When you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you may have a lot of sexual experiences that are not as passionate as you expected.
Sometimes the sex is great, other times it’s frustrating or unsatisfactory but on average, it’s really good.
Sexually frustrated couples, on the other hand, have a lot of health related problems going on at the same time that prevents them from enjoying a healthy sex life.
One or both partners might develop serious issues like vaginal dryness, a low libido, erectile dysfunction or performance anxiety that can reduce sexual satisfaction in the long run.
Couples in long-term relationships often experience a dry spell from time to time.
When this happens frequently, physical intimacy can become a chore that is no longer exciting.
Relationship experts say that this lack of sex can cause a lot of sexual frustration and these feelings of frustration may last for as long as the underlying causes remain untreated.
Unfortunately, sexual frustration doesn’t happen to only couples in a sexless marriage. It’s normal for married couples to experience ebbs and flows in their marriage.
Many couples who have a healthy sex life also encounter sexual problems that may threaten to destroy their relationship.
Are you experiencing some signs of sexual frustration in your relationship? You’re definitely not alone!
In a recent survey conducted for a book called The Social Organization of Sexuality, it was discovered that about 16% of married couples were in a sexless marriage which means they had no sex in the past year.
If you’re in an intimate relationship and your sexual needs are not being met, you may be tempted to leave your romantic partner but it’s better to try other options before you go your separate ways.
In this post, I’m going to share 7 actionable tips for sexually frustrated couples to help you have a more satisfying sex life.
But first, let’s answer a few questions about sexual health you may have…
WHAT IS SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?
Contrary to popular belief, being frustrated about sex doesn’t mean you’re not getting intimate or having enough sex.
Sexual frustration in this context can mean that the sex you’re having isn’t satisfying enough or your partner is unwilling to fulfill some of your sexual expectations.
Here are the most common sexual frustration signs identified by couples who are not having great sex:
• They feel increasingly irritable
• They experience signs of depression
• They eat more or binge on unhealthy snacks
• They complain that they have sleeping problems
• They’re experiencing a lack of self-esteem and low confidence
• They struggle with performance anxiety in bed
If you’re experiencing any of these symptoms of sexual frustration, it’s not the end of the road for you or your partner.
The first step to reviving your sex life is to identify the root causes of your sexual problems.
Once you can understand why you’re have intimacy issues, you’ll be able to focus your attention on tackling the problems faster so you can enjoy a better sex life.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF SEXUAL FRUSTRATION?
Sexual health can be influenced by a lot of factors ranging from diet to stress and declining health conditions.
Most of these causes are outside of your control but there are many treatment options available for sexually frustrated couples who have tried to reclaim their sexual health without positive results.
People who don’t have their sexual needs met can get frustrated after a while, but that’s not the only reason for their irritability.
There are many other contributing factors to sexual frustration in marriage:
1. Physical difficulties in getting an erection
Men who experience erectile dysfunction or a more specific sexual health issue like Peyronie’s disease generally experience physical difficulties in getting an erection before sexual intercourse.
Erectile dysfunction (also called impotence) is diagnosed when a man consistently fails to get an erection or can’t hold an erection long enough to have satisfactory sex and reach orgasm.
Peyronie’s disease is a specific health condition that affects the penis, causing a significant bend or curve that can be very painful and may make sexual penetration impossible.
Untreated sexual health conditions like the ones mentioned above are one of the main reasons why married couples are sexually frustrated.
2. Different levels of sexual desire
It’s normal for one partner to have a lower sex drive than the other person in an intimate relationship but it can become a problem if sex is less frequent than usual.
If your sex drive doesn’t match that of your partner’s, this desire discrepancy is called a mismatched libido and it’s often one of the reasons for a sexless marriage.
When you have a lower desire for intimacy, you may not always be in the mood for sex and this can be super frustrating if your partner has a high sex drive.
3. Misinformation about sex
People who hear negative things about sex from their childhood like sexual intercourse is a taboo or female orgasm is an abomination, may find it hard to experience positive relationships as adults.
If you were exposed to such levels of misinformation as a child, it’s not too late to learn more about sexual intercourse and sexual health.
There are a lot of educational resources online that can steer you in the right direction when it comes to matters of intimacy and sex.
4. Past sexual trauma
Victims of sexual abuse who have experienced violence or trauma during sex may want to avoid intimacy entirely, especially if a sexual act triggers painful memories.
If you have a history of sexual abuse and it’s affecting your intimate life, seek the help of a licensed counselor or sex therapist who can give you the appropriate treatment you need.
5. Stress from work or everyday life
Do you know that stress affects sexual activity?
Research shows that couples in high stress situations experience more problems in their sexual relationship than couples who encounter less stress in their daily life.
In addition, lack of frequent sex can make a lot of couples irritable and frustrated.
6. Lack of emotional connection
Emotional intimacy is an important part of sexual intercourse.
Romantic partners who share a deep emotional connection have more sexual desire for one another which often leads to more frequent and satisfying sex.
When couples lose their emotional connection or bond, they may also lose their sexual desire for each other.
7 EFFECTIVE TIPS FOR SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED COUPLES
Now that you know some of the reasons for sexual frustration, it’s important to find permanent solutions to your sexual health issues.
Couples who get frustrated about sex can experience mental or physical health problems as a side effect.
A great way to make sure you don’t end up in a sexless marriage is to tackle the root cause of your sexual problems right away.
