15 Things You Should Never Say To Your Wife

things you should never say to your wife

It’s normal for couples to fight in a healthy relationship, but sometimes hurtful words slip out before you can stop them.

We’ve all been there—you’re irritated or distracted and make a thoughtless or insensitive comment that lands like a punch to the gut.

Deep down you love your spouse and know they deserve better but you can’t help yourself.

Some phrases cut deep or suggest things you don’t really mean, and certain subjects are just landmines waiting to explode.

You can’t take back your words once they’re out there, so it’s best to avoid these relationship wreckers altogether.

Your wife deserves your care, respect, and empathy even when you’re fighting.

Though it may not seem like a big deal in the moment, the little things add up over time.

Read on to learn what to steer clear of, and why it’s so important to choose your words wisely when it comes to the woman you love.

things you should never say to your wife


Words are incredibly powerful and can impact another person’s life profoundly. What you say can lift up someone’s spirit or dampen it.

You have to be careful with your words, especially when you’re around people you love.

If you’re looking to build a healthy marriage, here are some things you should never say to your wife no matter how angry you are:

1. “You’re getting fat”

Commenting on your wife’s physical appearance in a negative or harsh tone is a surefire way to hurt her feelings and damage her self-esteem.

Even if you notice some weight gain, keep it to yourself. Instead, suggest doing an activity together like going for walks, hiking, or cooking healthier meals at home.

Focus on living a healthy lifestyle rather than criticizing her appearance.

Your wife’s weight and body shape may fluctuate over the years due to factors outside of her control.

What matters most is that you love and support her unconditionally. Compliment her good qualities and the things you genuinely appreciate about her.

If you’re genuinely concerned for health reasons, have a caring conversation about making positive lifestyle changes as a team. But never body-shame her or insult her looks.

2. “I don’t like your family”

Criticizing your wife’s family is hurtful and can seriously damage your relationship.

After all, these are the people she grew up with, the ones who shaped her into the person you fell in love with.

You may not see eye to eye with them on everything but try finding common ground and focusing on the good.

Make an effort to understand them better. Your wife will surely appreciate your willingness to connect with her family instead of badmouthing them all the time.

And who knows, building positive connections with your in-laws may help strengthen your marriage in the long run.

3. “I regret marrying you”

Saying this is incredibly hurtful and damaging. Your wife is your life partner, and to express regret over marrying her can be emotionally devastating.

Instead of saying something negative about your marriage, focus on communicating constructively. Discuss specific issues you’re unhappy with and try to find good solutions.

Marriage takes work, and statements like this will only make the relationship harder to repair. If needed, seek couples counseling to help you build a healthier dynamic.

Every relationship faces challenges, but the key is addressing problems with empathy, honesty, and a willingness to understand each other.

things you should never say to your wife

4. “You’re terrible with money”

Telling your wife she’s bad with money is a low blow and can seriously affect her self-esteem.

Finances are often a sensitive topic, and criticism here can be taken personally.

Rather than attack her abilities, it’s better to have a constructive conversation about budgeting together.

Explain your concerns with empathy and suggest working as a team to set shared financial goals.

Compromise and recognizing each other’s strengths and weaknesses are key. Focus on specific behaviors, not character judgments.

Money management is a skill that can be learned, so offer to help her develop better habits or encourage her to see a financial advisor.

Partnership and support will go much further than hurtful insults.

5. “I wish you were more like so and so”

Comparing your wife to another woman is a sure way to cause hurt and destroy your connection.

Each person is unique, so appreciate your wife for who she is. You chose to marry her for a reason—don’t forget why you decided to spend the rest of your life with her.

Instead of constantly comparing her with other people, focus on her good qualities and the reasons why you love her.

Let her know how she enriches your life. If there are specific behaviors you wish to address, do so with kindness and respect.

But never imply she should be more like someone else. That’s hurtful and disrespectful!

6. “I don’t care how you feel”

Saying this to your wife is one of the worst things you can do in a marriage.

Expressing a lack of care or concern for her feelings will make her feel unheard, unloved, and disrespected.

Instead, make an effort to listen when she shares how she’s feeling. Respond with empathy and understanding.

Say something like “I can see you’re upset. Talk to me, I’m here to listen.”

Also, be willing to compromise when you disagree and try to see things from her perspective instead of dismissing her feelings.

A healthy relationship requires mutual care, respect, and open communication to thrive.

Try to create a safe space for your wife to be vulnerable with you and make sure she knows you value how she feels.

things you should never say to your wife

7. “Your opinion doesn’t matter”

Telling your wife her opinion doesn’t matter is one of the worst things you can say.

It’s demeaning and hurtful and implies you don’t value or respect her perspective.

Opinions matter in a relationship, and you should appreciate that your wife feels comfortable sharing how she really feels with you.

Rather than dismissing her views outright, have an open conversation where you both share your opinions and try to understand each other, even if you don’t end up agreeing.

Compromise and finding common ground will help strengthen your bond. Learn to value your wife’s input—it absolutely matters.

8. “You’re a thorn in my flesh”

Telling your wife she’s a “thorn in your flesh” will hurt her deeply and damage her self-esteem.

Avoid saying anything that implies she’s a burden or annoyance. Your wife is your partner and deserves your love, respect, and kindness.

Instead of seeing her as a liability, appreciate the little things she does and express your gratitude for her presence in your life.

Say things like: “I’m so lucky to have you.” “You make me want to be a better person.” “Thank you for loving me.”

