5 Things You Should Never Say During Intimacy

things you should never say during intimacy

Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to get intimate with your partner and they say something that turns you off completely?

Or maybe you’re the one who utters something so cringeworthy it ruins the mood instantly.

We’ve all said something silly or awkward in the heat of passion that we deeply regret.

However, the key to enjoying a great love life is to avoid those embarrassing moments altogether. Here are 5 things you should never say during intimacy.


Communication during intimacy is crucial, but certain phrases can spoil the mood or even hurt your partner’s feelings.

Here are some things you should avoid during intimate moments:

1. Don’t compare your partner to an ex

Comparing your partner to your exes or other people you’ve been with is hurtful and disrespectful.

Nothing ruins the mood faster than hearing how your ex did this or that better. Comparisons can also lead to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy.

You don’t have to compare your current partner with your ex even if they’re not good in bed.

Instead of raining on their parade, show them how you want to be touched, tell them what you don’t like, and be willing to try new things in bed.

Try to avoid making statements like:

“My ex was so much better at this.”

“You feel different than the last person I was with.”

“I wish you would do it like my previous partner used to.”

“My ex never had a problem doing that.”

“You’re not as adventurous as my old girlfriend.”

“My previous boyfriend was a lot more romantic.”

Comparisons like these are hurtful and unfair. Your current partner is with you now, so keep your focus on them.

Give them your full attention and appreciate them for who they are, not who came before them.

Every intimate experience with someone new is unique. Don’t dwell on the past or make assumptions based on what an ex enjoyed.

Take time to discover what your current lover likes without judgment or criticism.

Pay close attention to their body language and any sounds of pleasure they make to determine what’s working for them.

Compliment their body, personality, and their passionate spirit. Let them know you find them desirable and are fully present in the moment with them.

Keep your exes where they belong—in the past. Your current partner should be the sole focus of your affection and dirty talk.

Make them feel like the only person you want to be intimate with. Comparing them to others will only lead to hurt feelings, resentment, and relationship troubles.

things you should never say during intimacy

2. Avoid making negative comments about your partner’s body

The last thing you want to do during an intimate moment with your partner is make a negative comment about a part of their body.

Avoid saying anything critical about your partner’s weight, shape, or appearance.

Comments like “You should lose a few pounds” or “I wish your abs were more toned” can be incredibly hurtful and damaging to their self-esteem and body image.

Instead, focus on expressing how attracted you are to them. If you don’t accept them for who they are, you shouldn’t be with them in the first place.

Don’t compare your partner’s body to an ex’s or celebrity’s either. Telling them that their body isn’t as fit or perfectly toned as someone else’s is cruel and will likely make them feel inadequate.

Your partner’s body is the only one that matters at the moment. Appreciate them for who they are.

Don’t make assumptions about what they may be self-conscious of.

Many people have insecurities that aren’t obvious, so any negative comment about their body could cut deep.

The kindest thing is simply to avoid making negative comments altogether. Offer genuine compliments instead.

Tell your partner the specific things you find beautiful about their body. Say how much you love holding them, touching them, and being intimate with them.

Build them up with your words and make them feel loved, desired, and accepted as they are.

Intimacy should be a positive experience where you express care, affection, and attraction for your partner.

Make it a point to avoid harmful body shaming and instead shower them with compliments and words of affirmation.

Your partner’s body, just like your relationship, deserves to be handled with care. Focus on nurturing intimacy and connection, not criticism.

Make your time together feel like a safe space where you both can open up, be vulnerable, and explore each other without judgment.

3. Don’t bring up unrelated issues

During intimate moments with your partner, there are certain phrases you should avoid uttering at all costs.

For example, it’s important to avoid talking about serious or emotional topics.

When you’re in the heat of passion, the last thing you want to discuss is mundane life issues like finances, chores, or work problems.

Save serious life discussions for another time. Bringing up unrelated issues will only spoil the mood and make your partner feel like you have other things on your mind besides them.

Here are some statements to avoid:

“Did you pay the electric bill?”

“Don’t forget you have that big meeting tomorrow.”

“We need to mow the lawn this weekend.”

“Did you remember to take out the trash?”

“We need to get some groceries for the house”

Intimate moments are not the time to discuss chores, work stress, or other unrelated topics.

It can extinguish the passion and make your partner feel unappreciated. Instead, focus on providing pleasure and being present in the moment.

You’ll enjoy a deeper level of connection when you keep the lines of communication open, set the mood right, and avoid insensitive phrases in the bedroom.

things you should never say during intimacy

4. Don’t criticize your partner’s performance

When you’re getting intimate with your partner, try not to criticize their performance or say something to dampen their spirit.

Physical intimacy is a vulnerable experience for both partners. Harsh insults, criticism, or judgment have no place in the bedroom.

Even if meant as a joke, these kinds of statements can be extremely hurtful and damaging. Provide positive reinforcement and compliments instead.

Here are a few phrases you should avoid uttering at all costs:

“You’re terrible at this.” This can be a massive blow to your partner’s ego and make them feel inadequate. It’s better to communicate and adjust your actions to improve the experience.

“Are you done yet?” Instead of asking this directly, try to pay attention to your partner’s reactions and body language. If you’re unsure of whether they’re satisfied, have a conversation about it at a more appropriate time.

“Hurry up and get it over it.” Take your time and be fully present in the moment. Don’t make your partner feel rushed. Intimacy should be a beautiful experience where you learn and grow together.

“You’re so boring in bed” Telling your partner “I’m bored” or “This is boring” will only make them feel inadequate and damage their self-confidence.

Instead, suggest trying something new to spice things up, such as a different position or location.

Discussing intimacy, desires, and any issues with your partner openly and honestly, outside of the bedroom, is the healthiest approach to building a fulfilling love life together.

Avoid criticism, dishonesty, and disrespect in your relationship.

5. Never pressure them into something they’re uncomfortable with

Forcing your partner into any activity they don’t consent to is unethical and can be illegal.

Respect your partner’s boundaries and comfort level. If they say “no” or “stop” at any point, do so immediately. Their pleasure and safety should be your top priority.

Coercing or guilt-tripping your partner into anything they don’t want to do will severely damage your relationship and the trust between you.

Find other activities you both feel good about and connect over those instead. A healthy romantic relationship requires mutual respect, communication, and consent to thrive.

Avoid making comments like, “If you loved me you would do this.” Using emotional manipulation to get what you want is abusive behavior.

It’s okay to speak up about what you need but also ask for consent before trying anything new.

Don’t make unnecessary demands either. Phrases like “You never do this” or “You always do that” followed by demands for change will likely make your partner feel inadequate or defensive.

Instead, frame requests as suggestions, speak kindly about your desires, and be willing to compromise.

The key to building a mutually satisfying relationship is to express yourself constructively, listen to your partner, respect their boundaries, and make sure any activities you engage in together are enjoyable for both parties.


There are certain phrases you should avoid at all costs during intimacy. 

Saying the wrong thing can be an instant turn-off and damage the connection you have at that moment.

Words have power and the last thing you want is for some misguided utterance to throw cold water on an otherwise passionate encounter.

Instead of looking for negative things to say in the bedroom, keep the communication positive and focus on your partner’s pleasure.

Compliments and encouragement are always appreciated. And if something isn’t working, have a constructive conversation about it afterward.

Remember that every couple is different, and what works for some may not be suitable for others.

The key to enjoying a fulfilling love life is to communicate openly with your partner, respect their feelings, and always prioritize pleasure over perfection.


Recommended reading:

25 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner

19 Things Men Want To Hear In Bed

7 Things Women Want In Bed

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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