Do you ever notice how some guys get weirdly defensive around successful women? You’re not imagining things.
There are many reasons men feel threatened when a lady is crushing it in her career or life.
Maybe you’ve experienced it firsthand – that awkward vibe from a date when you mention your big promotion. Or perhaps you’ve seen it play out with friends or coworkers.
Whatever the case, it’s a real phenomenon that affects relationships and workplaces alike.
Let’s look at why this happens and what’s really going on in the minds of men who feel intimidated by successful women.
TOP 5 REASONS MEN FEEL THREATENED BY SUCCESSFUL WOMEN
If you’re more successful than your man, chances are that you’re going to experience some attitude from him.
He may pick fights over little issues or insist you’re disrespecting him when you try to crack a joke.
This can feel exhausting at some point and make you want to quit the relationship.
But before you do anything drastic, it’s important to know why your guy is acting out and what you can do to make him feel like an equal.
Here are some of the top reasons men feel threatened by successful women:
1. Men have a primal desire to be the main providers
You might wonder why some guys act weird when they meet a woman who’s crushing it in her career.
Well, it turns out that as more women climb the corporate ladder, it’s shaking up those old-school ideas about who should be making more money in the relationship.
According to licensed relationship therapist Sofie Roos, some men still feel like their masculinity takes a hit if they’re not the main breadwinner.
It’s okay if a woman has a job and contributes to the household bills but men want to provide most of the money.
If this isn’t the situation, they can feel like a complete failure. In their head, they have a picture of how things should go.
It’s like they’re stuck in a time where men took care of the finances and women stayed home baking pies.
2. They feel insecure about not achieving the same level of success
Most guys aren’t actively trying to be jerks about successful women. It’s more of a deep-rooted, subconscious thing.
As noted in a Newsweek article, ingrained biases about gender roles can make some men feel insecure when they’re in a relationship with a high-achieving woman.
While they may be genuinely happy about her success, they secretly want to be the ones having massive success and might get jealous each time she gets a promotion.
3. They think a successful woman won’t be respectful or submissive
A big reason men fear a woman’s success is because they feel she’ll become disrespectful and arrogant, especially if they’re not doing so well themselves.
They are secretly afraid of being bossed around and told what to do. Now, this whole situation gets even trickier in the dating world.
A 2017 study found that single women actually downplayed their career ambitions when they thought guys would see their answers.
It seems some women feel pressure to dim their shine just to get a second date. They hide their success so men can feel safe approaching and dating them.
But let’s be real – any guy worth your time should be happy for your success, not feel threatened by it.
4. Biological factors play a huge role in a man’s insecurity
You might not realize it, but our caveman instincts still affect some men.
According to research, men tend to be more focused on competitive mating strategies. This means they always want to lead and stay on top.
When a woman succeeds, it can trigger an instinctive fear of losing their status or mating opportunities.
It’s not logical, but neither is that fight-or-flight response you get when you see a spider.
These are subconscious reactions meant to protect us but sometimes we see danger where there isn’t any.
5. Social norms and expectations make things challenging
Society hasn’t exactly been helping matters. For ages, men have been expected to be the breadwinners and protectors.
When a woman starts doing exceedingly well in her career, it can feel like a threat to a guy’s identity.
Studies show that in environments with high competition and risks, traditional gender roles get amplified. It’s like turning up the volume on those old-school expectations.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A MAN FEELS THREATENED BY A WOMAN’S SUCCESS
There are bound to be side effects when a man feels threatened or intimidated by a woman’s success.
If you’re doing better than your man in so many areas, you may experience the following:
1. Unrealistic comparisons
A man feeling threatened might start comparing himself to his partner or even try to undermine her success.
This behavior can stem from a deep-seated fear of inadequacy or abandonment.
It’s been observed that some men worry their successful partners might seek greener pastures and leave them behind.
2. Withdrawal and distancing
When a man feels his masculinity is threatened, he might start pulling away from his partner and spend time alone or with others.
A study from the University of Arizona found that men often react to these threats by building metaphorical walls and decreasing their commitment to the relationship.
This withdrawal behavior is an attempt to restore a sense of masculinity, but it’s likely futile and can seriously damage the connection he has with his partner.
3. Emotional stress
Threats to a man’s identity can trigger a range of negative emotions.
Research shows that men who feel their masculinity is challenged often experience increased feelings of public discomfort, anger, guilt, and shame.
These emotional reactions can create tension in a relationship and make it difficult for both partners to thrive.
4. Reduced empathy and understanding
One of the most concerning impacts of a man’s insecurity is the potential decrease in his ability to empathize with his partner.
