Are you thinking of taking your relationship to another level? There are important topics to discuss before moving in together or getting married officially.
Every relationship progresses in different stages. For some people, they can easily date someone for a few months and decide that they are a perfect match for marriage.
For other couples, they need to move in together first and see if they can live with each other in the same house.
Doing this can help to make their life expectations more manageable and realistic.
You might be in love, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should get married hastily. Love alone is not enough to keep couples together.
You need more ingredients to survive in marriage and if you’ve both decided to move in together, that should be considered a serious first step towards a long term commitment.
Although, not all couples who live together end up married, moving in together is like testing the waters of your compatibility level.
But, this is based solely on personal choices, moral values and religious beliefs.
In my own case, I moved in with my boyfriend after 6 years of dating because we knew we would definitely end up married and we tied the knot in 2020.
Moving in together is definitely not compulsory before marriage but if you like the idea then there are important issues you must discuss before taking that first serious step towards commitment.
If you plan on living with your partner, you’re indirectly telling him that you’re willing to try to make your relationship work as a team.
Once you move in together, you’re going to have a lifestyle change and your routines could get disorganized unless you talk to your partner and set important rules that would govern your relationship.
It’s all kisses and cuddles for the first couple of years in most relationships, but all of that changes with time. Eventually, the infatuation fades away and reality sets in.
Is his cute smile worth living in Alaska when you dream of living in New York? Does her sense of humor make her $80,000 of student loan debt worth it?
There’s a lot more to consider than just how enjoyable it is to be around someone you love every day.
Your life will change in ways you may not expect. Is this the right person for the long haul?
Having a compulsory long talk before moving in together can prevent challenges down the road and help encourage an eventual transformation from true love to marriage.
Here are 10 important things you need to discuss with your significant other before moving in together or getting married.
10 IMPORTANT TOPICS TO DISCUSS BEFORE MOVING IN TOGETHER
#1 Living Arrangements
Where will you live? City or country? Condo or house?
Are you going to work on any major home improvements like installing new Kohler showers, remodeling the bathrooms or repainting the kitchen walls?
Would you like a house with a front porch or an apartment with a balcony?
It’s important to talk about living arrangements because you spend most of your time in your home and if you don’t like your environment, you’ll end up miserable after moving in with your partner.
If you enjoy living in the bustle and hustle of a big city full of shopping malls while he loves the solitude that comes from living in the country side surrounded by farms, you need to discuss this on time so you can come to some mutual agreement.
Where you live has a huge impact on your life and your overall happiness. It’s not something you can ignore and let someone else decide for you.
Are you both on the same page when it comes to living arrangements? The only way to know for sure is to talk about it with your boyfriend.
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#2 Household Chores
If you enjoy doing household chores alone, you might not need to talk about this but if you find it totally exhausting to tidy up the house, wash up the dishes, and do laundry, then all chores need to be shared.
How is the division of household labor going to be like?
Will the man do the repairs, mow the grass, change the oil in the cars, and pick up the dog poop?
How about cooking, shopping for groceries and changing the bedsheets?
Is every chore going to be shared 50-50? There’s no right or wrong answer, but it helps if you both agree on how the neatness of the house is going to be maintained.
It’s very challenging for an extremely neat person to live with a messy person; they will surely fight about chores everyday.
For best results, work this issue out with your partner before moving in together so there are no surprises in the future.
#3 Money And Finances
Financial problems is one of the major reasons why couples break up because most people shy away from talking about money.
How you manage your money is an important topic to discuss with your partner.
Talk about your credit history, including whether you’ve ever been unable to pay your bills, if you make it a point to pay bills on time, and the amount of debt you’ve incurred.
It’s also good to know if your partner is a “saver” or a “spender.” Some people like to save and invest, others love to spend every penny they get.
Are you going to operate a joint account to pay the bills and also have an individual account for your personal savings?
Who is going to pay for what? Will you share the bills 50/50? Or will the bigger earner pay a greater percentage of the bills?
Financial issues are the most common relationship challenges and if you can overcome this early on, you’ll find it easier to cope in marriage.
It can be difficult for people that don’t agree on this matter to get along in the long term.
Make a budgeting and savings plan that works for both of you to avoid encountering financial crisis.
#4 Religion And Spirituality
Spirituality is another aspect of life that couples need to talk about before committing to a serious relationship.
How important is your faith and religion? What religious traditions do you follow?
Some people aren’t interested in going to church every week while others are serious about their participation in church services.
If you have different religions that you follow, it’s crucial to plan on how you can merge both to create harmony in your relationship.
If you enjoy spiritual practices like praying at midnight, burning religious candles, bathing with salt water or meditating with crystals, inform your partner before moving in so he can put it all into consideration and create a welcoming environment for you.
Talking about religion can enable you to make some changes to incorporate your spiritual aspects into your relationship.
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#5 Meal Plans
Food is a vital part of life because we need it to survive and we can’t do without it.
When you’re planning to move in with your boyfriend, you have to discuss everything from food to groceries and meal plans.
