Nowadays, many people go into romantic relationships for personal gain and not because they want something long-term.
It can be hard to differentiate the players from the serious ones, especially if you’re not the type to play mind games in a relationship.
If you’re not aware of someone’s selfish intentions, you may love them with all your heart, invest heavily into the relationship, and make future plans when they’re just using you to meet their needs.
While this sounds cruel and unfair, it happens more often than you think in modern dating.
From catfishing and handcuffing to cushioning, there are so many ways people use romantic relationships as the perfect way to provide for their personal needs.
Do you suspect your man is using you and not interested in committing to a serious relationship?
If you want to know if your boyfriend is with you because he loves you or wants to get something from you, here are 10 crystal clear signs to watch out for:
10 CLEAR SIGNS HE’S JUST USING YOU
If your man is doing any of these things, it means he’s just using you for his own benefit:
#1 He’s only interested in sleeping with you
One of the first signs you’ll notice when a man is using you is that he’ll want to get physically intimate with you without committing to a serious relationship.
For instance, he won’t call to check up on you regularly but he’ll be quick to remove your clothes as soon as you meet each other.
A man who is solely focused on sleeping with you is not planning to stay for the long haul.
Real relationships are not only centered on physical intimacy; they also involve emotional intimacy, great communication, and true friendship.
So if a man is not willing to get to know you on a personal level but only wants to sleep with you, that’s a clear sign he’s using you to satisfy his intimate needs.
A man who is interested in a long-term relationship will prioritize compatibility and emotional connection over physical intimacy because he knows he’ll eventually make love to you.
A player with no future plans, on the other hand, will want to use every single opportunity to get laid while the relationship lasts.
#2 He always asks for money or expensive items
Does your boyfriend consistently ask you for money or extravagant things?
Another sign a man is using you for financial security is that he’ll turn you into his pay machine.
For example, he’ll expect you to give him large amounts of money on a regular basis or he’ll ask for luxurious gifts on special occasions.
In a committed relationship, couples share the financial weight equally and don’t make unnecessary demands from each other because they know everyone is working hard to earn money.
In female-led relationships where men are comfortable with women leading them and paying the bills, they compensate in other areas, unlike the golddiggers who are only looking out for themselves.
For example, if the woman goes to work every day, the man stays at home to do the house chores, look after the kids, and consistently fulfill his woman’s emotional needs.
A relationship where you’re doing most of the work and still paying all the bills is not an ideal scenario.
If a man is okay with you taking care of his needs and all he does is play video games at home or hang out with friends daily, it means he’s with you because of what he gets from you.
When you stop fulfilling those financial needs, he’ll find someone else to latch on to for his personal gain.
#3 He rarely pays the bills
Some men may not directly ask you for money, but they won’t make a financial commitment either.
A common sign a man is using you is that he’ll run away from anything that involves spending money.
While it’s good to be financially wise and frugal, it’s also necessary to invest some money into building a relationship with someone.
A player who is clearly out to have fun for as long as it lasts will avoid spending his own money on you.
For example, if you go out on a date or shopping trip, he’ll leave you to pay for the purchases instead of splitting the bill or paying for everything.
When you’re always the one who takes care of the expenses in your relationship, that’s a sure sign your boyfriend is using you.
#4 He doesn’t talk about the future of your relationship
Another obvious sign a man is just using you is that he’ll avoid talking about the future of your romantic relationship.
For example, when you bring up discussions about the future, he’ll change the subject subtly and tell you to live in the moment rather than daydreaming about what’s to come.
To keep you hopeful though, he might talk about all the exotic locations he’ll take you to or the expensive things he’ll buy for you in the future when he becomes wealthy.
While it’s good to have big dreams, it’s also important to be realistic in life, and focus on the things you can change now.
This means investing in the present to secure the future and make it better.
A man who wants to build something solid with you will talk about the possibility of your future together and make adequate plans to ensure you’re a part of his life.
Even if he’s not financially free, he’ll spend some portion of the money he earns to make you happy and give you a treat from time to time.
So if your boyfriend is not willing to have meaningful conversations about the future, but keeps making lofty promises he may never fulfill, that’s a sign he doesn’t plan to settle down with you.
#5 He hides his love life from his social circle
Does your man keep your relationship a secret and tell you sweet lies to cover up his act?
A huge red flag that shows up when you’re being used is that you’ll never be introduced to a man’s inner circle.
