Mother-in-law relationships can be dicey.
You want to make a good impression, but it often feels like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re not alone in this struggle.
Whether your mother-in-law is a tough nut to crack or just needs a little warming up, we’ve got your back.
In this article, we share some tips to help you win her over and maybe even become her favorite.
12 EASY WAYS TO MAKE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW LOVE YOU
If you’re a newlywed or have been married for years, it’s never too late to win over your spouse’s mom.
With a little effort and the right approach, you might be able to cultivate a warm relationship with her.
Here are some tips to help you charm even the toughest mother-in-law:
1. Try to understand her personality
Getting to know your mother-in-law’s personality is key to building a positive relationship with her.
Take time to observe her interactions and listen carefully when she speaks.
Does she prefer direct communication or a more subtle approach?
Is she outgoing or reserved? Understanding her personality can help you interact with her better.
Some mothers-in-law may be more hands-on, while others prefer maintaining a certain distance.
Learn to recognize and respect these boundaries. If she’s not keen on surprise visits, always call before dropping by.
On the other hand, if she enjoys frequent contact, make an effort to reach out regularly.
Showing that you understand your mother-in-law and honoring her preferences can go a long way in fostering a harmonious relationship.
2. Make an effort to get to know her
Building a positive relationship with your mother-in-law starts with making a genuine effort to get to know her as a person.
Learn to show real interest in her life, experiences, and perspectives.
By taking the time to understand her better, you’ll not only improve your relationship but also gain valuable insights into your partner’s family dynamics.
One of the best ways to connect with your mother-in-law is by asking thoughtful questions about her life.
What was her childhood like? How did she meet her spouse? What are her proudest accomplishments?
When you express sincere interest in her stories and experiences, you’re demonstrating that you value her as an individual, not just as your partner’s mother.
Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so give her the opportunity to share.
Listen actively, ask follow-up questions, and show that you’re truly engaged in the conversation.
This approach can help break down barriers and create a more comfortable atmosphere between you two.
While getting to know your mother-in-law, don’t forget to share about yourself too. Open up about your background, interests, and aspirations.
This vulnerability can help foster a deeper connection and mutual understanding.
Share stories from your childhood, talk about your career goals, or discuss your hopes for the future.
By letting her see the real you, you’re inviting her to be a part of your life and showing that you trust her with personal information.
3. Respect her wisdom and experience
Your mother-in-law has likely accumulated a wealth of knowledge and life experience.
While you may not always agree with her views, it’s important to show respect for her perspective.
Ask for her advice on topics where she has expertise, whether it’s cooking, career advice, or navigating family dynamics.
This doesn’t mean you have to follow all her suggestions, but simply asking for her input can go a long way in making her feel valued and respected.
It also shows that you recognize her as a source of wisdom and experience, which can help bridge generational gaps.
Maybe you both enjoy gardening, have a passion for travel, or share a favorite author.
These commonalities can serve as excellent conversation starters and provide opportunities for bonding.
As you get to know your mother-in-law better, try to identify shared interests or experiences you have in common and ask her questions about them.
You can also initiate activities based on these shared interests.
Suggest going to a museum together, swap book recommendations, or plan a day trip to a nearby town you’ve both wanted to visit.
4. Don’t argue or fight with her
When it comes to keeping the peace with your mother-in-law, avoiding arguments is key.
Remember, you’re playing the long game here – it’s not about winning every battle but building a lasting relationship.
Not everything is worth fighting over. If your mother-in-law makes a comment that rubs you the wrong way, take a deep breath and let it slide.
Ask yourself: “Will this matter in five years?” If not, it’s probably not worth the conflict.
When disagreements arise, try to understand her perspective. Use phrases like “I see where you’re coming from” or “I understand why you feel that way.”
This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it shows respect for her opinions.
If tensions are rising, don’t hesitate to bring your spouse into the conversation. They can help to mediate any misunderstandings.
By avoiding confrontations and fostering understanding, you’ll be well on your way to a more harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law.
5. See her as your fellow teammate
A big step to making your mother-in-law love you is to shift your perspective.
Instead of viewing her as an adversary or a potential source of conflict, try seeing her as a valuable teammate in your family.
After all, you both share a common goal: the happiness and well-being of your spouse.
Start by identifying shared interests or experiences. Maybe you both enjoy cooking, gardening, or watching a particular TV show.
Use these similarities as conversation starters and bonding opportunities.
Remember, teamwork thrives on mutual understanding and respect. Involve your mother-in-law in family decisions or events when appropriate.
Ask for her input on holiday plans or seek her advice on family traditions. This shows that you value her experience and wisdom.
Just as teammates have each other’s backs, look for ways to support your mother-in-law.
Offer help when she needs it, whether it’s assisting with a household task or lending an ear when she wants to talk.
Seeing your mother-in-law as a teammate doesn’t mean you’ll always agree.
But you need to approach your relationship with a spirit of cooperation and mutual respect.
With time and effort, you might find that you’ve gained not just an ally, but a friend.
