 24/7.
Seeking constant validation or reassurance can put undue pressure on your partner.
Self-confidence should come from within, so learn to love yourself first and foremost.
5. Long-term Financial Support
Whatever you do, never ask your partner to financially support you long-term!
While it’s perfectly okay to ask for help with rent or bills in an emergency situation, relying on someone else to fund your lifestyle will only breed resentment.
Instead, focus on becoming financially independent. Build your skills, work hard at your job, develop a side hustle, and save money where you can.
Taking responsibility for yourself is empowering and will make you a much happier and more fulfilled person.
Your partner will appreciate your motivation and self-sufficiency. And if the relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll be in a much better position to support yourself.
Requesting financial support without contributing equally or exploiting your partner’s resources is unfair.
Never ask your partner to be solely responsible for your financial well-being.
It’s important to have financial independence and contribute equally to the relationship. So, get out there and work hard to build the life of your dreams!
7. Constant Attention
It’s unrealistic and unhealthy to demand your partner’s undivided attention at all times.
Everyone needs personal space, alone time, and the freedom to pursue their interests.
Demanding constant attention in a romantic relationship can be exhausting and suffocating, leading to burnout and resentment.
For example, if you expect your partner to be available for you 24/7 and get angry if they don’t respond immediately, that level of neediness will drive them away.
While quality time together is important, it’s healthy for both of you to also pursue your own interests and hobbies.
Give your significant other space to see friends, engage in hobbies, and have alone time. You can make the time you spend together meaningful by being fully present and interactive.
Remember to put away your phone, make eye contact, listen, and engage in real conversations whenever you hang out as a couple.
It’s also necessary for you to focus on maintaining your own fulfilling life outside the relationship. Keep up with your own hobbies, friends, and personal growth.
Having your own interests and independence will make you a more interesting partner, and prevent resentment from building up over time.
A healthy, balanced relationship is about mutual trust and respect, so don’t be clingy and give your partner the freedom they need to be their best selves.
7. Violation Of Personal Boundaries
In a healthy relationship, respecting each other’s personal boundaries is key.
Never pressure your partner into doing anything they’re uncomfortable with, whether physically or emotionally.
Their boundaries are not about you, so don’t take them personally or try to push past them.
For example, if your partner isn’t ready to say “I love you,” don’t demand they do so. If they’re not comfortable leaving a toothbrush or extra clothes at your place, don’t force the issue.
Respect goes a long way in building trust and intimacy between a couple. Forcing unwanted intimacy will only create distance and damage your connection.
It is crucial to respect personal boundaries and consent in a relationship.
Pushing your partner to engage in activities they are uncomfortable with is a violation of trust.
Value your partner for who they are, boundaries, and all. Compromise when you can, but never violate their consent or privacy.
A loving relationship means accepting each other as you are, not as you want each other to be.
If you give your partner space to open up in their own time, your relationship will flourish.
8. Complete Agreement On All Matters
Another thing you should never demand from your partner is utmost compliance and blind obedience.
Romantic couples need to have healthy communication and the freedom to express differing opinions.
Asking your partner for total agreement on all matters stifles their individuality and hinders personal growth.
A healthy relationship involves accepting differences and finding a compromise when you’re not on the same page with your partner.
Requiring complete agreement will only lead to frustration for both of you. Your significant other has a right to their own opinions and beliefs, just as you do.
Rather than trying to force them to agree with you on everything, focus on listening to understand their perspective. You may find you have more in common than you expect!
Accepting differences and finding common ground is key to building a mutually satisfying relationship.
Demanding conformity will chip away at the foundation of trust and respect in your relationship, so allow your partner to maintain their individuality.
9. Unconditional Forgiveness
When you’re in a committed relationship, it’s unwise to demand that your partner forgive you unconditionally. That’s not how healthy relationships work!
Everyone makes mistakes, but you have to own up to them, sincerely apologize, and commit to doing better next time.
Your partner deserves a heartfelt “I’m sorry” and a promise that you will not hurt them deliberately again.
Don’t just sweep your mistakes under the rug and expect them to get over it. Actually listen to their feelings, be empathetic, and try to make amends in a meaningful way.
Yes, forgiveness is an essential aspect of any successful relationship, but it should never be taken for granted.
If you constantly hurt or betray your partner, you can’t expect them to forgive you unconditionally.
Show through your actions that you deserve forgiveness by being on your best behavior going forward.
Rebuilding trust takes work, so avoid repeating the same errors and be consistent in your efforts to do right by them.
Unconditional forgiveness is a gift, not an entitlement. Learn to value your partner’s feelings and appreciate their forgiveness when they offer it.
10. Unwavering Emotional Support
While it’s crucial to be there for your partner during tough times, it’s unrealistic to expect them to be your only source of emotional support.
A good partner should provide empathy and support, but they can’t be solely responsible for your happiness and well-being.
Expecting your significant other to be your emotional crutch at all times is unfair and unrealistic!
Try to always take care of yourself, pursue your own interests, and lean on friends and family during hard times. If you need professional help, consult a therapist to provide expert guidance.