Simple words of affection and encouragement will strengthen your bond and help your wife feel cherished.

9. “Leave me alone”

This is one phrase you never want to say to your wife. Saying “leave me alone” conveys that you don’t value her or want to spend time with her.

It makes her feel unwanted and rejected. Your wife is your life partner—cherish her with all your heart and let her know she’s important to you.

Make time to connect, communicate, and show you care. Saying hurtful things will only build resentment and damage your connection.

Even when you’re upset or busy, avoid responding harshly to her when she tries to interact with you.

Instead, politely tell her you need a few minutes to yourself and will reach out to her when you’re ready.

This shows you value her and your relationship but are not in the right headspace to talk.

10. “You talk too much”

Telling your wife she talks too much will never end well. Rather than complaining, try listening to her and showing interest in what she says.

Women tend to be more verbally expressive, so her talking is a way of connecting with you and sharing her feelings.

Pay attention to her stories no matter how silly they are and share details of your own experiences too.

Having genuine conversations as a couple will increase your bond and prevent hurt feelings.

things you should never say to your wife

11. “Why can’t you do anything right?”

Never utter these words to your wife. Nothing cuts deeper than constant criticism and feelings of inadequacy.

Saying this implies she is incapable and not good enough which can damage her self-esteem and confidence.

Instead, express appreciation for the things she does right and offer encouragement and support when she doesn’t meet your expectations.

If there are issues you want to address, do so with kindness, empathy, and by taking shared responsibility. Say “we” instead of “you”.

Focus on specific actions, not personal attacks. Explain how certain behaviors make you feel and try to understand her perspective as well.

Compromise and solution-seeking language like “How can we work together on this?” will be much more constructive.

Constant condemnation will only breed resentment and emotional distance. Build your wife up with positive words and encouragement. She is your partner, not your adversary.

12. “I blame you for everything”

Telling your wife you blame her for everything is immature and will create problems in your marriage.

Rather than accusing, try using “I” statements to express how certain actions make you feel without assigning blame.

Say something like “I feel frustrated when chores aren’t done.” This opens the door to a productive conversation about the underlying issues.

Recognize that marriage is a partnership, and both parties are responsible for the state of the relationship.

Instead of blaming your wife for everything that’s happening, be mature enough to own your actions and learn from your mistakes.

When you are honest with yourself and start to take responsibility when things go wrong, you’ll have a better marriage.

things you should never say to your wife

13. “You make my life so miserable”

Saying your wife makes you miserable is cruel and will only serve to seriously damage your relationship. Your words have power and can be deeply hurtful.

If you’re feeling upset or frustrated, take a step back and look at the underlying issues instead of taking out your frustrations on your wife.

Maybe life has felt hard lately and tensions are running high. If so, express how you’ve been feeling without accusation.

Let your wife know you value and appreciate her, even when times are tough. Compromise and teamwork will get you through challenging times.

Always focus on the good in your relationship and be gentle with each other.

14. “You’re overreacting”

This is one of the worst things you can say to your wife. When she’s upset, telling her she’s overreacting will only make the situation much worse.

Her feelings are valid, and dismissing them is disrespectful. Rather than accuse her of overreacting or being too sensitive, try to understand why she feels that way.

Say something like: “I can see why that upsets you. Tell me more about how you’re feeling.” Then listen without judgment and validate her emotions.

Once she feels heard and understood, you can have a constructive conversation.

Telling your wife to calm down or that she’s overreacting damages her trust in you and weakens your connection. React with empathy, compassion, and respect instead.

things you should never say to your wife

15. “If you don’t do this, I’m leaving you”

Threatening to leave your spouse is emotional manipulation and will severely damage your relationship.

Saying things like “If you don’t do what I want, this marriage is over!” is hurtful and will only make them resent you.

Your wife is your life partner, not your servant and you’re not doing her a favor by being with her.

Rather than issuing ultimatums, express how certain actions make you feel and try to come to an agreement together.

Cooperation and understanding are so important for building a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

Your marriage should be a safe space where you both feel heard and respected. Speak to your wife with kindness and empathy.

Try to understand her perspective too, instead of just demanding she see things your way.

Compromise and finding common ground will make your relationship stronger.

Threatening to leave will only create conflict and damage the foundation of trust and support you’ve built.

Rather than issuing threats, use “I” statements, speak openly about your feelings, and try to understand each other.

A healthy relationship is based on mutual understanding and respect, not manipulation or control.


I’ve given you a list of things you definitely don’t want to be saying if you value your relationship and want to avoid tension or hurt feelings.

While communication and honesty are important, there are just some comments that are better left unsaid.

At the end of the day, if you want to strengthen your bond and grow closer in your marriage, make sure you think before you speak.

Your wife is your life partner, so hurting her with harsh words is one of the worst things you can do.

Saying cruel things in anger can affect her negatively and erode the foundation of love in your relationship.

Instead of lashing out, take a few deep breaths to calm down. Then, speak to her with kindness and empathy.

Apologize right away if you do say something hurtful. Your wife deserves your patience, compassion, and respect. Don’t treat her poorly.

Instead of complaining or criticizing her all the time, focus on communicating constructively and building each other up with supportive words.

No matter how upset you feel, always choose your words wisely. Your marriage depends on it!


Recommended reading:

How To Fight Fair In Marriage

How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse

5 Things You Should Never Say During Intimacy

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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