Are you a romantic who’s always hoping to find “the one” but it seems like you keep ending up with the wrong people?
It can be frustrating to meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with only for your heart to get broken several weeks later.
And no matter how hard you try, you find yourself attracting the same type of partners who hurt you and recreate the toxic pattern.
So how do you stop this cycle and finally attract someone amazing who treats you well?
It’s possible to break out of unhealthy relationship patterns and start calling in healthy love by dating intentionally.
With the right mindset shifts, you can stop falling for the charmers, the bad boys, the users, or anyone else who isn’t right for you.
You deserve so much better, and the secret to finding the right person starts with becoming your best self.
In this guide, you’ll discover how to stop falling for the wrong people and ways to identify the red flags so you can start attracting the kind of partner you’ve always dreamed of!
HOW TO STOP FALLING FOR THE WRONG PEOPLE
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep attracting people who are not good for you, here’s how to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships.
1. Understand your patterns
Have you noticed you frequently crush on people who are unavailable or unwilling to commit?
The first step to breaking the cycle is recognizing your pattern of pursuing partners who aren’t suited for a real relationship.
Make a list of your past partners and look for commonalities. Did they have similar personalities or behaviors that drew you in, even if they were wrong for you?
Understanding your “type” will help you spot these unhealthy attractions in the future.
Pay attention to how new love interests make you feel. If you feel anxious, insecure, or not good enough, that’s a red flag.
The right person will make you feel at ease, cared for, and worthy of love.
Notice the pace of the relationship. Do things move at lightning speed, as if this new person is your soul mate after one date?
Slow down and be wary of anyone pressuring you into commitment too quickly.
Real relationships take time. Learn to value yourself enough not to settle for less.
You deserve a caring partner who will love you for who you are, so watch out for your unhealthy patterns, and don’t be afraid to walk away from anyone not willing to put in the effort to win your heart.
2. Define what you want in a partner
To stop falling for the wrong people, you need to define what you want in a partner. Ask yourself:
What core values do I want to share with someone? Things like honesty, kindness, and humor?
What lifestyle do I envision with a partner? An active social life? Traveling the world together? Cozy nights at home?
What level of emotional intimacy and physical intimacy do I want? Being completely open or more independent? Lots of PDA or less frequent?
Once you determine your must-haves, stick to them! Don’t settle for emotional unavailability, lack of trustworthiness, incompatibility, or other dealbreakers.
You deserve nothing less than what you truly want. When dating, look for concrete signs that this new person aligns with your vision.
Do they share your most important values and priorities? Do you feel comfortable opening up to them?
Can you be your authentic self without judgment? If not, they’re probably not right for you.
The key is not to get swept away by chemistry or charm before establishing a real connection on a deeper level.
Take your time getting to know someone before becoming intimate or exclusive.
And if at any point they disregard your values or you feel you have to change to please them, don’t hesitate to move on!
The right person for you will share your beliefs and compliment your personality.
Stay true to yourself, keep your standards high, and don’t waste time on relationships that won’t fulfill you.
3. Work on your self-esteem and confidence
The key to attracting a great partner is to work on loving yourself first.
Learn to value who you are – your strengths, talents, accomplishments, and personality.
Make a list of things you like about yourself and remind yourself of them when you’re feeling down.
Remember to practice self-care regularly by exercising, pursuing hobbies, and engaging in relaxing activities.
Do small things each day that boost your confidence and self-worth.
Most importantly, make sure the people you spend time with treat you well and share your values.
Don’t waste time on those who put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
Stop seeking validation from unattainable people and focus on your growth.
Avoid chasing after partners who show little interest or don’t value you. The right person will treat you well and respect your boundaries.
Remind yourself that you deserve someone who will reciprocate your affection and treat you as an equal.
Work on being your best self by pursuing your goals and dreams. Find a purpose that fulfills you outside of any relationship.
The more you work on your self-worth, practice self-care, and become aware of your tendencies to fall for the wrong people, the better you will get at finding healthy relationships.
4. Set healthy boundaries to protect yourself
If you want to stop the cycle of unhealthy relationships, you need to protect yourself by creating strong boundaries and sticking to them.
Know what you want in a partner and don’t settle for less. Make a list of non-negotiable traits you expect your significant other to possess.
If someone doesn’t meet these standards, don’t pursue a relationship with them.
When you decide to date a love interest, be clear about your limits. Politely but firmly tell them “I understand you feel that way, but I’m not comfortable with ___.”
Don’t feel guilty about speaking up and standing up for yourself. Your needs matter too. If anyone repeatedly crosses the line, don’t be afraid to walk away from them.
While forgiveness is virtuous, you don’t owe anyone unlimited chances, especially if they show no remorse or effort to change.
Believe you deserve the very best. When you love yourself, you won’t settle for less than you’re worth or let just anyone into your heart.
The more you value yourself, the less you’ll fall for the wrong people.
