Most married couples find themselves in a boring sexless marriage a few years after they tie the knot.
This is actually normal because passion fades over a period of time if it’s not constantly rekindled in the relationship.
With busy work schedules, kids, emotional stress and financial worries, it’s easy to forget to get intimate with your spouse.
At the end of each day, you’re just so exhausted that all you want to do is get a good night’s sleep and your sexual relationship gradually becomes non-existent.
This daily routine can often lead to no intimacy in marriage and an unhappy marriage. Although this is not the case for some married couples.
There are many underlying causes of a sexless marriage including illness, low libido, menopause, hormonal changes, medical condition and so many others.
What can you do if you are in a sexless relationship with your spouse?
The first step to fixing a sexless marriage is to find out if you’re actually in one because some people are in a loveless marriage where they still have frequent sex with each other.
Let’s take a look at the definitions of a sexless marriage…
According to The Social Organization of Sexuality, a sexless marriage is a situation where a married couple has little or no sexual activity over a long period of time.
This means that they don’t engage in frequent sexual activities like kissing, foreplay, oral sex or lovemaking.
Couples who have minimal sexual encounters with each other eventually find themselves in a marriage with little or no intimacy.
It’s completely normal to skip sex or avoid intimacy for a few days or weeks.
However, if you’re having sex less than once a month, then it’s okay to agree that you’re in a sexless relationship with your spouse.
Do you notice these symptoms of a sexless marriage in your relationship?
SYMPTOMS OF A SEXLESS MARRIAGE
• Little or no intimacy
• Constant bickering among couples
• Feeling unwanted and unloved
• Little or no couple activities
• Spending more time apart
• Little or no communication
• Sleeping in separate bedrooms
• Secret affairs with someone else
• Overindulgence in alcohol or porn
• Mental health issues like depression, trauma or sexual anxiety
The secret to happy romantic relationships is good communication, mutual respect and a great sex life.
A healthy sex life is when couples engage in frequent sex with each other and it’s mutually satisfying.
If you experience at least five of these sexless marriage symptoms, that’s a warning sign that you’re in one and you need to start working on how to fix your sexless marriage.
Many couples divorce due to lack of intimacy in marriage but the good news is, there are different ways to fix a sexless marriage and reignite the spark with your spouse.
The most important thing in making your sexless marriage work is the willingness of both partners to put in some real effort.
10 BEST TIPS ON HOW TO FIX A SEXLESS MARRIAGE
1. Work on any relationship issues you have
Physical intimacy usually starts with emotional intimacy for most couples.
When you genuinely love someone, you’re more inclined to make love regularly and connect sexually with your partner.
But when you’re still resentful or angry with your spouse for something they did in the past year, you won’t have much sex and the frequency of sex will slowly decrease over time.
If you want to save your sexless marriage and increase intimacy in a relationship, you need to first work on any relationship issues that exists between you and your partner.
This is a good place to start if you want to repair your marriage. Unresolved relationship problems often lead to bitterness and resentment.
And when you resent your partner, you tend to start shutting them out of your heart and your life without even knowing it.
This indifference to your partner is usually the beginning of a marriage without passion and intimacy because you’re no longer putting in the effort to spice up your marriage.
Find the root cause of your relationship issues and work on them with your spouse.
WORK WITH A CERTIFIED MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
2. Communicate better with your spouse
Most married people have secret fantasies that they want to explore but they often hide them because of fear of rejection.
Do you know what your spouse secretly wants in bed? Your significant other may have specific things they want you to do in bed and if you don’t do them, they’ll be unsatisfied in your marriage.
A good time to talk about sexual intercourse or your love life is when you’re both in a great mood.
If your partner isn’t interested in fixing your sexless marriage, there is nothing you can do on your own to save your marriage.
You cannot be a happy couple when one partner is unwilling to put in some effort to make the marriage work.
You have to sit down like two mature adults and admit to yourselves that your marriage is failing.
As long as there is no intimacy in marriage, it can be classified as a sexless and loveless marriage. That’s the plain truth!
Have an honest conversation with your spouse where you can ask each other intimate questions for couples to help you open up the communication gap around intimacy and sex.
