9 Surprising Reasons Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Partner

Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner

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Have you ever asked yourself “Why do I attract the wrong people?”

You’ve probably wondered this because you keep meeting partners who are only looking for a casual relationship and won’t commit to you.

Or maybe you found someone you really liked, but they ended up not being the right person for you.

It’s normal to date a few wrong people before you meet your life partner.

However, if you’ve recognized an unhealthy pattern in most of your relationships, it’s likely that you’re unknowingly attracting them to you.

According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, Director of Research and Education at The Glendon Association, “The experiences that make you who you are also influence what you look for in a partner.”

The truth is that people often seek things that are familiar and help them stay within their comfort zone.

For example, if your past was filled with feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or instability, you will likely seek scenarios in which you feel the same way as an adult.

In this article, we explore some of the reasons why you keep choosing similar partners and how to stop ending up in the same unfulfilling relationship.

Try to read the entire blog then do an inner self-reflection about the history of your romantic relationships and your current circumstances.

You can only improve yourself when you know there is a problem and actively work to resolve it.

Instead of denying that you are not responsible for your bad relationships, try to be open-minded and think deeply about your behavioral patterns.

If anything stands out, that could be the main reason why you keep attracting the wrong partner in your life.

why you keep attracting the wrong partner


Most people claim they want true love, companionship, and stability in a relationship, but somehow end up with partners who are the opposite of what they’re looking for.

How could it be that you want a loving partner yet get tangled with someone abusive and disrespectful?

The answer lies within your subconscious beliefs and past experiences.

If you’re tired of dating because you never seem to pick the right person, here are the reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner.

#1 You don’t believe that true love exists

One of the major reasons why people attract the wrong relationships is because of their faulty belief system.

The law of attraction states that our thoughts can manifest negatively or positively depending on what we focus on.

Even though you desperately want to find a good partner who cherishes you and supports your dreams, you may end up meeting the wrong people instead.

Maybe you grew up in a home where your dad cheated on your mom and this made you internalize that finding true love may be difficult or even impossible.

According to Dr. Firestone, “Many people carry with them a unique set of baggage from their past that impacts and informs their close relationships.”

If you’re struggling to attract the right partner, you may subconsciously believe that real love and healthy relationships don’t exist.

Try to work on releasing resistance, old beliefs, and fears toward love so that you can cleanse your energy from negativity.

#2 You have an unhealthy self-concept

Another reason you find it difficult to have fulfilling relationships is that you don’t have a positive self-image.

We often attract the things we believe that we truly deserve, and if you feel unworthy of healthy, loving relationships, you won’t experience being deeply loved by someone.

Low self-esteem can make you question your worthiness and push away a good partner who’s trying to love you the best way they can.

You may also worry that your partner will leave you because of your insecurity and fear of abandonment.

And when you’re constantly afraid of losing something, you’ll eventually lose it even if that’s not what you want.

If you think you don’t deserve a caring partner, you will find it hard to attract one and could also lose the person who tries to show you love.

Try to increase your self-worth, so you can be in a better position to love and be loved.

When you develop a good sense of self, you’ll embody the energy of someone who’s deserving of love, which can make you attract a healthy relationship.

Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner

#3 You’ve not clarified what you’re looking for in a partner

Not knowing what you want in a relationship can also be another reason you keep attracting the wrong partners.

When you don’t know what you’re looking for, you’ll be willing to accept anything that comes along even if it’s unhealthy for you.

But once you make a decision and stand your ground, you’ll weed out unserious people and clear the space for potential partners who are ready to commit.

So if you always get into the wrong relationships, try to clarify what you really want from a partner, and don’t lower your standards because you’re afraid of being alone forever.

Honestly, it’s better to be single and happy than to get into a romantic relationship with someone who will turn you into a shadow of your former self.

#4 You don’t give the right people a chance

Do you often ignore people who don’t fit your criteria for dating? That’s another reason why you haven’t met the right person yet.

When it comes to dating, many people have a checklist they use to gauge if a potential partner is the right person for them.

While this is a good idea, you don’t have to be too strict with your list or else you’ll miss out on suitable partners.

Even though a particular person isn’t your type, give them a chance to love you and become the ideal partner you desire.

When you’re open to the possibility of being with someone who is different from the people you typically choose, you may be surprised to find out that a person who seemed out of your league can be a great partner for you.

#5 You’re giving off the wrong vibe

What kind of energy do you radiate to others? Does it represent who you really are on the inside?

If you always end up in the same relationship with similar partners, you may be sending off the wrong signals without knowing it.

For example, when you upload a profile picture of you drinking in a bar, you can send the wrong message to people who want to interact with you online.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with having a drink or two, but it shouldn’t be the first picture people see when they try to get to know you.