If you’re wondering what to do when sexually frustrated in marriage and you’re looking for how to overcome sexual frustration as a couple, these tips can help you revive your sex life in no time.
#1 Don’t jump to conclusions
Most people assume that sexual health issues like erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation have no cure but there are a lot of effective treatment options for erectile dysfunction.
People have also had great results from using men’s sexual health products over the counter to treat their ailments.
It can be extremely frustrating when your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you but it’s not healthy to come up with wrong assumptions about their recent behavior.
While it’s natural to jump to conclusions and assume something drastic like they’re cheating on you or they are no longer attracted to you, it’s more likely that something else is affecting them sexually.
If you’ve noticed that your sex life is no longer satisfactory, have an honest conversation with your partner instead of imagining the worst case scenario.
#2 Have an honest conversation with your partner
Good communication isn’t always easy especially when it bothers around intimacy issues but it’s essential in every healthy relationship.
The most important tool for a better sex life is open communication between couples. Being able to freely express your fears or concerns is important in a marriage.
Couples with different sexual preferences often find it challenging to enjoy sex because they refuse to talk about their intimate needs.
When you’re open and honest with your partner about sexual health issues, they can understand you better, and that level of openness can help to eliminate frustration and uncertainty from your relationship.
Healthy communication can maintain your closeness and make your sex life more satisfying.
So, it’s definitely worth the effort to communicate clearly with your spouse.
If your emotional needs are unmet, talk about them with your spouse so you can find healthy ways to increase your bond.
#3 Reduce stress in the bedroom
Stress can harm a relationship just like it can cause physical or sexual health problems.
The number one cause of performance anxiety and low sexual confidence is too much pressure in the bedroom.
Your spouse is already receiving a lot of stress from work and everyday life so put your focus on reducing stress during sex.
If your partner struggles with performance anxiety, you can create a stress-free sexual experience for them by being more understanding and patient in bed.
Encourage them to practice deep breathing exercises so they can be more equipped to control their emotions during intimacy.
When you handle stress more effectively, it would be easy to strengthen your relationship and increase your emotional connection.
#4 Focus more on foreplay rather than orgasm
Do you remember all the good times you had when you first met your partner? Those passionate moments don’t have to be a thing of the past!
You can relieve those special moments again by focusing more on connection instead of satisfaction.
Don’t be in a haste to achieve orgasm so you can roll over and fall asleep. Spend quality time connecting with your spouse in bed.
If you want to spice up your sex life, try new things in the bedroom like talking dirty, playing the truth or dare game and touching each other gently.
Exploring your partner’s body can help you discover new erogenous zones that will lead to better sex.
During sex, try to stretch out the foreplay to reach a higher state of arousal before penetration.
If you’re in a sexual rut, trying different romantic things can be a great way to spice up your sex life.
#5 Experiment with new things in the bedroom
Most sexually frustrated couples are in a rut because they are having routine sex.
When you’re looking for ways to deal with sexual frustration in a relationship, it’s important that you think about sex like a menu and order something new instead of doing the same things you’ve been doing.
Explore different sexual positions, have sex at different times and experiment with roleplay or BDSM.
You can also try playing with sex toys, ice cubes, feathers and blindfolds or engaging in other sexual activities like erotic massages, mutual masturbation or oral sex.
As long as the sex you’re having is mutual and consensual, doing different things in the bedroom is a nice way to enhance your sexual intimacy.
#6 Learn everything you can about sexual health problems
People often mistakenly believe that sexual health problems like erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness or a lower libido only happens to older couples with life-threatening illnesses.
But, these health conditions can happen to anyone at any stage of their life.
Approximately 50% of men over 40 will experience erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation at some point in their lives.
When you learn about how common erectile dysfunction and low libido are, you’ll be more knowledgeable about the successful and long-lasting treatment options that are easily available to you.
Knowing how to deal with erectile dysfunction in a marriage can seem overwhelming for sexually frustrated couples because they’re already stressed.
If you’re not a health care professional, you can find it difficult to understand what is really going on and how to overcome your challenges.
The good news is, you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself. When you work with a sex therapist or marriage counselor, you’ll have someone holding your hand until the storm is over.
It may also be comforting to know that you’re in control of whether you want to use erectile dysfunction pills or other expensive forms of treatment.
Many couples have had massive success when using herbal supplements to treat sexual dysfunction caused by vitamin deficiency.
Whatever you decide in the end, make sure that your partner is fully aware of your healthcare choices.
#7 Talk to a health care specialist
In the past, sexual health conditions were a taboo to be talked about even among married couples.
And a lot of couples had to suffer in silence with their ailments and failing marriages.
Luckily, in recent years, couples who are battling with sexual problems don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.
Most sexual problems are treatable and a health care specialist can customize your treatment options to suit your needs and preferences.
When you’ve explored other conventional methods available to you but still need extra help to enjoy intimacy as a couple, it’s best to consider talking to a specialist who is qualified to treat sexual problems.
It’s not the end of the road for sexually frustrated couples because there are many options they can try.
I’ve given you 7 actionable tips on how to overcome sexual frustration as a couple.
Even though it sounds easy, you need to know that overcoming sexual frustration in marriage involves a lot of understanding, patience and medical care.
When you’ve tried everything you can to fix your sexual health problems and they still persist, the best way to get better results is to seek professional help or work with a good sex therapist.
You can speak without shame and get your issues treated faster and more successfully than going the route alone.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life. As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are important in building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.