How To Forgive Someone Who Isn’t Sorry

how to forgive someone who isn't sorry

Did someone do or say something that hurt you, but they’re not sorry about it?

Maybe they betrayed your trust, cheated on you, or hurt you deeply but feel justified in their action and have refused to apologize.

They even act like you’re the one with the problem. Now you’re left with all these angry and hurt feelings with no resolution.

You want to forgive them so you can move on, but how do you forgive someone who isn’t even sorry?

In this article, we’ll talk about what forgiveness really means, how to find closure within yourself, and how you can move forward even if the other person refuses to apologize or make amends.

Whether it’s a friend, romantic partner, or family member who hurt you, it’s essential to forgive them and let go so you can heal.

Studies reveal that unforgiveness can lead to increased stress, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

Forgiveness, on the other hand, promotes a healthier state of mind and overall well-being. However, inner peace doesn’t come until you’ve surrendered and completely let go.

If you’re struggling to move past a painful incident, here’s how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry.

how to forgive someone who isn't sorry

WHY YOU SHOULD FORGIVE EVEN WITHOUT AN APOLOGY

When someone hurts you but doesn’t apologize, forgiving them can be hard. However, forgiving for your own well-being is one of the best things you can do.

Holding onto resentment and anger only hurts you, not the other person. It causes stress, raises blood pressure, and damages your health and relationships.

Forgiving allows you to let go of negative feelings so you can find inner peace. Even if the person isn’t sorry, forgiving them means you refuse to let their actions control you.

You’re choosing to not dwell on the hurt and instead redirect your energy into something positive. Think of forgiveness as releasing toxic feelings, not excusing the other person.

Forgiving also gives you the chance to view the situation with more empathy and understanding.

We all make mistakes. Perhaps the person didn’t intend to hurt you or they weren’t in the right frame of mind at the time.

Looking at the bigger picture can help you forgive but it doesn’t mean you need to excuse their behavior or reconcile with them.

Ultimately, forgiving for your well-being is about accepting what happened and making the choice to move on from it. It’s one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

While an apology would be nice, don’t wait for one that may never come. Take your power back and forgive—you deserve to be free from the past.

how to forgive someone who isn't sorry

HOW TO LET GO OF ANGER AND RESENTMENT

The only person you’re hurting by holding onto anger is yourself. When you get angry or resentful, your body becomes tense and anxious which can be detrimental to your health.

Make a conscious decision to forgive the person who hurt you—even if they’re not sorry. Start by recognizing that forgiveness is for you, not them. Here’s how to forgive someone who betrayed you:

1. Accept what happened

The first step to forgiveness is accepting that the event happened and that you can’t change the past. Coming to terms with it will help you move on faster.

2. Acknowledge your feelings

To start your healing journey, you need to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise when you think of the person who hurt you.

Then work to release them through exercise, art, writing, or talking to others. Bottling up anger and resentment only makes things worse in the long run.

3. Look at the bigger picture

Another thing you can do to move toward forgiveness is to see things from a different perspective.

Ask yourself if the issue will matter in the long run. Sometimes, anger diminishes when we realize its insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

4. Wish them well

As difficult as it may be, wish the other person well in your mind and heart. This helps shift your mindset from one of anger to one of peace and compassion.

5. Forgive when you’re ready

There’s no set timeline for forgiveness. It’s a personal journey that takes as long as is required. When you feel ready to forgive, do it for your well-being and happiness.

Accept what happened and release the negative feelings, then make a conscious effort to move on from anger and resentment.

Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry can be challenging, but it may just be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Choose to let go of the pain and embrace inner peace and freedom. 

how to forgive someone who isn't sorry

TIPS FOR CULTIVATING EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING

To forgive someone who hasn’t apologized, it helps to develop empathy for their perspective and understand the reasons behind their actions. Here’s how to forgive someone who traumatized you:

1. Put yourself in their shoes

Try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view and understand their motivations or reasons for their actions. This can help you develop compassion for them, even if you don’t agree with what they did.

2. Consider their background and experiences

The person who wronged you has a whole lifetime of experiences that shaped them into who they are.

Try to understand the root causes that led to their behavior. This can help you forgive them for their human flaws and weaknesses.

3. Focus on the present and future

Dwelling on past wrongdoings will only make you feel unhappy. Instead of constantly thinking of what the other person did or said, shift your mindset to the present and future.

Think about the current good in your life and the positive relationships you want to cultivate.

4. Forgive for yourself, not them

Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is really about finding inner peace for yourself. It’s something you do for your own benefit, not for the good of the other person.