Figure out the vibe you want to give off to potential partners and act accordingly, so you can attract more compatible individuals.

Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner

#6 You don’t have solid boundaries in your life

Another reason why you attract the wrong partners is that you don’t have healthy boundaries to protect you from malicious persons.

When you allow people to treat you anyhow they like, they’ll take advantage of you and try to abuse your kindness.

Without good boundaries in your life, it can be hard to maintain your independence and gain the respect of others.

Stop trying to impress people or make everyone happy. If something doesn’t sit right with you, don’t do it because it will make another person pleased with you.

Learn to prioritize your needs and set healthy boundaries in your relationships.

When you establish some rules in your life and uphold them, you’ll attract the right partner who will love, respect, and value you for your unique qualities.

#7 You expect the worst things to happen to you

Do you often engage in negative self-talk and prepare for worst-case scenarios in your relationships?

Most times, when people have been hurt for a long time, they start to believe that nothing good can happen to them, and those negative thoughts begin to manifest in their lives.

Another reason you attract the wrong partners is that you subconsciously expect bad things to happen to you.

For example, when you start dating someone new, you may doubt yourself and internally fear that your partner will leave when you reveal your true self.

As a result of your low self-confidence and deep insecurity, your irrational fears may become a reality.

Negative inner talk is like a self-fulfilling prophecy that comes to pass even though you don’t want it to.

If you repeatedly say, I’ll never be good enough or It’s too late to find real love, you’ll send that energy into the universe, which will be reflected back to you through unhealthy partners.

To attract the right relationships, regularly affirm that you are lovable and deserve to be adored by someone special.

#8 You dwell on your failed relationships for a long time

Do you constantly reflect on your past relationships and all the bad choices you’ve made in life?

Introspection can be good if you’re looking for a way to deal with your emotional baggage and move forward.

However, if you habitually feel sorry for yourself for what could have been, you may remain stuck in the past and find it hard to attract a loving partner.

Instead of dwelling on your failed relationships and regretting your poor decisions, try to forgive yourself for past mistakes, so you can declutter your mind and look towards the future with hope.

When you have mental clarity, it’s easier to focus on what you want in a partner and attract the right person into your life.

Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner

#9 You’ve not completely healed from a traumatic event

A lack of proper healing from a traumatic experience can prevent you from building a healthy relationship with another person.

For instance, someone who went through an abusive relationship with a narcissistic partner at one point may repeatedly attract toxic people because they don’t know how to spot early red flags.

Similarly, a child who witnesses her parents fighting in their marriage can develop severe anxiety and become conflict-avoidant because she was never taught how to effectively resolve conflicts.

If you keep attracting financially unstable people into your life, you were likely raised to be independent and not rely on others for your personal needs.

With this mindset, you may think you don’t need anyone to take care of you, so you end up attracting individuals who have no potential and need to be financially supported.

While it’s okay to be self-sufficient and have a successful career, thinking that being taken care of is a weakness can make you attract the wrong people who depend on you financially.

Likewise, if you often end up with emotionally unavailable people, it’s probably because your parents were not affectionate with you and never really showed you love.

This type of negligent behavior is familiar and you repeatedly attract people with similar traits as your parents to keep yourself safe and comfortable.

I know it sounds silly but you’re doing this on a subconscious level not intentionally.

Luckily, you can break unhealthy relationship patterns by reprogramming your mind with positive self-love affirmations.

Reasons why you keep attracting the wrong partner


People often choose romantic partners who complement their personalities but later find out that they can’t cope with the negative traits they’re exhibiting.

While you can’t predict how someone will behave in a romantic relationship, you can reduce the chance of winding up with the wrong person.

First, work on developing a healthy self-concept and clarifying the most important things you need in a relationship.

Next, strike off the personality traits that are not deal breakers on your list, then focus on getting rid of any emotional baggage or personal trauma you’re still holding on to.

Once you cleanse your energy and become crystal clear about what you want, the whole universe will conspire to bring you the love you truly deserve.


Do you often wonder why you keep attracting incompatible partners despite your efforts to find true love?

There is a reason for your unhealthy relationship patterns.

Due to unconscious influences such as your thoughts and behaviors, you may wind up with people who are not suitable for you.

However, knowing how to stop making the wrong relationship choices is totally possible.

It all starts with how you see yourself and what you think you deserve when it comes to love.

Since the law of attraction is always working whether you’re aware of it or not, it’s crucial to develop a healthy self-image and think only positive thoughts.

When you believe in your heart that you are a good person who deserves a satisfying relationship, true love will find you.

Until then, work on setting solid boundaries and becoming a better version of yourself.


Recommended Reading:

12 Real Reasons Why You’re Still Single

Top 10 Reasons Why Relationships Fail

7 Most Important Things Every Relationship Needs

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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