Top 10 Reasons Couples Stop Making Love

reasons couples stop making love

Have you and your partner stopped making love? If yes, you’re not alone!

It’s pretty common for couples to experience a decline in their intimate life over time.

But it can still feel uncomfortable and confusing when it happens to you. Maybe you’re wondering why your relationship has gone from hot to cold.

Or perhaps you want to reignite the passion but don’t know where to start.

Before you can fix your love life, it helps to understand the top reasons couples stop making love.

This article will walk you through the most common causes of lack of intimacy and what you can do to get your groove back.


Regular physical intimacy can help to keep a relationship exciting and increase a couple’s bond.

If you’ve not been having much fun in the bedroom lately, it could be because of the following reasons:

1. Mismatched Libidos

One of the major reasons couples stop making love is because they have different levels of desire.

For example, one person may want to get intimate frequently while the other would constantly not be in the mood.

It’s normal for your libido to ebb and flow over the years, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. 

But if you find yourself wanting physical intimacy way more or way less than your partner, it can put a major strain on your relationship.

Here are some signs you may have mismatched libidos:

You feel frustrated or resentful that you’re always initiating or being rejected.

You haven’t been intimate for months and it’s weighing on you both.

You make love out of obligation, not desire.

To get your mojo back, have an open conversation about each other’s needs, desires, and any barriers to intimacy.

It’s also a good idea to try scheduling lovemaking on days when you’ll both be less busy and relaxed.

It’s easy for someone to turn down intimacy when they’re preoccupied or exhausted.

Consider getting intimate on weekends and see if it works for you. Compromise and understanding are key to enjoying a healthy love life.

reasons couples stop making love

2. Lack Of Emotional Intimacy

Another reason couples stop making love is because of emotional disconnection.

When a couple first gets together, passion and physical intimacy come easy. But as life gets in the way, emotional intimacy often falls by the wayside.

If you’re not connecting emotionally with your partner, it can be difficult to engage in physical intimacy.

To increase your bond, try to make time for meaningful conversations and pay attention to each other.

Put away your phones, make eye contact, listen, and share details about your day, your dreams, and your worries.

Remember to express appreciation for your partner and the little things they do instead of looking for things to complain about.

Physical touch like hugging, holding hands, or giving a massage also helps to strengthen your emotional and physical bond, so try to be close to your partner.

Date nights are essential too. Do something fun together like cooking a new recipe at home, checking out that new restaurant near you, going dancing, or seeing a show.

New shared experiences release dopamine which boosts libido and reignites the spark.

Emotional connection is the foundation for a healthy romantic relationship. If you don’t prioritize couple bonding, your love life will slowly deteriorate.

Make the choice each day to be fully present with your partner. Give them your undivided attention, express how much they mean to you, and embrace intimacy in all its forms.

3. Stress And Exhaustion

When life gets busy and stressful, intimacy is often the first thing to go in a relationship.

You’re too tired at the end of the day, your mind is preoccupied with everything you need to get done, or you’re just not in the mood.

It’s normal for stress and fatigue to impact your love life, but if it’s an ongoing issue, it can damage your connection as a couple.

Here are some tips to combat stress:

• Make time for self-care: Exercise, engage in hobbies, and limit screen time before bed. Reducing stress and recharging will boost your libido and energy levels.

• Talk to your partner: Discuss how the stress is impacting you and come up with solutions together. Let them know you value your intimacy and want to make it a priority again.

• Focus on increasing emotional intimacy: Give each other massages, hug often, and bathe together. Physical touch releases oxytocin to counteract stress hormones and strengthen your bond.

• Keep lovemaking simple and low-pressure: Don’t aim for marathon sessions. A quickie or just making out can help you reconnect without adding another task to your to-do list.

Getting your groove back may take time and effort, but maintaining both emotional and physical intimacy with your partner should be a top priority in your relationship.

Don’t let the stresses of life pull you apart—come together instead. Make the time to reconnect and your love life will thrive once again.

4. Medical Or Health Issues

Certain medical conditions or health issues can negatively impact a couple’s love life.

Chronic pain, arthritis, diabetes, heart disease, and other illnesses can make lovemaking physically difficult or even impossible for one or both partners.

