This article was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.
For some, there may be a gap in performance and satisfaction caused by a lack of knowledge and learning.
Maybe your problem isn’t with performance but instead with comfort regarding sex.
There are plenty of reasons you may feel like you need professional intervention; your efforts to heal and improve your relationship with sex, your sexual performance, and your comfortability in conversations regarding sex.
Fortunately, sex therapy exists to bridge that gap and help those seeking therapy to gain knowledge, comprehension, and practical know-how when it comes to sex.
In pursuing sex therapy, you can develop a healthy and more informed relationship with sex, improve your communication with your partner in conversations about sex.
WHAT IS SEX THERAPY?
Sex therapy is defined by the American Psychology Association as “a multimodal therapeutic approach designed to improve sexual functioning, based on the assumption that sexual performance problems are caused by a combination of lack of knowledge, misinformation, and faulty learning.”
Sex therapy combines different therapeutic techniques with practical application through things like homework to help clients and partners improve communication, reduce anxiety, and ultimately achieve greater pleasure and satisfaction for both partners.
Visit BetterHelp to learn more about sex therapy and decide whether it may be the right choice for your sexual relationship.
HOW DOES SEX THERAPY WORK?
Sex therapists seek to address “sexual dysfunction.”
According to a 2019 article by Kirsten Weir, “tools such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), emotion-based therapy and couples communication techniques have been the treatment mainstays for sexual problems.”
Mindfulness-based sex therapy has also seen a rise in acceptance as an effective method for treating sex-related problems.
In testing, mindfulness-based sex therapy has helped survivors of gynecological cancer, those struggling with sexual disorders, and women dealing with some sexual disorders, one of the most common sexual struggles among women.
OPEN CONVERSATIONS ABOUT SEX
Especially depending on the environment and culture that you were raised in, you might have notions about sex that can cause you to feel anxiety and guilt discussing the topic.
Firstly, in sex therapy, you will learn that sex and sexual urges are normal and healthy human responses.
You will work to remove emotional baggage that you associate with sex talk and come to a healthier understanding of sexuality and how you can best express your sexuality with your partner.
You will also have the privilege of learning more about your partner’s feelings toward sex.
Just remember that this is a privilege– your partner is opening up to you and sharing their most vulnerable feelings with you.
Be sure to be gentle and understanding with them in the process!
People can easily feel embarrassed when talking about sex, especially when discussing some of the dysfunction and misinformation that may come with it.
No one might want to admit to feeling like they’re underperforming sexually.
However, reaching out for professional help when you and your partner aren’t able to have a satisfactory experience is nothing to be ashamed of.
In fact, it can do so much to improve your relationship dynamic in and outside of the bedroom.
You also don’t have to be struggling with sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction to seek sex therapy.
Often we hear the phrase “if it’s not broken, don’t fix it,” but in this case, that might not be true.
Sex therapy doesn’t necessarily need to “fix” your sexual relationship with your partner.
You may have a satisfactory and comfortable sexual relationship however, sex therapy can help you augment that experience.
You may be able to communicate and learn things that you may have otherwise not known.
You can learn something new about your partner, about yourself, about your sexual likes and dislikes, or maybe just find space to reflect on the things that you appreciate and want to continue in your sexual relationship.
Whether you are looking to fix and change things in your sexual relationship or to reflect on things in it, sex therapy gives you the space to have conversations about it.
A DOSE OF REALITY
When it becomes influenced by outside factors, your sexual relationship can become a confusing thing.
That is, when you compare your sex life to what you think are realistic standards, you may feel like you aren’t up to snuff.
Are you having sex often enough, should the sex you have be more exciting, should you enjoy sex more, is your sex drive too high or low, is your performance satisfactory?
These are all questions that may float through your head as you consider your own sex life and sexual relationships.
It’s hard to know what the standard is when it comes to a healthy sex life because for most people, the answer isn’t the same.
Engaging in sex therapy can help you work through important questions like what it is you look for in a sex partner, how often you desire sex, and whether or not the sex you’re having is working for you while helping you set a realistic standard of what it is you want, free of the influence and pressure of media.
HEALING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SEX
Sex can be a complicated topic that is often accompanied by some complex feelings. Maybe you feel embarrassed or awkward about sex.
Maybe you feel like you aren’t enjoying sex. Or, maybe you’re having trouble communicating with your partner.
Depending on what may be causing the disjointedness in your relationship with sex, sex therapy may be the right place to start rebuilding and improving that relationship.
A poor relationship with sex can be caused by a wide range of things: trauma, poor self-image, general insecurity, and more.
While a poor relationship with sex can be a stressor in your relationship, it can be an even greater pain in your life as a whole.
Taking time to heal and change the way you think and feel about sex can have a profound effect on your sex life, relationships, and general life.
CONCLUSIONS
Sex can often be one of the more complicated parts of a relationship.
Working with a sex therapist may be just what your relationship needs to reduce or remove some stressors, improve satisfaction, make your sexual relationship more relaxed and communicative, and overall help you more through life with a more positive attitude toward sex.
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