So you’ve found the love of your life, but there’s just one tiny problem – your mother-in-law.
We’ve all heard the stereotypes, but a truly toxic mother-in-law can wreak havoc on your marriage and mental health.
If you’re starting to suspect that your partner’s mom might be more than just a little overbearing, you’re not being paranoid.
In this article, we reveal some traits of a toxic mother-in-law and how to cope if you have one.
10 OBVIOUS SIGNS YOU HAVE A TOXIC MOTHER-IN-LAW
How can you tell if you have a difficult mother-in-law?
Some common signs of a toxic mother-in-law include being overly critical or controlling, interfering in your relationship, showing disrespect toward you and your spouse, creating tension or conflict within the family, or making unreasonable demands.
Here are other signs to watch out for:
1. She Criticizes Everything You Do
A major sign your mother-in-law is toxic is that you can’t seem to do anything right in her eyes.
Whether it’s your cooking, parenting, or career choices, she always finds fault.
She nitpicks every decision, from how you fold laundry to how you decorate your home.
This constant criticism can be exhausting and demoralizing, chipping away your self-esteem.
You might find yourself second-guessing your choices or feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around her.
If your mother-in-law constantly criticizes your preferences, don’t let her negativity overshadow your accomplishments or diminish your worth.
Remember, this behavior isn’t about you – it’s a reflection of her own insecurities and need for control.
2. She Competes With You
Do you ever feel like you’re in a never-ending contest with your mother-in-law?
If she’s constantly trying to outdo you or steal the spotlight, you might have a toxic situation on your hands.
Maybe she brags about her cooking skills whenever you prepare a meal, or she swoops in to “save the day” when you’re handling a situation with your kids.
This competitive behavior isn’t just annoying—it’s a sign that she sees you as a rival rather than family.
Pay attention to how she reacts when you share good news or accomplish something.
Does she genuinely celebrate your successes, or does she always have a way to overshadow your achievements?
If you have a feeling she’s jealous and is trying to compete with you, that’s not a good sign. A healthy relationship should be built on support, not rivalry.
But, as long as your mother-in-law is not crossing any boundaries, try to overlook her behavior and focus solely on your immediate family.
3. She Tries To Control And Manipulate You
A big sign you have a toxic mother-in-law is that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly trying to please her.
She may use guilt trips, emotional blackmail, or passive-aggressive behavior to get her way.
Watch out for subtle manipulation tactics like unsolicited advice, backhanded compliments, or playing the victim.
If she’s always meddling in your decisions or trying to dictate how you raise your kids, that’s a major red flag.
A toxic mother-in-law might also attempt to drive a wedge between you and your partner, undermining your relationship.
If you notice she’s controlling or manipulative, set healthy boundaries, and don’t be afraid to stand your ground when she attempts to cross the line.
It’s also crucial to communicate openly with your spouse about any issues you’re having.
4. She Oversteps Your Boundaries
Another sign your mother-in-law is toxic is that she doesn’t respect the boundaries and rules you’ve set.
Whether it’s showing up unannounced, offering unsolicited advice on your parenting, or criticizing your life choices, she’s constantly pushing the limits.
You might find her rearranging your furniture without permission, allowing the kids to have too much screen time, or insisting on joining every family outing.
This behavior not only disregards your personal space but also undermines your authority in your own home and relationship.
It’s crucial to recognize these red flags early on and address them firmly with your partner.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding – something a toxic mother-in-law often struggles to grasp.
5. She Disrespects You And Your Spouse
A toxic mother-in-law often shows blatant disrespect for you and your partner.
She might criticize your choices, belittle your accomplishments, or make snide remarks about your relationship.
You’ll notice she frequently undermines your decisions as a couple, trying to create problems between you.
She may also ignore your boundaries, showing up unannounced or meddling in your personal affairs.
Pay attention to how she speaks about you to others – does she spread gossip or share private information?
These behaviors not only hurt you directly but can also strain your marriage.
