Have you ever tried to convince yourself that you’re in love?
It’s a weird feeling, right? Like you’re desperately grasping at straws, hoping to find that spark everyone talks about.
Maybe it’s because you’re scared of being alone, or you think the person you’re dating checks all the right boxes on paper.
Whatever the reason, forcing love is never a good idea.
If you’re wondering whether you might be doing just that, take a look at these telltale signs you’re forcing yourself to love someone who might not be right for you.
14 SIGNS YOU’RE FORCING YOURSELF TO LOVE SOMEONE
Love needs to be mutual, not forced. If you realize you’re trying to convince yourself to accept someone, it could be a sign you don’t really love them.
Here are a few telltale signs you’re forcing yourself to love someone:
1. You’re not excited to see them
When you’re truly in love, the thought of seeing your partner should give you butterflies.
But if you’re forcing it, that excitement won’t just be there. You might even feel a sense of dread or anxiety when they reach out to you.
You’ll also notice that their texts won’t make you smile, and you’ll find yourself making excuses to avoid spending time together.
It’s like the spark has fizzled out, leaving you with a lukewarm feeling at best.
If you’re constantly looking for ways to dodge someone’s company or feel relieved when plans fall through, it’s a clear sign you’re trying to convince yourself of feelings that aren’t there.
2. You don’t miss them when they’re gone
A big sign you’re not really into someone is that you don’t think about them when you’re apart.
When you’re genuinely in love, your partner’s absence often leaves a void.
But if you’re forcing it, you might feel relief when they’re not around. You won’t find yourself daydreaming about them or eagerly awaiting their return.
Instead, you’re perfectly content—maybe even happier—flying solo.
You don’t rush to text them or check your phone for missed calls.
Their social media updates don’t catch your eye either. You might even forget to mention important events in your life to them. It’s like they’ve slipped off your radar entirely.
This emotional disconnect is a major sign you’re forcing yourself to love someone.
If their absence feels more like freedom than loss, it’s time to reassess your relationship.
3. You struggle to call them or pick up their calls
Do you know that feeling when your phone lights up with someone’s name and your stomach drops? Yeah, that’s definitely not love.
If you’re constantly hitting “decline” or letting your partner’s calls go to voicemail, it’s a red flag.
Maybe you’re busy scrolling through TikTok or suddenly very interested in organizing your sock drawer.
Whatever the excuse, avoiding communication is a telltale sign you’re forcing yourself to love someone.
And let’s be real, if you can’t muster up the energy to chat with your partner, how are you gonna handle the big stuff?
Love should make you want to reach out, not run away.
4. You take hours to respond to their chats or text messages
When you’re truly into someone, you’re usually eager to chat with them.
You’ll be excited to read their texts and will feel sad if you haven’t heard from them in a long time.
But if you find yourself putting off responding to your partner’s messages for hours, that’s a sign you’re trying to force yourself to love them.
This reluctance to engage could be your subconscious telling you that you’re just not that into your partner.
It’s worth paying attention to these subtle signs before you invest more time and energy into a relationship that doesn’t truly spark joy.
5. You’re not proud to be seen with them outdoors
When you’re truly in love, you can’t wait to show off your partner to the world.
But if you’re forcing yourself to love someone, you might feel uneasy about being seen together in public.
You’ll find yourself avoiding busy spots or ducking into alleys when you spot someone you know.
Maybe you’re hesitant to post couple pics on social media or introduce them to your friends.
This reluctance isn’t just shyness—it’s a red flag. It’s your subconscious telling you something’s off.
If you’re constantly making excuses not to be seen with your partner, it might be time to admit you’re not as into them as you’re trying to be.
6. You don’t show them love and affection regularly
Showing affection comes naturally when you’re genuinely in love.
But if you’re forcing it, you might find yourself holding back. You’ll rarely initiate hugs, kisses, or sweet gestures.
Maybe you’re not comfortable with public displays of affection or you feel awkward when your partner reaches for your hand.
You might even cringe a little when they shower you with affection. It’s like there’s an invisible barrier between you two.
Love isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s in the small, everyday moments of tenderness.
If you’re constantly resisting these intimate connections, it might be a sign you’re trying to manufacture feelings that aren’t really there.
7. You’re hesitating to introduce them to your friends and family
A major sign you’re forcing yourself to love your partner is that you’re hiding your relationship from your loved ones.
When you’re genuinely into someone, you can’t wait to show them off to your inner circle.
But if you’re forcing it, you might find yourself making excuses to keep your worlds separate.
Maybe you’re worried your bestie will see right through your act, or you’re not ready for your mom’s inevitable interrogation.
Whatever the reason, if you’re constantly dodging those “When do we get to meet them?” questions, that’s not a good sign.
Your hesitation speaks volumes about your true feelings, and it might be time to accept that your relationship isn’t the real deal you’re trying to convince yourself it is.
8. You’re not interested in getting to know them
Do you find yourself zoning out when your partner talks about their day or shares personal stories?
