How To Get Your Ex Back: A Step-By-Step Guide

how to get your ex back

Is it possible to get your ex back? You may have thought about this a couple of times after your breakup but didn’t put much effort into it.

But now, you’re ready to explore the possibility of reconnecting with your former partner because you believe you two belong together.

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex or find it difficult to move on after a breakup, it may be a good idea to try getting back together just in case the flame is still burning.

However, you need to know that getting an ex back takes strategy and patience.

In this step-by-step guide, you’ll learn how to reflect on the relationship, reconnect as friends first, and gradually rebuild attraction.

With some effort, open communication, and a commitment to personal growth, you can convince your ex to give the relationship another shot.

This is not going to be easy, but if your ex is truly “the one”, it will be worth it. Now let’s get started on getting your love back!

how to get your ex back


It’s not unusual for couples to get back together after a breakup.

Sometimes, people end a romantic relationship for several reasons but later realize that they can’t love someone else and seek to reconnect with their former partners.

If you feel that your ex is your soulmate and you can’t live without them, it can be worth it to try and rekindle the spark with them.

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to get your ex back within a short time:

1. Understand Why The Breakup Happened

To get your ex back, you need to understand why you broke up in the first place.

Maybe the romance faded, life got too busy, you grew apart, or trust was broken. Whatever the reason, take time for honest self-reflection.

Did you stop appreciating your partner? Were you too clingy or distant? Did you fail to communicate openly?

Recognizing your own mistakes or shortcomings is key. At the same time, try to see the situation from your ex’s perspective.

Why did the relationship no longer meet their needs? Knowing what went wrong will help you make positive changes.

It can also enable you to make a concrete plan to remedy past hurts and be a better partner going forward.

Think about specific ways you can strengthen emotional intimacy, improve communication, increase quality time together, rebuild trust, or whatever is needed based on why you drifted apart.

When you feel ready to rekindle your relationship, reach out to start a genuine conversation. But don’t do this until you’ve given your ex adequate space and time.

They need to miss you, and you need to have a calm, rational perspective before approaching them to express your desire for another chance at love.

2. Prepare Yourself Emotionally For Reconciliation

After setting aside time for self-reflection and pondering on all the things that went wrong in your previous relationship, you need to work through your feelings.

Did your ex break your heart? Are you still angry? Do you feel sad about the way things ended between you two?

Sorting through your emotions will help you determine if reconciliation is the right step to take.

It’s important to give yourself space to grieve the end of the relationship. Talk to others who care about you and be gentle with yourself during the healing process.

Once you’ve processed how you feel, work on forgiveness and letting go. Holding onto resentment will only hurt you and hinder your growth.

Forgiving your ex for their mistakes and imperfections can help you find inner peace.

This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened but choosing to release negative feelings.

Practice self-care, like exercising, journaling, or meditation, to help you let go of anger and hurt.

Next, work on setting healthy boundaries. Decide what is and isn’t acceptable to you in a relationship.

Be very clear with yourself about your needs and limits. For example, if constant criticism was an issue, make it clear that you won’t tolerate disrespect.

Setting boundaries will give you confidence and ensure you don’t repeat past mistakes.

Don’t be afraid to communicate these boundaries to your ex. They need to understand your expectations for the reconciliation to work.

The final step is training your mind to look towards a better future, rather than staying stuck in the past.

While you’ve learned from your mistakes, dwelling on them won’t serve you. Imagine what a healthy, happy relationship with your ex could look like.

Visualize the good times you want to have. A positive outlook will make you more open to reconciliation and help ensure success.

how to get your ex back

3. Re-Establish Contact The Right Way

When you’re ready to reach out to your ex again, do it carefully and thoughtfully.

The way you re-establish contact can make or break your chances of rekindling your relationship. Here are a few good ideas to try:

Send a casual text

Start with something light and casual like “Hey, how have you been?” This opens the door for conversation without putting too much pressure on yourself or your ex.

Keep things positive and avoid rehashing the past or demanding to get back together right away.

Contact them on social media

You can also reach out to your ex on Facebook or Instagram if you know their handles. Just send a casual DM asking them how life is going and what they’ve been up to.

You can use this opportunity to ask for their phone number as well. If they’re not ready to chat outside of social media though, continue to exchange messages until they get comfortable.

Suggest meeting in person

If your initial contact goes well and you both seem open to chatting more, suggest meeting up to talk face-to-face.

Say something like “It was nice hearing from you. Would you want to grab coffee this week and catch up properly?”

Meeting in person allows you both to really see if the spark is still there and gives you an opportunity to apologize sincerely for your part in the breakup.

When you meet, be open and honest in sharing how you feel, but also listen to what your ex has to say. Take ownership of your mistakes and express genuine regret.

However, avoid mentioning who is to blame for the breakup—this will likely only lead to hurt feelings and resentment.

The goal is to have a constructive conversation, and then see if friendship or even reconciliation feels right for both of you.

With patience and the right approach, you have a shot at reconnecting with your ex and possibly giving your relationship another chance.

But go slowly, be respectful of their feelings, and make sure you’re both on the same page about what you want before diving back into a relationship.

4. Don’t Act Desperate Or Needy

One of the worst things you can do if you want to get your ex back is to act desperate or needy.

No one finds that behavior attractive, and it will likely only push your ex further away.