When you talk about your sexual needs or physical needs, it would be easier to find a way to spice up your sexless marriage.
The key to having a successful open communication is to do it with an open mind and without being judgemental about the state of your sex life.
3. Get rid of performance anxiety
If you or your spouse have sexual problems like erectile dysfunction, low libido or vaginal dryness, there can be an issue of performance anxiety because of too much pressure to satisfy a partner.
People with lower libido, premature ejaculation or poor body image often have this fear of bad sexual experiences.
When you want to make love with your spouse, try to create a deep emotional connection where they feel safe and accepted.
Use their love language to calm down their performance anxiety and be as gentle as possible.
Most importantly, don’t compare your spouse to your previous lovers or to people you see in adult movies.
This is a big deal to most men especially when they feel that they’re not truly satisfying a woman in bed.
Your own sexual relationship is unique and special so don’t complicate things by putting too much pressure on your partner.
7 Effective Tips For Sexually Frustrated Couples
4. Add more romance to your love life
The best way to fix a sexless marriage is to increase the romance and add more passion to your sex life.
You can add more romance to your love life and increase your emotional connection to each other by engaging in little romantic activities for couples.
Engage in romantic couple activities like bathing together, holding hands while walking, cuddling in bed, dancing to romantic songs and feeding each other sexual foods.
If you’re looking for intimate things to do with your partner, get a copy of this Personalized Box Of Date Cards to discover a full year of romantic activities for couples.
Most married couples often forget to do the little romantic things that matter in a healthy relationship.
And that’s why they find themselves in a failing marriage where they have little sex after a long period of time.
Remember to hold hands while you walk and don’t forget to kiss your spouse every day. These are the little romantic things that can keep your love alive.
5. Work on increasing your libido
Low sex drive is one of the common reasons for a sexless marriage and it can be caused by hormonal changes, medical conditions, emotional stress or low energy levels.
If you’re having less sex because you have no sexual desire for your partner or you’re not often in the mood for intimacy, it’s likely that you’re suffering from a low sex drive.
There are so many different things that can cause a low libido in marriage.
The birth of a new baby, hormonal imbalance, medical conditions, menopause, nutritional deficiencies, nervous disorders and psychological problems can affect your sex drive.
If you’re looking for new ways to regain lost intimacy in marriage, reducing stress, experimenting with roleplay, organizing sensual couple massages and practicing regular self-care can help to increase your desire for sex.
The key to increasing your libido is to find out the underlying problem of your lack of intimacy and seek professional help if you can’t solve it on your own.
If your partner desires sex and you’re often too tired or not in the mood to get intimate you could gradually fall into a sexless partnership.
6. Sleep in the same bedroom
As surprising as this sounds most couples find themselves in a sexless relationship simply because they don’t sleep in the same bed.
Sleeping in separate bedrooms as a couple can actually lower the amount of sex you’re having in your marriage.
If you do this because you both need space and privacy then create a routine that involves both of you coming together and sleeping in the same bedroom at least three times a week.
When you sleep together, you can get enough quality time to cuddle, talk about your relationship and even make passionate love.
I know different people have their own tastes but as a married couple, it’s really important to share the same bedroom.
This is one of the best ways to gain full access to your partner and maintain a deep emotional connection with each other.
7. Schedule sex regularly
In the early days of your relationship, it’s easy to accidentally jump into hot passionate sex on your way from the living room to the kitchen.
It just happens… You don’t necessarily plan it or expect it to happen.
Sex is so spontaneous and passionate with your partner. You spend almost every night exploring each other’s body and basking in the bliss of great lovemaking.
But this routine changes soon after the honeymoon phase ends (generally, for most couples, it’s somewhere between 2-18 months).
And it’s not because you’re suddenly bored of each other. This is a normal phase for romantic relationships.
Sexual chemistry is not always there. It can ebb and flow on short notice. It begins to take more conscious effort to build that sexual vibe and enjoy passionate lovemaking as you used to.
This is when you need to schedule sex and make foreplay a priority. If you wait for time to make itself available, you’re never going to connect emotionally with your partner.
You must create time out of your busy schedule for romance and intimacy. It needs to be a part of your routine too.
Carve out time during weekends for extended foreplay and intimate connection with your spouse.
