Everyone expects to have a perfect relationship with the love of their life just like it happens in fairytale movies. How hard could it be right?
A couple is meant to love and cherish each other forever until death do they part but this is not often the case for most romantic relationships.
At some point in your relationship, you may find out that your beloved partner is cheating on you with someone else and it’s totally heartbreaking.
If you suspect that your spouse is being unfaithful to you, your gut feeling may be absolutely right.
But it’s good to first watch out for obvious signs of a spouse cheating before jumping into conclusions and accusing your spouse wrongly.
14 WARNING SIGNS A SPOUSE IS CHEATING
When a spouse cheats, it’s not often your fault so if you discover that your partner is having an extramarital affair, don’t be tempted to act hastily.
The best thing to do is to pay attention and gather compelling evidence of their cheating before confronting them about it.
That’s the most effective way to catch a cheating partner red-handed so they won’t be able to deny their way out of it.
If you’re not exactly sure about the current state of your relationship, here are some of the most common signs a spouse is cheating on you:
1. Your internal alarm has gone off
Do you have that undeniable feeling that something’s not right in your relationship?
You may have some suspicions but you’re trying to convince yourself that maybe you’re becoming a little bit paranoid.
Or that you’re actually losing your mind to even think that your spouse is being unfaithful to you.
Relationship experts say that “When a spouse is cheating, one of the first signs you’ll get is a ringing bell in your head or an overwhelming gut feeling that something’s up”.
The truth is, you know your partner more than anyone else and if they start acting weird or sneaky around you, you’ll definitely notice it especially if you were close to each other.
If your internal alarm has gone off, that’s one of the warning signs a spouse is cheating and your instincts may be right about this. It’s definitely worth investigating!
2. They’re suddenly secretive about everything
Someone who has something to hide is often super secretive about their personal stuff.
You can easily know this if your spouse suddenly starts being overprotective of their phone, laptop, credit card details, bank statements and other things that you previously had access to.
Did they recently change their password without telling you? Are they picking some phone calls in a different room?
Do they carry their phone with them all the time even to the bathroom? Do they quickly snatch their phone away when they see you near it?
This is a definite sign that they’re hiding something from you and it could be a new romantic partner.
Modern technology has made it really easy to meet new people, chat online and exchange pictures from the comfort of your home.
This makes cheating fairly easy to carry out too.
One of the most common signs cheaters display is their high level of secrecy especially when it comes to their mobile phone or laptop.
If your spouse is not allowing you to touch their phone, it means there is something incriminating inside that they don’t want you to see.
3. They’re spending a lot of time on their phone
Most people are addicted to their phones these days because of social media.
But if your partner is spending less time with you and paying much attention to their cell phone, it’s likely that they’ve found something else more interesting and addictive.
Have their phone habits changed? Do they seem glued to their phone all the time?
When people spend a lot of time on their mobile phone, there is a huge possibility that they’re engaging with someone intriguing on the other end and they can’t seem to get enough of them.
According to marriage counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their mobile phone can be a sign of infidelity.
An authentic way to find out if your spouse is having an emotional affair is to watch their body language whenever they’re on their phone.
Even if you don’t have access to your partner’s phone to check their call logs or text messages, you can easily notice if they’re connecting with someone else through their phone.
How do they behave in bed with you when you’re getting ready to sleep? Do they stay up late glued to their phone for up to one hour after you get into bed?
Do they smile unconsciously or beam widely while on their phones without telling you what’s amusing them?
If there is no reasonable explanation for their suspicious behavior, it’s right to assume that they’re secretly communicating with their affair partner.
4. They’ve become obsessed with their appearance
Do you remember how you tried your best to look attractive for each other in the early stages of dating?
Most couples in romantic relationships go through the attraction stage before committing to a more stable relationship.
Cheaters experience this too because when you have something new, it’s really exciting and you can’t wait to try it every day.
One of the major telltale signs of cheating is a sudden change in appearance.
Of course, some people buy new clothes or shoes for no apparent reason because they really need to change their wardrobe, but it’s more glaring when you have a gut feeling about infidelity.
The best way to find out if a spouse is cheating is to watch your spouse’s actions.
Did they recently get a new haircut, new underwear, or new clothing without letting you know? Are they hitting the gym more often than usual?
A sudden change in appearance could be a sign of adultery if your partner didn’t really care about their looks before now.
If your spouse has become totally obsessed with their appearance all of a sudden, that’s a red flag that could signal infidelity.
This new obsession with their looks means they’re trying to impress a new person they’re romantically involved with just like most people do when they get into a new relationship.
5. They’re staying away from home for long periods of time
Does it seem like your spouse suddenly always has somewhere else to be apart from home? Are they making frequent business trips that keep them away from home?