6. Identify and learn to speak her love language
Understanding and speaking your mother-in-law’s love language can be a game-changer in your relationship.
Just like with romantic partners, people express and receive love differently.
By figuring out how your mother-in-law gives and receives affection, you can know exactly how to make her feel loved and appreciated.
Your mother-in-law might appreciate acts of service, quality time, or words of affirmation.
Pay attention to how she shows affection to others and try to reciprocate in a similar manner.
Does she frequently give gifts? Is she always ready with a hug? Maybe she’s constantly offering to help with tasks.
If she’s often willing to assist people, she might value acts of service. Once you’ve identified her love language, make an effort to “speak” it regularly.
Here are some ideas to show her affection:
Words of affirmation: Express genuine compliments and gratitude often.
Acts of service: Offer to help with chores, errands, or projects she values.
Receiving gifts: Give thoughtful presents, even small ones, on various occasions.
Quality time: Plan activities or visits where you can give her your undivided attention.
Physical touch: If appropriate, offer hugs or gentle touches on the arm to show care.
When you identify and learn your mother-in-law’s preferred way of expressing affection, don’t hesitate to use it to make her feel special on a regular basis.
Remember, the goal isn’t to be inauthentic but to communicate your care in a way she’ll best understand and appreciate.
Once she knows you value and respect her, she’ll open her heart to you and your bond will be strengthened.
7. Always communicate with a calm and respectful tone
When it comes to winning over your mother-in-law, how you say things is just as important as what you say.
Maintaining a calm and respectful tone in all your interactions can make a huge difference.
When she speaks, give her your full attention. Make eye contact, nod to show you’re listening, and resist the urge to interrupt her.
Even if you disagree with something she says, avoid using confrontational language.
Instead of saying “You’re wrong,” try softer phrases like “I see it differently” or “That’s an interesting perspective.”
This approach shows that you value her opinion while still expressing your own thoughts.
There may be times when tensions will run high, but it’s crucial to stay level-headed.
Take a deep breath, count to ten, or excuse yourself for a moment if you need to regain composure.
When you remain calm during heated moments, you’ll show maturity and earn her respect.
Building a strong relationship with your mother-in-law takes time and effort.
By consistently communicating with respect, you’ll be able to create a positive, lasting bond with her.
8. Learn to tolerate her excesses
One of the most effective ways to make your mother-in-law love you is to let trivial things slide.
Sure, she might have some personality traits that drive you crazy, but you need to be patient with her.
Maybe she’s a bit too nosy, or perhaps she’s always offering unsolicited advice.
Whatever her “excesses” may be, learning to tolerate them is key to building a better relationship.
Your mother-in-law comes from a different generation with different values and expectations. Try to see things from her perspective instead of fighting with her.
When she’s being overly critical, take a deep breath and remind yourself that she probably means well. It’s not always easy, but a little patience will go a long way.
While tolerance is important, it doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat.
If your mother-in-law’s behavior crosses a line, it’s okay to speak your mind and establish some boundaries.
The trick is to do it tactfully. Here’s what you can do when things get heated:
• Use “I” statements to express your feelings
• Offer alternatives instead of just saying “no”
• Involve your partner in the conversation
No matter how much your mother-in-law gets on your nerves, there’s bound to be something you both enjoy and can connect through.
Maybe it’s cooking, gardening, or watching romantic movies. Whatever it is, use these shared interests as a bridge to build a stronger connection.
Who knows? You might even start to appreciate some of those “excesses” you once found annoying!
9. Don’t ever talk bad about her to others
Keeping your lips closed about your mother-in-law’s flaws or shortcomings is crucial if you want to stay in her good graces.
It might be tempting to vent to friends or family when she gets on your nerves, but resist that urge!
Word travels fast, and you never know who might spill the beans back to her.
Even if she occasionally pushes your buttons, keep those frustrations between you and your spouse.
Instead of focusing on the negatives, try to stay positive. When you’re chatting with others, make an effort to highlight your mother-in-law’s good qualities.
Maybe she makes a really delicious lemon cake or always remembers your birthday. Let people know about her positive personality traits.
Spreading positivity about your spouse’s mom can actually help improve your own perception and strengthen your relationship.
So keep your criticisms to yourself and avoid badmouthing her. If things get out of hand though, talk to your partner about any issues you’re facing.
10. Let her see you express love and affection to her son
One of the surest ways to win your mother-in-law’s heart is by showing her how much you love and care for her son.
She loves him deeply and only wants the best for him. Seeing you treat him with affection and respect can melt her heart.
Don’t be shy about showing physical affection to your partner when you’re around your mother-in-law.
Hold hands, give a quick hug, or plant a sweet kiss on his cheek. These small gestures demonstrate your love and commitment.
When talking to your mother-in-law, always speak positively about her son. Share funny jokes or heartwarming stories that highlight his best qualities.
This shows her that you truly appreciate and value him. Also, demonstrate your support for your partner’s aspirations.
Whether it’s a career change or a personal project, let your mother-in-law see that you’re his biggest cheerleader.