Decide that you will forgive, not because they deserve it but because you deserve to have peace in your life.

Choose to release the negative feelings, then stick by that choice. Do it for your well-being and happiness, not for the other person’s benefit.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not something you do to make someone else feel good.

5. Make peace with the fact that they may never change

As much as you may want someone to recognize the error of their ways, they may not. Learn to accept that and forgive them anyway.

Their actions are out of your control, but your reaction is within your control. So choose peace and forgiveness every single day.

Forgiving someone who isn’t remorseful is challenging, but by cultivating empathy and understanding, you can find inner peace.

Focus on the present and your own well-being. Forgive because you deserve to be happy.

how to forgive someone who isn't sorry

WAYS TO FIND CLOSURE WITHOUT AN APOLOGY

Forgiving someone who hasn’t apologized can be difficult, but finding inner peace is important for your well-being.

Letting go of anger and resentment, even without an apology, allows you to move on from the situation. Here are some tips to find closure on your own terms:

1. Accept that you may never get an apology

As much as you may deserve to hear the words “I’m sorry,” don’t hold your breath waiting for someone to come around who clearly doesn’t intend to.

Make peace with the fact that they may never own up to their actions or ask for forgiveness. Staying stuck in wishing and hoping will only make you feel worse in the long run.

2. Focus on yourself, not the other person

Don’t give the other individual power over you and your emotions. Shift your energy inward and work on your personal growth and healing.

The more you dwell on their actions, the more bitterness and sadness you’ll feel. Reflect on the good in your own life and the people who treat you well. That’s the key to maintaining a positive mindset

3. Find meaning and purpose in life

When something hurtful happens, it’s easy to feel like a victim. However, you can take back your power by finding purpose and meaning.

What did you learn from the situation? How can you use that lesson to help others in a similar position?

Try doing volunteer work with groups that support people going through what you went through. Helping others is a great way to heal yourself and rediscover who you are.

Letting go of anger and resentment is a journey. Be gentle with yourself and know that forgiveness and closure will come when the time is right for you.

Stay focused on self-care, accept what you cannot change, and work to find meaning in life—that is the path to peace.

LEARNING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

Before you forgive someone else, you must first forgive yourself. This is often the hardest part of the healing journey, but it’s necessary for inner peace.

When someone you love betrays your trust, you may feel regret, shame, or guilt over your role in the situation. But continually beating yourself up won’t undo the past or make you feel better.

It’s time to show yourself some compassion and acknowledge that you did what you thought was best at the time. Here are some steps you can take to forgive yourself:

1. Accept that you are human

You made a mistake by trusting someone blindly and wish you had anticipated their behavior. It’s not your fault that they didn’t live up to your expectations.

Forgive yourself for not being perfect and embrace your humanity. Instead of judging yourself harshly, focus on learning from your mistakes.

2. Show yourself love

The best time to take good care of yourself is when you’re going through a difficult time.

Even though it’s more tempting to abandon yourself and wallow in negative emotions, try to be kind to yourself.

Exercise, meditate, do yoga, and take soothing baths. It’s also important to engage in hobbies and activities that you find meaningful or calming.

Be gentle with yourself and speak to yourself with kindness and positivity. Your worth isn’t defined by your mistakes or what others think of you, so love yourself unconditionally

3. Learn your lesson

When you feel hurt about something that happened in the past, reflect on what you can gain from the experience.

Think about how you can grow personally from it and what you may do differently next time.

Learning from your mistakes will make you feel empowered rather than defeated and you’ll be more prepared to tackle similar situations in the future.

4. Make amends if needed

If your actions caused harm to the other person, consider making amends. Apologize sincerely without excuses and show genuine remorse.

You may also choose to do small acts of kindness as a way of saying sorry and making up for your past actions.

Donating your time or money to a related charity or cause can help bring you inner peace.

The path to forgiving yourself is challenging but rewarding. Be patient and remember why you deserve to forgive yourself.

Let go of negative and unproductive feelings, and instead, fill yourself with compassion and grace. Make the choice each day to be kind to yourself. In time, self-forgiveness will come.

Conclusion

When someone hurts you and refuses to apologize, don’t wait around for an apology.

You have the power to let go of the pain, even if the other person won’t take responsibility or show remorse.

Choose to focus on the future instead of the past. When you make room for positive emotions like empathy, you’ll feel a lot lighter.

And you may even inspire the other person to come around eventually. But even if they don’t, you’re still better off.

Life’s too short to hold onto bitterness, so do yourself a favor and consider forgiveness. It will be good for your health.

 

Recommended reading:

How To Forgive Yourself For Past Mistakes And Move On

How To Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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