How is your relationship with your in-laws? Do you think you’re a good daughter-in-law?
Now, before you get defensive, hear me out.
Sometimes we do the wrong things and don’t even realize it because we don’t want to look at our mistakes or admit our faults.
You might think you’re doing great, but there could be subtle signs you’re missing the mark.
If you take the time to really reflect on your actions, you will see a few areas where you can improve.
In this article, we’ll highlight a few signs you’re not a good daughter-in-law and how to build a better relationship with your husband’s family.
9 SUBTLE SIGNS YOU’RE NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
Do you have a strained relationship with your in-laws?
You may think they are difficult people who dislike you and want to destroy your marriage but what if you are also part of the problem?
If you’re always blaming your husband’s family for your marital problems, take a look at these signs that indicate you’re not a good daughter-in-law.
1. You never reach out to your husband’s parents
Maintaining a relationship with your in-laws can feel like a chore sometimes.
But if you’re never the one to pick up the phone to call or suggest a get-together, you might be adding to the problem.
Good relationships are a two-way street, and that includes the one with your husband’s parents.
Think about it—when was the last time you initiated contact? If you can’t remember, it’s probably been too long.
A quick text, a thoughtful card, or even a surprise visit can go a long way in showing you care.
Remember, these are the people who raised your partner—they’re part of your extended family now.
Don’t wait for your spouse to be the sole connection. Take the initiative and reach out from time to time. Your in-laws (and your partner) will appreciate the effort.
2. You avoid spending time with them
Another sign you may not be a good daughter-in-law is that you don’t make an effort to get to know your in-laws.
Let’s face it: family gatherings can be a bit awkward. But if you find yourself constantly making excuses to skip out on time with your in-laws, it might be a red flag.
Sure, you’re busy, but consistently avoiding dinners, holidays, or casual hangouts sends a clear message that you’re not interested in bonding.
Maybe you’d rather binge-watch your favorite show than listen to your mother-in-law’s gardening stories.
Or perhaps you conveniently schedule “work commitments” during family events.
While it’s normal to need some space, consistently dodging quality time with your in-laws can create tension and hurt feelings.
The truth is, building relationships takes effort. You can’t expect to have a wonderful bond with your husband’s family when you’re not willing to go the extra mile.
Try to find common ground or shared interests that can help you connect with your in-laws.
Who knows? You might actually enjoy that cooking class with your father-in-law or that weekend getaway with the whole family.
3. You disrespect your husband’s family
Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and that extends to your in-laws.
If you’re constantly rolling your eyes, making snide remarks, or dismissing their opinions, you might be the cause of your strained relationship.
But it’s important to note that being a good daughter-in-law is not about agreeing with everything they say but rather showing basic courtesy and consideration.
Your in-laws have been a significant part of your partner’s life long before you came into the picture.
Disrespecting them, whether overtly or subtly, can create tension not just with your in-laws, but also with your spouse.
Try to see things from their perspective. Even if you don’t always see eye-to-eye, making an effort to understand and respect their viewpoints can go a long way in fostering a healthy family dynamic.
4. You refuse to adapt to their traditions and values
Being a good daughter-in-law often means embracing your partner’s family customs, even if they’re different from your own.
When you consistently reject their traditions or mock their values, you’re clearly saying that you don’t respect their way of life.
This attitude can create a rift between you and your in-laws, making family gatherings tense and uncomfortable.
It’s not about completely abandoning your own beliefs, but rather finding a balance.
Try to participate in their customs when possible, or at least show genuine interest in learning about them.
These traditions are likely important to your partner’s family and have been passed down for generations.
By making an effort to adapt, you’re demonstrating your commitment to becoming part of their family and fostering a harmonious relationship with them.
5. You often badmouth your in-laws to others
Do you often talk badly about your husband’s family? That’s another sign you may not be a good daughter-in-law.
Let’s face it: we’ve all had moments where we’ve wanted to vent about our in-laws.
But if you find yourself constantly trash-talking them to friends, family, or even strangers, it’s a red flag.
This behavior not only reflects poorly on you but also strains your relationship with your spouse.
Think about it: how would you feel if your partner always criticized your parents?