This reinforces that you have his best interests at heart and are committed to his happiness and success.
By consistently showing love and affection to her son, you’re indirectly showing your mother-in-law that her child is in good hands.
This can help build trust and foster a positive relationship between you two.
11. Invite her into your world and make her your friend
Building a genuine friendship with your mother-in-law can transform your relationship.
Instead of keeping her at arm’s length, welcome her into your life with open arms. Here’s how to make it happen:
• Share your passions
Let her see the real you by sharing your hobbies and interests. Whether it’s your love for cooking, gardening, or collecting vintage records, inviting her to participate can create meaningful connections.
• Create new traditions together
Establish special rituals that are just for the two of you. Maybe it’s a monthly brunch date or a weekly girls’ outing.
These shared experiences will give you both something to look forward to and strengthen your bond over time.
• Be vulnerable and seek her advice
Don’t be afraid to open up about your challenges or ask for your mother-in-law’s input on important decisions.
This shows that you value her wisdom and experience. Plus, it gives her a chance to feel needed and appreciated in your life.
Remember, building a friendship takes time and effort from both sides. Be patient, stay genuine, and keep nurturing the relationship.
12. Appreciate her for all the things she does for your family
Winning over your mother-in-law starts with genuine appreciation. Take a moment to recognize her efforts and express your gratitude sincerely.
Start by noticing the little things she does. Does she always bring homemade treats when she visits? Or perhaps she’s the family’s go-to babysitter?
Whatever her contributions, make sure to verbally acknowledge them. A simple “Thank you for always thinking of us” can go a long way.
You can also get close to your mother-in-law by showing interest in her talents.
Maybe she’s an excellent cook or a fantastic gardener. Take an interest in her skills and ask for advice.
You could say, “Your garden always looks amazing. Any tips for a novice like me?” This not only shows appreciation but also creates opportunities for bonding.
Another way to make your mother-in-law love you is to include her in family decisions. Make her feel valued by seeking her input on family matters.
Whether it’s planning a vacation or choosing a name for your new pet, asking for her opinion shows that you respect her judgment and consider her an important part of the family.
If your goal is to win your mother-in-law’s heart, regular appreciation will help build a strong, positive relationship with her over time.
13. Spend time with her regularly
One of the easiest ways to build a strong relationship with your mother-in-law is to spend quality time with her.
By doing this, you’ll create opportunities for bonding and understanding each other better. Here are easy ways to connect with her:
Plan regular get-togethers
Try to schedule regular meetups with your mother-in-law. This could be a weekly coffee date, a monthly lunch, or even a quarterly family dinner.
The key is to establish a routine that works for both of you. By doing so, you’re showing her that she’s a priority in your life.
Engage in shared interests
Find common ground by exploring activities you both enjoy. Whether it’s gardening, cooking, or watching classic movies, shared experiences can help bridge any gaps between you.
Don’t be afraid to try something new that she’s passionate about – it shows you’re making an effort to connect.
Include her in family activities
Invite your mother-in-law to family outings or events. This could be anything from a simple picnic in the park to a weekend getaway.
By including her in these moments, you’re reinforcing her importance in the family unit and creating lasting memories together.
14. Apologize and ask for forgiveness whenever you hurt her
When it comes to building a strong relationship with your mother-in-law, owning up to your mistakes is crucial.
We all slip up sometimes, but how you handle those moments can make or break your bond. Here’s how to apologize the right way:
Be sincere and specific
Don’t just mutter a quick “sorry” and move on. Take a deep breath, look her in the eye, and express genuine remorse.
Be specific about what you’re apologizing for, whether it’s forgetting her birthday or saying something insensitive.
For example: “I’m truly sorry for not including you in our holiday plans. It was thoughtless of me, and I understand why you’re hurt.”
Take responsibility and make amends
Avoid making excuses or shifting blame. Instead, acknowledge your role in the situation and offer a solution.
You might say, “I realize I should have communicated better. In the future, I’ll make sure to keep you in the loop about family gatherings.”
Give her time and space
Forgiveness isn’t always instant. Your mother-in-law might need time to process her feelings after your apology. Be patient and respectful of her emotions.
Show her you’re committed to improving your relationship through consistent, thoughtful actions over time.
By approaching apologies with humility and grace, you’ll demonstrate your commitment to fostering a positive relationship with your mother-in-law.
It’s a powerful way to build trust and show that you value her place in your family.
Conclusion
Building a relationship takes time, especially when navigating the complex dynamics of in-law relationships.
Don’t get discouraged if things don’t click immediately. Keep making consistent efforts to connect, even if progress seems slow at first.
Remember that your mother-in-law may have her own anxieties or reservations about welcoming a new person into the family.
Try to show interest in her life and make an effort to get to know her.
If nothing changes, have patience and keep doing good. Your efforts will pay off eventually.
Recommended reading:
10 Obvious Signs You Have A Toxic Mother-In-Law
14 Signs Your Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Like You
How To Set Boundaries With In-Laws And Overbearing Parents
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.