Should You Maintain Contact With Your Ex?

On Valentine’s Day, I received a call from my ex. He just wanted to check up on me and ask how I was enjoying my Val. 

A part of me knew he just wanted to find out if I was celebrating it alone or with someone special. 

Or maybe I just wanted him to think that. Maybe it would be consoling if I thought that he still cared about me. 

I secretly wished he would tell me he missed me terribly and wanted me back. But it didn’t happen!!    

After I hung up the phone, my friend who was listening to our conversation asked who had called and when I told her it was my ex, she just rolled her eyes and hissed out loud. 

The next thing she said was “na who ex don help for this life? I was baffled by her question and I asked if she wasn’t in touch with any of her exes and she replied with a loud “God forbid”. 

When I asked her why she felt that way towards her exes, she narrated her ordeal to me.     

Her last relationship was with one of her church members. He also happened to be her colleague at work. They did almost everything together; at home, work and even in church. 

Several months later, they realised they were deeply in love with each other. When he proposed, she hastily accepted. She felt on top of the world. 

A few months to their wedding, she travelled home for her cousin’s traditional marriage and didn’t come back until two weeks later. 

She received the shock of her life when she heard her fiancé was getting married in a month’s time and she wasn’t his bride to be!

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He was getting married to a some girl he had impregnated!! After the wedding, she quit her job and cut of all contact with her ex till this day.    

What would you have done if you were in her shoes? Would you ever speak to your ex again? I don’t know what I would do if something like this ever happened to me but I know I would lose my mind!!

I know a few friends who are friends with their exes. They keep in touch occasionally and there are no strings attached. 

If you ask me if I still keep in touch with my exes, my answer would be yes and no. Do you ask why? I’ll tell you… 

I keep in touch with exes who broke up with me maturely; without drama, maybe because we both drifted apart and there was no future for us. 

But I don’t keep in touch with exes who abused me or cheated on me. I completely cut them off until I’m ready to speak to them again. It could take a few months or even years before I accept friendship from an ex. 

I think everyone has different opinions concerning their exes. If you’ve decided to maintain contact with your ex, please take note of these tips:
1. Keep the relationship platonic: 
Of course you know what I mean. There should be no romantic tendencies towards your ex. Make sure your ex knows you’re only interested in being friends with him. Don’t send romantic texts to each other and don’t be caught with him or her in a secluded area. Anything can happen.
 2. Keep the conversation light:

Avoid bringing up issues from your old relationship. Instead talk about what you are currently doing and your future plans. Don’t reminisce about the beautiful moments you spent together. It could bring back crazy feelings you’re not ready to entertain.

 3. Be friendly but not flirtatious:  

You should draw a line between friendship and romance. Dress decently when you’re around him or her so you don’t give out the wrong signals. Don’t hold hands with your ex or hug him or her for too long either. It could send the wrong signals.
 4. Don’t sleep with your ex: 
Sex creates complications in platonic relationships. It is best to abstain from it until you both are ready to get back together. No matter what happens, lock up your cookie in the cookie jar. For the guys, try to resist the temptation; it could be risky.
5. Don’t fall back into old routines:

Don’t assume that you’re just going to continue from where you left off. Don’t bring up activities you used to do together as a couple. Refrain from contacting your ex daily. No excessive calling or texting.
6. Know when to back out: 

If things begin to get tensed or complicated, please back out of the relationship. You don’t want to have another heart break, trust me. Don’t allow anyone force you into what you don’t want.
7. Thou shall not stalk: 
Avoid following your ex everywhere. Don’t stalk him or her on social media either. It will only lead to obsession and heartache. Maintaining contact with an ex entirely depends on an individual. 

Do you still keep in touch with your ex?

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3 thoughts on “Should You Maintain Contact With Your Ex?

  1. Nice article J! I only keep in touch with exes who treated me right but the ones who hurt me, I don't talk to them no more. We like total strangers now and I like it that way!

    1. Well, I think keeping in touch with exes is definitely your own choice to make. No one should force you into any friendship you don't want. It's good you maintain a certain distance with people you no longer want in your life!

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