Respect is a two-way street, and you deserve to be treated with dignity in your relationship with your in-laws.
If your mother-in-law won’t respect you or your spouse, it may be wise to limit contact with her and not divulge sensitive information to her.
6. She Interferes In Your Relationship
Do you feel like your mother-in-law is always meddling in your marriage?
A toxic mother-in-law often can’t resist inserting herself into your relationship dynamics.
She might criticize your decisions as a couple, dictate how you should handle your personal affairs, or even try to manipulate your partner against you.
Watch out for her attempts to create rifts between you two by sharing “concerns” about you with your spouse.
She may also insist on being included in plans meant for just the two of you or constantly call and text your partner.
If your mother-in-law can’t respect your relationship’s privacy, it’s a major red flag that needs addressing.
Pay attention if she’s constantly telling you what to do and trying to run your marriage for you.
7. She Creates Tension And Conflict Within The Family
A toxic mother-in-law often thrives on drama, stirring up trouble between you and your spouse or other family members.
You might notice her making snide comments, spreading gossip, or pitting relatives against each other.
She may also try to manipulate situations to create misunderstandings or jealousy.
Pay attention if she frequently brings up sensitive topics at family gatherings or tries to drive wedges between you and your partner.
A telltale sign is her tendency to play the victim when confronted about her behavior.
A healthy family dynamic shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells.
If you’re constantly mediating conflicts your mother-in-law instigates, it might be time to set some boundaries.
8. She Talks Bad About You To Others
One of the most glaring signs of a toxic mother-in-law is her tendency to badmouth you behind your back.
You might hear from other people that she’s been spreading unflattering stories or making nasty comments about you to family members, friends, or even strangers.
This behavior not only undermines your reputation but also creates unnecessary tension within the family.
Pay attention to how others react around you or if there’s a sudden shift in their behavior.
If you notice people acting differently or seeming uncomfortable in your presence, it could be a sign that your mother-in-law has been poisoning their minds.
Gossiping about you to others is a toxic trait and you need to confront her about the things she’s saying behind your back.
A respectful mother-in-law would address concerns directly with you rather than airing dirty laundry to others.
9. She Tries To Turn Your Spouse And Kids Against You
A toxic mother-in-law often resorts to manipulative tactics to drive a wedge between you and your family.
You might notice her whispering negative comments about you to your spouse or children when she thinks you’re out of earshot.
She may even twist your words or actions, painting you in an unfavorable light.
Watch out for her attempts to create “special bonds” with your kids that exclude you, or her constant criticism of your parenting skills in front of them.
These subtle yet damaging behaviors can erode trust and create tension within your household.
If you’re experiencing this, it’s crucial to address the issue with your spouse and present a united front against such divisive tactics.
10. She Makes Unreasonable Demands
Do you find yourself constantly bending over backward to meet your mother-in-law’s expectations? That’s a clear sign she’s toxic.
Whether it’s last-minute babysitting requests, unexpected visits, or insistence on following her way of doing things, her demands can feel overwhelming.
She may guilt-trip you if you can’t comply or criticize your choices when they don’t align with her preferences.
This behavior often stems from a need for control and can leave you feeling drained and resentful.
It’s okay to set boundaries and say no sometimes. Your well-being matters too, and a healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding.
Conclusion
Do any of these toxic behaviors sound familiar? If you’re nodding along and thinking “Yep, that’s my mother-in-law,” don’t panic.
It’s important to address any issues calmly and respectfully to nurture a positive relationship for everyone involved.
Remember, you’re not alone in dealing with difficult in-laws. The key is setting healthy boundaries and not letting her behavior impact your relationship.
Talk to your partner, present a united front, and don’t be afraid to limit contact if needed. At the end of the day, your sanity and your marriage come first.
Recommended reading:
14 Signs Your Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Like You
9 Subtle Signs You’re Not A Good Daughter-In-Law
25 Things You Should Never Say To Your Partner
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
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