Your partner will appreciate you when you come to them recharged and with your own sense of fulfillment.
It’s also necessary to specifically express how they can support you when you do need their comfort.
Rather than a vague “I need you,” try “Can we talk about this over dinner tonight?” or “Will you just listen while I vent for a few minutes?” Little requests like these are much easier to fulfill.
11. A Change In Belief System
It’s essential to respect and accept your partner for who they are, including their values and beliefs.
It’s not your place to ask them to change their core principles to align with yours.
Don’t ever ask your significant other to change their core beliefs for you. That’s a recipe for resentment and hurt feelings down the road!
Your values and principles are an integral part of who you are, so trying to force your partner to alter them will only cause damage to your love life.
Instead, focus on accepting them for who they are, differences and all. Compromise where you can, but don’t try to change their self-identity.
A healthy relationship is built on mutual understanding and respect. Rather than asking your partner to change their personality, express what you need to feel loved and supported.
Find shared values you can connect over, but give each other space to hold onto your own truths too.
Forcing conformity will only lead to feelings of inadequacy, inauthenticity, and emotional disconnection.
Try to celebrate your differences and choose to love each other because of them, not in spite of them!
If you realize you’re not compatible, find a way to meet each other halfway or consider ending the relationship.
12. Complete Control Over Everything
Relationships are about compromise and balance, so avoid demanding to dictate every little detail of what you and your partner do. That level of control will only lead to resentment and conflict.
It’s never healthy to control or possess your partner. This includes monitoring their every move, dictating who they can spend time with, or isolating them from others.
For example, demanding that your partner stops talking to their friends or family is not a good idea.
Don’t try to control every aspect of your partner’s life; give them the space they need to grow and thrive.
When you seek complete control over your partner’s actions, thoughts, or decisions, you automatically take away their autonomy and individuality.
Learn to give your significant other some breathing room and independence from time to time.
Let them make their own choices without criticism. Trust that they can handle things on their own and in their own way.
A healthy relationship is a partnership between two free and autonomous individuals who choose to share life’s adventures together.
Don’t try to rule over your partner like they’re your subject. That is a surefire way to damage the foundation of intimacy and affection you’ve built.
Value your differences and embrace the opportunity to appreciate another perspective. It’s also crucial to learn the art of “agreeing to disagree” when you don’t see eye to eye.
Your relationship will be much more harmonious and long-lasting if you cultivate an attitude of mutual understanding and respect.
So, do yourself and your partner a favor – don’t ask for complete control. Give freedom and receive freedom in return. Your relationship will thrive as a result!
13. Unrealistic Expectations
In a relationship, it’s wonderful to have hopes and dreams you share with your partner.
However, make sure any expectations you have of each other remain grounded in reality.
Asking your partner to be someone they are not or expecting them to fulfill all your emotional, social, or physical needs is unfair and places unnecessary pressure on the relationship.
For example, don’t ask your partner to buy you expensive jewelry or take you on an around-the-world cruise if it’s not financially feasible.
Requesting extravagant gifts, lavish vacations, or a fairy tale life will only lead to disappointment and conflict.
Instead of making outrageous demands in your relationship, focus on the simple pleasures you can enjoy together like cooking a meal at home, going for a hike at a local nature reserve, or hosting a game night with friends.
Build the life you want brick by brick through compromise and appreciating each moment along the way. After all, true happiness comes from the journey, not the destination!
Maintaining realistic expectations will help strengthen your connection and allow your relationship to flourish.
Dream big, but stay grounded. Focus on the real reasons you’re together like shared interests, values, and life goals.
14. Never Ask Your Partner To Sacrifice Their Dreams
Another thing you should never ask your partner to do is to give up on their dreams or passions for you. That’s not fair or healthy for either of you in the long run.
Asking your partner to give up their dreams, ambitions, or personal goals for the sake of the relationship is totally unreasonable.
You fell for this person because of their zest for life and ambition, so don’t stifle that!
Encourage your partner to pursue their goals and dreams. Be their biggest cheerleader and number one fan.
While it may require some short-term sacrifices, their happiness, and fulfillment will only strengthen your relationship in the end.
Support them however you can. Help them study or practice, brainstorm ideas for growth, offer constructive feedback, and celebrate their wins whether big or small.
Having purpose and passion in life leads to growth, which leads to happiness and personal fulfillment.
So, do your part to help your partner achieve their dreams, and together you’ll build a long-lasting partnership.
I’ve given you a list of things you should avoid asking for in a relationship at all costs.
If you’ve been wondering whether you’re demanding too much from your partner, now you know the limits you should never cross.
Compromise, understanding, and mutual respect are the foundations of a healthy partnership.
Focus on communicating openly about your needs while also listening to your partner’s needs.
It’s also essential to put some effort into building intimacy through quality time together, shared interests, and meaningful conversations.
A great relationship is about enjoying life’s moments together, not keeping score or demanding the impossible.
When you value the moments you share and appreciate how lucky you are to have found someone special, you’ll enjoy being in a romantic relationship.
So, make the choice each day to nurture your relationship with patience, empathy, and love. With time, your love life will become rich and more fulfilling.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.