Resist the urge to repeatedly call, text, or contact your ex in any way. Don’t beg for another chance or plead for them to take you back.

As hard as it may be, try to distract yourself and avoid contacting them unless necessary. The best way to avoid seeming desperate is to focus on yourself.

Stay busy by pursuing your interests and hobbies, spending time with supportive friends and family, and doing things that boost your self-esteem.

Use this time to reflect on the relationship and work on self-improvement. Strive to become the best version of yourself.

Your ex will surely notice your newfound strength and independence. And when you do have contact with them, remain polite but confident.

Show them through your actions that you’re moving on, even if you’re still hoping for reconciliation.

This attitude of self-respect will make you much more appealing to your ex, and increase the chances of them wanting you back.

how to get your ex back

5. Be Ready To Have The Reconciliation Conversation

Talking to your ex about getting back together is going to be difficult, but it’s a necessary step.

The key is to go into the conversation with an open and honest mindset. You can start by saying:

“I know we have a complicated history, but I think we owe it to ourselves to talk about the possibility of giving our relationship another shot.”

Let them know you want to have a lengthy discussion about what went wrong, and how you both can do better this time.

Listen to what they have to say with an open mind. Don’t get defensive, even if they bring up some hard truths.

Take responsibility for your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt you caused them. Tell them you want to do the work to rebuild trust and you’re willing to take things slowly.

Share the specific ways you’ve grown and the steps you’ll take to be a better partner this time.

For example, say something like: “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since we broke up. I realize I wasn’t always there for you emotionally like I should have been. I’m ready to be more attentive and supportive if you give us a second chance.”

Finally, ask them if they’re open to going on some casual dates to start rebuilding your connection.

Let them know there’s no pressure, but you’d like a chance to show them the new you. Make it clear the ball is in their court, so they feel in control of the pace.

If for any reason your ex is not open to reconciliation now, be proud of yourself for taking an important first step by having a difficult but necessary conversation.

6. Give Your Ex Time To Think About Reconnecting With You

Now that you’ve made initial contact and started communicating again, avoid overwhelming your ex or coming on too strong.

Even though you may be eager to get back together, keep things light and casual at first. Give your ex time and space to process the idea of rekindling your relationship.

Text or call them every few days to chat, but don’t bombard them with messages or long emotional phone calls.

Keep things positive and focus on listening to them and finding common ground again. Suggest meeting up for coffee or drinks in a casual, low-pressure setting.

But if they don’t seem ready for that, be patient. Forcing unwanted contact or affection with your ex will likely backfire.

This time apart is an opportunity for both of you to gain perspective. Use it to work on yourself by pursuing your interests and personal goals.

Make positive life changes so you can be an even better partner if you do get back together.

Your ex will notice these changes in you, and it may make them realize what they’ve been missing.

But the motivation for self-improvement should be for your own well-being, not just to win them back.

With time, the intensity of the breakup will fade. Hurt feelings will subside, and anger or resentment will melt away.

Your ex’s guard will likely come down, and they’ll be able to think about the relationship more rationally and objectively.

This is when real progress can be made in rebuilding trust and rekindling your connection.

So stay patient—if it’s meant to be, your patience will pay off. But if after a while it seems they’ve truly moved on, you’ll have to accept that and work on moving on in a healthy way.

how to get your ex back

7. Focus On Being Friends For A While

Another step to getting your ex back is to take things slow and focus on rebuilding your friendship first.

This means avoiding talking about the relationship or making any bold romantic gestures right away.

Instead, start simply by suggesting grabbing coffee or lunch together to catch up.

Keep things light and neutral, talking about shared interests, friends, or funny memories you have. This will help remind you both of the connection you once shared.

As you continue to meet up, be friendly and show interest in their life, but don’t be overly flirty or affectionate. Give your ex space and don’t pressure them into getting back together.

If after a few meetups, they seem open to spending more time together, suggest an activity you both enjoy, like seeing a movie, walking in the park, or just cooking a meal at home.

These low-key hangouts will help to strengthen your bond. The key is to be patient. Rushing into a reconciliation will likely backfire.

But by rebuilding your friendship and emotional intimacy over time, you can create an opportunity for the romance to be rekindled naturally.

Your ex will start to miss the closeness you share and may see you as a potential partner again.

When you both feel the spark coming back, that’s the time to express how you feel and see if they’re open to giving the relationship another shot.

You can start engaging in more intimate activities together like holding hands, cuddling, or kissing. But don’t rush into lovemaking until you’re both ready. 

To be safe, let your ex set the pace for increasing physical intimacy and respect whatever boundaries they establish.

Rebuilding trust and intimacy will take work. But by improving communication, engaging in shared activities together, and moving slowly, you have a good chance of rekindling your connection. 


Getting an ex back takes time, patience, and consistent effort.

If you stick to the plan and stay focused on your goal, your chances of rekindling that old flame are pretty good. But don’t lose yourself in the process.

Focus on becoming your best self first, and the rest will fall into place. The most important thing is believing in yourself and knowing what you want.

With patience and commitment, you can get a second chance at love. Just follow the steps mentioned in this article and keep an open mind.

If you’re meant to be together, everything will happen in its own time.


Recommended reading:

10 Things You Should Never Do After A Breakup

How To Get Over A Breakup Fast And Move On

7 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Never Coming Back

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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