Are you thinking about reaching out to your ex?
Honestly, that might not be a good idea. Trust me, reconnecting to an ex never ends well.
We’ve all been there before—you’re lonely on a Friday night, feeling nostalgic about the good times you shared and wanting to call up a former flame.
But take it from me, talking to your ex will only lead to trouble and more heartache.
Before you know it, you’re rehashing old arguments, remembering why you broke up in the first place, and getting angry at each other.
Then comes the manipulation and mind games, followed by the inevitable hurt and regret.
It’s a totally different case if you have kids, a business, or shared property together.
But if you have nothing in common with your ex, it may not be wise to maintain contact with them.
One of the biggest reasons you should never talk to your ex is that seeing or hearing about your ex moving on with their life can trigger feelings of jealousy or bitterness, which can delay your progress.
Save yourself the drama, and do not engage. Your ex is an ex for a reason. The best you can do is accept the end of the relationship and move forward.
If you’re seriously considering texting or calling your former partner, here are a few reasons why you should never talk to your ex.
7 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TALK TO YOUR EX
Talking to an ex can seem tempting, but it often does more harm than good. Here’s why you should avoid contacting your former partner:
1. Talking to your ex prevents you from moving on
Talking to your ex will likely bring up old feelings and memories which can keep you stuck in the past instead of looking toward the future.
Hearing their voice or seeing their face may stir up emotions you’re trying to get over.
Before you know it, you’re reminiscing about the good times you shared. Remove the temptation to call or text by deleting their number and contacts.
Chatting with your ex, even if it’s “just as friends,” keeps you emotionally tied to the past.
Every conversation brings up memories and prevents you from moving forward.
Part of you will always hope that the conversation might lead to reconciliation.
But more often than not, it won’t. And that dashed hope sets you back in the recovery process which can stop you from meeting someone new.
If you’re still talking to your ex, you’re not truly available to new romantic partners. And they can likely sense you’re not completely over your last relationship.
The healthiest thing you can do after a breakup is to cut off contact completely.
Ceasing communication gives you both the space and time you need to process the end of the relationship, heal from any hurt, and ultimately move forward.
Stop calling, texting, or stalking your ex’s social media. That’s the best way to start the process of healing and open yourself up to finding love again.
Reconnecting with your ex will only make it more difficult to move on.
2. It leads to false hope and expectations
Let’s be real—reaching out to an ex is rarely a good idea and often leads to hurt feelings and disappointment.
There’s a good chance one or both of you have ulterior motives for reaching out. Maybe you’re lonely, jealous, or just seeking validation.
But using your ex to soothe old wounds or insecurities is unfair to both of you. It gives you false hope that you might get back together.
Just because they respond doesn’t mean they want to rekindle the romance. Chances are, they’ve moved on and you’re setting yourself up for rejection.
Talking to your ex can also stir up old emotions. Hearing their voice or seeing them in person transports you back to the good times you shared.
Before you know it, you’ve forgotten why you broke up in the first place and find yourself pining over them again.
Another reason why you shouldn’t talk to your ex is that it can lead to unhealthy expectations.
Maybe you think you can handle just being friends, but soon little comments or interactions leave you wondering if they want you back. Don’t go down that road – it’s a dead end.
If you’re thinking of speaking to your ex to get closure, don’t do it.
The idea that you can meet up “one last time” for closure and then happily move on with your life is a fairy tale.
More often it just leaves you with more questions and a desire to rehash things over and over.
Save yourself the heartache and don’t reach out to your ex. It’s best to accept the end of the relationship and focus on yourself.
Keep busy, lean on your friends, and know that the pain will fade and you will find happiness with someone else.
3. It can reopen old wounds
Reconnecting with an ex can bring up painful memories best left in the past.
Talking to your ex again risks reopening emotional wounds that have taken time to heal.
If the breakup was particularly painful or the relationship was toxic, continuing to communicate might only prolong the hurt and make it more difficult to recover.
You’ll find yourself remembering the hurt, betrayal, and heartbreak all over again. Why put yourself through that trauma and pain once more?
Those emotional scars have finally started to fade – don’t pick off the scab and make them bleed again.
It’s important to establish clear boundaries after a breakup to avoid any misunderstandings or unwanted advances.
Staying in contact also makes it much harder to move on mentally and emotionally.
You’ll keep replaying the good times you shared, wondering what went wrong and what could have been. But the relationship ended for a reason.
Keeping those memories alive prevents you from finding closure and looking toward a happier future without your ex.
