How To Stop Being Desperate For A Relationship

how to stop being desperate for a relationship

Are you tired of being single? I get it! You really, really want to be in a relationship and do some fun things with someone special.

You’re so eager to have a romantic partner that every date feels like the one and you try to force a connection where there’s none.

However, this often makes you appear desperate, clingy, and needy, which pushes potential partners away.

It can be frustrating to think you’ve found your soulmate only for your date to ghost you after a few days of meeting each other. Don’t give up on your search though!

Love is a beautiful thing and it’s okay to want to be in a romantic relationship, but you need to change your mindset before you can attract the right person.

If you’ve been experiencing some difficulties in your dating life and can’t seem to find a lasting partner, here are some tips on how to stop being desperate for a relationship:

how to stop being desperate for a relationship


Being desperate for love is a huge turn-off for most people. If you’re throwing yourself at potential partners and forcing them to date you, they’ll most likely run away.

Here are some steps you can take to stop being desperate and start attracting the right people in your life:

1. Try to understand why you feel the urgency to be in a relationship

Do you ever wonder why you feel desperate for a romantic relationship?

It often comes down to underlying insecurities and the need to feel validated.

When you don’t value yourself, you rely on others to make you feel worthy. But true self-worth comes from within.

Take the time to understand the root causes of your desperation for a relationship.

Reflect on your past experiences, insecurities, and beliefs that may be driving this behavior.

It’s normal to want companionship, but don’t let the fear of being alone drive you into unhealthy relationships.

Learn to enjoy your own company through hobbies, socializing, and self-care.

Stop seeking approval from partners or basing your self-esteem on whether someone’s interested in you.

You are enough, just as you are. Focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and the qualities that make you uniquely you.

When you start dating someone new, take things slow, keep your options open, and focus on getting to know the other person.

With time, you’ll gain perspective and your desperation will fade as you realize you don’t need a relationship—you just want a healthy one.

This is the mindset shift that’ll help you attract true love.

2. Focus on loving yourself and building a healthy self-esteem

One of the best ways to stop being desperate for a relationship is to learn to love yourself.

Work on accepting who you are with all your flaws and spend some time building your confidence.

Start speaking kindly to yourself and replace any negative self-talk with more constructive thoughts.

You are worthy and deserving of love, so remind yourself of your good qualities and accomplishments each day.

Stop seeking approval and validation from others. Don’t let likes and comments on social media determine your self-worth.

Focus on living according to your values and standards. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, set personal goals, and celebrate your achievements.

The truth is, you are enough just as you are. Stop worrying so much about your relationship status and start appreciating yourself.

Build your self-esteem from the inside out by practicing self-care and positive self-talk, and surrounding yourself with people who love you unconditionally.

In time, you’ll realize you were never desperate for a relationship in the first place. You just needed to love yourself.

how to stop being desperate for a relationship

3. Know that you are worthy of love

Being desperate for a relationship is a sign of low self-esteem.

When you feel unworthy of love, you’ll find yourself pursuing people for attention.

However, if you know you are worthy of love, you’ll stop chasing and start attracting instead.

Anytime you feel desperate for a relationship, remind yourself that you have value with or without a partner.

You are so much more than your relationship status. Your worth isn’t defined by whether or not you have a partner.

You are a unique and wonderful person who’s deserving of love from yourself and others.

When you base your self-esteem on being in a relationship, you give your power away. You rely on another person to make you feel good about yourself.

This desperation often leads to unhealthy relationships where you tolerate poor treatment just because you don’t want to be alone.

Instead of chasing other people for love, work on nurturing your relationship with yourself.

Pursue your interests, engage in hobbies that light you up, and expand your social connections.

Learn to enjoy your own company. The more you appreciate yourself, the less desperate you’ll feel for a relationship to fill some void.

You are whole as you are. A relationship is meant to complement an already full life, not complete you.

When you radiate self-confidence and independence, you attract partners who genuinely appreciate you for who you are.

Believe in your worth and the right person will too. Stop seeking a relationship to get validation. You are enough, just as you are.

4. Cultivate your passions and interests outside of relationships

Another step to overcoming desperation is to focus on pursuing your own interests and hobbies.

Rather than making dating and relationships your sole focus in life, explore your passions and talents.

Take a class on something you’ve always wanted to learn. Join a local sports club, volunteer for a good cause, pick up an instrument, start a garden, learn to cook, travel — the options are endless.

Developing yourself in these ways builds confidence from within. You’ll discover what truly fuels your spirit, and in turn, you’ll have more to offer a partner.

People who lead full, meaningful lives independent of relationships often find that relationships happen more naturally and healthily.

Make your life exciting and fulfilling all on your own — then invite someone special to join in on the fun.

how to stop being desperate for a relationship

5. Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your well-being

Making time for yourself is one of the best ways to stop feeling desperate for a relationship.

Schedule activities that you find personally fulfilling and rejuvenating.

You may be feeling desperate because you don’t love yourself enough and need someone to give you some affection.

To get rid of this desperation, take some time to pamper yourself.

Create a daily or weekly routine where you engage in self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.

This can include exercise, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or any activity that helps you relax and recharge.

Go for a walk or jog, do some yoga, get outside for some fresh air, and Vitamin D. Exercise releases endorphins that improve your mood and confidence.

Writing in a journal can be very therapeutic. Jot down your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. This simple habit can help gain perspective and ease anxiety.

Dive into a hobby you’re passionate about, whether it’s photography, learning an instrument, gardening, or whatever sparks your creativity.