5. Learn to spot the red flags early on
When you’re looking for love, it’s easy to overlook red flags in the excitement of a new relationship.
But learning to spot them early on can save you from heartbreak down the road. Here’s what you should watch out for in a new partner:
• Pay attention to how they treat others: How someone treats people of service like waiters, cashiers, and cleaners says a lot about their character.
If they’re rude or dismissive, that’s a sign they may treat you the same way once the honeymoon phase ends.
Look for kind, courteous behavior – it’s a green flag that they’ll be respectful and considerate of you too!
• Listen for consistency: Words and actions should align. If someone says they value honesty but frequently lies or dodges direct questions, that’s a red flag.
If their stories change or don’t quite add up, they may not be trustworthy. The right person for you will have integrity – their words and deeds will match.
• Watch out for control issues: A healthy relationship requires mutual trust, respect, and space to thrive.
Someone who demands constant check-ins, gets jealous when you spend time with others, or tries to dictate what you do is displaying controlling behavior.
Don’t make excuses for them – this is a major red flag that the relationship could become abusive.
By spotting red flags early, you’ll avoid wasting time on the wrong people and open yourself up to finding the right person who will treat you well and make you genuinely happy.
6. Take things slowly when you start dating
When you meet someone new that you connect with, it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and rush into a serious relationship.
But that’s how you end up with another wrong partner! The next time you start dating, promise yourself you’ll go slowly.
Take your time getting to know your new love interest before becoming an official couple.
Go on a few casual dates first to see if you genuinely enjoy each other’s company and have a real connection.
Ask lots of questions and share details about yourself too. See if your values, life goals, and interests are aligned.
Don’t ignore any red flags you notice in the early stages. Listen when they talk about past relationships and watch how they treat people.
If something feels off, don’t make excuses for them. It’s much easier to end things early before you’re emotionally invested.
When you do decide to become exclusive, do it because you’re sure they’re right for you, not just because you’re tired of dating or desperately want a relationship.
Keep observing your partner even after commitment to confirm they’ll continue to treat you well before getting more serious.
Going slowly will help ensure you end up with someone who enhances your happiness rather than diminishes it.
So don’t be tempted to rush things when you get into a relationship; take your time, stay alert, and listen to your instincts.
7. Always trust your gut
When it comes to dating, your intuition is your superpower. It acts as your inner compass, guiding you to partners who are right for you.
Ignoring those gut feelings is a recipe for disaster.
Always listen to your inner voice. Pay attention to that little voice in your head warning you about someone’s behavior.
It’s noticing subtle red flags that your logical mind may miss. Don’t brush aside doubts or make excuses for someone’s actions not lining up with their words.
Your intuition is picking up on important signs that this person may not be right for you.
Learn to watch out for the warning signs. Do their words and actions match?
Do they show genuine care, respect, and trustworthiness? Or do they frequently break promises, lie, or try to manipulate you?
Warning signs like these signal that this person will likely continue the same behavior.
Don’t fall for empty charm or lavish gifts meant to distract you from the truth your intuition already knows.
Past relationships also provide clues about a person’s character. How someone talks about their exes can reveal a lot.
Do they take responsibility for their part in what went wrong? Or do they blame and badmouth their former partners?
The way they view past relationships often reflects how they’ll view you in the future. Pay close attention if your intuition tells you their perspective seems off.
Once you’ve spotted the signs, don’t doubt yourself. Don’t get caught up in wishful thinking about who you want this person to be.
Trust your gut and walk away with confidence, knowing there are better matches out there for you.
The key to finding a healthy relationship is learning to recognize and listen to your intuition. Your instincts will guide you to someone wonderful!
Conclusion
Knowing how to attract good partners can be challenging, especially when you’re a softhearted and easygoing person.
But it’s totally possible to identify like-minded people who want the same things in a relationship.
By setting clear boundaries, taking your time, and watching out for red flags, you can avoid falling for the wrong people.
Don’t think you’re hopeless or doomed to stay alone forever. You have the power to choose a partner who will cherish and respect you just the way you are.
The next time you start to develop feelings for someone, pause and evaluate whether they meet your standards for a healthy relationship. If not, wish them well and move on.
When you let go of the wrong partners, you make space in your life for the right person.
Stay true to yourself, continue pursuing your passions, and love will find you when the time is right.
Remember, it’s okay to be single and wait for the right relationship rather than settling for the wrong one.
When you want to attract your soulmate, the most important thing you can do is to value yourself and know your worth.
Believe you deserve to be in a healthy, nurturing relationship and be open to finding true love.
Finally, learn to spot the signs that someone is wrong for you before becoming too emotionally invested.
Look for partners who share your core values, treat you with kindness, and make you feel good about yourself. Don’t fall for empty charm or false promises.
Recommended reading:
15 Telltale Signs You’re With The Wrong Person
9 Surprising Reasons Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Partner
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.