It’s hurtful and disrespectful. Plus, it creates unnecessary tension in the family.
Remember, your in-laws are your spouse’s parents, and they likely hold a special place in his heart.
Instead of badmouthing, try to find more constructive ways to address any issues you have with your in-laws.
Open communication with your spouse or seeking advice from a neutral party can be much more beneficial in the long run.
6. You constantly argue or fight with your in-laws
Family dynamics can be tricky, especially when it comes to in-laws.
However, if you’re constantly butting heads with your spouse’s parents, that’s not a good sign.
Frequent arguments or tense interactions can create a toxic atmosphere that affects everyone involved.
It’s natural to have occasional disagreements, but if you’re always on the defensive or looking for a fight, it’s time to take a step back.
Ask yourself: Are you quick to take offense? Do you struggle to see their perspective?
If you’re a hot-tempered person who easily gets angry, you need to learn to be more patient and gentle with your in-laws.
They are an important part of your partner’s life, and constant conflict with them can strain your marriage too.
Try to approach discussions with an open mind and a willingness to compromise.
If you can’t seem to find common ground, consider seeking help from a family therapist to improve communication.
7. You show little interest in building a relationship with them
A big sign you’re not a good daughter-in-law is that you’re not interested in becoming close to your husband’s family.
Building a strong bond with your in-laws takes effort, and if you’re not putting in the work, it shows.
Maybe you’re skipping family gatherings or making excuses to avoid one-on-one time.
When you do show up, you’re glued to your phone or barely engage in conversation.
You might think you’re just being yourself, but your lack of interest speaks volumes.
When you refuse to engage with your in-laws, you’re sending a clear message that they don’t matter to you and you don’t care about getting to know them.
This is not a great approach, especially if you want to have a lasting marriage with your spouse.
Remember, these are the people who raised your partner. Showing genuine interest in their lives, asking questions, and actively listening can go a long way.
It’s not about becoming best friends overnight, but rather demonstrating that you value their place in your partner’s life—and now, in yours too.
8. You’re unwilling to compromise or meet your in-laws halfway
Relationships are all about give and take, and your connection with your in-laws is no exception.
If you find yourself constantly digging in your heels and refusing to budge on issues, big or small, it’s a red flag.
Maybe you insist on always hosting holidays your way, or you never adjust your schedule to accommodate family gatherings.
This inflexibility can create unnecessary tension and resentment.
Of course, compromise doesn’t mean sacrificing your values or identity.
It’s about finding middle ground and showing respect for others’ perspectives.
Try to approach disagreements with an open mind and a willingness to find solutions that work for everyone.
Your in-laws will appreciate the effort, and you might just discover new traditions or experiences that enrich your life too.
9. You try to turn your husband against his family
A major sign you’re not a good daughter-in-law is that you try to come between your spouse and his parents.
You might not realize it, but subtly criticizing your in-laws or making negative comments about them to your husband can be a major red flag.
It’s natural to want your partner’s undivided attention, but attempting to drive a wedge between him and his family is unhealthy.
Pay attention to how often you complain about his parents or siblings.
Do you find yourself saying things like “Your mom is so controlling” or “I can’t believe your dad said that”?
These remarks, even if well-intentioned, can plant seeds of resentment.
Instead of trying to turn your husband against his family, focus on building positive relationships with your in-laws.
Remember, they’re an important part of your spouse’s life. By promoting harmony rather than division, you’ll create a healthier family dynamic for everyone involved.
Conclusion
Did any of these signs resonate with you?
You might not want to admit it but if you’re real with yourself, you’ll see a few lapses here and there.
But this doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a wife. Nobody’s perfect, and family relationships are tricky.
The fact that you’re even reading this shows you care about having a positive relationship with your in-laws.
Try to take a step back and reflect on how you can improve things with them. A little effort goes a long way.
With some self-awareness and small tweaks to your approach, you can turn things around.
Who knows, you might even end up as the favorite daughter-in-law at the next family gathering.
Okay, maybe not but at least you’ll have a good relationship with your husband’s family.
Recommended reading:
9 Obvious Signs His Family Doesn’t Like You
8 Clear Signs He Values His Family More Than You
How To Set Boundaries With In-Laws And Overbearing Parents
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
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