Rather than revisiting the past, focus on self-care. Do things each day that boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Connecting with supportive friends and family, engaging in hobbies, and practicing self-love will help you move forward in a healthy way.
In time, the longing and hurt will fade, and you’ll be able to reflect on the relationship with acceptance instead of regret.
But for now, steer clear of your ex and keep looking forward.
4. It may cause drama with new partners
Talking with your ex can stir up old feelings and cause issues in your current relationship.
Your new partner may feel jealous or insecure knowing you’re still in contact with your ex.
They may worry that you’re not fully over them or will get back together with your former flame.
To avoid hurting your new partner’s feelings or causing distrust, it’s best to avoid contacting your ex as much as possible.
If you do need to communicate with them for some reason, be fully transparent with your current partner about it.
Let them know the details of your conversation and reasons for talking to provide reassurance.
Continuing a friendship with an ex rarely ends well. There are too many opportunities for past emotions and attractions to resurface which can create confusion or regrets.
It also prevents you both from truly moving on and finding happiness with new partners.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. Keep the past in the past by cutting contact.
Focus on nurturing your present relationship if you have one rather than clinging to remnants of the old one.
Breakups are difficult, but staying in touch will only prolong the pain and prevent healing.
Make a clean break from your ex so you can both find closure and commit to your new relationship without distraction or complication.
While it may seem harsh, it’s the kindest thing you can do for yourself and your future happiness.
5. Talking to your ex can create jealousy and bitterness
Talking to a former partner can stir up old feelings of jealousy, bitterness, and regret that you’ve worked hard to move past.
When you start dating someone new, do you really want to hear about your ex’s love life? Probably not.
Likewise, filling your ex in on the details of your new relationship may make them jealous and bring up negative emotions.
It’s best for both of you to avoid discussing your current romantic partners.
If the split with your ex was messy or hurtful, talking again could bring back painful memories and unresolved feelings of resentment or anger.
It may be tempting to get closure by rehashing the breakup or placing blame, but this rarely makes either person feel better in the long run.
It’s healthier for you both emotionally and mentally to accept the end of the relationship and move forward.
With time and distance, it’s easy to look back on a past relationship through rose-colored glasses. You may even second guess yourself or wonder “What if?”
But the truth is, you broke up for a reason. If your relationship was perfect, it wouldn’t have ended in the first place.
Maintaining no contact with an ex is the best way to ensure you both continue progressing into a happier, healthier future.
So channel your energy into self-improvement and finding new love.
Talking to your ex will only hinder your progress by bringing up painful memories and emotions that are best left in the past.
6. It hinders independence and personal growth
Interacting with an ex can stunt the progress you’ve made in becoming your own person again.
You’ve spent time grieving the loss of the relationship and figuring out who you are without them—don’t undo all that work.
Keep maintaining your independence and discovering yourself.
If you or your ex starts dating someone new, it’s often respectful to limit communication to fully commit to the new relationship.
Talking to a former flame might send the wrong message to your current partner, especially if you don’t have kids together.
In the end, contacting an ex is rarely a good idea and often does more damage than good.
As hard as it may be, keep looking forward instead of backward. Maintaining distance is the healthiest choice for you both in the long run.
7. There’s a reason you broke up
There are probably several reasons why continuing contact is a bad idea. The relationship ended for a reason.
Whether you grew apart, wanted different things, or experienced a betrayal of trust, rekindling a past relationship rarely leads anywhere good.
Going back to your ex is like reading the same book again and expecting a different ending. You’ll likely end up breaking up again for the same reasons.
Rather than revisiting the past, focus on the present and work on being your best self. Don’t dwell on past relationships that didn’t work out.
While it can be tempting to reach out when you’re feeling lonely or nostalgic, contacting an ex often does more harm than good.
Move on to bigger and better things. Let go of the past and look toward building healthy relationships in the future.
Talking to an ex even if just as friends makes moving on difficult.
Make a clean break and commit to meeting new people. In time, the desire to connect with your ex will fade.
Many people talk to their exes with the hope of getting closure, but there’s no such thing. Closure comes from within, not from having one last conversation.
The only way to move on is to cut off all contact. Even if you’re feeling lonely or nostalgic, talking to your ex is not a good idea.
It’s never going to end well and will likely prevent you from moving on.
Staying in touch with someone you’ve broken up with might create false hope or confusion about the possibility of getting back together, which can delay your healing process.
Instead of trying to rekindle the passion with your ex, focus on improving your life and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
Don’t dwell on past relationships that didn’t work out. You deserve so much better.
Pick yourself up, embrace this new chapter of your life, and commit to not repeating past mistakes.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.