9 Reasons Why You Should Never Go Back To Your Ex

why you should never go back to your ex

Are you trying to get back with your ex after a breakup? Maybe you miss them terribly and can’t move on after the relationship ended.

Or you feel lonely as a single person and want the comfort of being in a romantic relationship with someone again.

For some people, a breakup can feel like the end of the world and they find it difficult to live without their former partner.

While it’s normal to miss what you once had, going back to an ex is not a good idea, unless you both feel the same way about each other and are ready to put in the work to make your relationship succeed.

However, if you’re the only one who misses your ex and want to reconnect with them, you may be disappointed when you rekindle the relationship.

One of the reasons why you should never go back to your ex is that you can have your heart broken for the second time.

In this article, we look at the consequences of reuniting with your ex and why it’s not a good idea.


Getting back with an ex-lover has many repercussions. If you’re contemplating going back to your ex to restart your relationship, here are a few things to consider before making a move:

#1 Your breakup happened for a reason

One of the biggest reasons why you should never go back to your ex is that your relationship is over for a reason.

Maybe you were not compatible with each other or one of you cheated and betrayed the trust you had.

Whatever the case, if you both made the decision to go your separate ways, you need to accept that the breakup happened for a reason.

When something ends, try to be mature enough to let it go and focus on healing your broken heart, so you can be ready to love again.

why you should never go back to your ex

#2 Your relationship could fail again

When two people decide to end a romantic relationship, it’s often because it didn’t work out for some reason.

Your past relationship with your ex may have failed because of too much fighting, infidelity, communication problems, financial issues, or incompatibility.

These are the most common challenges couples face and it takes a lot of work to get rid of them.

Sometimes, working with a therapist helps to eradicate the problems but they don’t completely go away if the couple refuses to change their behavior.

If your relationship with your former partner didn’t work out the first time, there is a high chance it may fail again because of unresolved issues.

#3 You’re better off without your ex

According to recent studies, most people go back to their ex because of low self-esteem and a loss of identity.

For instance, if someone had a partner who helped them navigate the ups and downs of life, they may find it difficult to thrive after the relationship ends.

This is because they relied heavily on their partner and they no longer know who they are or how to live in the world without them.

While it’s good to depend on your significant other for love and support, being enmeshed and codependent on another individual is unhealthy for your personal growth.

If you’re trying to get back with your ex because you feel lost and need them to survive, that’s another reason why you shouldn’t reconnect with them.

The breakup may have happened because you need to learn to stand on your feet and you’re better off without your ex-partner in your life.

#4 Going back can prevent you from moving forward

After a relationship ends, it’s wise to try and move on with your life instead of stalking your former partner to see if they’re still interested in you.

It’s a complete waste of time to cling to someone you’ve broken up with and it shows a lack of self-worth.

While you’re busy chasing your ex for affection, you’ll be missing out on new opportunities to find true love.

For example, if you’re trying to strike up a conversation with your ex-lover with the hope of getting back together, you may delete the dating apps on your phone and snub potential love interests who genuinely want to connect with you.

By the time you’re ready to meet up with the dates you ghosted, they may have lost interest in you or moved on to another person who was available at the time.

Going back to an ex can give you false hope and prevent you from moving forward with other people, so it’s not advisable to rekindle the flame with a former partner.

why you should never go back to your ex

#5 Your ex probably hasn’t changed their behavior

Do you remember the things that annoyed you about your ex?

Maybe they constantly criticized your lifestyle or disrespected you in front of other people and you always felt belittled in the relationship.

If you’re trying to get back to someone who caused you pain, it’s probably because you’ve forgotten the bad times and are only remembering the romantic date nights you had together.

It’s not your fault though. Time has a way of making you see things differently from the way they really are.

But the truth remains that people rarely change and if your ex had some bad habits that made your relationship unbearable, they are most likely the same person with the exact personality traits you disliked.

The only reason why you think things will be different this time around is that you still have feelings for them and your judgment is beclouded by sentiments.

#6 You only miss your ex because you have no other option

Loneliness can make you fall back into the arms of someone who isn’t right for you.

Most times when people rekindle the romance with an ex-lover, it’s because they feel lonely and haven’t had any intimate relationship in a long time.

In that state of desperation, they contact their ex to see if they’re still single and want to hang out for a couple of drinks, which often leads to them sleeping together.

Before you make the move you’ll regret for the rest of your life, it’s important to be certain about why you are considering going back to your ex.

If the only reason you’re thinking of getting back with your former partner is that you’re lonely and don’t have any other option, you shouldn’t be nursing the idea in the first place.

#7 Your ex might take advantage of your feelings

Another reason why you shouldn’t go back to your ex is that they can easily manipulate you since you’re the one who is looking to reconnect.

Typically, when someone is trying to reunite with their ex, it’s because they are still in love and can’t move on after the breakup.

Your ex knows this and will take advantage of your feelings if you go back to them.

Your ex may also treat you badly and refuse to commit to a serious relationship because they know you love them deeply and don’t want to lose them.

why you should never go back to your ex

#8 There is a high chance your heart will be broken again

Research shows that people who stay in contact with their ex after the end of a relationship continue to feel the pain of the breakup more intensely and may have more difficulty moving on.

When you go back to a former partner, you intentionally lower your guard and reawaken the hope of getting long-lasting love.

If something happens and your relationship doesn’t work out for the second time, you’ll feel devastated and the heartbreak will be so much worse than before.

It would be like being stabbed in the chest twice by the same person.

If your ex cheated on you while you were together and you give them another chance because you think they’ve changed, you’re putting yourself at risk of getting a crushing heartbreak.

#9 It’s best to leave the past behind

Living in the past is one of the most common reasons why many people are unhappy in life.

When you cling to what should have been or all the adventures you would have gone on with someone, it leaves you feeling empty and you can’t enjoy the present moment.

While you may miss your former lover and wish that things had turned out differently between you, trying to rekindle a past relationship is not the best decision to make.

No matter how many times you go back to someone, if you’re not meant for each other, your relationship will never work.

Instead of trying to reignite the spark with your ex, it’s better to leave the past behind and forge ahead.

True love can only find you when you’re emotionally available and you can’t get to that level if you keep trying to go back to your ex.


Are you still contemplating going back to your ex? It may not be the best idea for you.

Some couples reconnect after a breakup because they’re still in love with each other and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it right.

The only reason you should go back to an ex is if you’ve both grown up and gotten professional help to deal with the problems that caused the breakup in the first place.

However, if you were cheated on by your ex or they betrayed your trust, going back to them isn’t a wise decision.

There are going to be a lot of trust issues and emotional baggage which can hinder the success of your relationship.

Instead of pursuing your ex for love, use your time to heal and learn from your past mistakes, so you can make your next relationship better.


Recommended Reading:

How To Get Over A Breakup Fast And Move On

10 Things You Should Never Do After A Breakup

12 Reasons Why Men Come Back After Breakup

14 Secret Signs He Still Loves You After Breakup

About The Author

Jennifer Dagi
 | Blog

Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.

As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.

She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.

Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.

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