Medications taken to treat these conditions may also reduce libido as an unwanted side effect.

If health issues are interfering with your intimacy, speak with your doctor.

There may be alternative treatments with fewer side effects, or dosage adjustments that can help.

Don’t lose hope — with the right treatment and open communication with your partner, you can maintain a fulfilling intimate life despite medical challenges.

With the high demands of illness and disability, physical intimacy may not seem like a priority.

But for your relationship and well-being as a couple, it’s worth making the effort to address problems and find solutions to keep that spark and connection alive.

Speaking with a licensed therapist or counselor can also help in navigating this sensitive situation, and finding coping strategies tailored for your unique circumstances.

reasons couples stop making love

5. Relationship Problems

A big reason couples stop making love is because of unresolved relationship issues.

When you’re fighting with your partner, intimacy is usually the last thing on your mind.

Constant arguing and bickering create distance and resentment, which can destroy your desire for romance.

The frequency of physical intimacy often reduces when there are unresolved issues in the relationship like lack of trust, anger, jealousy, or power struggles.

Deal with any underlying issues together through open communication and relationship counseling or therapy if needed. Compromise and finding common ground are key.

Lack of emotional connection and poor communication are some of the biggest factors that contribute to low libido.

If you’re not sharing your feelings, desires, hopes, and dreams with your partner, it’s difficult to feel close enough to be intimate.

Have a weekly relationship checkup, make an effort to listen to each other, and be vulnerable. This can help rekindle your connection and strengthen your emotional bond.

While relationship problems are a major cause of low libido, the good news is you have the power to turn things around.

Focus on reconnecting emotionally and physically with your partner through honest communication, shared experiences, compromise, and quality time together.

Make your relationship a priority again and your love life will improve.

6. Lack Of Time

When life gets busy, intimacy often takes a backseat.

Between work or school obligations, chores, errands, social events, and spending time with friends or family, finding a spare moment alone together can seem nearly impossible.

Here’s how to spend more time with your significant other:

Make time for regular date nights where you leave your usual responsibilities behind and focus on connecting with your partner.

Even simple things like cooking a meal at home, going for a walk together, or trying a new hobby side by side can help rekindle your spark.

Prioritize intimacy by scheduling it in. While this may not seem spontaneous or romantic, it ensures you make space for lovemaking in your routine.

Aim for once or twice a week to start, and you may find yourself getting in the mood more often.

Learn to say no. Don’t feel obligated to attend every party or event you’re invited to.

Make your relationship a priority by declining some social commitments in favor of quality time together. Your true friends will understand.

Try new ways to be intimate that don’t require as much time. Cuddling, massage, kissing, and foreplay are all ways to maintain a physical and emotional connection with your partner when you have limited time.

Save longer or more intense couple play for when you have fewer distractions and can really focus on each other.

A lack of time is one of the most common reasons for a drop in physical intimacy, but with conscious effort and commitment to your relationship, you can overcome this challenge.

Make intimacy a priority, set aside distractions, and reconnect with the playfulness and passion that first brought you together.

7. Boredom

After years together, it’s normal for couples to get into a rut in the bedroom.

When lovemaking becomes routine or predictable, boredom can set in and diminish your desire.

To combat boredom, change up your normal routine. Try new positions, and locations, or even just switch who initiates intimacy.

Simple variations like showering together beforehand or playing some romantic music can make a big difference.

Role-playing or fantasy exploration is another way to spice things up. Discuss different scenarios you find exciting and take turns acting them out.

Even just changing into lingerie or cute outfits for each other can help bring back the passion.

The most important thing is avoiding the same old routine each time. Make an effort to surprise your partner and try new things together.

Keeping an open mind and playful attitude will help ensure you both stay interested and fulfilled.

When you’ve been together for a while, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. But with some creativity, compromise, and communication, you can overcome boredom and reconnect with each other.

Making your love life a priority and putting in the work to keep things fresh will reward you both with a healthy, passionate long-term relationship.

reasons couples stop making love

8. Body Image Issues

Body image struggles can seriously impact a couple’s love life.

When you’re self-conscious about how you look naked or worry that your partner will judge your appearance, your libido and desire for intimacy can take a hit.

