Should You Maintain Contact With Your Ex?

Should you maintain contact with your ex?

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Has your ex asked you to be just friends and you’re contemplating whether or not to maintain contact with your ex? It’s not a coincidence you’re here! You were meant to read this blog post today so let’s dive in…

On Valentine’s Day, I received a call from my ex. He wanted to check up on me and ask how I was enjoying my Val.

A part of me knew he just wanted to find out if I was celebrating it alone or with someone special. Or maybe I just wanted him to think that. Maybe it would be consoling if I thought that he still cared about me.

I secretly wished he would tell me he missed me terribly and wanted me back. But it didn’t happen!

After I hung up the phone, my friend who was listening to our conversation asked who had called and when I told her it was my ex, she just rolled her eyes and hissed out loud.

So, I asked if she was in touch with any of her exes and she replied with “Never”. When I asked her why she felt that way towards her exes, she narrated her ordeal to me.

Her last relationship was with one of her church members. He also happened to be her colleague at work. They did almost everything together; at home, work and even in church.

Several months later, they realized they were deeply in love with each other. When he proposed, she accepted without hesitation.

She felt on top of the world. A few months to their wedding, she traveled home for her cousin’s wedding ceremony and didn’t come back until two weeks later.

She received the shock of her life when she heard her fiancé was getting married in a month’s time and she wasn’t his bride to be!

He was getting married to a strange girl he had impregnated and barely even knew!! After the wedding, she quit her job and cut off all contact with her ex till this day.

What would you have done if you were in her shoes? Would you ever speak to your ex again?

I don’t know what I would do if something like that ever happened to me but I know I would lose my mind!

I know a few friends who are still friends with their exes. They keep in touch occasionally with no strings attached and the relationship is thriving.

If you ask me if I still keep in touch with my exes, my answer would be yes and no. Do you ask why? I’ll tell you…

I keep in touch with exes who broke up with me maturely; without drama maybe because we both drifted apart and there was no future for us.

But I don’t keep in touch with exes who abused me or cheated on me. I completely cut them off until I’m ready to speak to them again.

It could take a few months or even years before I accept friendship from an ex. I also have exes I don’t EVER talk to for reasons best known to me.

I think everyone has different opinions concerning their exes. If you’ve decided to maintain contact with your ex, please take note of these tips:


Should you maintain contact with your ex? Here are 7 tips to consider when you're friends with your ex

1. Keep the relationship platonic:

This is very important if you want to maintain contact with your ex. You must maintain a casual relationship with your ex.

This means that there should be no emotional tendencies towards him. Let your ex know you’re only interested in being friends with him and nothing more.

Don’t send romantic texts to each other. Don’t allow him to kiss you and don’t try to seduce him either.

Ensure you don’t get caught with him in a romantic or intimate atmosphere. Your relationship ended for a good reason; keep it that way and just be friends so you don’t get hurt in the end.

2. Keep the conversation casual:

If you want to maintain contact with your ex, avoid bringing up issues from your old relationship. Talk about what you are currently doing, your work and your future plans.

Don’t fantasize about the beautiful moments you spent together or how wonderful your relationship was.

Going down memory lane could bring back crazy feelings you’re not ready to entertain and that’s not healthy for you.

3. Be friendly but not flirtatious:  

It’s often hard to know when to draw the line when you’re “just friends” with your ex.

Sometimes, emotions can get in the way of your friendship and you end up acting awkward around your ex. You should know when to draw the line between friendship and an emotional relationship.

Dress decently when you’re around him so you don’t give out the wrong signals.

Don’t wear overly attractive things when you know you will be hanging out with your ex. Don’t hold hands with him or hug him for too long either. It could send the wrong signals!

4. Don’t sleep with your ex:

This is really really important if you want to keep in touch with your ex. Intimacy creates complications in casual relationships.

It is best to abstain from it until you’ve both decided to get back together and renew your relationship.

No matter what happens, lock up your cookie in the cookie jar and don’t give in.

Resist the temptation to sleep with your ex because trust me, you don’t want to go down that road of mixed feelings and confusion.

Should you maintain contact with your ex?

5. Don’t fall back into old routines:

It’s very tempting to assume you can just pick up from where you left with your ex and fall back into old habits like using pet names.

But, it’s the wrong thing to do if you want to maintain a casual relationship with your ex. Don’t assume that you’re just going to continue from where you left off.

Don’t bring up the activities you used to do together as a couple. Don’t do those sweet things your ex adored when you were together.

Most importantly, refrain from contacting your ex daily. Excessive calling or texting shouldn’t be a part of your routine.

6. Know when to back out: 

If things begin to get tensed or complicated, please back out of the relationship. You don’t want to have another heartbreak that will wreck you.

Don’t allow anyone to force you into what you don’t want. If you don’t want to maintain contact with your ex, purge him out of your life and cut off all contact with him.

7. Don’t stalk your ex:

Avoid following your ex everywhere he goes. Don’t track his movements and don’t stalk him on social media either. It will only lead to obsession and heartache.

Let him live his life while being friends with you and learn to live your own individual life without depending on your ex.


If you want to keep in touch with your ex, it entirely depends on you as long you no longer have any romantic feelings for your ex.

But, if you’re struggling to move on and you feel your relationship was a match made in heaven, I recommend How to Win Back Your Ex to help you make your ex fall in love with you all over again.


Do you still keep in touch with your ex?


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3 thoughts on “Should You Maintain Contact With Your Ex?

  1. Nice article J! I only keep in touch with exes who treated me right but the ones who hurt me, I don't talk to them no more. We like total strangers now and I like it that way!

    1. Well, I think keeping in touch with exes is definitely your own choice to make. No one should force you into any friendship you don't want. It's good you maintain a certain distance with people you no longer want in your life!

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