Studies indicate that masculinity threats can lead to reduced empathy and hostility in men.
This emotional disconnect can make it challenging for him to understand and support his partner, potentially creating a cycle of misunderstanding and conflict in the relationship.
A healthy relationship thrives on closeness, commitment, and mutual understanding.
If you recognize these potential negative impacts, you can communicate with your partner and work on addressing the negative feelings in more constructive ways.
WHAT TO DO WHEN A MAN FEELS THREATENED BY YOUR SUCCESS
If you’re interacting with or dating a man who feels insecure because you’re more successful than him, it can hinder the growth of your relationship.
Here’s what to do when your partner feels threatened by your success:
1. Maintain your confidence
Don’t downplay your abilities or successes to make a man feel comfortable. Instead, hold your ground and be unapologetically you.
Use confident body language and a firm tone to assert your presence in conversations.
If he can’t handle your level of success, you shouldn’t be with him in the first place.
2. Focus on business, not ego
When dealing with men who have fragile egos, keep discussions strictly professional and straightforward.
Avoid getting drawn into deeply personal stories or boasting about your latest achievements, especially when you hardly know each other.
Redirect the conversation to concrete business matters or your relationship whenever it veers off course.
3. Seek supportive partners
In both professional and personal settings, look for individuals who celebrate your strengths rather than feeling threatened by them.
While finding secure partners can be challenging, seek those who are actively working on their insecurities and can communicate effectively when issues arise.
Don’t be afraid to write what you do and the type of partner or relationship you’re looking for in your dating profile. This will attract the right people you can connect with on a deep level.
4. Have some standards and set boundaries
Don’t hesitate to politely but firmly correct misinformation or reclaim conversations when interrupted.
Use phrases like “Excuse me, I wasn’t finished speaking” to assert your right to be heard.
Remember that having high standards and setting boundaries isn’t rude–it’s essential for maintaining a respectful environment.
5. End the relationship as soon as possible
If a man feels threatened by your success, he might nurture feelings of resentment toward you and even try to sabotage your efforts.
The best thing to do in this kind of situation is to break up with him no matter how much you love him.
Staying with someone who isn’t happy when you’re winning is going to hinder your growth and success which isn’t what you want after many years of hard work.
HOW TO BUILD A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A SECURE MAN
When you’re a successful woman who has worked hard for many years to build a thriving career, you deserve to be praised and admired not discriminated against.
Here’s how to build a supportive relationship with a secure man:
1. Date someone within your league
Most men who get jealous of a woman’s success are often jobless or struggling to build a good life.
A man who is doing well financially and career-wise will have little or no issue dating a successful woman.
To minimize problems in your relationship, find someone who is at the same level or higher than you.
At least you won’t have to deal with threats to his masculinity or power struggles.
2. Communicate your thoughts and feelings openly
Whoever you choose to date, ensure they have good communication skills because this can make or break your relationship.
Building a supportive partnership often starts with open communication. Be transparent about your feelings from the onset and encourage your partner to do the same.
Also, create a safe space where both of you can express yourselves without fear of judgment.
Remember to practice active listening and validate each other’s emotions to build trust and intimacy.
3. Celebrate each other’s successes
A secure man will naturally be your biggest cheerleader and supporter.
If you find a partner who never fails to encourage and praise you when you win at work, show appreciation for his achievements and encourage him to pursue his goals.
Likewise, allow him to openly celebrate your successes. This mutual support will lead to a positive relationship where both of you feel valued and empowered.
4. Establish healthy boundaries
A secure partnership allows both individuals to thrive while growing together.
To avoid being taken advantage of in a relationship, respect each other’s individuality by setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Encourage personal growth and interests outside the relationship too. This independence will strengthen your bond and prevent codependency.
5. Build trust through consistency
The key to making your partner feel secure and confident in the relationship is to be consistent in your behavior and follow through on your commitments.
When you consistently keep your promises, you create a secure foundation for your relationship. If mistakes happen, take responsibility and apologize sincerely.
Building security is a gradual process that requires patience and dedication from both partners.
Conclusion
When men feel threatened by a successful woman, it’s often because they’re insecure about their own status.
The right person will celebrate your success, and not feel intimidated by it. If you’re dealing with a guy who can’t handle your awesomeness, that’s on him.
Stay committed to building a great career, crush your goals, and surround yourself with people who lift you up.
Don’t dim your light for anyone–you’ve worked hard to shine and deserve success.
Recommended reading:
9 Telltale Signs You’re Dating An Immature Man