This is a sign you’re not curious about what makes them tick. Instead of asking follow-up questions or digging deeper, you nod along, waiting for your turn to speak.
Maybe you even catch yourself scrolling through your phone while they’re mid-sentence.
Let’s face it—if you were truly in love, you’d be hanging on your partner’s every word, eager to uncover all the little details that make them unique.
When you’re forcing it, though, their life story sounds boring instead of interesting.
9. You avoid having deep and meaningful conversations with them
When you’re forcing a connection, you might find yourself skirting around substantial topics.
You keep things light and superficial, avoiding heart-to-heart chats like the plague.
Why? Because deep conversations require vulnerability, and you’re not ready to open up fully.
You might fear that diving deeper will expose the cracks in your relationship or reveal incompatibilities you’re not prepared to face.
Instead, you stick to safe subjects like the weather, work, or weekend plans.
This avoidance can leave you feeling disconnected and unfulfilled, but it’s easier than confronting the truth about your feelings.
10. You often make excuses to avoid spending time with them
Do you constantly come up with reasons to bail on plans you’ve made with your partner? This is a sure sign you’re forcing yourself to love them.
Maybe you’ve got a sudden “headache” or your pet goldfish needs emergency surgery.
Whatever the excuse, you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief when you don’t have to hang out.
It’s not that you dislike them, but the thought of spending time together feels more like a chore than a choice.
This avoidant behavior is a pretty clear sign that you’re trying to force feelings that just aren’t there.
11. You show little or no interest in the things they’re passionate about
When you’re truly into someone, you’re naturally curious about their interests.
But if you find yourself zoning out when your partner talks about their hobbies or passions, it’s a clear sign you’re forcing yourself to love them.
You’re not excited to learn about their favorite band or that new book they can’t stop raving about.
Instead, you’re just nodding along, counting the minutes until the conversation ends.
It’s like you’re going through the motions, pretending to care when you really don’t.
This lack of genuine interest is a telltale sign that you might be forcing the relationship, rather than truly connecting with your partner on a deeper level.
12. You’re trying to change them
A clear sign you’re forcing yourself to love someone is that you want to alter their personality.
Do you catch yourself constantly thinking, “If only my partner were more…” or “I wish they’d stop…” That’s a red flag.
When you’re truly in love, you accept your partner as they are. But if you’re forcing it, you might find yourself on a mission to mold them into your ideal match.
It’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole which can be frustrating and ultimately futile.
Remember, people aren’t renovation projects.
If you’re always trying to “fix” your partner, it might be time to face the truth: you’re probably not in love with who they are, but with who you want them to be.
13. You secretly want to break up with them
Do you catch yourself daydreaming about life without your partner?
Maybe you’ve even started window-shopping for new partners on dating apps.
Deep down, you know you’re ready to move on, but something’s holding you back.
Could it be the fear of being alone or guilt for dumping a good person? Whatever it is, it’s not love.
You might find yourself picking fights or creating distance, subconsciously hoping they’ll break up with you first so you don’t have to be the bad guy.
But here’s the thing: if you’re constantly looking for an exit strategy, it’s time to accept the truth and end the relationship maturely.
You’re not doing yourself or your partner any favors by sticking around when your heart’s already checked out.
14. You’re staying out of obligation
Another sign you’re forcing yourself to love someone is that you’re sticking around because you feel like you have to, not because you want to.
Maybe you’ve been together for years, and the thought of starting over terrifies you.
Or perhaps your partner has been through a tough time and you feel guilty about leaving them in their most vulnerable state.
Whatever the reason, you’re probably staying put out of a sense of duty rather than love.
This obligation can manifest in different ways. You might constantly make excuses for your partner’s behavior or find yourself putting their needs ahead of your own.
Deep down, you know you’re not truly happy, but the idea of breaking free feels impossible.
Remember, a relationship should bring joy, not feel like a burden you’re forced to carry.
Conclusion
Love shouldn’t feel like hard work all the time.
If you’re constantly trying to convince yourself you’re happy or making excuses for your partner, it might be time for some real talk.
Don’t settle for a relationship that leaves you feeling drained or unfulfilled. You deserve someone who lights you up and makes your heart skip a beat.
Take some time to check in with yourself and be honest about how you really feel. There’s no shame in admitting things aren’t working out.
At the end of the day, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
Trust your gut and have the courage to choose your own happiness.
Recommended reading:
9 Signs You’re Forcing A Relationship With Someone
9 Glaring Signs He’s Forcing Himself To Love You
15 Proven Signs You’re Falling In Love With Him
About The Author
Jennifer Dagi
Jennifer Dagi is happily married to her best friend and the love of her life.
As a relationship coach, she is passionate about helping couples build healthy and happy relationships.
She strongly believes communication and intimacy are the most important ingredients for building a successful relationship.
Join her on a fabulous journey to improve your love life one step at a time and don't forget to subscribe for weekly blog updates.