He’ll keep you far away from his friends and family because he’s afraid someone will sabotage his plans by revealing his true intentions to you.
A man who is genuinely interested in being with you for a long time will want you to meet the most important people in his life.
He may not show you to his parents right away, but at least his friends and siblings will know you personally.
If your man is hiding you from his loved ones and seeing you on his own terms, that’s a sign he’s using you for convenience.
#6 He doesn’t put much effort into the relationship
A major sign of someone who is using you is that they’ll be non-committal and laid-back in your relationship.
For example, you’ll be the only one who actively invests your time, energy, and money in building the relationship while your partner enjoys the benefits.
If you’re doing most of the calling, planning romantic dates, and buying gifts for special occasions, this means you’re being used.
A good partner will go to great lengths to show that you’re loved and won’t abandon the responsibility of maintaining the relationship to you alone.
If you discover that you’re sacrificing too much for a man or risking a lot to be with him, that’s a big sign he doesn’t care about you and is just using you for his own benefit.
#7 He doesn’t ask you personal questions about your life
Does your man avoid asking you deep questions about your life but loves to talk about general topics?
A surefire way to recognize a man who is using you for personal gain is that he’ll be fast to tell you the challenges he’s facing, but won’t ask you any personal questions about your life.
The only way he knows a few intimate things about you is when you go out of your way to tell him, but he’ll never ask how you’re coping with life.
If your man only asks you surface-level questions without inquiring about other aspects of your life, it’s a sign he doesn’t really care about you and isn’t planning to build a long-term relationship with you.
A loving partner who plans to stay for the long haul will regularly ask you deep questions about your life, career, and family because he cares for you deeply.
He’ll also offer you support in any way he can when you’re going through difficult times.
#8 He asks for your help all the time
Another sign a man is using you is that he’ll always come to you when he’s in a fix and expect you to solve his issues for him.
There’s nothing wrong with offering your partner assistance from time to time, but if your relationship is one-sided and you feel taken advantage of, that’s a serious problem.
A huge indicator of being used by your man is that he’ll ask you for favors all the time, but never seem to reciprocate your kind gestures.
For example, he’ll ask you for a loan or a helping hand when things get tough but won’t offer the same level of help when you need it.
In a healthy romantic relationship, couples simultaneously offer support and help each other find good solutions to problems.
However, when you’re in a fake relationship, you’ll give your all and get little or nothing in return.
If it seems as if your boyfriend is the only one who has life issues and you’re his godmother who fixes all his problems, that’s a clear sign he’s just using you
#9 He’s never available when you need help
True friendship is tested when you’re going through hard times and those who stick around no matter what are your real friends.
A man who is using you for his personal gain will always think about himself and do things only when it benefits him.
Most times when you call him for help, he’ll give you so many reasons why he won’t be available, and you’ll have to deal with your issues alone.
For example, if you need help moving to another apartment and ask your man to assist you, he’ll tell you to hire a moving company because he’ll be preoccupied during that period.
He’ll also claim to be busy when you have a flat tire by the roadside or will be out of town when you’re sick.
If you’re stranded in a different part of town, he won’t sacrifice his time and come to pick you up because he’s tied down with something.
When a man never comes to your rescue when you need it the most but always asks for favors, he’s not a good partner.
No matter how busy he is, a man who loves you will make sacrifices or compromise for you whenever necessary and won’t leave you at your darkest hour to fend for yourself.
#10 He blackmails you emotionally
Another sign a man is using you is that he’ll often guilt-trip you to stay with him or do favors for him when you don’t want to.
For example, when you refuse to give him money, he’ll tell you that you’re all he has and that he can’t do without you, even though you don’t feel you have a strong connection with each other.
He’ll also tell you that if you don’t give him money, he’ll lose everything or if you break up with him, he’ll have to sleep on the streets since he doesn’t have a job.
Someone who tries to manipulate you into doing things for them or staying with them is just using you.
A responsible partner will respect your choice even though it will inconvenience him because he knows you deserve the freedom to make your own decisions.
When you’re in a fake relationship, it’s often easy to recognize the signs of being used if you observe your man’s actions closely.
Most times when you’re with a player, he’ll try to win you over with sweet words but what you should be looking at are his actions and body language.
If you see any of these signs in your relationship, it means your boyfriend is pretending to love you for his own benefit.
Once you stop fulfilling his needs, he’ll find another woman to sustain him.
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.