10 Things To Avoid Talking About On A First Date

things to avoid talking about on a first date

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When you’re getting ready for your first date with someone, you may feel anxious about what to wear or what to talk about with your new love interest.

It’s normal to feel nervous because you don’t want to mess things up by doing or saying something wrong.

While you want the conversation to flow naturally, some topics are better left unsaid, at least for now.

Even though you may want to skip the small talk and dive right into the deep stuff, it’s best to wait until your relationship gets serious.

The last thing you want is for your date to feel uncomfortable or put off by something you bring up too soon.

It’s best to keep things light and fun in the early stages of dating. You’ll have plenty of time to get into the nitty gritty details if your relationship progresses.

But for now, keep the conversation upbeat and avoid these topics on your first date.

things to avoid talking about on a first date

10 THINGS TO AVOID TALKING ABOUT ON A FIRST DATE

First dates are all about making a good impression and establishing a connection with your potential partner, but some topics can be a bit too heavy for the first time you meet someone.

Here are some things to avoid talking about on a first date:

1. Past Relationships

A major topic you should avoid bringing up when you’re meeting someone for the first time is your ex-partner.

Diving into past romantic relationships on a first date can set a negative tone. It’s best to stay in the present and pay attention to the person you’re with.

Avoid discussing your relationship history at all costs. There’s no need to mention your crazy ex or rehash old heartbreaks.

Keep things light and focus on getting to know your date instead.

Talking about how your last relationship went down in flames will only make your date feel uncomfortable and awkward. Save those stories for your close friends.

When you sound bitter or come across as if you’re still hung up on your ex, it can be a major turn off for a potential partner, so do your best to avoid complaining about the past.

Comparing your date to your ex, whether good or bad, is never a good idea and will only make them feel like they can’t measure up.

Your date deserves your full attention and interest. Leave the past in the past where it belongs.

Stick to fun, lighthearted discussions that allow you both to learn more about each other naturally.

There will be plenty of time to share relationship histories once you’ve built up a real connection.

For now, live in the present moment and see where the chemistry between you leads.

2. Politics

Politics can be a controversial topic, especially when you’ve just met someone.

Unless you know the other person shares your views, avoid discussing anything political on the first date.

Instead, keep things light by asking open-ended questions to get a sense of their views.

For example, you might ask, “How do you think the current administration is doing so far?” This invites them to share as much or as little as they’d like.

The first date is not the time to try and change someone’s mind or push your agenda. Avoid phrases like “You’re wrong” or “That’s a stupid choice.”

Focus on listening to understand their perspective instead of listening to reply. If the conversation starts getting heated, steer it toward more neutral ground.

Rather than focusing on controversial topics, look for areas of shared interest. Discuss issues you’re both passionate about, like education, healthcare, or the environment.

Compromise and understanding are the basis for any healthy relationship.

Your first date is a chance to see if you can have a balanced, productive discussion—even if you disagree.

If you walk away with a better understanding of each other, that’s a great sign.

Politics often bring out strong feelings in people, so tread lightly if it comes up and look for signs you share some common values before diving deep into a debate.

With open communication and a willingness to listen, political differences don’t have to be a deal breaker.

But on a first date, it’s usually better to leave such discussions for another time.

things to avoid talking about on a first date

3. Religion

Like politics, religion can be a deeply personal and sometimes contentious subject.

It can come up naturally during a conversation with your date but try not to delve too deep or be judgmental.

If asked directly about your faith or spiritual beliefs, keep your answer brief and lighthearted.

You might say something like, “I was raised Christian, but I’m not super religious these days. How about you?”

Try to turn the conversation to your date so you can learn about their views instead of diving deep into your own.

Some topics like beliefs about the afterlife or views on religious institutions can spark debate. Steer clear of anything argumentative.

A first date should be about getting to know each other, not proving who has the “right” beliefs.

If the conversation starts feeling tense, suggest changing the subject to something more lighthearted.

Your religious views alone do not define you, so focus on all the other aspects of your personality and interests.

If you do discover you share some spiritual or cultural values, that’s great. But avoid centering the entire date around that one area of commonality.

Keep things balanced by discussing a variety of topics, from hobbies and pop culture to dreams and goals.

4. Money

Money is a tricky topic for a first date and it’s best to be avoided.

Discussing your salary, how much debt you’re in, or how much you spent on your fancy watch can make the other person feel uncomfortable or judged.

Focus instead on getting to know each other without the pressure of finances coming into play.

There will be plenty of time to have deeper discussions about money management and financial compatibility if you continue dating, but a first date should be light and casual.

Talk about your interests, hobbies, dreams, and goals, not price tags.

If the other person brings up an expensive purchase or lavish lifestyle, steer the conversation toward the experiences and meaning behind those things rather than the money itself.

For example, if they mention an exotic vacation, ask what they enjoyed about the location and culture rather than how much it cost.

A first date is all about making a connection, so avoid creating distance by talking money.

There are so many wonderful ways to get to know someone without ever having to bring finances into the conversation.

Talking about salaries, personal wealth, or financial problems can be uncomfortable.

It’s just too personal for a first encounter. Focus on bonding with your love interest instead.

5. Personal Drama

Heavy personal issues or family drama can be overwhelming for a first date.

Try to keep the conversation light and get to know each other before sharing more sensitive information.

Your date wants to get to know you, not hear about your family issues.

Save deeper conversations about emotional baggage for later dates once you’ve built up some trust and comfort with the new person.

Don’t air your family’s dirty laundry or share details of family conflict and dysfunction.

This can make your date feel uncomfortable and may portray you or your family in an unflattering light.