Are they always stuck in traffic jams when they close from work even though you know their route is not so congested?
A partner who is guilty of cheating will often stay away from home for long periods of time and even miss important family events because they’re busy having fun with someone else.
And they’ll always come up with a long list of silly excuses for their prolonged absence like a thunderstorm out of nowhere, a dead car battery, flat tires or extra working hours at the office.
If your partner’s job that didn’t take up much of their time suddenly seems to take them away on the weekends or overnight trips, you may be dealing with some common signs of a cheating spouse.
Most cheaters enjoy spending quality time with their lovers on a regular basis and this can result into a pattern of bad behavior where they rarely stay at home to bond with you or the kids.
Your spouse should be able to give you a good explanation for their frequent absence and sudden changes in routine.
If they cannot come up with a good reason why they seem to be away from home all the time, that’s a sure sign of infidelity.
6. They avoid getting intimate with you
Although most cheating spouses want more than just physical intimacy in their new relationship, it’s still a prevalent theme for them.
As their relationship progresses, it will move from emotional closeness to physical intimacy.
Is your spouse suddenly avoiding any form of contact with you? Do they refuse to kiss you passionately, cuddle with you in bed, or touch you like they used to?
If you’re not making love as much as you used to and you’ve tried everything to improve your intimate life, but your partner doesn’t seem to ever be in the mood, that’s one of the common signs of a cheating spouse.
According to a clinical psychologist “Cheaters often have less intercourse with their spouse because they’re already getting their satisfaction elsewhere”.
If your partner is avoiding being intimate with you in any way and you know they’re not sick, there is a good chance that they’re getting it from someone else.
Most couples experience a lack of intimacy from time to time because of illness, too much work, psychological issues, or medical conditions but it’s not as bad as when one partner is cheating.
When you have an unfaithful partner, they’ll stop seeing you as the centre of their world and you’ll instead become a roommate that they’re living with.
7. You’ve contracted an STD from nowhere
Contracting an STD when you have only one intimate partner that you’re faithful to could only mean one thing…
Your spouse is cheating on you with someone else. There is no other way you can get an STI without having intercourse with an infected person.
Even if you weren’t previously certain that your partner is being unfaithful to you, having an STD when you’re not the one cheating, means your spouse definitely is and that’s something you need to talk about.
Your spouse’s behavior is putting you at risk and it’s not something you should tolerate.
If you’ve contracted an STI, it’s obvious that your partner is sleeping with someone else without protection and jeopardizing your health so they can keep their affair secret.
Here is a list of questions to ask an unfaithful spouse when you’re trying to discover their motives or understand their actions.
8. They’ve stopped trying to connect with you emotionally
Emotional connection is vital in building a healthy and happy relationship.
One of the warning signs of infidelity is a lack of emotional intimacy and this often plays out as little or no interest to engage in bonding activities as a couple.
Have you noticed that your spouse seems a little bit cold or distant lately?
When your partner stops trying to connect with you emotionally, they’ll no longer do romantic things for you.
They’ll stop sending cute text messages during the day, dropping love notes around the house, buying you flowers or giving you soothing massages before bed.
If your partner is no longer giving you much attention even though you’ve talked to them about it several times, it may be that they are putting their efforts into another intimate relationship that means a lot to them.
This is not a good sign and it’s pointing towards infidelity.
Sudden changes to your spouse’s routine schedule can be an indicator of an extramarital affair, especially if those changes affect the quality time you both spend together as a couple.
9. They’re weirdly interested in your whereabouts
Is your spouse suddenly keeping tabs on you every single hour of the day?
You may mistake this new habit for a show of affection but it’s actually one of the first guilt signs of cheating.
When people are guilty of infidelity, they’ll do everything they can to not get caught by you and this means they need to know your current location so that they can cover their tracks better.
Of course it would be deeply embarrassing and awkward for you to bump into them with their new lover having lunch in your favorite restaurant.
So, they need to make sure that they keep track of your whereabouts to avoid getting caught red-handed.
Dr. Tracey Phillips says that when your spouse starts calling you more frequently than normal it may not be as sweet as it sounds:
“What they are actually doing is checking your whereabouts to make sure you are not somewhere that you can catch them.”
10. They seem indifferent or aloof about a lot of things
When it comes to romantic relationships, you can expect them to have ebbs and flows because passion fades.
Every couple goes through hard times, but if you’re experiencing one that has come out of the blue…
Or has seemed to be going on for a while, you might be right to suspect that your spouse is distracted with something else.
Another way to tell if your partner is cheating on you is if they stop telling you to get rid of those bad habits that previously annoyed them.