If you have a poor self-image and don’t feel attractive, it’s hard to get in the mood. Focus on loving yourself first—your worth isn’t defined by your weight or looks.

Worrying that your partner will criticize your body during lovemaking can create anxiety and avoidance of intimacy.

Talk to your partner about your concerns and set ground rules against hurtful comments.

Being preoccupied with how you look during lovemaking prevents you from being fully present and enjoying the moment.

Try dimming the lights, wearing lingerie, or focusing on your partner’s pleasure to shift your mind from negative thoughts.

Body image issues can be overcome if you’re willing to put in the work.

Make self-care a priority, speak kindly to yourself, appreciate your body for all it does, and know your partner loves you as you are. When you embrace self-love, your relationship will transform.

9. Aging

As couples age together, lovemaking can start to feel like just another chore instead of an enjoyable experience that was once shared.

Age brings hormonal changes that can reduce libido and make physical intimacy more difficult. But aging shouldn’t put an end to your love life.

With open communication, creativity, and a willingness to try new things, you can keep the passion alive for decades.

Here are some tips for aging couples to reignite the spark:

Focus on intimacy

Cuddling, kissing, massage—any activity that increases intimacy and bonding can make lovemaking more enjoyable and help you reconnect.

Try new positions or techniques

Find positions that are more comfortable or add adult toys, lubricant, or other props to increase pleasure and make up for any physical challenges.

Schedule lovemaking

Put it on the calendar and make it a priority like you would any other appointment or commitment. Expecting intimacy can build anticipation and make you both look forward to it.

See a doctor if needed

If erectile dysfunction or menopause is making intercourse difficult, talk to your doctor about treatment options like hormone therapy or ED medications to improve your experience.

Accept that frequency may decrease

Having less frequent intercourse doesn’t mean you have an unhealthy relationship or love life. Focus on quality over quantity and make the most of the intimate moments you share.

Aging brings changes but it doesn’t have to end your love life or intimacy with your partner.

With some effort and openness to adapt, your love life at 65 can be just as fulfilling as at 25.

Make lovemaking a priority, get creative, and focus on intimacy to overcome the challenges of aging together.

reasons couples stop making love

10. Childbirth And Parenting

Once you have a baby, physical intimacy often takes a backseat to sleepless nights, feedings, and diaper changes.

New parents are often exhausted, touched out, and have little privacy or time for intimacy.

Your libido and hormone levels also shift after childbirth, for both new mothers and fathers.

The physical changes of pregnancy and postpartum recovery understandably impact a woman’s desire.

Pain, dryness, or leaking milk can make intercourse unappealing. It may take months for a woman’s body and hormones to return to her pre-baby state.

For men, seeing their partner in “mommy mode” can be a turn-off, as the role of lover transitions to caregiver. Testosterone levels also drop in new dads, decreasing libido.

Lack of sleep zaps energy and the mood for most couples. When you have a spare moment, sleep often takes priority over lovemaking.

Privacy and interrupted moments are hard to come by with an infant. By the time the baby is sleeping, you’re too tired to take advantage of that precious alone time.

The good news is that for most couples, intimacy after childbirth does get better over time.

Be patient with yourself and your partner, communicate openly about your feelings, and look for opportunities to connect intimately when you can.

Your love life may evolve into something different, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

With time and effort, you can get back to a satisfying love life as new parents.


It’s important to note that not making love with your partner for some time is normal in long-term relationships and doesn’t necessarily signal a problem.

While it can be concerning and frustrating when intimacy declines, know that it’s common.

The key to reviving your love life is communication. Talk to your partner openly and honestly to get to the root of the issue. Be patient and compassionate.

However, if the change is causing distress, it might be beneficial to seek advice from a healthcare provider or a qualified therapist.

With mutual understanding and effort to nurture your connection, you can get your love life back on track.

It’s never too late to rekindle that spark if you both want to. Just take it one step at a time. Focus on intimacy and fun rather than the pressure to perform.

If you can relax, be playful, and make it an enjoyable shared experience again, your physical relationship will thrive once more.


Recommended reading:

5 Things You Should Never Say During Intimacy

10 Terrible Mistakes Men Make In Bed

9 Silly Mistakes Women Make In Bed

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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