Who is going to cook and when? What will you eat every day of the week? Are you going to stock up on vegetables or buy them fresh each time you need them?
Will you store homemade food in the fridge or will you eat Chinese takeout for dinner every night?
These are all essential questions you need to discuss with your boyfriend if you want to maintain a healthy relationship.
Find time to plan your meals in advance for the week and follow a realistic budget that includes money for food and groceries.
#6 Romance And Intimacy
Intimacy is an essential part of a relationship that promotes bonding between couples unless you choose to abstain before marriage.
Not everyone likes to talk about intimacy but talking about it brings couples closer and strengthens their emotional connection.
If you’ve decided to move in together and you’re willing to open the doors to intimacy, talk to your boyfriend about the best contraceptive methods to avoid pregnancy until you’re ready.
If you have hectic or stressful jobs, you might want to consider scheduling intimacy on less busy days.
Being in a long-term relationship can get boring because of the repetition of daily activities.
How often are you going to try out new restaurants, watch movies, play games or organize date nights to remain connected?
You need to work on an actionable plan to rekindle the romance and keep the spark alive in your relationship.
#7 Relationship Rules Or Boundaries
In every relationship, setting healthy boundaries is the key to maintaining respect and equality.
Relationship rules or boundaries are simply things that are allowed or prohibited in a relationship.
For example, do you tolerate laziness, keeping late nights, emotional manipulation, bullying, verbal abuse or dark secrets?
Will you be joined at the hip with your spouse or will you both be free to spend time with your separate friends?
Some people love having time alone to themselves. Others don’t trust their spouse to be out with the boys/girls without their presence.
List out every thing you cannot accept from a partner no matter what and stand your ground.
Don’t ever agree to compromise any of your rules, standards or boundaries.
This can help promote fairness, trust and equality in a relationship. Make your stance very clear to your boyfriend before you move in together.
#8 Life Aspirations
Having big dreams is necessary for your personal development as a human being so it’s important to bring your partner up-to-date with your future plans.
When talking with your partner about living together, consider all of your life goals and aspirations.
Do you dream of traveling to Italy, attending a French language class, doing volunteer work, or adopting a pet someday?
Add those items to your bucket list and inform your boyfriend about them.
The way you prefer to spend your spare time is integral to your relationship.
After all, if you love to read in a quiet corner by yourself and your partner is an avid sports fan who prefers to socialize with others, some disagreements could result when your hobbies come up.
Being aware of these preferences will go a long way toward a less bumpy road ahead for the two of you.
Can you imagine not knowing your beloved partner loves to play drums in his spare time and finding that out after you move in together?
When you consider these examples, it’s easy to recognize why you and your partner can benefit from discussing your life goals in advance.
By talking about life aspirations, you can clear up anything else that’s nagging at you regarding your own life or your partner’s.
It will greatly help to address any doubts or questions either of you might have about the future.
#9 Career Goals
Have you considered how your career goals will be impacted by your relationship when you move in together or possibly get married someday?
Your work life and career aspirations are especially important because they stand to be drastically affected by your decision to marry or live with your partner.
It may sound far-fetched but it isn’t. What will both of you do when you move to a new city or town?
How do you plan to get a good job or start a business in a totally new environment?
Knowing how your careers will turn out will better prepare you for the journey ahead.
Inform your partner how much you aspire to achieve when it comes to your career.
This is something they deserve to be aware of as your career pursuits can change both of your lives.
#10 Kids And Parenting
You might feel like your relationship is a long way from reaching a point where you need to discuss having kids.
But if you’re thinking of moving in together and getting married in the future, this is a necessary talk to have before going in too deep.
Even though you’re not planning to have kids right away, it’s good to know where you both stand in this matter.
Do you want to have children in the future? How many kids do you want? Who is going to be in charge of discipline in the house?
Finding out your boyfriend’s plans in these areas will help to make your life together smoother or make you decide better.
Parenting ideas and beliefs are often emotionally loaded topics and should definitely be explored before you move in together, especially if one or both of you already have children.
If your answers aren’t in the same range, you might have huge challenges ahead.
Don’t assume that your partner will change his miind to accommodate you in the future. It’s a dangerous game to play.
If this is a point of contention between you, then come to an agreeable solution or go your separate ways.
Don’t expect to change someone’s mind or sweep this issue under the rug.
If you can’t have these important discussions with your partner and come to a mutual understanding, it’s clear you’re both unprepared to live together.
But if you bring up these topics and you manage to navigate them together as a team, then you’re ready to start a life together.
Speaking openly and honestly about these topics before moving in together will improve your communication level and emotional bond.
Marriage can be a wonderful thing but it can be hard too unless you prepare ahead and learn how to navigate the issues that might arise in future.
It’s important to do everything you can to ensure that you’re capable of making each other happy for many years to come.
Discuss these crucial issues before deciding to take your relationship to another level and most importantly, don’t move in with someone who is not seriously committed to you or your relationship.
Recommended Reading:
7 Clear Signs You’re Compatible With Your Partner
9 Obvious Signs He Wants to Marry You
How To Make Him Sure You’re The One For Him
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.