Your date wants to get a sense of who you are now, not dig into past family trauma.

Keep the first date conversation focused on learning about each other in the present moment.

If needed, you can briefly mention you’ve had some ups and downs in your family you’ve worked to overcome, but save the specifics for later.

A first date should be an escape from drama, not an avenue to raise dust. Keep things light and positive.

things to avoid talking about on a first date

6. Intimacy

While intimacy and physical connection are important in relationships, a first date is not the time to discuss details about your intimate life.

It’s typically best to wait until a connection or relationship is more established.

Talking about intimacy, your “body count,” or asking overly personal questions can make things awkward on your date.

Save those conversations for when you’ve bonded with each other and built trust.

While you may be itching to know if there’s chemistry between you two, remember that intimacy develops over time through shared experiences, trust, and understanding.

The key is keeping the first date conversation casual and avoiding “too much too soon.” Intimate discussions can come later when you’ve established a real bond.

For now, focus on listening, asking questions, and finding common ground. The rest will unfold in time.

7. Negative Experiences

Constantly complaining or talking about negative experiences can make a first date seem boring or weird.

Avoid discussing painful past relationships or traumatic life events.

While these experiences shape who you are, a first date should focus on lighter, more positive topics.

Talking about your exes, breakups or your dating history in detail can make your date feel like you’re not over past relationships or that you see them as just another number.

Try to keep the conversation upbeat. Everyone faces difficulties in life, but a first date is not the time to share intense details about past hardships, health issues, family problems, or financial struggles.

You can have deeper conversations when you’ve built up trust and a real connection. For now, keep things on the brighter side.

Focusing the conversation on more optimistic subjects will make for an overall more pleasant first-date experience for you both.

While life’s ups and downs contribute to your character, it’s often best to let your playful, engaging side shine through on a first date.

Your potential partner isn’t looking to be your therapist; they want someone who can add more excitement to their lives and help them become the best version of themselves.

Keep that at the back of your mind while going on your date.

8. Marriage And Children

Another thing you should avoid talking about on a first date is marriage and kids.

Talking about long-term commitments too soon can scare off your potential partner and make them feel trapped.

Even if you’re interested in those things eventually, take things slow. Focus on getting to know them first before planning the wedding!

Here are some deep questions to avoid asking:

How many children do you want?

What are your thoughts on prenups or joint bank accounts?

When do you think people should get married?

Have you thought of baby names yet?

When can I meet your parents?

Talking about marriage and children on a first date is not a good idea.

Discuss shared interests, hobbies, careers, or fun life experiences instead and save the more serious relationship conversations for at least the third or fourth date.

Who knows, you may discover after a few dates that this person isn’t right for you anyway, so there’s no need to rush into discussions about wedding rings!

Enjoy learning about each other one day at a time. Don’t assume your first date will lead to a lifelong commitment.

Focus on living in the present and seeing if you connect and remember to have fun together. The rest will unfold naturally if it’s meant to be.

For now, keep things balanced and avoid coming on too strong about marriage or children.

things to avoid talking about on a first date

9. Health Issues

When you’re on a first date with someone new, it’s best to avoid discussing any major health problems or medical issues.

While it’s important to be honest, delving into detailed health issues might be too much information for a first meeting.

Unless it directly relates to your ability to participate in an activity you have planned, your date doesn’t need to know about your irritable bowel syndrome or recent weight loss surgery. Keep those details to yourself for now.

Why open up about illness or disease when you’re still getting to know someone?

It can make your conversation awkward and may cause your date to see you differently before they’ve even had a chance to get to know the real you.

Save deeper discussions about chronic conditions, disabilities, or serious diagnoses for later, once you’ve established a real connection.

Your date wants to see your fun, vibrant side, not your medical charts or prescription sheets!

Talk about your shared interests, hobbies, goals, and dreams instead. There will be plenty of time to share more personal details about your health and well-being.

For now, avoid talking about doctor visits, medications, and physical ailments. Your health issues can remain your little secret—at least until things get serious between you two!

10. Controversial Topics

Another thing to avoid discussing on a first date is controversial topics like spirituality, abortion, or global crisis.

These complex issues often lead to heated debates and hurt feelings.

Bringing up potentially offensive views on sensitive issues can make you come across as argumentative or close-minded.

Your date may feel uncomfortable disagreeing with or challenging your stance.

They may worry that having opposing viewpoints could become a deal-breaker for you, even if that’s not actually the case.

Rather than risking an unpleasant disagreement on your first date, focus the conversation on learning more about each other’s values, experiences, goals, and interests.

Discuss fun or lighthearted subjects that you both care about instead.

A first date is all about making a good first impression through friendly, engaging discussion not winning an argument or finding out who’s smarter.

Conclusion

I’ve highlighted some off-limit topics to avoid on a first date unless you want to make it super awkward.

However, these are not compulsory rules you need to follow; they are simply guidelines to help you navigate dating better.

Every individual and situation is different, and some people might be more open to discussing these topics than others.

Use your best judgment and be mindful of how the other person is reacting to the conversation.

First dates should be light and fun. So save the heavier stuff for when you get to know each other better down the road.

The most important things are to relax, be yourself, and let the conversation flow naturally.

Remember to flirt a little, laugh a lot, and don’t stress about awkward silences. If the date goes well, great! If not, no big deal—you’ll have other chances.

The goal is just to enjoy yourself and get to know your new love interest. If the relationship gets serious, you can have all the deep and dark conversations you want.

 

Recommended reading:

50 Best First Date Questions To Break The Ice

21 Deep Questions For A New Relationship

100 Questions For Couples To Know Each Other Better

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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