Comparing yourself to the curated lives of others online often cultivates feelings of desperation and inadequacy.

Take a break from social media and do something else to boost your real-world connections.

Finally, make self-care a priority every single day. The time and effort you put into nurturing yourself and your happiness will help overcome desperation and increase your self-confidence.

This inner strength and contentment will make you much more likely to attract a healthy relationship when the time is right.

6. Invest in your personal growth and development

The key to overcoming desperation for a relationship is to shift your focus inward.

Work on being the best version of yourself by pursuing hobbies and interests that light you up, engaging in regular self-care, and setting personal goals.

When you make progress on meaningful life goals, your confidence and self-worth grow. You realize you don’t need another person to complete you.

Try learning a new skill, reading books on personal development, taking educational courses, or listening to empowering podcasts. Find what works for you and stick with it.

The more you invest in yourself, the less you’ll crave external validation from a relationship.

You’ll develop an abundance mindset, knowing there are endless opportunities and life paths available to you.

Needing a relationship to be happy is a myth—you contain within yourself everything you need to live a joyful, meaningful life.

Focus on being genuinely happy and the rest will follow in time. The desperate energy you are putting out there will actually push potential partners away.

Redirect that energy inward so you can attract like-minded people who share your zest for life.

And when you do meet someone special, it will be a happy surprise rather than something you feel you need to be whole.

7. Socialize and make new friends

Making new friends and socializing is another great way to overcome desperation for a relationship.

Start by pursuing your interests and hobbies to meet like-minded people.

Join a local club or take a class on something you enjoy, like cooking, hiking, or learning a new language.

Strike up conversations with people you see regularly at places like your gym, coffee shop, or place of worship. You can also invite potential new friends out for coffee or a drink.

While it can feel nerve-wracking, making new connections will boost your confidence and self-esteem.

New friends can enrich your life in so many ways. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there—you have so much to offer.

Once you’ve established new friendships, make an effort to stay socially active by getting together regularly. Plan game nights, group outings, or just meet up to chat over coffee.

Strong social bonds will make you less likely to feel desperate for a romantic relationship to fulfill you. Cherish each new friendship and the richness it brings to your life.

how to stop being desperate for a relationship

8. Learn to appreciate being single

It’s easy to feel desperate for a relationship when you’re lonely or craving intimacy.

But learning to appreciate the benefits of being single will help you become more content and confident in yourself.

So get comfortable being happily single and focus on using this time to strengthen your connections with close friends and family, pursue new hobbies and interests, and work on self-improvement.

Rather than dwelling on what you don’t have, practice gratitude for the good things in your life.

Make a list of things you’re grateful for each day to shift your mindset to a more positive state.

Learn to enjoy your own company by doing things alone like going out for a nice meal, seeing a movie, traveling, or simply spending time reading or pursuing a hobby.

Become your own best friend and the desperation for a relationship will fade. In time, you’ll develop an inner contentment and realize you have so much to offer.

That self-assuredness and comfort in your own skin will make you much more appealing when the right person does come along.

But for now, appreciate each moment and continue improving yourself. The rest will follow.

9. Remove any deadlines you’ve set for yourself

A major reason people desperately seek romantic relationships is because they’re conscious of their biological clock and want to achieve certain goals before a set time.

Forget about unrealistic deadlines and stop putting pressure on yourself to be in a relationship by a certain time.

This will only make you feel inadequate and anxious if you don’t meet them. Do you really want to be with someone just to meet some timeline you created?

Removing self-imposed deadlines allows you to focus on finding the right person for you instead of accepting anyone who comes along out of desperation.

Take the pressure off and stop worrying so much about your relationship status. Learn to enjoy your own company and embrace being single.

Only then can you build confidence from within and attract the kind of person you truly desire.

When you release expectations of what “should be”, you open yourself up to what can be. So throw out your relationship calendar and timeline.

Instead, make the most of the present moment. Appreciate each new day as an opportunity to work on being your best self. 

how to stop being desperate for a relationship

10. Talk to a therapist if needed

If your feelings of desperation for a relationship are significantly impacting your day-to-day life, it may help to speak to a therapist.

A therapist can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your unique situation.

They can help you work through any underlying issues fueling your desperation and give you tools to build your confidence from within.

Speaking with a professional may feel intimidating at first, but therapy doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with you.

Many people seek counseling to gain a fresh perspective and work on personal growth.

A therapist can be a sympathetic ear and help you navigate relationship struggles.

You may discover that your desperation for a partner stems from other unmet needs you can fulfill yourself.

While self-help advice has its place, a therapist offers customized support.

They can challenge negative thought patterns, suggest healthier mindsets, and help you address self-sabotaging behaviors.

Speaking to a therapist is one of the most constructive steps you can take toward overcoming feelings of desperation and cultivating healthy relationships.


It’s okay to desire a relationship, but it’s essential to prioritize your happiness and well-being above all else.

When you act desperate and needy, you can drive potential partners away.

Focus on loving yourself first. Discover new hobbies, nurture friendships, and pursue your passions.

Don’t make relationships the sole source of your self-worth.

By investing in yourself, practicing self-love, and making new friends, you can shift your focus from desperation to a fulfilling and balanced life.

And when you feel complete within yourself, you’ll attract the right person at the right time. For now, breathe deep and trust the journey.

Your happy ending will come, but first, learn to fall in love with your beautiful self and be okay with being alone.


Recommended reading:

9 Signs You’re Forcing A Relationship With Someone

10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Chase A Man For Love

9 Surprising Reasons Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Partner

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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