If they are no longer bothered by your annoying habit of leaving dirty clothes in the hallway, your loud eating noises, or your unwashed dishes in the kitchen sink…
It might be because they’ve stopped caring about the relationship or they’re preoccupied with something more interesting now.
According to family therapist David Klow, “If your spouse’s actions start changing, then it might be a sign of infidelity.”
When this happens, they’ll stop making a big deal about a lot of things because they no longer need you to change your bad habits.
11. Unusual expenses are showing up on their credit card
While infidelity will be hard to spot if you have separate bank accounts, it’s still a good idea to pay attention to anything that looks off when it comes to your partner’s finances.
Watch out for transactions carried out at flower shops, restaurants, hotels or jewelry stores.
If you see large withdrawals being made from your joint accounts or unusual payments being made for new clothes, hotel rooms, flight tickets or luxurious items on your spouse’s credit card, that’s a sure sign they’re cheating on you.
Make sure you verify that there is no upcoming birthday or anniversary on your calendar that they’re planning for so that you don’t spoil the surprise.
Being extra observant will help you know if your spouse is spending their money lavishly to impress someone else or if they’re receiving expensive gifts from their new lover.
If you see new things in your spouse’s closet that you didn’t buy for them and you weren’t aware of before now, that’s a warning sign of infidelity, especially if you knew all about their previous purchases.
12. Their friends are acting weird around you
Another way to find out if your spouse is being unfaithful to you is to observe the behavior of some of their close friends.
Usually, the person being cheated on is the last to find out because everyone is trying to mind their business and not interfere in your relationship.
Plus they’re trying to be good friends to both of you by not being the cause of your failed relationship, so they keep silent and watch as the drama slowly unfolds.
A spouse’s friends often know about the affair from the start and because of the big secret that exists between them, they’ll start acting weird around you or treating you differently than before.
Are they whispering behind your back, acting too nice or giving you strange looks all of a sudden?
There’s something definitely going on that they don’t want you to know about and it’s mostly likely a secret affair behind your back.
You can’t blame them though because if you were in their shoes, you wouldn’t want to spill the beans either.
13. They accuse you of being a terrible spouse
One of the most subtle signs of a cheating spouse is that they often blame you for their lack of affection or love towards you.
When you confront them about your relationship problems, they always find a way to accuse you of not being a great partner.
If they use words like “You never create time for intimacy” or “You always make me feel like I don’t exist”, that’s an indirect way to know that your spouse is trying to cover up their own guilt and shortcomings.
The truth is, an unfaithful spouse will try to take the heat off their guilt by redirecting the accusations back on you.
If your partner has accused you of infidelity, not being emotionally or physically available, or not being adventurous enough in the bedroom, they may be trying to project their guilt onto you.
Watch out for those times when they pick up a fight unnecessarily just so that they can storm out of the house to cool off in someone else’s arms.
Cheaters tend to do this a lot especially when they feel like you know that they’re cheating on you.
14. They’re behaving really hostile towards you
Cheaters often need to rationalize what they are doing by blaming you for any problems that occur in your relationship, so that they can hide their guilt and make themselves feel better for their irresponsible actions.
They might tell themselves that it’s okay to cheat because you don’t look as attractive as you used to or you’re no longer fun in the bedroom.
But the rationalization often results into anger, resentment and hostility towards you.
Someone who is cheating is naturally more focused on the positive aspects of their new partner.
This might make you seem like you’re not meeting up on the balance scale they’ve newly invented.
If your partner is suddenly disapproving of your looks and your behavior, or they are highly critical of everything you do for them, it’s likely that they are comparing you to someone else in their life.
I’ve given you a list of the most common signs a spouse is cheating on you. You need to be observant and intuitive if you want to catch them.
A happy marriage involves two people who are willing to stay committed to each other for a long time no matter how difficult it gets.
But, if one partner cheats, it could destroy the love, trust and connection that has been established in a relationship.
If you find out that your spouse is cheating on you, the first step you can take is to talk to them about some of your concerns and see their reactions.
If they deny it or try to accuse you for not trusting them enough then you can take a more drastic action.
Try installing a spy app in their mobile phone or hiring a private investigator to get real evidence of their cheating before you confront them again.
There are so many different ways to catch a cheating partner in the act but most of them involve a lot of time, patience and stealth.
Don’t let your emotions control you and make you do something you’ll regret if you catch your spouse cheating on you.
If you see any of these warning signs a spouse is cheating on you, your reaction will determine how your relationship will turn out going forward.
It would be in your best interest to handle this situation with wisdom to avoid getting physically hurt by an abusive partner.
If you’re thinking of the best way to deal with a cheating wife or a cheating husband, it’s wise to seek professional help to guide you through the process.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.