Lack of sexual intimacy can often be caused by too much work and busy schedules. Couples who have regular sex usually schedule it at least once a week.
If you don’t make love on a regular basis, you’ll gradually fall into a sexless marriage with little sex or none at all.
To avoid neglecting your sexual needs, create time for sex and schedule it regularly so you don’t forget to get intimate with your spouse.
HOW TO SURVIVE IN AN UNHAPPY MARRIAGE
8. Try new ideas in the bedroom
It’s totally normal for couples who have been together for a while to get stuck in a boring relationship especially in the bedroom.
Perhaps, you’ve both moved past trying to impress each other and have fallen into a steady routine filled with predictable dates and standard get-the-job done sex positions.
You may even have found yourself just not getting intimate as much lately because the thrill is gone and you’ve run out of ideas for new things to try in the bedroom.
Many couples do not realize that intimacy is more than just about having sex.
A lot of times couples rush through foreplay because they feel like intercourse needs to be the main event.
There’s a lot more attached to intimacy than just your own satisfaction.
Sex is an art that involves tenderness, passion, desire, patience, and love. It should be beautiful and amazing!
When your marriage lacks intimacy, it’s best to look for new ways to connect intimately with each other.
If you run out of ideas on how to spice up the bedroom, play naughty adult games for couples, learn how to give sensual massages, and read erotic stories to each other.
Try new lovemaking positions with a sex toy mount like Liberator Pulse and make love in different locations to spice up your sex life.
Expanding your sexual experiences by making out in new places outside the bedroom can bring you closer to your partner, teach you about what turns you on, and help you feel sexually empowered.
Changing locations removes you from things in your home that stress you out and gets your adrenaline pumping, which helps you get even more aroused than usual.
You can also use ice, feathers, silk blindfolds or whips and experiment with different techniques and sensations in the bedroom.
Sometimes, just changing the type of sex you’re having and spending much time on foreplay can improve your sex life.
If you’re looking for more proven tips on how to spice up your sex life, get my bestselling intimacy book to learn new lovemaking techniques to try with your spouse.
9. Explore your secret fantasies
We all have secret fantasies that we want to try out someday and if they never happen, we can find ourselves feeling bored and not interested in the same predictable sex we’re having.
Another way to reignite the spark in a sexless marriage is to act out your sexual fantasies with a willing partner.
Talk to your spouse about the secret desires you have and all the hidden fantasies you want to explore.
Do you secretly fantasize about role-playing or BDSM? Do you want to get some new adult toys to add more heat in the bedroom?
Discuss how to incorporate it into your sex lives so that it can be mutually satisfying for both of you.
The secret to happy sex relationships is studying your lover for a long time and knowing exactly what they want in bed.
10. Get professional help
A large number of sexless relationships in older couples are often caused by medical conditions.
As the body ages, it gets more difficult to lose weight and improve the immune system.
Older people are more susceptible to a lot of illnesses that can greatly affect their libido.
Sometimes, a lack of desire for intimacy can be linked to drug use so it’s wise to work on changing the medication.
If you notice that the cause of your sexless marriage is a medical condition, the only way to reignite the spark with your spouse is to seek medical help.
Sign up for couples therapy and work on your sexual problems with a certified sex therapist who is qualified to give you professional advice.
You can also search online for a marriage counselor or couples counselor near you who can give you the proper marriage help you need.
The bottom line is, try to work on different aspects of your sexual relationship instead of giving up on your marriage and filing for divorce.
Being in a sexless marriage over a long period of time can lead to lack of love, divorce or mental health issues like depression, sexual anxiety and trauma.
A recent study carried out among separated couples found out that the most common reasons for divorce are communication problems, growing apart, financial problems and infidelity or affairs.
Happily married couples understand how important sex is and they work on it from the wedding night up until the end.
The effect of a sexless marriage on a husband and wife is often devastating because sex is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship.
Do everything you can to avoid the dangers of a sexless marriage by working on your intimacy and your relationship so you can be in a better position than you were last year.
If you try to rekindle the romance in your marriage with the tips in this post and nothing works, seek professional help or sign up for marriage counseling.
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About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life. As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are important in building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.